I have never known my father and when I try to find him on things such as Ancestory.com or facebook, I really feel like he's making sure I don't find him. All I know is his first and last name and his birthday. That gets me nowhere, but seeing a bunch of people that may or may not be him. Arg...so aggrivating. Obviously I'm not wanting anything from him. Just to see a pic of him, any children he has, which would be my half sibilings, have a couple questions answers, and maybe know his sister's and parent's name, then I'll be gone. I'm not looking for a father/daughter like relationship. I'm well into my 20's now, I'm too old to back track and have a DADDY. Sure that's hard to grasp. But it's the truth. I no longer cry myself asleep at night because I too wanted to have a Daddy. I don't want his time, attention, money, or gifts, or even apologies. Just a couple answers, a few pictures, and I'll be on my way. That's it. Why does finding a person have to be so damn hard. I want to scream sometimes. Then I find somebody that COULD be him, just to be disappointed most of the time. Well not so much disappointed, well ok, maybe that is the right word. Imagine you are on an Easter Egg hunt. You are the only one on this hunt. There are hundreds of plastic eggs, most empty. Some have a fake, but real looking $100 bill in it, and only 1 has a real $100 bill in it. You open many to find them empty, some to find it really could be, but at a closer to look it's not, but you never seem to find the lucky one. Either you never find it, or because there are so many eggs you skip over a lot too, without much of a glance. That's how it is for me. It's so frustrating!!
Thursday, June 25, 2009
Tuesday, June 16, 2009
We're, as in Simon, Ellie, and myself are doing great. We are very busy. Simon just recently started a job that he is able to do with a broke leg. He has one more month of no weight bearing with his leg. Ellie is doing a great job at keeping me awake. Nah, she sleeps as good as any baby 2-3months.
More pics to come later.
Posted by ssbean at 3:34 PM
Tuesday, June 2, 2009
OMG, my 100th post caught me off guard, and now here I am at my 101th post. No surprise how boring my 100th post was.
I have an update to my 100th post.
I went to the podiatrist to find out what was up with my foot, and well feet. I decided while I was there, I would tell of my feet problems since childhood. X-ray showed I had plantar facitisis which was no surprise since I've been given that diagnosis before. He gave me a shot, but half of what he would normally give since I'm breastfeeding, but he's sure it wont cause any problems. Since I'm supplementing w/ formula I'm still going to dump and pump. He just did one foot this time. Also the little ball under your big toe has always given me problems. He checked both and both have fluid in that area. He said it's not a good thing, and he will in the future do injections, but since I'm breastfeeding he didn't want to do the injections in all the places. He was sure the injection would help my heal. Let's hope it does. But this evening, I think I'll stay off it as much as possible. Simon is out of the house for now, and my mom and grandma have Ellie for a few more hours. So I can at least rest my feet for a little while. Oh, and I have some kind of tape wrapped around both feet to push my tendon up. So, it's wierd walking anyway. I have a follow up next Tuesday. Hopefully this is a good doctor that will be able to help.
Posted by ssbean at 1:39 PM