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Friday, February 26, 2010

Miscarraige or Molar Pregnancy TRIGS

I spotted a little last night, but I wasn't overly concerned. I had some minor spotting with Ellie around that same time. Plus the spotting went away, until this afternoon. I had already called the dr.'s office and they wanted to see because of high blood pressure readings, my clogged ears, and the spotting I thought I should report. This afternoon I started spotting just a bit more, so I was happy that I had made an appointment.

My doctor is on vacation so I had to see another doctor, who is absolutely awesome. He did an ultrasound and delivered the news one is never ready for, but I tried to prepare myself for. He said he's not seeing what he should be seeing at 6wks. There was no yolk sac, no fetal pole, no beating heart, nowhere for a beating heart. I said, so it looks like a miscarriage? He said yeah, or what he's concerned about is a molar pregnancy. A few times during the u/s as I looked at this screen with a thick uterus lining, but nothing else, I started to get a little choked up, but I stayed strong. This kind of thing happens to a lot of women, right. They survive, I will too.

I have to go back on Monday for repeat Beta's, an ultra sound, and an appointment with my doctor. The doctor I saw today gave me a script for pain meds in case I need them this weekend, told me to try to get rest. Told me when I would need to go to the ER and call the on call number...hopefully it wont be that bad though. So he's pretty sure it's not a vialable pregnancy. He said I'll probably be having a D&C next week. Ugh, I hope not. My mom is having back surgery on Monday. Simon will be back out trucking. MIL can't get off work. Grandma will be taking care of my mom. Nana will be all that's left to get me to and fro, and who will babysit Ellie if nana is with me. Hopefully I will pass this on my own.

I'll let you all know how things go as I can this weekend and Monday.

Thursday, February 25, 2010

I want to cry

I don't cry often. Sometimes when I'm REALLY mad, if you say something mean about my baby or my husband, or when I'm post partum. I'm really not your "typical" woman. I can't even make myself cry if I feel the need. In fact I really don't understand how some people can cry like they do. I'm so not the ball of tears others are.

BUT, I want to cry so bad right now. It's totally unpregnancy related so don't worry. It's these darn ears. I'm so fed up. Still no pain really. Maybe an occassional twinge of pain here or there, but nothing major. I JUST CAN'T HEAR! I can't hear in my dishwasher when I'm right beside it, nor can I hear my microwave, or the washer machine. I can't hear the microwave beeps when it's finished. The TV has to be up to 50 before I comfortably hear and make out what is being said. Though my phone ringer is as loud as it can be, I don't hear it ring. Either my baby has been VERY quiet today or I'm not hearing her.

I always sing to her, but I can't sing to her now. I'm missing our little cuddle times where I sing to her and she sings a constant "AAAA" sound. It's so beautiful. But my ears are too stopped up to sing. I hate talking because I don't know how loud I'm talking. Either I'm talking way too loud or not loud enough. How can I tell how loud I'm talking? This is so frustrating.

No I haven't been to any doctor yet, other than my OBGYN that made it clear I just have to deal with it. First of all, in order to see another doctor, I would have to call and I for one HATE talking like this. Plug both of your ears with your fingers and talk. That's EXACTLY how it is for me 24/7 now. No relief. That's why I'm having a hard time with this; and it's getting worse, not better.

I was hoping it was getting better because my ears were itching on the inside. That started a few days ago, and now it's worse. This is bad enough that I am moments away from crying.

Wednesday, February 24, 2010

Happy Anniversary to me

Such a lonely, normal day. I woke up this morning, got ready, got Ellie ready, took Ellie to her aunt's house, went to school. After class I went to pick Ellie up. Her and I went to Target to get some of those Little Boogie nose wipes for babies, toilet paper, window shop baby/toddler clothes, and I got me some of those little cheddar rice cakes (Yummy). Came home, checked the mail, changed a diaper. I'm tired as all get out, but I think I really want to go to choir practice tonight. I'm not talking much because my ears are so stopped up. But, I'm tired of not going to choir, so maybe I'll go and just sit and learn the stuff so I'll know it when we are singing it.

