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Friday, January 30, 2009

For fun

1. Do you and your spouse still celebrate Valentine's Day? We got married 10days later, so we have 10 days to celebrate both, whenever it's most convenient. It doesn't have to to be on V-Day. But, I do like a little something, even if it's just a card on V-Day.

2. When's the last time you licked a stamp? Don't remember, but the last time I needed to lick one was sometime between September-November, because I couldn't stand the thought of licking it with my all day morning sickness.

3. How many clocks are in your home? Currently, one in the living room. Our cell phones are usually with us at all times. When we move into the house, I think we'll have a few more.

4. What holiday is closest to your birthday? 4th of July/Independence Day.

5. Do you cook anything the same way your mother made it when you were growing up? My mom is an excellent cook. I do cook grilled cheese sandwiches and egg sandwiches the way she did.

6. Do you pay bills online? No

7. Will you be gathering to watch the Super Bowl on Sunday? My hubby wants to, but I'm not big on it. But the food sounds good, so we may.

8. Have you treated yourself to something this week? No, I think I need to get onto that.

Wednesday, January 28, 2009

And so it sinks in

First before I continue, I want to thank all the new readers that have found me. I'm so glad I have a network and CF community. All of the comments are encouraging and helpful. I found several blogs through googling info last night on CF. You all have some wonderful blogs.

So, things are starting to sink in more now. I'm somewhat in the "am I dreaming stage." Maybe they messed up in the lab, and it's not really true. Ok, denial, just a little. But nevertheless, I can't let the denial prevent me from preparing for my little Beanie Bear. She will be here in no more than 10wks, and will need her mommy to be ready for her. So denial, leave, I've got too much to do.

Questions are flooding my mind. So many that, well I don't even know what to ask. Maybe I need to keep a notebook and pen by my side so when a question pops in my head I can immediately write it down. I do feel very blessed that I was able to find out before she's born. I'm so glad that went ahead with the amnio. Very smart decision. And yes, I'm still able to enjoy my pregnancy without worrying too much. I'm hoping we will have more children. I've never seen myself with one child, or even 2. I knew that if we had 4, then chances are 1 would have CF. With this logic, then the next 3 shouldn't have it, right. It's still scary to think about having 2 or 3 or even 4 with CF. But, we've always wanted a big family, and I'm not letting go of that dream. (Never mind my endometriosis and PCOS that made it difficult to get pregnant in the first place).

So a couple questions I can ask, because I can think a little right now. Will I still be able to breast feed my little Ellie? Will she have to have high calorie supplement formula? If I can breast feed, is there anything special I have to do? If Ellie wants to play sports, can she? Are there certain things she shouldn't do? Will she for sure be sent to NICU? Do all children with CF have to have surgeries? Will Ellie for sure be allergic scents like soaps and air fresheners?
That's all for now, I have a few more questions, but I can hold off on those.

Again thank you all for the kind words and encouragement. I know that we will be ok on this journey.


Tuesday, January 27, 2009

Amnio result are IN

I prepared myself for the absoluted worse, and hoped for the absolute best. There was some chance she would have down syndrome, so they checked for that. Ellie does NOT have down syndrome. There was a 25% chance she would have cystic fibrosis, by inheriting the CF mutation gene from both Simon and myself. You don't have to be real smart just past high school biology to know that there is a 50% chance she's just a carrier, and another 25% that she doesn't have either CF gene.

The amnio showed that her dealt odds are the first 25% where she inherited both CF mutation genes. So, she does have cystic fibrosis. (Inhale/exhale). I prepared myself for this news. But, no matter how much you prepare yourself, the news still takes a you back and it still has to sink in. Now my baby is considered a "special care baby" at my high risk doctor. Her and I will continue to be monitored throughout the remainder of the pregnancy. We will speak to somebody else in the office about next steps as far as understand things better. She will set us up to meet with the CF specialist here in the area. We will meet with him prior to the birth and he will follow up with care after the birth.

I'm glad we are already in the process of moving. I didn't feel comfortable bringing home a baby with CF into this apartment. I will be parting with my dog. Ellie will have enough problems with breathing as it is, I don't want to throw a dog in to make it harder on her. Since our house we are in the process of getting, is brand new, nobody has lived there, so we know there hasn't been pets in the house to get dander and stuff in the carpet. Getting rid of the carpet is on one the list of things we will do sooner than later. When we can do it, we will.

