Tuesday, April 28, 2009

Turn Around

Wow!! Simon helped last night. We have figured out how Simon can change diapers, sitting on the couch with the diaper changing pad and supplies. Now he can feed and change diapers. He helped a lot last night. All I had to do was take her to him and he took care of her. Then I wake up again and take her from him when they're finished. It's so wonderful to have middle of the night help from the daddy. It's AWESOME!!!! Simon is doing okay now. He's getting very restless with being stuck at home and under the mercy of others. He needs his independence and freedom. So he has left for a drive by himself from time to time. And I can't stop him. I can only pray that he is safe when he goes driving.

What are your thoughts about the Swine Flu? What about you with children and babies. I wouldn't care much if it wasn't for Ellie...but it's scary with her.

Saturday, April 25, 2009

Thing called cable

We have been married for over 2yrs, and during those 2yrs we didn't have cable. Before we moved we had basic cable but didn't use for a while, then eventually we used it. But we had and it was usually enough. Sure there were boring times for me when my knee was sprain and my job wouldn't let me work. There were other things that were difficult for me to do, so there was a lot of sitting around. Then during the pregancy I was on complete bedrest for some time, then on modified bedrest, but neither warranted a need for full cable. But now, Simon is down and in his depressed and irrational state of mind a couple days ago he called to get the full cable. So, now we have cable. It's pretty cool. But there are so many channels we have no desire to stinks that we are paying so much. We never want TV to "control" us, if you know what I mean. I guess I have mixed feeling about this whole cable thing. It's pretty neat, but at the same time I'm not too thrilled. Who knows what my feelings really are. I think my biggest problem is that I have had "rough" times and we didn't get cable. Now Simon is going through a "rough" time and we have cable. And it just so happens to be at a time that I can't even watch a movie all the way through. My grandma, even after she had 5 kids doesn't understand that. If the baby isn't needing something, good chance my husband needs something. With the rest of the time, I'm doing laundry, cooking, mixing formula, nursing for an hour, cleaning, and quickly checking on my online stuff. Talk about busy. The absolute worse is when I'm nursing or caring for Ellie and Simon decides he needs something. Makes me wanna scream. Baby first, right? It's so frustrating and makes it to where I can't sleep when Ellie sleeps because I have Simon to take care of. And I don't have the help of a husband, since he's one of my kids right now. Sure I can have his mom and nana over to help...but I can't handle it anymore, and he's not happy with them either. He gets in the shower and there's no soap, no shampoo, nothing. Guess where it's at. SOMEBODY moved it out of the tub into a basket. Ummm, who needs shampoo and soap OUTSIDE the shower. That's one of many things of mine that has been "relocated" in my house. My house, my kitchen, my stuff is set up where it works for us, and I used to know where everything is. Now things are flat out missing. Where our cups are, I have no idea. We used to have cups/glasses...they are MISSING. I can't even begin to list the things that have been moved...then somebody else (people who move crap) ask me where something is. I tell them, I have no idea, because I have so many people in my house that moves things. Fortunately people aren't invading my space like they were. But, it's so darn aggravating, that at this point, I would rather be aggravated by doing everything for Ellie and Simon without help rather than accepting help and dealing with crap. Right now my mom and grandma are babysitting Ellie for an overnighter. I think I'm going to see if they can do this once a week. And I've asked my mom if she can spend the night one night a week with us so I can have a little help, but not totally surrender my job as mother and wife.

We have brainstormed a possible temp job for me. Since I have tons of experience in caregiving to disabled we are going to look for me a part time sitter job. I can go with elderly or disabled. I think we are going to look at part time and I think his nana, my mom, and sister in law may be able to assist with baby sitting. There's 3 babysitters, 3 days, we think it can be done. We just have to find that sitter job for me.

Thursday, April 23, 2009

Not too bad

Two nights have went by without help at night. Simon has had to go without somebody literally running to him when he calls. Don't get me wrong if it's a real emergency, I'm right there. But if he just needs water or the ice pack or something, he waits like a big boy. At first it seemed like it was going to be hard because Ellie was always needing then he would "need" at the same time. It's getting easier though.

I'm down to my pre pregnancy weight. Doesn't mean I really want to stop there though. I really need to lose a lot more weight, but 30lbs is a good starting place. Now if I can lose another 40lbs, I will feel a bit better.

