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Tuesday, December 22, 2009

decisions, decisions

Option 1: I've enrolled for a class, MWF 4hr course. It's a class that if I make a B or better I will get extra points and give me a leg up for getting into the limited space Surgical Tech program. I'm sure I'll make a B or better. It's a human biology course, and I just love that sort of stuff. I'm enrolled and all, just need to pay. The class will help me get into the program for 5yrs, so even we did end up pregnant I can take it a year or so later, either way, the class will be behind me.

Option 2: My SIL's MIL knows somebody looking for a part time baby sitter for their 13month old son. If I take the class, I will be looking for a part time baby sitter too. The boy would be coming to my house. There are pros and cons if I decide on this. Pro being extra money, Ellie would have a friend and older baby to look up to. Con means I can't go to school, I would have really baby proof the place quickly and better, and it means bringing another child's germs around Ellie. Plus Ellie is starting to get into everything. I can't imagine having 2 going their separate ways getting into things. I know I will need to baby proof the house soon, but for now w/ me staying home w/ Ellie, so far I just keep a close eye on her, and I really haven't had to do much. I have a make shift gate for the kitchen entrance, which I'm not sure how well it will work for a 13 month old and how well his parents will like that.

I'm leaning towards school. It's what I really wanna do and feel like I need to do. So now I just have to find 1-3 babysitters that can help out. I think Dh's nana is willing to take 1 day, my mom MAYBE 1 day, and hopefully we can fill that other day w/ somebody. We'll see.

Sunday, December 20, 2009

Ellie's bronchoscope, talking, walking, and me

Ellie had her bronchoscope last Wed. and she was PITIFUL She was smiling and as happy as she could be before they took her back to the operating room. She was laughing and smiling while they carried her back. Then we waited and waited for what seemed like hours, but it wasn't even an hour. Then here the nurse comes carrying my little crying sweet pea. She had the most pitiful cry. I asked how she did, they said she did great and was asking for me. Whatever...my MIL and I let that go, as we knew she didn't say "momma" yet. But then I heard it...."MOMMMA." OMGosh, it was precious!! When we got home, Ellie and I quickly laid on the couch and took us a good nap, that didn't even last an hour. I woke up to her shaking...she was stiffening every muscle in her little body and relaxing...she kept doing this repeatedly. I was SCARED. I said her name and after about 4times she pryed her eyes open, glanced at me, and closed them again as she trembled. She didn't feel warm at all. I took her to my room and bathroom, then she started showing signs she was going to throw up. So, I held her over the toilet. After she threw up, she continued shaking. I called my MIL and asked her to come back, called my mom, and the doctor. 15minutes later when my MIL arrived Ellie had a fever. They told us she would have a fever for a day or 2. Let the fun begin. She was so pitiful. She just wanted to be held 24/7 as she fought her fever. Thank goodness for my MIL, mom, and Simon's nana. Between all of us we were able to comfort Ellie and nurse her back to health. She threw up several times and didn't seem to be able to keep anything down for a while. But she did say MOMMA.

This past week she is saying a lot more sounds. She is saying "momma", "aba" (we joke that she's saying abba-father in jewish), she said "I lub" when my mom was saying "i love you." She says "hi" and several other sounds. She's pulling herself to stand up on the couch and even making some side steps to get to what she wants. I wouldn't call it cruising just yet, but it's the step before cruising. All this in the last week and that's on top of her being sick w/ the scope and all.

I got my IUD out and I'm on metformin again. Not for TTC purposes, but if it happens then so be it. I have been unable to lose my pregnancy weight, so I've been on a relatively strict diet. I've read that the mireana IUD can make it to where you don't lose weight, plus I was having terrible migraines. No headaches since I had it removed. So far I'm on 1 metformin a day. All this happened last monday. Since then I have lost 4lbs and my pants are fitting lose. I had lost 3lbs before then, so I'm down about 7lbs. While my pants are fitting lose, my other pants still don't fit me. I have to really watch what I eat the next few days because I know from christmas eve-the monday after I'm going to be tempted beyond belief to eat an array of terrible foods. As far as the possibility of getting pregnant...we'll take that chance. Hopefully it wont happen until I lose weight, but whatever happens, happens.

Wednesday, December 9, 2009

Simon made it home for Thanksgiving. The week following Thanksgiving he tested to upgrade out of training. Of course he passed everything. Then the stinkin company strung him along and claimed they couldn't get in touch with his assigned teammate. Apparently they were telling his teammate the same. Anyway, as of yesterday they are together and have the truck and are just waiting for a load. His teammate has a 4 kids, one is 8 months old; Ellie's 8 months too. Kinda cool. He and his wife think it's important for her to stay home with the kids too. So that pretty cool. They both have many reasons for keeping that truck moving. Team drivers get paid more and both are very excited about earning a good living for their families.

Guess who is ready to TTC#2?? Simon. The first time around I was all over it, that maternal instinct thing, and I really felt Simon was just along for the ride. I mean he wanted a baby too, but NOTHING like I did. And now he so excited about trying for another one. I have been excited about another one since a few months after having Ellie. He wants me to get my IUD out, and for us to start trying in February, then by May or June he will put in a request to come home on expected "right" days. Don't get me wrong, I'm excited. But, I'm NERVOUS. Maybe I'll be more ready in a few months. My BIGGEST fear, is that I will get pregnant quickly with TWINS while having Ellie, and Simon still being over the road. Can you imagine, a lets say 18-20 month old and a set of twin infants. How would I go grocery shopping??? Pull a buggy w/ a kid and groceries, and push a buggy with 2. I'm not saying I will have twins, but there is always that chance since I have a family history of twins. And easy for Simon to be ready for another one, he will only be home a couple day every few weeks. He wont have to deal with the sleepless nights and all the crying. So yeah, I'm glad he's all over having another one, but I'm not all over the idea just yet. BUT, I am getting my IUD taken out on Monday. I stopped breastfeeding just over a month ago and since then I've been getting migraines like crazy. I know it's from the hormones in the IUD, though not much there are still some. I'm just very sensitive to hormones. I couldn't even handle clomid. By the 3rd straight month my migraine lasted a week and it was so bad that I wasn't going to agree to clomid anymore. So goodbye IUD. I mean seriously with a trucker husband what are the chances of pregnancy anyway??? I think we'll wing it.

Ellie is doing great. She still isn't talking, but I think I'm going to say it's because she's an only child and I'm a SAHM. If we still only have "ahhhs" I will talk to her doctor at the 9 month appointment. But I'm not so worried now. She's now pulling up to stand, and let me tell you, every time I turn around she's standing with something. Ellie still has a cough and clear snot. But, they want to still do the bronchioscope next Wednesday. I'm dreading the aftermath with the high fever. She's going to be so pitiful.

We have icicle lights up outside, and I have some garland and lights around the 2 white post on our porch area. It's kinda pretty. I also put our tree up. I had to get a new tree because our old one, was just a bit puny for me. The old one was 6ft, and I wanted taller, though didn't get the one I really want yet. The new one is 6.5ft, and it's pretty nice for now. I have the tree decorated and a lot of presents already under the tree. I'm not quite finished with my shopping yet. I have 2 more things to get for Ellie, 1 more thing for Simon, and small things for some extended family. Most I know what I'm getting, a few I'm at a lost. But I'm at a stand still till next Friday. So I'll be pushing it some. I may get some before then.

Here's what we have Ellie:
-My Pal Violet (It's a leapfrog toy, a dog stuff animal, that you hook it w/ a USB cord to your computer. Put in the child's name, favorite color, food, and animal, and pick 5 daytime songs, and 5 night time songs. It will teach the spelling of the child's name through song and has other personalized songs. You can go online and change it as child's preferences change. I will do that when she develops more likes.)
-toy drum
-tambourene
-Baby Einstein take along tunes (7 classical song, kind of like MP3 player)
-2 PJ's
-Jacket
-Some toys that aren't for bath time, but they will be in our house. We can't use typical bath time toys because of the risk of psuedomonas.
-Leapfrog spin and sing alphabet zoo. (She seemed to really like it in the store)
-Books
What's left to get her, not much.
-Simon wants to get her V-tech sit to stand dancing tower
-I want to get her a small Boombox w/ CD player for her playroom. Found the perfect one at K-Mart.
-I want to get 1-2 outfits, not pricey ones so hopefully I can get 2. She is getting into the sizes that she doesn't have full supply of.
-Potty chair (ok, before you think she's too young, I was her age, actually younger when my mom started putting me on the potty chair a few times a day and early potty training really did work. Now of course it's not going to be complete until she's walking and talking, but I would rather start now than have to deal with it later when she's more mobile and stubborn because of age. So I'm getting it, to try it out).

I know my mom, aunt, grandma, and Simon's mom, grandma, and probably a few others will be getting her some things. So I think Ellie will have a very nice 1st Christmas. Which I've already figured out she will enjoy the wrapping paper above all else.