Since Simon's CF mutation isn't the classic one, we don't know how classic her CF will be. It could be classic with all the problems, or it could be just severe sinus/allergy problems, breathing problems, and a lot of upper respiratory problems. We probably wont be for sure about the severity of her case until after she's born.

I'm not sure if I'm just ready for to fight this war or if it hasn't completely sunk in yet. Probably a little of both. Nobody wants to hear that their baby has a problem. But, the news could have been a lot worse. I think I'm prepared to handle the cards dealt to us with this. She is still our baby and our love for her isn't any less. I'm just praying that as there are more advances in the medical field that the mid 30's life span will increase. I think I love my baby girl more now than before.

This starts our process with CF. I guess after the birth you will get to follow a family through blogging, as we go through the battles of cystic fibrosis. I'll probably do a lot of getting my thoughts and feeling out about this.

Sunday, January 25, 2009

Now we wait

First step down. We met with the realtor, my mother in law, husband, and I. Turns out he had to sign everything and his mom is cosigning, since she wont be living in the house, him or had to sign. I had some problems from some massive medical bills several years ago from when I ruptured my spleen and had to file bankruptcy. For that reason, it couldn't be him and I. We all feel so much better that really he's buying it, that his name is on there. It just feels so much better since his mom isn't really buying the house.

So now we sit back and wait...see if our offer is accepted. The date we want to close on is no later than 2/28. The realtor seems to think since it's a brand new, newly built, vacant house, that we should be able to close before then. We'll see. I'm getting excited and making my mental list of what we NEED. At first I'm not going to go all out on decorating the whole house. That will come with time. For now I mostly want what we need.

Blinds for 5 windows, another bathroom trashcan and a trashcan for the office, swiffer sweaper and swiffer wet jet, 2 shower rods, 2 shower curtains, soap dispenser for 1 bathroom. Ok, that's not bad. That's all I can think of we NEED. I want 4 bar stools, whole bathroom decor for both bathrooms, curtians for our room, nursery, and living room. Don't care about the room that's being used for the office, blinds will do. Oh, we do need a mat for the door outside. Oh and a outdoor trashcan and mailbox. I can't wait till I have the go ahead to start on buying these things. I'll have such a fun time taking a day and shopping for house and Ellie. Yippee. This 3rd tri will go by fast, I do believe.

Saturday, January 24, 2009

Update on house

We are putting in our offer for the house on Monday. My mother in law wants us to go ahead and put in our 30 notice in the apartment, but I feel better waiting till the first of February. In my opinion, it would be best, since we will be paying Feb. rent anyway, do that, then since Feb. is 28days, 30 days takes us to March 2ndish. Rent is due on the 1st, but they don't come by until the 4th or 5th for it. I don't want to jump the gun, put in the notice, and something not work out then we have nowhere to be. But we are pretty sure all will go well with the offer and it will be our house. I can't wait. Simon and I are going tomorrow to see the house. There is an open house, and since we haven't put an offer in yet, they are still going to have the open house. It just gives us one more opportunity to see the house before we put an offer in.
Nothing to say about the pregnancy. I'm feeling great and Ellie doing great. They say 2nd trimester is the honeymoon of pregnancy, but the beginning of the 3rd trimester is pretty darn good if you ask me. I've heard some say they didn't start the aches and pains of the 3rd tri till 34-37wks, so I still have a little while before that kicks in. Which will be when my showers are and when we are moving. It's all for the best. I'm optimistic that even the later part of the 3rd tri wont be too painful.

Tuesday, January 20, 2009

Found a house

We looked at many houses the last couple days. There was one house that I saw online that I loved. There was only 1 picture of it, of the front, but still I had a good feeling. We went to see the house, and looked in the windows....still very much a good feeling. Today we went with the realtor and saw the inside of the house and we all have a GREAT feeling about it. The other houses we saw, sure they were cute, pros and cons with each, but this one house was built for us. It was built at the end of 2008, around September/October. Yeah, brand new, we would be the first living there. It's just what we need. Not too big, not too small, which is important when you think about electric bill. It's perfect. So we are starting the process. My mother in law is working on getting approved, wont be a problem and putting in an offer. The realtor asked us when we wanted to move in and I told her before the baby is born. She agreed. She said she's thinking we will be able to move the beginning of March. That's exactly when we need it to work for us. So, that will put us moving in about a month before Ellie is born. Also the first 2 weekends in March I have my showers, so hopefully what we get, we can take it directly to the new house. This is so exciting.