That's my day in a nutshell, Feb. 24, 2010, mine and Simon's 3rd year anniversary. He's out, he will be home Friday, Saturday, or Sunday. He's sure he wont be back Friday, which is actually when they have him getting back so here's to another week last week where he'll be home 2 freakin days. I'm so upset. I keep telling him that the company doesn't care if he's getting all his crap out of one truck and moving it into another truck to go back out. They don't care if he gets any home time. It's his responsibility to tell them that he is supposed to get home and can't take a certain load because he'll be home late if he does. But, that's his business if he doesn't want to spend time with his wife and child. Whatever. I told him if he gets home late he really should tell them when they call him the next day getting him to go out the following day (not even 2 full days home), that he isn't going out till he's home. But if he doesn't want to do that, which knowing him, he wont, then oh well. I told him Ellie and I will be going through our days like normal, with him here or not. Nana will babysit Ellie on Monday, my SIL on Wednesdays, and my mom or somebody on Fridays. If it's not important to him to be home when he's supposed to be, then it's not going to be important for me to alter our schedule for if or when he's home.

Maybe it's the pregnancy hormones talking, but I'm not too happy with they way he's making this job his life. I understand when he's out he needs to be out. But he refuses to get info from the stock we took out last year for tax purposes. It wasn't may stock, I have NO idea what it's about. He's supposed to be out for a week, 7 days, meaning if he goes out Saturday, he comes home Friday. Then he's supposed to be home 3-5 days. It was all great at first he was home when he was supposed to be, I could actually estimate a couple weeks in advance and "plan" something. Now I can't because the are keeping him out an extra day, so he's only home 2 days. And "THEY" are people who are home EVERY night with their damn family. The hell with them. I'm mad at them. I'm mad at DH for letting them walk all over him like that. He would rather jump when they say jump, than do things "right," the way they are supposed to be. Then in an attempt to be supportive, I back tracked and said maybe he is right, and maybe he should go ahead and just play the kiss ass game for now. Since he is new, maybe he should do whatever they say and suck it up if he's not getting home time. Then he got mad because he said I was supposed to be suportive. Ummm, I thought I was being supportive.

I'm pretty sure we wont be celebrating our anniversary this year. Oh well, it's not that big of a deal anyway. I thought we were going to celebrate it this Saturday, but if he gets home Saturday or Sunday, then that's out of the question. It's not all that important, in fact I really don't even want to celebrate it. I mean we wont have a babysitter anyway, so we wont be going on an actual date anyway. We got married 10 days after valentines day so we would have 10ish days to celebrate either or both. Guess this year we're celbrating NEITHER at all. Maybe we'll celbrate our 5yrs and 10yr...yeah we'll just do stuff for the big anniversaries. The little ones don't matter anyway. Just like birthdays...all those people that make a huge deal over every birthday, need to grow up and realize the world does NOT and NEVER did revolve around them. Sorry if that stepped on toes. Obviously I'm not happy right now and MY blog is MY place that I can vent.

Tuesday, February 23, 2010

For my records about pregnancy

I have enjoyed reading my previous post here around the same time my in my pregnancy with Ellie. So this is mainly for my purposes, but feel free to read. It's going to be short and sweat pregnancy related.
I'm 5w4d. SLIGHTY sore girls. No m/s, no cramping anymore, no excessive hunger, no backache, no gas, no constipation. A tad bit emotional and short fused and easily stressed. I'm not anymore or less exhausted than I was before...ok, maybe a little, but not like I would think I would be. All in all I'm feeling great. Waiting impatiently for some symptoms to pick up some, but hoping I don't have real bad m/s like I did with Ellie.
I'm pretty afraid that I will go in for my u/s at 8wks and there will not be a heartbeat. I think it's a normal fear. I guess the lack of symptoms have me worried.
I still have my clogged/stopped up ears. I'm hanging in there pretty strong for as long as I can until I can't hold out anymore for antibiotic.