For Simon I have:
-football
-good winter boots (gave to him early)
-MP3 player (same kind from last year, it got washed in the washer so I got a new one)
-2 PJ's
-electric steamer
-memory card for camera
-may get him a new digital camera
-a case/carrier for his toiletries
I think that's all I got for him

The problem was coming up with things for my list. I was at such a lost, now after he went shopping I think of things. The only thing I could think of were socks, blender, and crock pot. I got myself pj's, and are you smarter than a 5th grader dvd game. But now I want Mad Gab, t-shirts for working out, the storage bags you get the air out of (great for storing Ellie's old clothes), and a couple long skirts. Oh well. What will be the best for me is for Simon and Ellie to be happy. And that's not just a line, that's seriously what I want.

So I'll post again in a few month...just kidding. I'll post again, but not tomorrow. LOL. I guess for me to have half way descent post I have to wait a while between. I'm not as creative and don't live as eventful of a life as others.

Wednesday, December 2, 2009

Where do I start?

Once again, I have let my blog go. I'm terrible, I know.

Simon has finally went out w/ his trainer and completed training. It actually wasn't so bad being a "single parent" while he was away. Ellie and I got sick w/ a pretty yucky cold and Simon's nana and mom helped out with Ellie while I recovered. I got better, Ellie never did. Then I got sick again. Simon made it back home for Thanksgiving. A couple days later is when I got sick again, and like I said Ellie is still sick with a yucky cough, and Simon is now sick. Hopefully he will be going out with his teammate tomorrow. They are trying to get in touch w/ his teammate, which is proving to be difficult.

Ellie has 2 bottom teeth, and let me say, she was AWESOME while cutting them. She didn't fuss much or anything. She's tough like her momma. She's been sitting up for a while now. Her posture is AWESOME!!! Now she falls over every so often, but really not much anymore. She's pulling herself to stand up, and LOVES to stand. The other night at about 2am she woke up screaming, when I went to her room she was standing in her crib, I'm guessing she was scared because I laid her back down and rubbed her back (she insist on sleeping on her belly), and she drifted off back to sleep.

She's not all that into eating solid food. We were doing great w/ breakfast, lunch, and dinner with either jarred baby food or homemade baby food, but when she's sick, I'm not too good about offering her baby food and she's not to good about eating it. She's been sick now for a month, so she hasn't had much solids. I feel bad about that. Hopefully we'll be able to get back on a solid food schedule soon.

She couldn't have her scope because the first time I was really sick, fever and all. Then she was on antibiotic so they had to postpone it. As it stands, I need to call them to find out if they have a date for it.

I'm concern about Ellie's lack of talking. Ok, I know she's only 8 months, well a few days short of 8 months. But all I've read she should be making sounds like bababa or dadadada or mamamama, but she's just say aaaaaaa, and she says that all the time. She's very verbal she just isn't making the sounds I thought she would be making. I hope everything is ok. The main reason for my concern is DH was deaf out of one ear when he was a baby and had speech problems, I had very poor hearing for my early childhood and had terrible speech issues. I want to stay on top of any problems she may have.

So all in all, there's the update.

Monday, November 2, 2009

pseudomona???

Ellie had her throat swab last week we got the results Friday afternoon. She tested positive for Pseudomonas and staph. They said the next step would be the bronchial scope which was already scheduled. I am clueless with what this pseudomonas or whatever is. I have googled it and I'm not finding the answers I have questions about. If any of you CF mom's or patients have any knowledge...I'm sure you do, then I would appreciate some info. What is it? What kind of treatments will Ellie most likely have??

I'll post later Halloween stuff. I have to wake her up so I can get her ready for a swallow study.

This is what she tested positive for Staphylococcus and Pseudomonas

Wednesday, October 28, 2009

Expect the Unexpected

While the hubby was in truck driving school, to prepare him, and myself for this career, I verbally quoted "Expect the Unexpected." I did my homework about many truck companies and learned that those 3 words were the key to being an over the road truck driver. He was supposed to be at the terminal this evening to go out with his trainer. I get him there, it's only 30 minutes away. We hang out and he waits for his trainer. Eventually he asked about his trainer and wondered what the deal was. His trainer was do for home time. So, he is put off till Friday at 9am. Ugh, I hope this works. The first time we said our goodbyes, I cried, tears and all. Today when we said goodbye, I was fine, until I saw him playing and talking to Ellie, and she was laughing, then I got teary eyed, but no tears. Friday I'll be ready to kick him out real quick. LOL. We are both anxious for him to be out and making money and doing what he wants to do...truck driving.

Ellie is pooping sooooo much. It's crazy. She's went 6 times, maybe more for 3, maybe more days in a row. I hope her probiotics help soon. I've decided to cut out her solid food at lunch time. She'll still have breakfast and dinner. These poops are crazy!!!!!

Tuesday, October 27, 2009

Pulmonoligst

Ellie had her CF appointment today. It took forever this time. Ellie will be having a swallow study study on Monday and will soon have a bronchial scope. She's always had congestion mainly in the morning. It's just getting worse and she's coughing now. She's not coughing all the time, just some. But before they go and give her medication they want to make sure she isn't aspirating when she eats. She had her first flu shot today and the rsv shot. In a month we will get her 2nd flu shot and her 2nd rsv. Apparently she has to have 5 rsv shots. And I still have to get the H1N1 vax for her.

Simon FINALLY has a trainer. He has to be at the terminal at 3pm tomorrow. He will be training for 3wks and hopefully pass the test they give then he'll be out 7-10 days more with a teammate before coming back home. I'm kind of hoping it'll just happen to fall on Thanksgiving or a day before or day after, sometime around then.

That's it for now.

Real Quick

This is going to be a short one. I'm rushing around but was online while I blow dry my hair, so figured I would drop a line. Simon is STILL waiting for a trainer. Hopefully he gets one today or tomorrow. In the meantime he's home with us. Yeah, that's good I guess. At this point no matter how long he's home, he'll still have to be out for 5-6 training and stuff. So the sooner, the better IMO.

Ellie has a CF appointment today. I'm hoping all goes well. She's pooping a lot, eating a lot, and is having allergy problems. Hopefully nothing is CF related. But we'll find out in a few hours. Yesterday she pooped 6 times and last night she ate 8oz of baby food, and 30 minutes later wanted 6oz of formula, plus our bedtime nursing session. I guess she pooped all out and had to refill her digestive system.

I gotta go, need to finish getting ready.

Friday, October 23, 2009

I'm back

Sorry I've been away from blogging. I haven't read blogs and I haven't updated any blogs. I've been on facebook and occasionally on webmd but I've started cafemom and it's just sucked me right in. That and Ellie is just so much fun now. She's keeping me busy, that's for sure. Simon has graduated from trucking school. He's been on cloud 9 lately. He did very well on his CDL test. The past few days he's been at orientation for a company. He should start with a trainer on Monday or Tuesday. He'll be out for at least 3wks training then out for another 2-3wks before coming home. Agh, I'm going to miss him so much. But he's excited and I know Ellie and I will be just fine.
Ellie is doing so wonderful these days. My mom always comments on how Ellie is so advance and stuff. Then I start reading what other babies are doing and I know my mom just doesn't remember. I think Ellie is right on track with most things, a little ahead with some, and a little behind with others...totally normal. If I sit her down sitting she sits for a short amount of time. She isn't fond of sitting herself up from laying down, but if she's slightly elevated she'll do it. She's been getting around in an army crawl since 5 months, she's 6 1/2 now. I wanted to do baby led weaning, but she's hungry and she doesn't have the pincher grasp yet. I've only given her fruits and veggies though. I'm not rushing the meats I'll do tofu first. She's babbling like crazy. She gets on her hands and knees and rocks and pulls her knees up so it's just her hands and feet on the floor, looks like she's trying to stand. She is exploring beyond the obvious. We used to put her on the living room floor and she would just go around the living room, but now she is starting to creep closer to other rooms and has expanded her territory. Time for cabinet locks. She also likes the on/off button on the computer and cords. Yikes!! She love computers, pianos, and the joy stick on my mom's power wheelchair. I love this baby so much, she is my life.
Ellie's was sick with a cold recently. After a longer than a week, I took her to the doctor. She had a sinus infection. She's finished w/ the antibiotic. She still wakes up with a runny nose and has a runny nose off and on during the day. She has swollen red eyes, and is coughing but it's not very productive at all. I suspect w/ the fall here now, and things dying she may have allergies. She sees the CF dr. on Tuesday so I'll talk to them about it.
Hopefully I wont stay away this long anymore. I have more pics, but they aren't on my computer yet. We just went last weekend for our anual fall photo shoot. When I get them on the computer, I'll post some of the best.

Tuesday, August 4, 2009

Free Range Parenting

This is an article I saw on webmd. It's very interesting.

http://www.webmd.com/parenting/features/free-range-parenting

Good chance, you've heard something about it. It's about the mother who let her 9yr old son ride the NYC subway by himself. Apparently that's called free range parenting.