I went to the doctor today. I was sure I would fail my 3hr GTT. Guess what, I didn't. I passed, and not just barely, but I passed with flying colors. Yeah!! I was so shocked I asked the doctor if he was sure my results weren't mixed up with somebody else's. He said he was sure. He was very surprised too though. He went on for a while how he didn't think I would pass. I asked if we will HAVE to induce at 39wks like he originally said. He is saying that with hypertension it's going to be best. So it doesn't look like I'm going to get out of it. Oh well.

Saturday, January 17, 2009

Maybe Moving

I am so excited. As you all know, who have been reading my blog for a while, I've been wanting to move for some time, but especially before Ellie comes. Well, it's looking like it's going to work out. We were thinking we would be moving into another appartment or maybe a duplex. Looks like we may be moving into a house.

My mother in law, is AWESOME in every way. She is living with her mother to help her, and it's costing her less living there. They live about 45minutes away from us. But, my husband will be going into trucking shortly after Ellie is born. While he's on the road, I will be left with little to no support system here. The support here is his sister who I don't agree with her way of living, she lets her 8yr old son watch shows and movies, we aren't comfortable with. I guess we have more of a conservative way of raising children. No problem, it's her style, just not our "form" of raising children. We all have that freedom to decide, fortunately. The other support is his dad, who starts drinking at 8am and can't even hold on to a set a keys. Again, my choice of babysitters. So, we have decided to move if we can to the town his mom, nana, sister and her family, and some other people live. I'll have more support, and if I have to work part time, or need a break for a couple hours, then we have plenty of people around that we trust to care for Ellie.

So, back to the house. My mother in law, has decided that since we aren't yet in the position to get a home loan and purchase our first home, that she will do it for us. Her and I are going out Monday to look at a long list of houses. We will pay the mortgage and everything, by giving it to her, then she would pay it. After a couple years when we've settled and stuff, we go through the process of buying it from her, or switching it over to our names. Whatever is best at the time. I am so beyond excited about this.

For some background on me. When I was born, my mom and I lived with my grandparents, in their house. When I was 3yrs old, and I remember this, we lived in a single wide trailer, no phone, in the woods. When my mom got married, we lived in a house, sort of. It was originally a single wide, but her husband prior to marrying my mom, built on, and it was more like a house or double wide maybe. When they divorced, we moved in with my grandparents, in to a old double wide. All 4 of us, later moved into another double wide. After my grandma died, my mom, grandfather, and I moved into a house for a few months. My mom was disabled, and couldn't care for herself. My grandfather got married, and put my mom in a nursing home, so I moved out of state to live with a great aunt and her husband in a nice large house, that was for my senior year. After graduating, I moved back with my mom, she was in a one bedroom apartment. I lived on campus, but when I went home, I slept in the living room, on a luv seat that had the pull out bed. Not fun. I later moved in with a friend, into a double wide. Can't I get out of all these mobile homes yet? Later I moved in with my mom, who had moved into a different state, 9hrs away. Guess where she lived. She lived in a double wide, but she had fixed it up so much that it took everybody a while to figure out, and they appraised it as a modular. I got married and lived in a 1 bedroom appartment then we moved into this old dingy 2 bedroom appartment. I'm sick of 2 things, mobile homes and appartments. I want to live in a house, it's a dream, and a quite petty one to most people, and I'm sure to many of you. But, it's still a dream, and here I am, I can taste my dream.

The house we get isn't going to be emaculate. But, either way it's going to be ours, well, my mother in laws, but still, you get the point. It's close enough. I will be able to paint and hange decorations, because I will be "home." I could have painted this appartment, I thought about it, came really close many times, but it's not home, I hate it here, and I just couldn't do it. I'm just so freakin excited. What's even more exciting, is we are finding houses in the right price range (as far as we know right now), and they are a lot nicer based on pictures and descriptions than I thought we would be able to get. I'm just so excited I had to shout about it on here. I know it's petty excitement, and we very well may end up with a small house, but it will be my small house. Hopefully we can get all this done and move in before Ellie arrives. It doesn't leave much time, but hopefully it will all happen fast.

