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Sunday, June 22, 2008

I'm back

You missed me, didn't you? Sorry, I am far from an obsessive blogger. So, sorry to all my fans.
Well, my surgery to find out if I have endo or adhesion's will be this Friday, June 27th at 8:30am. I'm off and on nervous. You see being afraid/nervous, is nothing but a lack of faith in God. Every time I get nervous about being put to sleep, I have to stop myself and remember that God will be with me. You see, I have had 2 surgeries in the past, and both times I have been extremely sick after. The first time was from the gas and the second time was probably because I was so sick going into it. I had a ruptured spleen with internal bleeding in my pelvic area. It was not an easy surgery. This will be quick and easy, so it has to go okay. God will be with me. The other off/on fear is they will get in there and not find anything. I will feel like the surgery was a total waste. However, I understand that if they don't find anything, then I can assume that God healed me before going in, which I know he can do.
Church was AWESOME tonight. The youth are on fire from going to The Ramp. They experienced something spiritually that is totally out of this world. I'm looking forward to when that anointing falls on the rest of us in the church...I know it will.
My pastor opened the altars tonight for anything, but he felt like some people needed to go up for healing. So, he was open to pray with people for healing. At first I didn't want to go and get prayed for by a youth. This endo surgery, TTC, and PCOS is kind of a "grown-up" thing. When he was open, I was still hesitant, he's a man...it was strange. But, I finally, despite being nervous, went up so he could pray for me. He told me to get ready, to get a room ready then prayed a short prayer. Now here is the amazing part...I kind of am getting a room ready. My mom was getting rid of a couple chest of drawers and I wanted them. She asked me if I wanted them for my twins I will have. I looked at her strange, because that's exactly why I wanted them. I want twins, but who knows if I will have them. I just wanted both, just in case. I made my plans to paint them white. Well, I was able to put one in my car, the other is waiting for me at my mom's. This weekend, I have put the primer on the first one. I will paint it white, then add handles, since it doesn't have any. I have also been thinking of what nursery theme I want. I know if I have twins, I want Noah's Ark, you know, 2 by 2. I thought it would be cool. If it's one, I still really don't know what I will decide on. But, the twin thing will be awesome. I saw online a Noah's Ark picture frame I would get that has something about 2. At this point, I can't wait till "it" happens so I will know what to buy for the room. I am just so excited. And oh, if you are TTC, I can't even explain the feeling you have while you are making something for your baby that doesn't yet exist. There is something about it, that brings you a level of joy.

Sunday, June 15, 2008

I'm bad at this blogging thing

It's official, I'm a terrible blogger. Haha. Well, instead of trying to pick up where I left off, I figured maybe I should talk about my weekend, and what is going on right now in life. That sounds easier.
Last weekend, I warned my husband that I was getting my hair cut. My hair used come down to the middle of my back. I was long, very full, and frizzy. The only things I could do with it were dry it for 40ish minutes and straighten it or keep it went and put it up in a ponytail or a bun. Yuck!! Neither were fun and neither made me feel wonderful about myself. So I dropped the bomb on my husband. I told him, I was warning him, not asking permission. Yeah, he's the kind of husband that insist on me having long hair. So, he was disappointed and really thought I wouldn't actually follow through with it. Hehehe, I did it though!! It's shoulder length, not above my shoulders, more like right at my shoulders, cut in long layers, and frames my face. It's cute, but it's curly. I've always had straight hair, then it turned a little wavy in my late teens, now, I get it cut, and it turned closer to curly. But, I like it. There are so many things I can do with it now. I can let it dry naturally, but add some mouse to curl it up, or I can use the defuser to help it with more defined curls (of course with styling products), I can dry it then straighten it, or I can let it dry naturally, put some anti frizz stuff, and let it be. Oh, and I can still put it up in a ponytail. So there are quite a few options I have, a lot better than before.
We are still trying to get pregnant. This is C13. I have switched doctors, still seeing an OBGYN, but he may actually do an IUI later if it looks like I need it. I'm praying we wont need that. When I saw him, he mentioned two options for this cycle, I can either take a break and have a laprascopic surgery to see if I have endometriosis, or I could continue clomid. After 3 failed cycles of clomid, I wasn't confident in it. I was actually feeling like clomid was hindering more. So, I am chosing to have the surgery. I see him tomorrow to discuss it and to schedule it. Hopefully he can get me in before I ovulate, because I would love to still have a chance at it this month, without the clomid.
On a more spiritual note, once I switched doctor's and he mentioned surgery and endometriosis, and I already know I have PCOS, I figured it was time to tell some people at my church. You'll have to understand my church, it is large, about 1500 people. Most of the people I am in contact with are spirit filled prayer warriers. My Sunday School/Life group class is 10-20 married couples. So, I wrote my situation down on the prayer request sheet. All the women gathered around me/laid hands on me and prayed for me. It was kind of hard, mostly because I am a to myself kind of person. Then one of my friends went down to the bookstore and got a book, "Supernatural Childbirth." If you are exspecting or trying to get pregnant, I reccomend this book. It's awesome, but it is a Christian book with biblical teachings and verses from the Bible. So if Christianity, is nowhere near you thing, then the book may not be for you. I skimmed through it and loved it. I had the money with me and I was going to buy it today, but my friend beat me to it. I told my husband we need to get her a thank you card. It one of those gifts I wouldn't feel right about trying to pay her back for it, for that would rob her of her blessing.
Well, I'm in the choir too at my church, 150ish people in it. We are preparing for a Patriotic Program to be done at the end of this month. It is going to be awesome. I'm looking forward to it. But we have practice the next two weeks Tuesday, Wednesday, Thursday, and Saturday. It's a lot of practices and some long hours. He did say if we get everything done on Tuesday we may not have to come on Thursday. And he does follow through with what he says. I haven't told the choir yet about our little challenges with trying to get pregnant, give it there are a few people who sit around me in the alto section who know. We'll reveal it to the choir at a later time. We also go to an intercessor prayer group most Sunday mornings before sunday school/life group. Some of them know but we make a more official announcement after we know when this surgery will be. I don't want to jump the gun and make an announcement to everybody all at once.
I gotta run, I gotta get ready for church tonight.