I read the article, and found it pretty interesting to say the least. I lean more towards the free range parenting. No, I'm not going to let my child go get on a large city subway by herself. I'm not quite that extreme. But, I'm not one to force my child to be overly dependent on me. Here's a quote that I love from the article above.

“The message you get if your parents do everything from driving you to school to waiting at the bus stop to doing your science fair project is ‘I love you so much, but I don’t think you can do this,’” Skenazy says. “That’s why they call it self-confidence, not parent-assisted confidence.”

I have first hand experience with that. You see, Simon's parents believed in the parent-assisted confidence and he has NO self confidence now. I mean, the worse of anybody I know, its pretty bad. But, when he was young and somebody asked him his name, his mom jumped in, not allowing him to answer. That was just the beginning. She did his homework a lot for him. His dad didn't allow him to play outside until he was 9yrs old. Even then it was only in the yard w/ close supervision. He slept with his parents till he was like 10yrs old. I know there are other examples, but I can't think of them. So now as an adult, they haven't changed much. Oh, their little baby boy shouldn't have to do anything, shouldn't have to stress things, shouldn't have to work hard. He ALWAYS thinks that other people are smarter, faster, and just plain better than him with everything. He never thinks he's good at something. But he does require constant affirmation, similar to what you may see with a 10yr old. So in my eyes this is where that OVER protecting parenting gets you.

Now my sister in law has two children, 5 and 7, sleeps in the bed w/ her and her hubby. Talk about a crowded bed. She doesn't let them out of her sight. She is a stay at home mom, homeschools, and has a social "mom's group." That way the children are always brought to her house. In one way it's great that she is involved and active in her children's lives. In other way I have learned that the reason for the involvment is so that her kids are always with her. She has lots of fears, which are starting to wear off on her children. I'm looking forward to seeing how these kids grow up. Will they be confident and independent adults, or will they have low self confidence and be dependent on mom and dad.

I don't really have any story's about the free range parenting. Most families I know really well are over protecting like my sister in law's family. I guess I'm more from the free range parenting. I feel like I had a life. I went to girl scout meetings without mommy. I went to overnight camps starting at age 8, for a week during the summer. I learned a lot from experiencing some independence. How I turned out...well I don't know how I compare to Simon. I mean, I'm not perfect. But, I don't think everybody else is better than I am. If nothing else I had a funner and more rewarding childhood than he did.

So, how will we raise our child/ren? Well, I do want her to go to camps, if she wants to. I do want her to spend nights with her grandma's if they are up for it and again, if she wants. I don't want her to be the homesick child. I want her to have independence, but at the same time I want to ensure her safety. I don't want a family bed, children sleep in their bed, in their room. I want them to be involved with something, that I'm not. For example, girl scouts or some other kind of club/organization. Maybe somewhere in the middle of sending a 9yr old to a subway on their own, and putting my child in virtual bubble would be nice.

Where do you stand w/ parenting? Even if you aren't a parent yet; where do you stand with this?

Wednesday, July 29, 2009

I'm boring, but Ellie is CUTE

I am realizing just how boring I am. I don't have pets anymore, don't really want any. I have a baby girl. I go to church 2-3 times a week. I cook and grocery shop, but I don't cook every day. I feel like I'm constantly on the go, but I don't really know what I'm busy doing. I need to get a life, really bad. Do fun things. We did go to a theater production for my birthday on Tuesday. That was fun. But, really I don't do enough. So, if you wanna leave a comment...leave some things I can do and can try. I am learning to use my mom's sewing machine. I really am trying to improve my life.

Friday, July 24, 2009

CF test results; vacation; and 2 pics



I have so many pics I think I'll post a pic per post, if that's ok, instead of doing the all pic post. Because I also have important things to write about, and I don't want the beautiful pic nor the writing to get left out.

She went to her CF appointment last Tuesday. Her stool sample was normal. The sweat test was borderline. She will continue to be followed and it's pretty much what the doctor expected to see with her mutations. She did great with the sweat test, on the first leg, then screamed bloody murder on the 2nd leg. Once it was over, she quickly settled down and fell asleep. What an angel.

We went to NC for a semi quick trip. It was about an 8hr drive there, and the 2nd day we broke it up and made the trip in 2 days to be more relaxed. It's supposed to be an 8hr trip w/out baby and somehow, I think because Simon must have been going 80mph, it was an 8hr trip. I sat with Ellie in the back most of the way there, Simon was with her on the way home.

So what we did in NC. Ellie met her great granddaddy for the first time. This is my granddaddy's first blood great grandchild. His wife has some, but she's MEAN. She doesn't let her great grandkids go over to her house because they get into stuff, run around, and just be kids. She said she doesn't want them over. They all live out of town, so of course they wont go over. She said she hates kids. She said her only grandaughter brought her boyfriend over 10yrs ago. Since he had holes in his jeans, she told her not to bring him there, and didn't care if she ever came back either. That was the last time she saw her, 10yrs ago. So, I doubt we will be taking Ellie back. If we did, the next time would be when she's at least crawling, maybe walking, and of course exploring. And I know the woman can't handle that.

We also saw my severally mentally challanged aunt. She didn't acknowledge Ellie much, but she touched Ellie's back, which is kinda her way of acknowledging.

We also met some old family friends that I have seen in many years. Sonny has cerepral palsy and is in a wheelchair, has speech problems, but otherwise is way smarter than one might assume. His sister owned and still does a fabric shop. She makes dresses and shirts for people. She's done this my whole life. My mema would take me to the shop and while they talked, Sonny and I would play and talk. Sonny got to see Ellie and kiss her cheek, like he would do me, and really like he always did my mom. This was a highlight of my trip. Ok, I know I said one pic per post, but I can't resist. Here is Sonny and myself kissing Ellie. She really didn't know what to think.

Another highlight is when I drove by my great grandma's ("other mema") house. The front door was open, and Simon talked me into going to the door to see if I could have a tour from the complete stranger. How dangerous!! But I did it and come to find out, it was woman, maybe 10yrs old than me. She very friendly and talkative and was happy to give me a tour. It was so nice to be able to say "bye" to the house. I never got closure as "other mema" was put in a nursing home when I lived in Georgia for a year.

Overall the trip was wonderful closure for me. At the end of my junior year in high school, I had no idea that I would be living in Georgia for my senior year, I didn't know that I would never go back to that school. Later I returned to the area for a while, before moving to Tennessee. When I left I had to quickly get out due to a bad relationship. I never got to have closure at all. Since I've been back a couple times, but I haven't been there long enough for closure, nor was that on the agenda. So, it was a very productive trip, more than needed.

Friday, July 10, 2009

I'm doing it

I printed off the application for Surgical Tech, and completed it, and it sits in front of me ready to be stamped and mailed off. It will be to start August 2010, so I have some time to wait. Maybe I will take a class in the spring to kinda get in my mind working. If I take Anantomy and Physiology 1 and 2 or Intro to Human Biology and make at least a "B" then I get bonus points towards selection to the Surgical Tech program. So...I think I may see about doing that, it would be awesome to do it.

I went to my counseling appointment this morning. I really love going. I dunno, it's just something about going to counseling every other week that helps. I like to see what kind of BIG things I can accomplish between appointments. Such as I've gotten seen and treated for my plantar facisitis. I've gotten this anal fissures taken care of. I've got this application for college done. The next 2wks, I will have to sit down and talk to my mother in law about a couple things. I need to fill out the application for the gym and TURN IT IN. And make an appointment w/ a primary care doctor. So, that's my homework. Also I need to try to work on some of my anger issues.

We may be going to NC this week. Simon is off 3 nights in a row. So....hopefully we can travel the 8ish hr trip and visit my grandfather. I'll be away from the comp. during that time unless my MIL will let me use her comp. Yeah right. We would leave Tuesday after Ellie's CF appointment. She has her sweat test and an appointment. They said it should be only 2hrs. So, we should be finished at 11am give or take. Simon has his leg appointment earlier that morning, at 8:15 and will hopefully be able to put weight on it. I'm gonna see if Nana can come w/ me to Ellie's appointment.

I gotta run to get Ellie from Nana's. I just wanted to stop by the house real quick to put the application in the mail. Can we say PROGRESS!!! So exciting. So you've all read my goals for the next 2wks. Make sure I work towards them.

Monday, July 6, 2009

Surg. Tech or EMT

So, I'm thinking about going back to school. Only this time, I'm not going back to finish what I started. I was going to get a Bachelors in Sociology. How useless is that...well let me rephrase, it wouldn't be very fulfilling to me. I've always dreamed of being a doctor, one that performed surgery. Well, obviously that dream is out for more reasons than I can count. I've lost that desire completely. But what I do desire, is to be a part of the surgical team. In some way, in any way. Surgical Tech is a relatively quick course, w/ classes that will be of ultimate interest to me. I may even one day be able to work on a trauma team, which would just make me so HAPPY. It's the best and most exciting thing to me. The problem is, I have plantar fascitis in my feet, of course, hence the name plantar. I'm not sure if I will be able to stand for the whole surgery. Also during the pregnancy smells really got to me. Now, I'm guessing an operating room doesn't really smell good. So there are a couple fears. I mean for the foot and knee pain, maybe my doctor can prescribe something that will help. I don't know. I really want to be a surgical tech...but the pain is kinda scary. Oh and the college I would have to go to is 45min. away in the next town over. It's actually from where we move from. But, I can get over that, really I can.