All is well...sorry this isn't long. I'm tired and have so much to do. It seems like the to do list is always long and never completed.

Tuesday, April 21, 2009

Who are you and what have you done w/ my husband?

Real quick. You know not many days ago Simon was laid up in bed, not even going to the bathroom because of cramps. This morning he hobbles out on his crutches and ask me where the keys are. I tell him I have no idea. He see's them, grabs them, and goes to the car. Get's in, not the passangers seat, but the drivers seat and drives around the block a couple times. He requested his phone and wallet and took off. He then went across town to his Nana's house. Now he's on his way back home. This isn't my husband.

My appointment went well. Apparently the doctor said my spinal block didn't really take like it should have, so that's why I felt pain and not just preasure. I can drive 15minutes or so now. He asked me about birth control wishes. My response: for the time being no sex. So we'll have to discuss it later.

We hate birth control...but to risk having another child right now is CRAZY. We can't risk it right now. Also, I don't want the endometriosis to grow back for many reasons. I don't want to have to go through the surgery to get pregnant again. But most importantly, I can't let things get as bad as they were again with the endo. So, I think for now I need to do something.

Sunday, April 19, 2009

Big Improvement

Today was big improvement! I woke up this morning expecting a great day, I had a feeling that we would make major progress with his leg. He woke up and immediately started showing williness to fight through. His uncle who has had some major problems with his leg in the past came and helped a lot. Before it was over, Simon crutched himself down the road to a church that we had previously visited. I followed with Ellie in the stroller. It was nice to do something somewhat normal. After church we returned by foot to the house. BIG IMPROVEMENT. Yesterday he got around the house by scooting himself on the floor. Which was better than using an urinal thing in bed when he had to pee. So things are getting better. Tonight his nana was willing to drive us to the church we prefer. Simon did amazing. So far, he plans on going with me to my doctor's appointment tomorrow. It's my 2wk appointment. I'm actually kind of nervous. They say things like "don't overdo it" or "take it easy." But, they don't say why they tell you that. I've been big time overdoing it. I'm not supposed to lift anything heavier than the baby. Oops. In the circumstances I'm in, I've been lifting her in the carseat/carrier. But it doesn't stop there. There have been other things I have lifted, pulled, and pushed on that I shouldn't have. I have done things that have caused discomfort to abdomin. But, hey, gotta do what I gotta do. But, now I'm nervous that any layer of stitches may have come loose or something. I mean, I'm sure it's ok, but seriously, it's a risk, otherwise you wouldn't have restrictions. And I haven't been living by the restrictions. I've felt fine until a day or two ago. Now there's pain, not to the incision, but to the abdomin. Discomfort pain down inside. I'm not sure how normal it is to feel fine for a couple weeks, then start having the pain. My mom says it's because my adrenalin has been up so I haven't noticed the pain, and now suddenly I'm noticing as my adrenalin goes down. Gosh, I hope I haven't damaged things. I need to go to sleep while I have a chance, since I don't have anybody here tonight to help me with baby care in the middle of the night. Kinda hard for daddy to hobble in there and feed that baby. And his mom is here through the night, but the time I entrusted her my baby in the middle of the night, she was microwaving bottles. I told her not to that, and she didn't understand and questioned it. I tried to explain it, but seriously, written on the bottles from the factory it has Warning Do Not Microwave. Is that not a good enough reason. So, she doesn't know how to use the bottle warmer or anything. She was also wondering why I wasn't putting vasaline on the cord. Which rubbing alcohol a couple times a day made it fall off when she was 2wks old. Bragging here: She is so smart, I'll have to get pictures up to prove it. She holds her paci in her mouth with her hands. She wasn't a week old, when she was back in the hossy for jaundice. I had her in her lights, in the jacket thing over the lights. The sleeves were so long on her and her hands were somewhere in there. She took her hand that she can't see to hold the paci there. Shouldn't she have the mindset, "out of sight out of mind." And she's lifting her head up. Well, not big news, she started that at 48hrs old. And she's rolling onto her side while she sleeps. She's so strong and smart and beautiful. Ok, so I'm a typical mommy, right. But, I do realize that at 2wks, yeah she's beautiful, but others may not see ALLLLLL the beauty I see in her. Back to I need to go bed. 3hrs from now comes soon.

