Wednesday, March 10, 2010

Update on DH's new attitude

The other day when we were discussing family planning, DH said he wanted to wait 5yrs to have another baby. I was just talking to him because I'm not 100% sure I will get into the surgical tech program this year. I mean there are a lot of people trying to get into a program that only allows 20 people. I was just wanting to discuss that if I don't get accepted into the program for this fall, we'll know next month, then I'll want to go ahead and have another child before the following fall when hopefully I'll be accepted. I really don't want, and he didn't either for our childern to have HUGE age gaps. But, he was saying that he wants to wait 5yrs.

Then today we were talking. He made it clear he doesn't want to keep going through a bunch of miscarriages. Let me say, I did find out that I am O+ so the fact that I didn't get the rhogam shot is not an issue. Apparently a lot of his problem is the miscarriage. I confided a lot is friends online and my mom and even DH. But he holds it all in and doesn't work through the emotions. I'm pretty much ok with things now. I mean, sure I have my moments, but for the most part I've worked through the grieving process. He isn't and he isn't going to express himself, that isn't him.

We'll talk about family later, for now we're preventing. No biggie. I just want him to emotionally heal before we discuss family planning more.


Elana said...

In terms of miscarriages, you can let DH know that the changes of you enduring multiple miscarriages is very low, especially since you already have a healthy baby. The only reason you would suffer multiple miscarriages would be due to a new issue (like a change in thyroid function or a change in his sperm). Most likely not the case. Miscarriage happen to the VAST majority of women. And if you hadn't been tracking that cycle it is likely you never would've realized you were pregnant. You might've thought "oh gee my period's late, but I won't test for another week" and then your "period" would've shown up just before you decided to test. But honestly, the chances of having even 2 miscarriages in a row is ridiculously low for someone with no history. And having 3+ in a row is insanely low (like 1%). Maybe just knowing that would make him feel better about the one. You can also tell him that my mother had 1 miscarriage before having my sister, my mother-in-law had 2 or 3 before being diagnosed with a thyroid problem--which was fixed and then she had my brother-in-law and then my hubby, I had a miscarriage before getting pregnant with the twins, and I know countless of other women who have had similar outcomes. One miscarriage does NOT increase your risk of having more. (Three or more would, but just one does not.) Give him a big hug and tell him you love him, too. :-) Another option is to not tell him you're pregnant until you've had your first ultrasound with a heartbeat. It would be difficult for you to keep it inside, but it would spare him the pain if he's that sensitive. Good luck!