The other option is at the community college here, I could do EMT. Now still in the medical field and still somewhat fun. But....I'm not big on the driving an ambulance, especially in the city (not huge). I just don't trust myself as much as I should. I've been told I should be an EMT by many people. I played the roll of an EMT in a church program one year. I was told I looked "natural" in the uniform. I've been told I should do it because when a medical emergency arises I think the fastest and am the most confident. My adrenalin goes up and I go from this little shy, timid person, to a fast confident, take charge person. It's pretty cool after the "medical emergency" when I get to look back and think "I did...and because I did the right thing, everything turned out ok." It really is a great feeling. I've experienced situations through my jobs with working with mentally/physically challanged adults. You will have things from LONG seizures to bloody noses, to a person with aspiration problems vomitting, or falls, and the list really does go on. My problem is I am overweight, I know I don't move really fast. Also, I'm not a big fan of working in the elements such as rain/storms or snow. I envision a wreck at night, during a thunderstorm and downpour, and I can't wait till it slows down. I soak and wet have to be able to manuver to care for the situation. Ack...enough to scare me away I think. I'm pretty sure they do 12hr shifts, which I hate. Obviously it's a 24hr 7 day a week job, no major holiday off. I personally want a little more hope than that. I mean I could work in a surgical clinic and do mon-fri. I mean could. But it's a little more freedom w/ Surgical Tech. But the college is in my town, it cost less...I think, and isn't quite as long as Surgical Tech, although Surgical Tech isn't real long realively speaking.

So do I do what will make me the most happy since both have slight physical problems associated. I can get past it, expecially if I just lose weight. That's another post. So obviously I'm leaning towards the Surg. Tech program, but what do you think. Not to discourage from commenting, but I think my mind is made up....Now I need encouragement to STOP procrasinating. My middle name is procrasination. I'm not getting anywhere by procrasinating though. I HAVE to do this.

Friday, July 3, 2009

My mom has polyps in her stomach

My mom had her gallbaldder taken out a couple weeks ago. It was functioning at a whopping 12% which is considered non functioning. Plus she had gall stones. YIKES!! She's been battling this for over a year, till she finally gave in and saw a different doctor as she was getting way sicker. She has still been sick. Poor thing. She had the endoscopy thing where they go down with a scope to look in the upper GI portion. She had/s numerous polyps. The dr. took 6 out, which that's all he said they can take out at once or they run a risk of rupturing the stomach, or something like that. He sent them off for testing to see if they are cancerous and stuff. He said every 6months she'll need to return to get 6 more taken out. He said it's probably precancerous so this will be an ongoing thing. To me none of this sounds good. But, I'm gonna play calm. My mom is pretty stress free. She will not put herself through chemo. She's cool w/ what life brings. I'm not so calm. I have a little baby and my mom is the BEST grandma any child could ever ask for. She may have lots of $$ to buy the kid anything or everything, but she is so much fun, even with Ellie being the age she is. When I need to smile and laugh I just let my mom and Ellie be together, and it's so funny. And my mom is AWESOME w/ her woodworking stuff and has all these ideas of building Ellie a swing set and playhouse and stuff. So...I'm hoping for the absolute best. Plus if Ellie loses her Gammy (my mom) then it would be plain sad. Ellie doesn't seem to care much for her Granny, which is Simon's mom. Ellie cries everytime she holds her. Which I don't blame her. LOL. The woman starved her for a couple hours, despite her rooting because she was passing gas. This has happen a couple time. I've got other stories, but that's not the focus of this post. What I'm saying, is if Ellie looses her Gammy, she looses a lot. So yeah, I'm nervous, but I can be calm too....soon. My mom doesn't have the cancer diagnosis. It's all good right now....right?

Thursday, July 2, 2009

Surgery and breastfeeding

I had surgery yesterday. I thought I had hemorrhoids during the pregnancy and after. I guess I didn't. It got so bad last week that I went to the ER in the middle of the night. I was told it was hemorrhoids and to see a surgeon. Last Friday I saw the surgeon, just to learn it wasn't hemorrhoids, but rather anal fissures. So yesterday I had my sphincter muscle repaired and fissures removed. It hurts to sit and well it's just not fun.

Breastfeeding has never been great, but I've had some rewarding times. Times that I felt like I was really making progress and doing an awesome job. Before surgery Ellie began falling asleep while I breastfed her. Ugh, very hard on me, to make sure she gets what she needed. But, after the surgery, she had to have bottles for 24hrs. Now today was HORRIBLE for us. She refused every time but 2. And those 2 times she'll take it as long as there is a nice heavy stream, but once she has to work a little she freaks out. I'm so ready to throw my arms up and say forget it. But, on the flip side, I'm really wanting to fight to keep it going. I don't have a pump, we were renting one and I let it go back in June. I think I'm loosing supply, but I also know that I can still increase if I buy a pump (low on money these days), and PUMP, PUMP, PUMP. There is also a bottle that I saw at babies r us that resembles the breast, maybe if I use that, and pump, then maybe I can get her back on the breast. I dunno. I miss my time w/ my precious baby. :-(

Thursday, June 25, 2009

Never knew my father

I have never known my father and when I try to find him on things such as Ancestory.com or facebook, I really feel like he's making sure I don't find him. All I know is his first and last name and his birthday. That gets me nowhere, but seeing a bunch of people that may or may not be him. Arg...so aggrivating. Obviously I'm not wanting anything from him. Just to see a pic of him, any children he has, which would be my half sibilings, have a couple questions answers, and maybe know his sister's and parent's name, then I'll be gone. I'm not looking for a father/daughter like relationship. I'm well into my 20's now, I'm too old to back track and have a DADDY. Sure that's hard to grasp. But it's the truth. I no longer cry myself asleep at night because I too wanted to have a Daddy. I don't want his time, attention, money, or gifts, or even apologies. Just a couple answers, a few pictures, and I'll be on my way. That's it. Why does finding a person have to be so damn hard. I want to scream sometimes. Then I find somebody that COULD be him, just to be disappointed most of the time. Well not so much disappointed, well ok, maybe that is the right word. Imagine you are on an Easter Egg hunt. You are the only one on this hunt. There are hundreds of plastic eggs, most empty. Some have a fake, but real looking $100 bill in it, and only 1 has a real $100 bill in it. You open many to find them empty, some to find it really could be, but at a closer to look it's not, but you never seem to find the lucky one. Either you never find it, or because there are so many eggs you skip over a lot too, without much of a glance. That's how it is for me. It's so frustrating!!

Tuesday, June 16, 2009

I'm alive...a couple pics.

We're, as in Simon, Ellie, and myself are doing great. We are very busy. Simon just recently started a job that he is able to do with a broke leg. He has one more month of no weight bearing with his leg. Ellie is doing a great job at keeping me awake. Nah, she sleeps as good as any baby 2-3months.


More pics to come later.

Tuesday, June 2, 2009

101th post

OMG, my 100th post caught me off guard, and now here I am at my 101th post. No surprise how boring my 100th post was.

I have an update to my 100th post.

I went to the podiatrist to find out what was up with my foot, and well feet. I decided while I was there, I would tell of my feet problems since childhood. X-ray showed I had plantar facitisis which was no surprise since I've been given that diagnosis before. He gave me a shot, but half of what he would normally give since I'm breastfeeding, but he's sure it wont cause any problems. Since I'm supplementing w/ formula I'm still going to dump and pump. He just did one foot this time. Also the little ball under your big toe has always given me problems. He checked both and both have fluid in that area. He said it's not a good thing, and he will in the future do injections, but since I'm breastfeeding he didn't want to do the injections in all the places. He was sure the injection would help my heal. Let's hope it does. But this evening, I think I'll stay off it as much as possible. Simon is out of the house for now, and my mom and grandma have Ellie for a few more hours. So I can at least rest my feet for a little while. Oh, and I have some kind of tape wrapped around both feet to push my tendon up. So, it's wierd walking anyway. I have a follow up next Tuesday. Hopefully this is a good doctor that will be able to help.

Sunday, May 31, 2009

Nearly unbarable pain

I am 98% sure I have heel spurs on one of my feet. I had this kind of pain in middle school, I couldn't walk on either heel when I woke up in the mornings. Fortunately I had a couple in the household that required a shower chair, so I could get my morning shower in without having to stand. Eventually it went away on it's on.