Thursday, January 15, 2009

Update and ultra sound pics.

Two days after the amnio, and all is well. Yesterday I had some minor cramping right around where he went in with the needle. But, today nothing. So that's great news.
Last night I had a dream that the results were in. In my dream they said that she would have scarlet fever and several other illnesses from the civil war. First of all, I have no idea what scarlet fever is, nor what any of the illnesses from the civil war era were. I just know in my dream I took the news very hard. Thank goodness it was only a dream.
I had my 3hr GTT today. No fun at all, but I survived. I was able to leave the doctor's office between a couple of the draws, so I went to Walmart to get some of my favorite ultra sound pictures on a disc. So, I have a few I would like to share with you.

This is my favorite, with her looking at us.

She's a girl, and she's never been shy about showing us.

Profile picture, Simon's favorite. He thinks my favorite looks like an alien.

Another favorite of mine, but mostly because I saw what she was doing. She was opening and closing her mouth and sticking her tounge out. The thing by the top of her head is her foot. I love it!

Tuesday, January 13, 2009

3rd High Risk Appointment

I had my 3rd high risk appointment today. It wasn't too bad. I got to see Ellie again, which is a major plus of having high risk problems. I have kept the fact that I was getting the amnio on the down low on the Internet world. I went back and forth debating on getting it or not. I ultimately chose to get it for several reasons, I chose not to get into on the Internet world. I could care less about the down syndrome aspect, but I did it for the cystic fibrosis reason. There are a number of things that if she does have it, we have to do because of the complications. I just really don't feel I can be prepared as I need to be, if she does have it. This is my first, we have never held a 2wk old baby, much less a 2 day old or a 2hr old baby. We've never bathed a baby, or anything. There will be so much getting used to baby care, that for the first one anyway, we need to know if we are also dealing with cystic fibrosis stuff.

I drug my husband there, as I at least needed his hand, and chopping his hand off to take it wasn't an option. He has been pretty depressed and stressed lately about a lot. It just seems like everything is happening to us, one thing after another, and it's not good stuff either. Soon our little dark cloud over our heads has to be replaced by sunshine. But, I do understand that things can be a lot worse, and once we get through these problems, they wont seem as bad. We'll get through, I hope, I'm sure though. So he didn't want to go to the doctor with me, but he ultimately went.

Before I did the usual stuff with the pee cup, blood pressure, answering the few questions, the geneticist wanted to talk to us. She told us that because of procedure, they needed to draw one small vial of blood from each of us to send with the amniotic fluid they collect. She explained it. We were both quick to say no about him doing the whole blood thing. The last time they (OBGYN), needed his blood sample, they assured us that there wouldn't be a cost, now we have a $400 bill. Too bad that's no the only medical bill in the pile. This lady ASSURED us big time, that there would be no charge, I was convinced and believed her. He did not, but that wasn't his whole problem. We went to the waiting room, until they called us back for the blood work. I have no idea where they took him, but they had me sit in the chair and went somewhere with him. Apparently he gave them a lot of trouble, and the nurse and he returned. He wouldn't agree to it. He was complaining like a kid, and boy did I want to slap him. He said, it's not right they want to keep doing the shot (blood) thing, they did it in the army, they did it a few months ago...cry, cry, whine, whine, I'm not doing it. Yes, he was in the army, had depression problems, and pretty much walked out before blood work/shots. I don't understand. I was so embarrassed because there was no talking him into it. I asked the nurse, what if he didn't even come with me. She said then they would just take mine and not his, that while both parents is ideal, and best, 1 is better than nothing. I told her, to just get mine, he's a grown man, we can't hold him down and force him. He went out to the waiting room and called somebody, probably to complain to his mommy (momma's boy). Good grief, I was so embarrassed though. You can expect children to be a bit hesitant and resist, but a 26yr old man, suck it up and let them use the tiny butterfly needle. I'm really glad that I don't expect Ellie to be like that, because I will be the main one taking her to doctors and when it comes to needles and stuff, I'm big on the being tough.