Friday, April 17, 2009

Grr....but pictures

Wow, I am tired. Very tired. Sleep is a thing of the past. And who's fault is it? Well, not so much Ellie's believe it or not. More Simon's fault actually. He has been guarding this leg so much, for so many days and has had the muscle completely tight and stiff, that now he has terrible cramps. Nowhere near the injury site or anything, may I add. Just for him to go to the bathroom, you can hear a grown man screaming out in agonizing pain, banging on walls, and pulling on wall fixtures. Ok, sure it hurts...but suck it up. It hurts because he's caused it to tighten up. He asked me today for a gun...I got all postpartum emotional and just cried. I told him to never ask me for such a thing. We have tried everything we know to try to get him to relax that leg. He's just not willing to do anything. We even hired a hypnotherapist. Much good that did. So, we are praying HARD that something clicks. I'm depressed because I guess Ellie and I aren't enough inspiration for him to do what he needs to do to get better quicker. I'm depressed because it's starting to look more and more like I will have to go back to work. His nana told me about a daycare opening up. No offense to those who use daycares of any sort...but I am completely against it, especially with such a small child. If she could come home and tell me about her day, then it may be different. I didn't have her and I didn't try to get pregnant so I could have other people raise my child. It's my job, my responsibility, and my privilege. It sent me off into one of my many postpartum crying spells. I never cried much till after I gave birth, now anything will make me crying. Seriously...songs, memories, the sight of people, certain topics of discussions, you name it, I cry.

Here's what you all have been waiting for.

This is a picture of her still in the hospital. I don't have the best and cutest pictures on my camera. Most are on my mom's camera so hopefully I will be able to post some of those from time to time.
I look like crap, but it's ok. I still love the picture.

Daddy and his little Sweet Pea. These are my 2 favorite people. I love them so much.

Wednesday, April 15, 2009

Only getting better

Simon is doing so much better. Ok, it's still a rough road we are on. But, his pain isn't quite as bad and he's learning how to deal with it to a certain extent. He is getting used to hobbling to the restroom and his mom and nana are getting used to it. Hopefully soon I'll be able to help, as it's not my favorite thing his mom and nana helping him with such a personal thing. But, I know that's my problem. I just wish I could help him more in those highly personal ways. Home health will be coming tomorrow, so hopefully he will be able to get a good shower...I know that helps a lot anytime.

Ellie is just the best baby anybody can ask for. She sleeps mostly through the night. Of course I have to wake her up for feedings, but other than that she's perfect. The couple rough nights where she hasn't been content sleeping after a night feeding, has been easily fixed by letting her lay on my chest. Ok, maybe not the most ideal, but right now what works is what we have to do. Between daddy being in need and her being in need, mommy needs sleep.

Which brings me to something else. His mom and nana are BIG on "get morning and nights straight." Fine and nifty...but the fact still remains Simon will need help at night, readjusting, changing positions, baby needs fed, changed, and all that good stuff. They wake up or come in the morning and push all blinds up and turn on, I freakin need sleep when I can get it. If that's in the middle of the day, then let it be. I need sleep, who cares when it is. Also, Simon stayed up till 3am last night. Why? Because all day he has people breathing down his neck. Well, ok, he has people around him, sure they are helping, but still doesn't give him, "Me time." So, last night he took his personal time when he could get it, and that was in the middle of the night. His mom constantly say, "the doctor wants you to sleep at night, not get nights and days mixed up." I finally asked her last night, why that is such a huge deal. She finally admitted that it may not be a big deal if he had somebody to help in the middle of the night. So, that's why I'm helping with everything other than getting him to the bathroom at night. I'm willing to do that, in order for him to have that time to himself, and just as important some time with me. Found out yesterday when we had a few minutes alone, that he is feeling the same way as I am about not having time together, just him and I. I mean really, our marriage and our communication is far from what it should be and what we want it to be when we have family over us all the time. I was getting depressed about it, and didn't know how he felt till yesterday, but he feels the same. I'm so glad we at least feel the same and know how each feel. My appointment is Monday, so hopefully after that we can have some time with just us and give our help a break, even if it's a couple hours a day or even every other day.