But now, I have the pain but it's magnified by a lot. It hurts not only in the morning, but anytime I stand up from sitting. It hurts when I walk or when I stand. Why it's even starting to hurt while I just sit. It hurts like crazy. I couldn't tell if it was swollen, I honestly didn't think it was, but Simon's Nana said it was before I even inquired about it. I did a little research about it today and every single symptom I have. So, tomorrow I'm calling the podiatrist to try and get in.

For treatment, I read pain meds (breastfeeding, I can't and wont take much), cortisone injections (if it doesn't interfere w/ breastfeeding, I guess I'll hesitantly accept), Physical therapy primarily for ultra sound on the location (love the thought), and surgery. My grandma needs to have surgery on hers soon, but it's absolutely last resort and there is a period (not sure how long) of no weight barring. So, surgery will be definate last resort me. I will try everything else before having surgery, especially since Simon is still no weight baring, that would be absolutely terrible if we were both like that. But the pain is getting bad enough that I have to go to the doctor, soon. I can only tolerate this for so long, I need to go ahead and get started with some kind of treatment.

Thursday, May 28, 2009

Ellie's appointment update

Her appointment was pretty good, for being the first. I have to get a stool sample and take it to the children's hospital. It's about 45min-1hr away so, yes she's pooped. I have yet to get a sample to them because it's been raining, storming, or I haven't been showered and dressed when the poops come. Soon though, we'll be getting it to them. Her next appointment is right after the sweat test on July 14th.

The doctor said any gassy issues and pain she has while she eats is most likely the CF. Since we don't have the test results from the stool sample and the sweat test yet, it was really hard for him to say much. They did say I need to increase the breastfeeding and decrease the formula. She is gaining weight and growing great. She is almost 10lbs and on the chart, so that was awesome. We are having to switch her formula, which I was hoping he would want done.

So far the more breastfeeding and less formula thing is going ok, just ok. Yesterday I EBF in the morning and in the afternoon. By about 1 or 2pm, she was overly fussy. I continued to put her up to the breast, but she was so fussy and crying hysterical. I finally gave her a few oz's of breastmilk I had in the fridge. Once again she was happy and content. I decided that when she bottle feeds I'll make sure I pump to help increase the supply. I have you know I pumped both sides for a while and didn't even fill the little bottle up to a cm. It was ridiculous. I think she litterally sucked me dry. I pumped about 2 more times since, and all together I have just over an oz. I guess she litterally sucked me dry. But, I've got to either offer her the breast or pump at every feeding so my breast know to produce more milk.

The problem with all this, is when I baby is born, the first few weeks is generally for mother to heal/recover, to get a routine going, and for mother to nurse (if she's going that route). The first few weeks of Ellie's life were for none of that. It was taking care of daddy, stressing about daddy, and all the hell he putting us threw. I would stay up late with her, to have his nana come in around 8am, to lift all blinds and stressing that we needed to get our nights and days straight. I had people going through my house putting stuff in the STRANGEST places. I'm still finding stuff in weird places. All so aggravating. Having a mother in law and simon's nana taking my husband to the bathroom, and NEVER getting even 5minutes alone with my husband. Yeah...Ellie and nursing dropped through the cracks. So now, 7-8wks later I NEED my time, Ellie NEEDS her time. We need our time now, since we didn't get it earlier in her life. Simon is doing more around the house now, so it's hopefully going to be easier for me to do this nursing thing.

Tuesday, May 26, 2009

CF appointment today

Ellie's first CF appointment is today. I'm a bit nervous.

The rattling in her chest, and loud breathing, only happens at home. When I was pregnant, after we moved into the house, I had problems. I would wake up with a killer sore throat and runny nose. It's better now. I'm wondering if she's just having some problems with the house being new. Maybe chemicals in the carpet or something. Whatever gives the new house that smell and stuff. Obviously I had some problems adjusting, so maybe she's having some problems.

I'll post about her appointment soon.

Saturday, May 23, 2009

Baby congestion??

We've noticed that when Ellie breaths it's a little rattle sound and feel in her back/lungs. She breaths a little heavy now too. Could this be CF related or am I paranoid. She's not coughing and no runny nose. Is there something I can give her? Does she need to stay home, or can we continue with plans. She doesn't seem to be sick.

Wednesday, May 20, 2009

Baby ? and CF ?

If you remembered, around how much did your baby weigh at 6wks?

I ask because Ellie was 9lbs at 6wks. So many people say she's very small and stuff. Is that really small when she started out at 7lbs 3oz. The pedi didn't seem to be concern. I'm just hoping it isn't some kind of CF thing that's causing any problems. If it is, we'll hopefully find out on Tuesday at the appointment.


CF Question:
What was going with the digestive system when your child or you were around 6-8wks. Just wondering so I can kind of compare notes.

Sunday, May 17, 2009

Jon and Kate +8

I absolutely love the show. Can't say I'm shocked about the recent news of the marital problems with cheating. I mean it happens to couples all the time. I'm not saying it's ok, or normal. I'm just saying, I don't put anybody on a pedestal with things. However, it could totally be a publicity thing to get even higher ratings in this last season. I mean you never know. I just really hope they do have this last season. I just adore those 8 kids.

Update on us. Ellie is doing wonderful. She's growing, her tummy issues are getting better. She's precious as ever, smart, and strong. Simon is doing good. His birthday is tomorrow. He's not wearing his brace now, the dr. said it's ok. His leg is not in any pain, only when he bends it...but that's because it's kind of locked up some on him. For the most part, we are waiting till the end of the 3 months so he can start putting weight on it. We are wondering if it would really mess things up if he were to start baring a little weight on it now. But, of course he isn't going to do it without an ok from the doctor. 3 months is a long time. I'm battling some post partum depression. I guess that's what it is. I mean, look at my life right now...it could just be regular depression. I'm tired of being the only one in the house who can do dishes, laundry, mixing formula, getting dirty clothes off the floor and putting them where they go, carrying Ellie around, and taking trash out. The list really does go on. The point is, I'm getting tired of doing what seems to be everything. All the while, he sits on the couch, recliner, or bed, watches TV, and talks on the phone. He goes to church on Sunday, drives an hr to see his dad, goes to physical therapy 3 days a week, and anytime he gets depressed, or "stir crazy" as he says he just goes out driving. I'm stressed about our future. During this time, he should be figuring out if he is going to follow through with trucking...if so he needs to be studying the 115 point inspection. If he's not, then he needs to find a job that will make him happy and pay what he needs, or 2 jobs. Either way, he can be doing those things now. I am very stressed about our future right now. I hope everything works out. Surely it will work out. Right???

Wednesday, May 13, 2009

The pedi appointment

We went to her regular pedi yesterday afternoon. He said, like some of you have said that it very well could be the CF. I am getting WIC right now so I have the formula they want me to use, but I also breastfeed too. A pediatrician must be able to show WIC that they have tried other things before writing a script to change the formula to something else, which is fine by me. He wants us to feed her 2oz ever 2hrs. He said at night wake her up every 3-4hrs, so I've been feeding her 3oz for those longer stretches. He said if she isn't satisfied to add a little rice cereal. I guess I have got to exclussively pump. Ugg, I hate pumping, it's so much easier to just plop her on me breast, plus it's so sweet and she's just so adorable feeding. I'm not sure if I'm ready to completely sacrifice that just yet. Now, he told me that if the CF doctor wanted to change the formula, he could do it no questions asked, since of course he's a specialist. So, we are doing for a week. If still problems, then we will swith for week, then if things are better we will switch. He is also setting us up with the genetic counselor. I asked why, since we had already met with one, he said so we will know the exact mutations and stuff. I explained that we already knew that. The previous genetic counselor talked to us, as well the CF doctor talked to us. There's not much else they can say, not in my opinion. But he's wanting us to meet with one. I just hope he isn't going to send us back to the same one, she'll think we're crazy. Oh, well maybe he has a reason that I don't understand right now. All in all it was a good appointment. Since the doctor's are all in a practice, I've liked all of them, but one. This one is the best though, in my opinion. He seems to understand CF, a little more than the others.

The rash was a viral infection that will go away on it's own in a week or so. No need to worry about it.

She weighs 8lbs15oz, she'll be 6wks on Saturday. So maybe she's small, but she's growing.

Update on feedings: She is still very skirmish even during 2oz feedings and she moans and groans...it breaks my heart. I took the asymptomatic and ran with it...maybe I jumped the gun and was too optimistic. After she eats she has to sit up for a while. No acid reflux or anything, just laying down back or stomach puts her groaning real bad then a pain cry.

Breathing question: Her lungs are fine, but is it normal for babies or CF babies to breath hard a lot?

This is hard b/c despite babysitting I really don't know what is normal for typical babies, muchless CF babies. I just assume it's all normal which is where we run into problems.