After they took my blood, they got me in a room. I got to watch Ellie on the screen. She was so adorable! She was looking at the camera today and had her foot over her head, at first anyway. I saw her open and close her mouth several times. She was flipping around a lot. But she was too cute. She weighs 1lb 14oz, which they say is good. The doctor came in and we began the amnio. The nurse or tech I guess she is, had the ultra sound going so they could stay away from Ellie. He put the needle in, and when it broke skin, I was thinking, "well this isn't bad at all." He said "you'll start feeling menstrual cramps right now." As soon as he said, ouch. It hurt, but it wasn't kick doctor kinda pain. It was let me squeeze the hand a tad bit harder. The pain would decrease some then increase. He got like 5 or 6 vials of the amniotic fluid. Each time he took another one and screwed it to the needle, there was an increase in pain because he was having to touch the needle. It was short, and not TOO bad. After the procedure, I thought I would need a band aide, but you can't even see where they did it at. The cramping isn't really all that bad, and is just in the area of the uterus, that they went in at. I guess that's a good thing. They told me what to look out for the next 24hrs. I think we're good though.

Before I left he wanted me to lay back and relax so they could take my blood pressure again. Before when they took it, it was pretty high, 155/87 I think it was. Since I was also seeing blurry, I was perfectly ok with it. Apparently still no protein in my urine. Yay!! My blood pressure did go down, so it was probably just that I was a little nervous about the procedure and stuff. I have another appointment in 3wks. I wish I could go back to every 6wks. But, it is what it is. If I fail my 3hr glucose test on Thursday then I'll have to speak with a dietitian at the high risk doctor at my next appointment. I failed the 1hr, but I'm hopeful, not expecting, but hoping I'll pass the 3hr. I failed before I was pregnant because of PCOS, so why would I now pass. Ellie isn't big yet, and she's looking good, so I'm happy. I just need the rest of this pregnancy to be non eventful and boring and normal. Which right now it's pretty much that...it's normal. I don't really have too much to say from day to day. The 3rd tri pains haven't set in yet so I'm still in that honeymoon phase of pregnancy. I still haven't forgot my need to post up ultra sound pictures. Be patient, I don't have a scanner right now, so I have to go to Walmart and put the pics. on a disc. But these are some cute ones so it'll be done as soon as I have the money, hopefully on Thursday.

Thursday, January 8, 2009

Message boards

Pregnancy related.

Well, I have moved up to the 3rd tri board, as I hit my 26wks yesterday. I know, it's not official until 27wks, but according to some sources such as babiesonline, I'm 3rd tri now. I really can't relate to either 2nd or 3rd tri right now. My questions are for 3rd tri, but I can help/support ladies in 2nd tri. Oh well, it's that transition stage.

The 1st tri didn't push me away from the board, with "am I pregnant" post. The 2nd post with all kinds of high school drama, didn't push me away, I just ignored those posts. But, I'm not sure how long I will last on the 3rd tri board, it may break me. Being this is my first, and I don't have a lot of close people to talk to regarding everything, I have TONS of questions. The message boards are my best source right now for many of my questions. But, what's really aggravating, is all the inducing. I understand doing it for medical reasons of any kind. But, not only do you have so many "Eviction date" post, but you have so many who are trying to induce naturally with caster oil and stuff.

I'm sorry but this scares me. I want to hold my baby and have her outside of me and not causing me aches and pains as much as the next, but she'll be here when she's ready. I means whats another week, unless of course it's medically necessary. Around where I live, apparently inductions are very common. My doctor said at my first appointment that I will be induced at 39wks because I had high blood pressure and was pre diabetic before the pregnancy. I was cool with that decision, until now. My high blood pressure hasn't switched to pre-eclampsia. I have just taken my glucose test so I'll get the results on that tomorrow or Monday. But, if I don't have pre-eclampsia or gestational diabetes, then why induce. I know I am high risk for developing either or, but I'm staying optimistic that I wont. I just really don't want to be induced, I mean almost to the point of tears, that I'm afraid I will be. But I know that I'm not going to start castor oil and other things at 37wks just so I can try to jump start things.

Why do inductions scare me? Why do the non medical induction post upset me? Like I did with ignoring the high school drama on 2nd tri, I will have to do the same with the induction posts on 3rd tri. Because I do have a bunch of questions about a lot of things both before the baby comes and after. But, I'm not sure I'll last on the 3rd tri board.