At this point I want to feel pregnant, but I simply don't.

Sunday, February 21, 2010

I'VE HAD ENOUGH!!!

2 Friday's ago I had a sore throat. Four days later still had a sore throat. Being concerned it was strep throat I went in to see the doctor. It wasn't strep throat so I was instructed to treat the symptoms. No problem, right. Wed. night the ear infection kicked in. I was in such horrible pain that whole night. I didn't get much sleep it was so bad. Thursday we did those ear candles. For about 3hrs I didn't have pain and my ears were clear, they weren't stopped up at all. YAY!!! But then they started getting stopped up again. Grrr. Fortunately the pain never returned like it was. I held out and just talked to my doctor at my appointment on Friday. It was my first prenatal appointment. I told him about the ear infection. He looked for the otoscope, for like 30 seconds, said he couldn't find it. Just treat the symptoms. I have been taking sudafed like it's candy, I was taking benadryl, but Simon isn't home now. I'm taking loratidine once a day. My ears are so stopped up. I'm not talking much to people, not even Ellie. I hate the way I sound, I hate the way I'm hearing. My ears do hurt a little, but I can deal with that, it's the stopped up ears I've had enough of.

You all know how I worry. I'm also worried about the possible damage untreated an untreated ear infection will do. I know my doc thinks it will clear up on it's own. But I wasn't nearly deaf as a child because my ear infections cleared up. I did get tubes in my ears because they cleared up. And I have been told numerous times as an adult that I would likely need tubes in 1 or both ears at some point because all is well in there.

Where do I got from here? Do I insist on them giving me something, aren't there antibiotic eardrops? Do I just deal with and if that's the answer, for how long, another week, 2wks, 4wks or until 2nd tri? Do I go to my PCP? What shall I do? I seriously have no idea.

Friday, February 19, 2010

Randomness

School: I made another 100 on my quiz on Monday. That makes it 3 100's and one 90. We have quite a few left to go so hopefully I can get 2 more 100's so I will have a perfect 100 score for the quiz part. I had our first big exam on Wed. Hopefully I get it back today. I'm pretty sure I missed a few. I'll be happy with a B, but I'm guessing there's a chance I got an A.

Me: I am so sick. My MIL gave me the cold/virus thing she had. I had a sore throat for 4 days. Then it progressed to all out runny nose and coughing. I have a double ear infection. I used some ear candles for the first time, SCARY, but they worked. For several hours it was as if I didn't have an ear infection, then the pain and stopped up feeling slowly started to return. But it NEVER got as bad as it was before. Hopefully I can do ear candles again tomorrow and it will help some more because I really don't want to take antibiotic.

Ellie: She's doing GREAT!! I'm so hoping she doesn't get what I have. It's one thing to be sick, but it's another thing to have your baby sick. But much worse when you're sick AND you baby is sick. She's so happy right now because Daddy is home. She didn't go to sleep last night until close to midnight. I have given up on trying to keep her on a good baby schedule, you know, getting to bed at 8pm. She does great unless she spends the night with my mom, MIL, or daddy is home. She is wide a wake and just wants to play with them, until she can't stay awake anymore. She is so close to walking. She will stand unassisted for a while, and take a little step with one foot then she falls. She loves Johny Cash. Simon and her watched Walk The Line last night and Ellie sat on her knees in the middle of the floor lifting herself up to be standing on her knees, and was dancing and clapping her hands. So darn cute...I should have ran to the video camera, why didn't I think of that. Darn. But she stopped when she noticed I was watching her. Lil stinker. Figured out when anybody kisses somebody she laughs. When Simon and I kiss she laughs. When her cousin kisses her baby sister she laughs. I don't know what is so funny about kissing but she thinks it's funny. She's cutting 2 teeth on top now, this will give her 4 teeth.