Tuesday, May 12, 2009

Is this CF problems, or something else

Ellie has been fussy a lot in the evenings. A couple weeks the doctor was quick to say colic, and I was quick to accept that diagnosis. However, now I'm questioning it. She SUPER gassy. She doesn't burp much, even while we are trying to burp her for 30 or more minutes. She passes a lot of gas. She spit up a little yesterday for the FIRST time ever. When she eats she is VERY fussy. She's squirmy, fussy (not all out crying), and tried to eat, but then pushes away, then wants to eat. Its obviously to us that she's in pain and all she knows to do is eat, but the more she eats the more pain she's in. It's so hard to watch her be in so much pain. This gas thing is terrible though. So bad that we all swear that she's had poopy, but there's nothing there. It sounds and smells like that's what it is. When she does poop it's huge, my mom thinks it's more than normal, but she just had me. I think babies probable have HUGE poops. But it's obvious that she's in pain when she eats and after she eats. She has a pedi appointment this afternoon, and we meet with the CF doctor on the 26th.

Sunday, May 10, 2009

Picture galoure...Happy Mother's Day.

HAPPY MOTHER'S DAY TO ALL WOMEN OUT THERE, though there's only like 30minutes left today.
Here are a bunch of pictures of the glimpse of heaven that has given me the title "mommy." She's the most precious baby ever. Couldn't be more perfect. She's beautiful and just simply a wonderful baby. Enjoy the pictures, there are quite a few.

This was still in the hospital.

Not even a month old, and already in college. Can't crawl yet, but she's a cheerleader...the talent.

She's held her paci in her mouth, so many times, and this was
when she was less than a month old.

I thought this one was cute.

I love the faces she makes. She's so darling.

Cutie

When tummy time started to get fun. Look at her pushing her butt in the air. Now she's pushing her top part up some, but really at the same time, and about to tip herself over as her knees and butt come all the way up. She also propelled slightly today on a bed, gravity helped her some. I told my mom it has to happen 3 times before it's considered real and not "accident." So, we'll see.
Happy 1 Month my little angel.

Car seat fun...not really she hates it if she's not moving.

See she's realized she isn't going anywhere.

Up with the head, and up with the butt...ow the progress she's making. This tummy time was the first time she started to tip herself over with her knees. So cute!! The red on the back of her scalp is her birthmark.

Happy Mother's Day. Mommy.

Friday, May 8, 2009

8 things...

8 Things I Look Forward To:
1. When Simon can walk again
2. When Simon can go to work and I can stay home with my Sweet Pea
3. Trip to NC so Ellie can meet her great grandad and go to the beach
4. Finding a church we feel at home at in our new town.
5. The birth of my sister in law's daughter in September
6. A good nights sleep
7. Disney World at some point...no plans made yet.
8. Trip to Cali to visit family, again, no plans made yet.

8 Things I Did Yesterday:
1. Took Simon to Physical therapy
2. Went to Walmart for groceries
3. Cooked soup and cornbread
4. Laundry
5. showered
6. Loaded/unloaded dishwasher
7. Nursed and bottle fed Ellie
8. Changed diapers

8 Programs I Watch On TV:
1. A baby story
2. John and Kate plus 8
3. Bringing Home Baby
4. Home Improvement
5. Local News
6. King of Queens
7. Seinfield
8. The Doctors

Friday, May 1, 2009

Isn't she precious!

I tried to post more pics but the computer is acting up...maybe some other time this weekend.

Tuesday, April 28, 2009

Turn Around

Wow!! Simon helped last night. We have figured out how Simon can change diapers, sitting on the couch with the diaper changing pad and supplies. Now he can feed and change diapers. He helped a lot last night. All I had to do was take her to him and he took care of her. Then I wake up again and take her from him when they're finished. It's so wonderful to have middle of the night help from the daddy. It's AWESOME!!!! Simon is doing okay now. He's getting very restless with being stuck at home and under the mercy of others. He needs his independence and freedom. So he has left for a drive by himself from time to time. And I can't stop him. I can only pray that he is safe when he goes driving.

What are your thoughts about the Swine Flu? What about you with children and babies. I wouldn't care much if it wasn't for Ellie...but it's scary with her.

Saturday, April 25, 2009

Thing called cable

We have been married for over 2yrs, and during those 2yrs we didn't have cable. Before we moved we had basic cable but didn't use for a while, then eventually we used it. But we had blockbuster.com and it was usually enough. Sure there were boring times for me when my knee was sprain and my job wouldn't let me work. There were other things that were difficult for me to do, so there was a lot of sitting around. Then during the pregancy I was on complete bedrest for some time, then on modified bedrest, but neither warranted a need for full cable. But now, Simon is down and in his depressed and irrational state of mind a couple days ago he called to get the full cable. So, now we have cable. It's pretty cool. But there are so many channels we have no desire to watch...it stinks that we are paying so much. We never want TV to "control" us, if you know what I mean. I guess I have mixed feeling about this whole cable thing. It's pretty neat, but at the same time I'm not too thrilled. Who knows what my feelings really are. I think my biggest problem is that I have had "rough" times and we didn't get cable. Now Simon is going through a "rough" time and we have cable. And it just so happens to be at a time that I can't even watch a movie all the way through. My grandma, even after she had 5 kids doesn't understand that. If the baby isn't needing something, good chance my husband needs something. With the rest of the time, I'm doing laundry, cooking, mixing formula, nursing for an hour, cleaning, and quickly checking on my online stuff. Talk about busy. The absolute worse is when I'm nursing or caring for Ellie and Simon decides he needs something. Makes me wanna scream. Baby first, right? It's so frustrating and makes it to where I can't sleep when Ellie sleeps because I have Simon to take care of. And I don't have the help of a husband, since he's one of my kids right now. Sure I can have his mom and nana over to help...but I can't handle it anymore, and he's not happy with them either. He gets in the shower and there's no soap, no shampoo, nothing. Guess where it's at. SOMEBODY moved it out of the tub into a basket. Ummm, who needs shampoo and soap OUTSIDE the shower. That's one of many things of mine that has been "relocated" in my house. My house, my kitchen, my stuff is set up where it works for us, and I used to know where everything is. Now things are flat out missing. Where our cups are, I have no idea. We used to have cups/glasses...they are MISSING. I can't even begin to list the things that have been moved...then somebody else (people who move crap) ask me where something is. I tell them, I have no idea, because I have so many people in my house that moves things. Fortunately people aren't invading my space like they were. But, it's so darn aggravating, that at this point, I would rather be aggravated by doing everything for Ellie and Simon without help rather than accepting help and dealing with crap. Right now my mom and grandma are babysitting Ellie for an overnighter. I think I'm going to see if they can do this once a week. And I've asked my mom if she can spend the night one night a week with us so I can have a little help, but not totally surrender my job as mother and wife.

We have brainstormed a possible temp job for me. Since I have tons of experience in caregiving to disabled we are going to look for me a part time sitter job. I can go with elderly or disabled. I think we are going to look at part time and I think his nana, my mom, and sister in law may be able to assist with baby sitting. There's 3 babysitters, 3 days, we think it can be done. We just have to find that sitter job for me.

Thursday, April 23, 2009

Not too bad

Two nights have went by without help at night. Simon has had to go without somebody literally running to him when he calls. Don't get me wrong if it's a real emergency, I'm right there. But if he just needs water or the ice pack or something, he waits like a big boy. At first it seemed like it was going to be hard because Ellie was always needing then he would "need" at the same time. It's getting easier though.

I'm down to my pre pregnancy weight. Doesn't mean I really want to stop there though. I really need to lose a lot more weight, but 30lbs is a good starting place. Now if I can lose another 40lbs, I will feel a bit better.

All is well...sorry this isn't long. I'm tired and have so much to do. It seems like the to do list is always long and never completed.

Tuesday, April 21, 2009

Who are you and what have you done w/ my husband?

Real quick. You know not many days ago Simon was laid up in bed, not even going to the bathroom because of cramps. This morning he hobbles out on his crutches and ask me where the keys are. I tell him I have no idea. He see's them, grabs them, and goes to the car. Get's in, not the passangers seat, but the drivers seat and drives around the block a couple times. He requested his phone and wallet and took off. He then went across town to his Nana's house. Now he's on his way back home. This isn't my husband.

My appointment went well. Apparently the doctor said my spinal block didn't really take like it should have, so that's why I felt pain and not just preasure. I can drive 15minutes or so now. He asked me about birth control wishes. My response: for the time being no sex. So we'll have to discuss it later.

We hate birth control...but to risk having another child right now is CRAZY. We can't risk it right now. Also, I don't want the endometriosis to grow back for many reasons. I don't want to have to go through the surgery to get pregnant again. But most importantly, I can't let things get as bad as they were again with the endo. So, I think for now I need to do something.