The question I have...not for you all, but the question I have for myself is: Do I go back to work? We really wanted me to stay home with Ellie, I still really want to stay home with her. Having an absolute miserable job I would be going back to doesn't help matters either. It's miserable and beyond under paid, unbelievably underpaid and just a terrible job, with terrible people, and now a commute. If I go back to work, then Simon will still not be able put weight on his leg. Clearly with a newborn, that is not reasonable. He would not be able to care for her, and carry her through the house. But, I don't want to look like dirt with not going back to work. Then we have the medical insurance issue. We obviously need insurance, but, family coverage would mean I would have more coming out of my check than what I bring home. Not to mention I would have more coming out, because they would be taking out from all the months I missed paying my portion...I would be paying for about year, maybe more. 3 months out I was paying for 6 or so months. So 6-7 would be a year or more of working for only insurance. Ugh, I wish I knew what to do. Daycare is out of the question, because there wouldn't be any money left over...heck eating and gas money for the near hour commute would be out of the question. I just really don't know what to do. Okay, so while you obviously don't have financial details and really details on much, I think I will accepts thoughtful comments regarding this topic. Obviously it's ultimately mine and Simon's decision we have to make. And we will have to look at a lot more than what we are looking at now. It's not something we can decide right now, but soon we have to make a decision. So, if you have a thought on the matter, please do share.

Monday, April 13, 2009


Wow, what a week, or something...what day is it? How long has this been? Ok, nevermind, it seems like we, have been going for weeks. Well, if you include the labor/delivery, and being in the hospital after, we have been going for a while.

The surgery was a success. After the surgery he was in a lot of pain and pretty much kicked everybody out of his room, including myself. Talk about being helpless. Eventually, he allowed people, but only close people in his room. But, if he had to go to the restroom or something he kicked everybody out. With the new baby, his family, and mine thought it best that go stay with my family for a couple nights so I can focus on her care. This made me feel like a HORRIBLE wife.

He came home today, and Ellie and I got home. I still feel helpless. I can't do much for my husband. I don't anything. I don't really know him, his condition, or anything. I feel terrible. And our daughter is just perfect, but even a perfect baby, still drains you. His nana has stressed how tired his mom is, since she's been going non stop. Well, a baby isn't a stroll in the park either.

I wish I could kick all out of my house and just be the wife and mother I want to be. I want to take care of my husband, and my child. Not have his mommy take care of me. I have a feeling I will eventually say something to somebody. I don't want people to constantly be hovering over us. But at the same time, I understand that post c-section, I'm not "supposed" to do certain things.

Oh, and his doctor wants him to not get nights and days mixed up. I asked his mom if he knew we had a newborn in the house. I mean newborn equals mixed up nights and weekends.

Sorry for venting. I guess the next few months, a lot of my post will be venting, updates, and all that good stuff. Keep the prayers going. I appreciate all of them.

Thursday, April 9, 2009

Prayers needed

Before I give the official reason for prayers, I want to do a quick baby update. We came home Tuesday and that night was rough. My mom helped me out, but it was very hard. Wed. we had her first appointment, and he put her in the hospital because she was jaundice and dehydrated. My milk is being a pain, so we are having to pump and supplement with formula. Yuck. But, whatever we have to do. She got out of the hospital this morning and is doing great. She is very content, and hopefully it wont be too bad tonight, for a number of reasons.

For the prayer request. When Ellie I were about to leave the hospital, Simon's truck driving instructor called my phone to inform me that he was being taken to the hospital because of a twisted knee. So Ellie, my mom, and myself headed down to the ER to see what was up with my hubby. Turns out he broke his fibula right under the knee. The doctor is baffled as to why it happened. He will be doing surgery early in the morning, at 7:15EST. The doctor said he will put the bone back together, like putting a mosiac together. Any missing pieces he will use artificial bone. This is the first time I've had to deal with my hubby being in surgery. I love him so much, I hope everything goes well.

But don't stop praying after tomorrow morning, or if you don't think about it till later, it wont be too late. There is a 3 month recovery where he can't have ANY weight on his leg. Less see, a newborn + a hubby who can't put any weight on his leg = a hard and unpredictable near future. Simon was in trucking school and was really excited about all of it. But then this happens. It was going to work out great because I would be able to stay at home with our sweet pea. Now we aren't sure what the plans are. My job is a very sucky paying job, and I'm extremely miserable doing it, not to mention, it's an hour away. But, who will watch the baby while I'm not at home. Simon can't not put weight on his leg and care for a baby. Not gonna work. So keep the prayers coming.