Simon: Such a short visit home this time. He was supposed to be home Tuesday evening, but for certain reasons he didn't make it home till Thursday. The time I need him home, he is only home for a couple days. He was home yesterday and today and has to leave out tomorrow. :-(

Little Bit: Blood work results in. Friday's progesterone was 7.77; Monday's progesterone was 9.4. I've been taking my prometrium now so I'm sure that has gone up again. Friday HCG 34.12. Monday's HCG 255.4. That's doubling every 1.03 days. I have my first actual prenatal appointment today. Symptom wise everything is going great, it'll be better if I can get rid of this cold. I am getting slightly queasy at times, but nothing a little bit to eat or some ginger ale, or getting away from the odor wont fix. So I'm all good there, for now.

Monday, February 15, 2010

Family VENT please read and comment

This may get long. Please read, because I need comments.

A little history first. Growing up my aunt, I'll call her P... has always been jealous of my mom. My mom had child, my mom had been married, my mom had sex in her life. My mom was VERY close to her child. P... was openly jealous because my mom had way more than what she ever could have. She took her jealousy to an angry level. P... later became jealous because my mom gets to be a grandma and she will never be a grandma. She assumed when Ellie was born that she would be like a grandma to Ellie. Well, I never saw P... as a mom so idealy P... isn't going to be like a grandma.
Keep in mind P... has never been married. When I was 20yrs old she decided that she wanted to do a foster to adopt program to adopt a mentally challanged child. It was obvious to my mom and I that it wasn't all about having a big heart, but a lot about wanting to be a MOM herself. She bragged about how much of a mother's heart she had. So, she fostered a 16yr old boy and adopted him when he was 17. Suddenly she's got her title of mom, along with a crap load of money from social security disability and adoption assistance, and she never had to put him on her insurance because of state medicaid. She complained that she want to be around him. She always needed a break from him. She had him wash his own clothes then complained when he couldn't do it...but she would never supervise him. She yelled and screamed (I've witnessed it many times) at him for not properly grooming himself and washing himself properly. She brainwashed him early on that she never yells. She freaked out and yelled at him if he didn't make his sandwich or other little meal "right." But again she never supervised him. Remember he's mentally challenged. His IQ is around 47. She yelled at him if she sent him to look for something and he didn't find it. Then she would go look and half the time the item wasn't even there. She yelled if she told him to get a pan out (not specific about what she wanted), and her son had no idea what she wanted but knew that if he brought out the wrong thing that he would get yelled at, but his lack of speed at finding what she wanted led her to yelling. BTW, he's also got mental illnesses too. As you can see she was never a real "mother" to him, but rather an emotionally abusive mom wannabe. When he was in high school she pushed for him to get his high school diploma. The test to graduate was given to him by another student reading the test and leading him to the right answer. While in school he never had homework, he never did a research paper, or a project. Somehow he got a high school diploma. She boasted about him receiving his high school diploma. Other times she complained about how people don't know how mentally challanged he is. Right there, if he is smart enough to get a high school diploma then he SHOULD be smart enough to flip burgers at McDondalds, or work security at a factory or work in a factory, all of these jobs require high school diplomas.

So recently her son, we'll call him J... has been put in jail. Since he's been 21, he's 22 now, his adoption assistance has stopped. From that point on, she's been trying to get him into a group home. Thanks the economy it couldn't happen unless he was either homeless, in jail, or in a mental hospital. For a year and a half now she has been pushing his every button to try to get his mental illness get the best of him. She's been YELLING at him and making his life MISERABLE. He's been very unhappy living with her and has voiced his unhappiness for some time now. But she always manages to brainwash him to believing that it is his fault.