Sunday, April 19, 2009

Big Improvement

Today was big improvement! I woke up this morning expecting a great day, I had a feeling that we would make major progress with his leg. He woke up and immediately started showing williness to fight through. His uncle who has had some major problems with his leg in the past came and helped a lot. Before it was over, Simon crutched himself down the road to a church that we had previously visited. I followed with Ellie in the stroller. It was nice to do something somewhat normal. After church we returned by foot to the house. BIG IMPROVEMENT. Yesterday he got around the house by scooting himself on the floor. Which was better than using an urinal thing in bed when he had to pee. So things are getting better. Tonight his nana was willing to drive us to the church we prefer. Simon did amazing. So far, he plans on going with me to my doctor's appointment tomorrow. It's my 2wk appointment. I'm actually kind of nervous. They say things like "don't overdo it" or "take it easy." But, they don't say why they tell you that. I've been big time overdoing it. I'm not supposed to lift anything heavier than the baby. Oops. In the circumstances I'm in, I've been lifting her in the carseat/carrier. But it doesn't stop there. There have been other things I have lifted, pulled, and pushed on that I shouldn't have. I have done things that have caused discomfort to abdomin. But, hey, gotta do what I gotta do. But, now I'm nervous that any layer of stitches may have come loose or something. I mean, I'm sure it's ok, but seriously, it's a risk, otherwise you wouldn't have restrictions. And I haven't been living by the restrictions. I've felt fine until a day or two ago. Now there's pain, not to the incision, but to the abdomin. Discomfort pain down inside. I'm not sure how normal it is to feel fine for a couple weeks, then start having the pain. My mom says it's because my adrenalin has been up so I haven't noticed the pain, and now suddenly I'm noticing as my adrenalin goes down. Gosh, I hope I haven't damaged things. I need to go to sleep while I have a chance, since I don't have anybody here tonight to help me with baby care in the middle of the night. Kinda hard for daddy to hobble in there and feed that baby. And his mom is here through the night, but the time I entrusted her my baby in the middle of the night, she was microwaving bottles. I told her not to that, and she didn't understand and questioned it. I tried to explain it, but seriously, written on the bottles from the factory it has Warning Do Not Microwave. Is that not a good enough reason. So, she doesn't know how to use the bottle warmer or anything. She was also wondering why I wasn't putting vasaline on the cord. Which rubbing alcohol a couple times a day made it fall off when she was 2wks old. Bragging here: She is so smart, I'll have to get pictures up to prove it. She holds her paci in her mouth with her hands. She wasn't a week old, when she was back in the hossy for jaundice. I had her in her lights, in the jacket thing over the lights. The sleeves were so long on her and her hands were somewhere in there. She took her hand that she can't see to hold the paci there. Shouldn't she have the mindset, "out of sight out of mind." And she's lifting her head up. Well, not big news, she started that at 48hrs old. And she's rolling onto her side while she sleeps. She's so strong and smart and beautiful. Ok, so I'm a typical mommy, right. But, I do realize that at 2wks, yeah she's beautiful, but others may not see ALLLLLL the beauty I see in her. Back to I need to go bed. 3hrs from now comes soon.

Friday, April 17, 2009

Grr....but pictures

Wow, I am tired. Very tired. Sleep is a thing of the past. And who's fault is it? Well, not so much Ellie's believe it or not. More Simon's fault actually. He has been guarding this leg so much, for so many days and has had the muscle completely tight and stiff, that now he has terrible cramps. Nowhere near the injury site or anything, may I add. Just for him to go to the bathroom, you can hear a grown man screaming out in agonizing pain, banging on walls, and pulling on wall fixtures. Ok, sure it hurts...but suck it up. It hurts because he's caused it to tighten up. He asked me today for a gun...I got all postpartum emotional and just cried. I told him to never ask me for such a thing. We have tried everything we know to try to get him to relax that leg. He's just not willing to do anything. We even hired a hypnotherapist. Much good that did. So, we are praying HARD that something clicks. I'm depressed because I guess Ellie and I aren't enough inspiration for him to do what he needs to do to get better quicker. I'm depressed because it's starting to look more and more like I will have to go back to work. His nana told me about a daycare opening up. No offense to those who use daycares of any sort...but I am completely against it, especially with such a small child. If she could come home and tell me about her day, then it may be different. I didn't have her and I didn't try to get pregnant so I could have other people raise my child. It's my job, my responsibility, and my privilege. It sent me off into one of my many postpartum crying spells. I never cried much till after I gave birth, now anything will make me crying. Seriously...songs, memories, the sight of people, certain topics of discussions, you name it, I cry.

Here's what you all have been waiting for.

This is a picture of her still in the hospital. I don't have the best and cutest pictures on my camera. Most are on my mom's camera so hopefully I will be able to post some of those from time to time.
I look like crap, but it's ok. I still love the picture.

Daddy and his little Sweet Pea. These are my 2 favorite people. I love them so much.



Wednesday, April 15, 2009

Only getting better

Simon is doing so much better. Ok, it's still a rough road we are on. But, his pain isn't quite as bad and he's learning how to deal with it to a certain extent. He is getting used to hobbling to the restroom and his mom and nana are getting used to it. Hopefully soon I'll be able to help, as it's not my favorite thing his mom and nana helping him with such a personal thing. But, I know that's my problem. I just wish I could help him more in those highly personal ways. Home health will be coming tomorrow, so hopefully he will be able to get a good shower...I know that helps a lot anytime.

Ellie is just the best baby anybody can ask for. She sleeps mostly through the night. Of course I have to wake her up for feedings, but other than that she's perfect. The couple rough nights where she hasn't been content sleeping after a night feeding, has been easily fixed by letting her lay on my chest. Ok, maybe not the most ideal, but right now what works is what we have to do. Between daddy being in need and her being in need, mommy needs sleep.

Which brings me to something else. His mom and nana are BIG on "get morning and nights straight." Fine and nifty...but the fact still remains Simon will need help at night, readjusting, changing positions, baby needs fed, changed, and all that good stuff. They wake up or come in the morning and push all blinds up and turn on lights...um, I freakin need sleep when I can get it. If that's in the middle of the day, then let it be. I need sleep, who cares when it is. Also, Simon stayed up till 3am last night. Why? Because all day he has people breathing down his neck. Well, ok, he has people around him, sure they are helping, but still doesn't give him, "Me time." So, last night he took his personal time when he could get it, and that was in the middle of the night. His mom constantly say, "the doctor wants you to sleep at night, not get nights and days mixed up." I finally asked her last night, why that is such a huge deal. She finally admitted that it may not be a big deal if he had somebody to help in the middle of the night. So, that's why I'm helping with everything other than getting him to the bathroom at night. I'm willing to do that, in order for him to have that time to himself, and just as important some time with me. Found out yesterday when we had a few minutes alone, that he is feeling the same way as I am about not having time together, just him and I. I mean really, our marriage and our communication is far from what it should be and what we want it to be when we have family over us all the time. I was getting depressed about it, and didn't know how he felt till yesterday, but he feels the same. I'm so glad we at least feel the same and know how each feel. My appointment is Monday, so hopefully after that we can have some time with just us and give our help a break, even if it's a couple hours a day or even every other day.

The question I have...not for you all, but the question I have for myself is: Do I go back to work? We really wanted me to stay home with Ellie, I still really want to stay home with her. Having an absolute miserable job I would be going back to doesn't help matters either. It's miserable and beyond under paid, unbelievably underpaid and just a terrible job, with terrible people, and now a commute. If I go back to work, then Simon will still not be able put weight on his leg. Clearly with a newborn, that is not reasonable. He would not be able to care for her, and carry her through the house. But, I don't want to look like dirt with not going back to work. Then we have the medical insurance issue. We obviously need insurance, but, family coverage would mean I would have more coming out of my check than what I bring home. Not to mention I would have more coming out, because they would be taking out from all the months I missed paying my portion...I would be paying for about year, maybe more. 3 months out I was paying for 6 or so months. So 6-7 months...it would be a year or more of working for only insurance. Ugh, I wish I knew what to do. Daycare is out of the question, because there wouldn't be any money left over...heck eating and gas money for the near hour commute would be out of the question. I just really don't know what to do. Okay, so while you obviously don't have financial details and really details on much, I think I will accepts thoughtful comments regarding this topic. Obviously it's ultimately mine and Simon's decision we have to make. And we will have to look at a lot more than what we are looking at now. It's not something we can decide right now, but soon we have to make a decision. So, if you have a thought on the matter, please do share.

Monday, April 13, 2009

Update

Wow, what a week, or something...what day is it? How long has this been? Ok, nevermind, it seems like we, have been going for weeks. Well, if you include the labor/delivery, and being in the hospital after, we have been going for a while.

The surgery was a success. After the surgery he was in a lot of pain and pretty much kicked everybody out of his room, including myself. Talk about being helpless. Eventually, he allowed people, but only close people in his room. But, if he had to go to the restroom or something he kicked everybody out. With the new baby, his family, and mine thought it best that go stay with my family for a couple nights so I can focus on her care. This made me feel like a HORRIBLE wife.

He came home today, and Ellie and I got home. I still feel helpless. I can't do much for my husband. I don't anything. I don't really know him, his condition, or anything. I feel terrible. And our daughter is just perfect, but even a perfect baby, still drains you. His nana has stressed how tired his mom is, since she's been going non stop. Well, a baby isn't a stroll in the park either.