I promise pictures will come soon, maybe next week. Our lives are chaotic right now.

Tuesday, April 7, 2009

Welcome Ellie

My sweet lil Ellie has finally been born. She was born Saturday, April 4, 2009. I had to have a c-section because I was laboring, thanks to pitocin, but I wasn't dialating, thanks to a smaller pelvic opening. She we went to prep at 7pm for the c-section. She was born at 7:10pm, weighed 7lbs 3oz, and was 19.5in long. The c-section was no fun at all, but I survived. I do need time to let memory fade before having #2. Her apgar score was 8/9. She's doing great, as am I. She's absolutely beautiful. I can't wait to share pictures, but I'm barely awake right now, so I'll leave it for a different day. We will be going home tonight. I'm gonna go take a nap.

Saturday, April 4, 2009

Still pregnant

I knew she flipped, and they did an u/s 5 min. before c-sect time. she had flipped. we've switched to induction. day 2 on pitocin now. water was broke this morning at 8ish, it's now almost 10am. we're commited for today. dr. thinks we will go natural so hope and pray he's right.

Thursday, April 2, 2009

Nursery pictures

This is a window box, my mom created/made. And she did the curtain as well. Both have Precious moments on it. The curtain still isn't up because it wasn't long enough, she was having to lengthen it. It'll be up the beginning of next week, I'm sure.

The shelf over the changing table was designed and created my mom. It's awesome. Provides lots of storage room and room for little figurines and stuff we've gotten. Beats bending down to items, when they are right there in front of you. The walls are a light lavender. Pictures never do the colors justice. You can also see several cling on's that cling to the wall. They are all precious moments, flowers, hearts, and butterflies. They can be removed and rearranged when we want.

My sister in law, her husband and Simon's Nana bought this rocker. It looks wonderful in the room. Beside it, I have a cute basket with a a bunny, lamb, and an album. I have another basket close with books, and a small cute baskets with some little cereal bars.

The crib with her name over it. I actually switched out the quilt for now. My aunt made a quilt with a Precious Moment girl with bunnies, actually the same one I have a cling on for on the wall. I figured with Easter coming up, it was only appropriate.

Guess who made the letters. You're right, my mom. She did an awesome job!! I love her abilities and how creative she is. I hope Ellie learns something from her.

Again, my mom. From gammy's heart to Ellie's door. If you look close, the butterfly between the words, is using her initials, EEB. My mom created a logo for her. Can you tell this child is spoiled already. And the mouse on the right is in memory of my mema, who passed away 10yrs ago. Her and I were very close. She collected mice, so there are a few little mice that have popped up around the nursery in various places. Just our way to include her a little. I better stop before I start crying.

Here's the cling that matches the handmade quilt, I was referring to. We have several different ones, but since this is my favorite, it's the only one that made the camera.

I have more pics, that I would love to post, but...I don't want to bore you with so many photos. Not to mention, you get idea. And, it's time for me to go shower, make sure have everything, and head out for our big day. The next post will be updating on the birth. Pray it goes well, I'm getting cold feet.

Wednesday, April 1, 2009

BIG update and I'm back!!

We finally have internet up at our house. But, I don't have time for a long update. Believe me, we are busy right now. I have so much to do.

So, I guess you all want an update of some kind.

Last Tuesday: No dialtion, but the OB wanted to schedule the induction for April 8th. I was hesitant, since my body, clearly wasn't ready. But, I went with it for the time being. I would be 39wks at the time.

Last Friday: Breech, still. Amniotic fluid was 5.something, below 6. Anything below 5 is dangerous. Considering all, the high risk dr. highly recommended we schedule an induction for this week, either April 2, or 3.

This past Tuesday: No internal. NST went well. Regular contractions. Protein in my urine, sugar in my urine, and blood pressure was slightly elevated. My OB agreed that c-sections would be best at this point, and at 38wks, not 39wks.

So, here I sit April 1st, less than 24hrs away from holding my baby for the first time. Yep, that's right. C-section tomorrow, April 2nd, at 1pm. I have to be there at 11am though. The only way it will be switched to an induction is if she has flipped head down. We'll go with whatever, it's fine by me either way. But, honestly with weekly ultra sounds and weekly NST's, I pretty much her position, or can guess anyway, and I'm guessing head down at this point. But, I could be wrong. We'll just have to wait and see.