Tuesday, March 30, 2010


Morgan's post has sparked some thinking. Since I was pregnant, we discussed who would get Ellie if something happened to both of us. We can't ever come up with a family, but we do have a few couples in the running, we just haven't asked any of them.

SIL and her husband. They have a 6yr old son, 8yr old daughter, and a 6 month old daughter. She homeschools the kids. The kids are involved with basketball, baseball/softball, football, cheerleading, dance, and gymnastics, basically whatever they seem to have an interest in. The 8yr has and still may be taking piano. The husband is a school teacher and also buys from auctions and yard sales and sells stuff on ebay. They go out of town for a day or weekend for the kids b-day and to concerts and about 2 or 3 big vacations a year. They have a pool at their house, swing set, and trampoline. Just saying all this to give an idea of how they are. Basically your typical middle class family. They live in the town we do. Ellie would be able to basically see most of the family she already sees, being my mom and DH's mom and nana. She may not get to see much of the family that lives out of town, not that she sees them more than a few times a year anyway. They go to a church in town, same denomination as ours. They social drink, which DH and I very against even social drinking because his dad is an alcoholic. We just don't want to play w/ fire and teach our child that it's ok to drink. They are very over protective of their children, way more so than we are. We want Ellie to go to camp as a child and SIL can't even think of that until the kids are teenagers. SIL is instilling in them fears of the dark and doesn't mind having the family bed...we aren't fond of. The kids can't even go into a room at night by themselves they are so scared, which SIL is the same.

Then we have a 2nd cousin of mine. He is going to grad school. His wife is a social worker at a school. They have a boy about a year older than Ellie. He is in daycare close to the school. They live about 3hrs away from us, so who really knows how often Ellie would see some of her family around here. But she would see some family on my side that she doesn't see often, and she would have a large other side of the family. We don't know a whole lot about the way they raise their son. All I know is they are very responsible adults and I guess I would say they are again a typical middle class family who is trying to improve theirselve. She has a master degree, and like I said he's getting one. I know they go on vacations and their son doesn't lack stuff. He gets to see his grandparents (my great aunt and uncle) weekly, which is great.

Then we have another 2nd cousin of mine. She works for maybe sprint or something like that. Her husband is hispanic, and actually was (not sure now) if he's legally a citizen. I know they had to move to the boarder at some point so he could come here legally. It was supposed to take a year but it took him 6 months and he was back, so don't know details. He travels a lot, going where work is. They live in descent house. They live very close to the great aunt and uncle I mentioned above, and Ellie would see them often. They don't have kid stuff, or go on vacation, they don't have any kids. She's dealing with infertility AND with her husband being out of town a lot. I don't know as much about them as I do SIL.

So based on what I wrote, who would you lean towards? After writing it I think I know who I am leaning toward. How do you confront a couple about stepping in and taking custody of your child in the event something happens, and how do you make it legal?


Elizabeth said...

Honestly that's tough. And not that the couple with no kids wouldn't be wonderful parents but they seem to lack stability. The first choice sounded wonderful until you got to the part where the kids are instilled with unneccessary fears and they have a family bed (obviously not for us either).

I think the 2nd option you have listed would be better. For 1 they only have 1 child while the other couple has 3. To me it just seems as though it would be easier to add a 2nd than a 4th monitarily. Although as you said none of them are hurting for money. And secondly they seem to have a good head on their shoulders.

The most important thing is to make sure whoever you pick has similar parenting values to you and your DH.

When we had our will done we listed my parents first but then listed my Aunt as secondary guardians in case my parents couldn't fulfill the duty for some reason. I had said to my mom that I hadn't asked my Aunt and she said that she had been told by her lawyer 26 years ago that it was just better to list them. Hopefully it'd never have to be acted upon but if it did that's when the person would find out.

So all you have to do is either ask them and then go have the will drawn up (they don't need to be there just the name will be listed) or just go do it. This will make it legal. Good luck!