Wednesday, January 7, 2009

New Years/Growing up

Maybe this would have been better a little closer to 1-1-09, but I just thought of it. Growing up, anytime it would be the New Year I would rub into my mom's face that next year I would be 10yrs old, when I was just 8. I guess that was probably the first year I figured it out. It always made me feel so much older, like a big kid, or teenager already, or an adult.
The logic behind this, since I seemingly skipped an age. My birthday is in July. If I started a year out at 8yrs old, I would turn 9, that year, and the next year turn 10yrs old, hence why I was never lying when I said I would be 2 numbers older the next year. Last year, I was 24 at the New Years, and just really didn't feel like saying it, for obvious reasons. But, now I'm suddenly starting to feel the whole aging thing. It's absolutely CRAZY. It was still fun when I was in my early 20's. But mid-late 20's, no fun. I'm starting to be in a bit of denial about my birthday in July. I'm in denial with how old DH will turn in May. Sure we're still in our 20's, but not for much longer. We are grown up adults now, not just "young adults." It just seems to be getting more and more surreal with each year and each age I turn.
Just thought I would share.

Monday, January 5, 2009

Update on sleep

I FINALLY SLEPT!!! I don't even know if I went 3 or 4 days/nights without real sleep. It all kind of runs together. But, I fell asleep last night, and slept WONDERFULLY. I remember waking myself up snoring so loud. Hahaha. I feel so great now. I had pretty bad swelling last night, gone now. My joints aren't aching, and my muscles aren't weak. I don't even feel as anxious/excited. I feel 100% better physically and emotionally. Oh and I went to sleep without medicine to help.

To a different subject. I woke up this morning to a CLEAN apartment. Not just half clean, or stuff transferred from one room to another. No, the WHOLE place is completely and totally clean. Either my husband did it, or an alien switched him with a look alike, or a cleaning fairy invaded my place. Either way, I don't care...it's clean.

Two miracles in one night. I slept, and get this, I slept through some massive cleaning. And our apartment is clean/organized. I'm totally elated!!!!

Sunday, January 4, 2009

I want to cry

3 nights in row, with very little sleep. No baby to rock to sleep, no baby to nurse or change. There's no pain that is preventing me from sleeping, and no heartburn, and I'm not having to go to the bathroom a million times at night yet. So why can't I sleep...I have no idea. The only thing I can even come close to thinking of is stress, anxiety, and excitement. But, I don't know. I'm just not sleeping at night, and I'm not sleeping during the day. I've always been the person who had NO problem sleeping, anywhere, at any time. I was a sleeper. So I'm not used to the inability to sleep. I've become OCD in preparing for bed. I lay down and close my eyes, but I'm wide awake, tired and weak, but awake. I try everything I know to try, until finally I take 2 benadryl just to get 4-5hrs of disturbed sleep. Why is it disturbed? I don't know, it's not a urge to pee, or laying in a painful position, but instead it's I just roll over, open my eyes, and what do you know I'm awake. Now, it generally doesn't take too long to fall back asleep, but I'll go pee, and drink some water, top off my water cup, and then go back to sleep. The lack of night sleep, hasn't meant an increase in day time napping. Quite the opposite actually. My daytime napping has actually massively decreased the last few days. Until yesterday, last night, and today, I have felt pretty darn good, so I've been doing a little more daily activity. Last night it really hit, when I carried a glass of water and it felt like I was carrying 50lbs around the house. My muscles in every part of my body are beyond weak. They hurt and ache, and if I use them at all, it makes it that much worse. For example, typing is hurting my arms and hands. Writing in my baby journal, hurt my hands last night. So, now the lack of sleep is starting to affect me. Before now, I've grinned and beared it, no complaints really. But, now my body and mind are starting to feel the lack of sleep. My husband works 3rd shift so generally isn't home, but he was off last night. He was shocked to actually witness my lack of sleep. He tried everything he could think of to help me get to sleep, nothing worked. 1.5hrs after taking 2 benadryl I finally drifted off to a very temporary sleep, as I then woke up many times in the course of 5hrs. I guess I'm looking for an excuse for not sleeping, even if it's pain and discomfort from being pregnant. Maybe I'll go lay down and just see if I can fall back to sleep. Who know miracles can happen, right.