I wish I could kick all out of my house and just be the wife and mother I want to be. I want to take care of my husband, and my child. Not have his mommy take care of me. I have a feeling I will eventually say something to somebody. I don't want people to constantly be hovering over us. But at the same time, I understand that post c-section, I'm not "supposed" to do certain things.

Oh, and his doctor wants him to not get nights and days mixed up. I asked his mom if he knew we had a newborn in the house. I mean newborn equals mixed up nights and weekends.

Sorry for venting. I guess the next few months, a lot of my post will be venting, updates, and all that good stuff. Keep the prayers going. I appreciate all of them.

Thursday, April 9, 2009

Prayers needed

Before I give the official reason for prayers, I want to do a quick baby update. We came home Tuesday and that night was rough. My mom helped me out, but it was very hard. Wed. we had her first appointment, and he put her in the hospital because she was jaundice and dehydrated. My milk is being a pain, so we are having to pump and supplement with formula. Yuck. But, whatever we have to do. She got out of the hospital this morning and is doing great. She is very content, and hopefully it wont be too bad tonight, for a number of reasons.

For the prayer request. When Ellie I were about to leave the hospital, Simon's truck driving instructor called my phone to inform me that he was being taken to the hospital because of a twisted knee. So Ellie, my mom, and myself headed down to the ER to see what was up with my hubby. Turns out he broke his fibula right under the knee. The doctor is baffled as to why it happened. He will be doing surgery early in the morning, at 7:15EST. The doctor said he will put the bone back together, like putting a mosiac together. Any missing pieces he will use artificial bone. This is the first time I've had to deal with my hubby being in surgery. I love him so much, I hope everything goes well.

But don't stop praying after tomorrow morning, or if you don't think about it till later, it wont be too late. There is a 3 month recovery where he can't have ANY weight on his leg. Less see, a newborn + a hubby who can't put any weight on his leg = a hard and unpredictable near future. Simon was in trucking school and was really excited about all of it. But then this happens. It was going to work out great because I would be able to stay at home with our sweet pea. Now we aren't sure what the plans are. My job is a very sucky paying job, and I'm extremely miserable doing it, not to mention, it's an hour away. But, who will watch the baby while I'm not at home. Simon can't not put weight on his leg and care for a baby. Not gonna work. So keep the prayers coming.

I promise pictures will come soon, maybe next week. Our lives are chaotic right now.

Tuesday, April 7, 2009

Welcome Ellie

My sweet lil Ellie has finally been born. She was born Saturday, April 4, 2009. I had to have a c-section because I was laboring, thanks to pitocin, but I wasn't dialating, thanks to a smaller pelvic opening. She we went to prep at 7pm for the c-section. She was born at 7:10pm, weighed 7lbs 3oz, and was 19.5in long. The c-section was no fun at all, but I survived. I do need time to let memory fade before having #2. Her apgar score was 8/9. She's doing great, as am I. She's absolutely beautiful. I can't wait to share pictures, but I'm barely awake right now, so I'll leave it for a different day. We will be going home tonight. I'm gonna go take a nap.

Saturday, April 4, 2009

Still pregnant

I knew she flipped, and they did an u/s 5 min. before c-sect time. she had flipped. we've switched to induction. day 2 on pitocin now. water was broke this morning at 8ish, it's now almost 10am. we're commited for today. dr. thinks we will go natural so hope and pray he's right.

Thursday, April 2, 2009

Nursery pictures

This is a window box, my mom created/made. And she did the curtain as well. Both have Precious moments on it. The curtain still isn't up because it wasn't long enough, she was having to lengthen it. It'll be up the beginning of next week, I'm sure.

The shelf over the changing table was designed and created my mom. It's awesome. Provides lots of storage room and room for little figurines and stuff we've gotten. Beats bending down to items, when they are right there in front of you. The walls are a light lavender. Pictures never do the colors justice. You can also see several cling on's that cling to the wall. They are all precious moments, flowers, hearts, and butterflies. They can be removed and rearranged when we want.

My sister in law, her husband and Simon's Nana bought this rocker. It looks wonderful in the room. Beside it, I have a cute basket with a a bunny, lamb, and an album. I have another basket close with books, and a small cute baskets with some little cereal bars.

The crib with her name over it. I actually switched out the quilt for now. My aunt made a quilt with a Precious Moment girl with bunnies, actually the same one I have a cling on for on the wall. I figured with Easter coming up, it was only appropriate.


Guess who made the letters. You're right, my mom. She did an awesome job!! I love her abilities and how creative she is. I hope Ellie learns something from her.

Again, my mom. From gammy's heart to Ellie's door. If you look close, the butterfly between the words, is using her initials, EEB. My mom created a logo for her. Can you tell this child is spoiled already. And the mouse on the right is in memory of my mema, who passed away 10yrs ago. Her and I were very close. She collected mice, so there are a few little mice that have popped up around the nursery in various places. Just our way to include her a little. I better stop before I start crying.

Here's the cling that matches the handmade quilt, I was referring to. We have several different ones, but since this is my favorite, it's the only one that made the camera.

I have more pics, that I would love to post, but...I don't want to bore you with so many photos. Not to mention, you get idea. And, it's time for me to go shower, make sure have everything, and head out for our big day. The next post will be updating on the birth. Pray it goes well, I'm getting cold feet.

Wednesday, April 1, 2009

BIG update and I'm back!!

We finally have internet up at our house. But, I don't have time for a long update. Believe me, we are busy right now. I have so much to do.

So, I guess you all want an update of some kind.

Last Tuesday: No dialtion, but the OB wanted to schedule the induction for April 8th. I was hesitant, since my body, clearly wasn't ready. But, I went with it for the time being. I would be 39wks at the time.

Last Friday: Breech, still. Amniotic fluid was 5.something, below 6. Anything below 5 is dangerous. Considering all, the high risk dr. highly recommended we schedule an induction for this week, either April 2, or 3.

This past Tuesday: No internal. NST went well. Regular contractions. Protein in my urine, sugar in my urine, and blood pressure was slightly elevated. My OB agreed that c-sections would be best at this point, and at 38wks, not 39wks.

So, here I sit April 1st, less than 24hrs away from holding my baby for the first time. Yep, that's right. C-section tomorrow, April 2nd, at 1pm. I have to be there at 11am though. The only way it will be switched to an induction is if she has flipped head down. We'll go with whatever, it's fine by me either way. But, honestly with weekly ultra sounds and weekly NST's, I pretty much her position, or can guess anyway, and I'm guessing head down at this point. But, I could be wrong. We'll just have to wait and see.

Friday, March 20, 2009

Short update

We tried to get internet Friday, but the stupid cable people were, well stupid and couldn't find our house. STUPID.

Ellie is breeched again. Still no dilation as of Tuesday. This Tuesday the doctor will check again, I'll be a day away from 37wks. He's mentioned inducing at 38wks, but I'm guessing, it'll be 39 still, which will be right before Easter. That's fine. Whatever. I'll be holding my precious darling in my arms in 3wks either way.

I've hit the pretty miserable stage. Ok, I'm not miserable 24/7, but there's time in each day, that it's somewhat miserable, some days worse than others. But, there is in an end in sight.

I need flip vibes, followed by stay put vibes. I don't want her to stay breech. And I would like to see 1cm on Tuesday. Oh, and she's 6lbs 3oz. Great size.

Friday, March 13, 2009

Please let us get our internet hooked up soon. I'm getting tired of not having it at home. We only have cell phones, we don't do the whole lan line thing. So, we're not sure how to get a phone book. Our yellow pages have always been yellowpages.com. Here we are in a new area and no way to get business numbers and stuff. Anyway, soon, very soon. And I'll be able to post more updates.

I'm at my mom's right now. I have some family in from out of town for my shower. I love my family, by the way. There are 7 women upstairs discussing and prepping for things tomorrow. Gosh, it really makes me nervous. They have a lot up their sleeves, and I don't want to be the center of the attention. But, I do feel very blessed to have so many people care so much to do this. Especially since attending baby showers haven't been a norm for me.

I had my high risk appointment today. She is head down now. :-) Can't tell you how happy I am. I asked the doctor when I could have her. Yeah, like they can really tell. Anyway, he said she could come any day. Give it he didn't do an internal, so really he doesn't know how things are progressing. However, he said she's real low, which is what gets the dilation started. I'm not MISERABLE yet, like I hear people get. I mean, sure I have bad days here and there, but I'm not so miserable I just want her out. But, I am starting to get pretty anxious. Don't worry, I'm not so anxious I'm willing her out before I'm 37wks. Really as far as prepping goes, 37wks is too soon. Oh, and amniotic fluid was at an awesome 14.

I'm not all out sick anymore, but I'm still a bit congested. I'm coughing, still have that nasty taste in my mouth, and still not feeling 100% better. I guess because of being sick, I have lost 5lbs in a week. It still puts me at gaining a good amount though. 23lbs for the pregnancy, is pretty good.

Hopefully next week, I'll be able to have internet at home and will update then.