Ok, so back to J... being in jail. She would only let him eat 2 pack of instant oatmeal, but he wanted 3 packs. She got mad and yelled, he got mad and yelled back. She told him to take a walk, and I'm sure he probably told her to take a walk. Obviously this pissed P... off even more, since she is over 400lbs and it's impossible to walk from the recliner infront of the TV where she stays. This is where I'm not sure of the details, but J... finally hit P... and thus she called the cops and had him put in jail. Now she's the victim. Victim my ass, excuse my language. But from what I've witnessed he is just as much of the victim, and yet he's the one that's getting all the blame and she's got a crown for being such a wonderful mother and going through such a rough time. Well, this was pretty much her only way to get rid of him like she had voiced so many times she wanted to do.

The other day she called me. I wanted to stay out of it and just get 2nd hand info from my mom. But Simon encouraged me to answer because afterall she did need support. Regardless of how much she treated J... like shit, it still has to be hard on her. So I answered. This is where the real vent begins.

Apparently all this started when Ellie was born. Simon and I stopped spending time with J... Ellie got all the attention. First of all if you remember, 4 days after Ellie was born Simon broke his leg. He couldn't put weight on his leg for over 3 months. Then he went back through trucking school, then became an over the road truck driver. Despite all this, Simon did attempt to spend some time with J... As for me, I never had a desire to spend time with J... anyway. I didn't like him, and I had little to no use for him. He always wanted to complain about how his mom treated him and any response you gave he told his mom that you said what he said resulting in her calling and blessing you out. Not something I ever became fond of. So J...'s problems are the result of MY baby, MY husband, and MYSELF. That was the end of the conversation. I was FURIOUS and shaking and had to get off the phone before I exploded. Since I haven't answered her calls. I mean a killer sore throat hasn't helped much either, since I don't really want to talk much, which I did text her that I have had a sore throat for 4 days and I'm not able to talk much.

I guess her being mean, yelling, screaming, and nitpicking everything had NOTHING to do with J...'s reaction and situation. Nope, it all has to do with my family. All our fault. Because J...'s had a 2nd cousin born. Umm, I'm sorry I didn't think about how a baby would affect her son, guess I should never have gone on with my life in getting married and having a baby, right? What an insensitive person I was to have a baby. Obviously I'm being sarcastic, but basically that's what she says.

I am SO close to going off on her ass. Because I'm sorry, but her mistreating J... the way she has, has been so much more of her problem. Now thinking about it, she didn't find out about the only way to get him in a group home and out of her house until Ellie was born or right around that time. I'm about to go all pregnancy hormonal on her. Yep, I will blame the hormones, but it's getting to a point that I have to say something. She told my mom that I need to put on my grown up pants. I'm not sure what she's talking about there. But she needs to put on her way oversized grown up pants and start taking responsibility for her stupid, inconsiderate actions rather than dishing out the responsibility to everyone else. If the bitch continues with this shit, she's not going to know what hit when I go off on her, and I'm very close to going off on her. Again, I'm sorry for my language, but when I'm upset those words come out. Better on computer than out loud though, right. For now I am using all the restraint I can to not go off, but I'm about to reach my boiling point. And again it's not going to be pretty. I was once told if you want to see the worse in the woman, say something negative about her husband or child. And she's done just that, and I'm experiencing the worse feelings. I'm sure my hormones aren't helping a bit.

Thank you for reading this. I would appreiciate comments of any kind. Calm me down, or tell me I'm write and this woman really is a bitch, or give me advice as to what and how to tell her off. I don't care, but please don't take her side, because this is just part of the story, as it would be a book if I wrote everything.

Bad blood work results

I went to the doctor for a throat swab. It was negative for strep throat. My dr. doesn't want to give antibiotics this early on, so I basically just have to deal with it. I have tried gargling w/ salt water, tylenol, cough drops, a bunch of stuff, and it only helps while I'm doing it. Hopefully it'll get better soon.

He sort of quickly showed me my blood work results from friday. My progesterone was low at 7.77. My HCG showed that I was only like 1 day pregnant, it was so low. They did more blood work. He said if my numbers don't rise as they should then it's not good. I have yet to be able to say or type the words. The thought of _______ is so scary and heartbreaking. I'm trying not to worry too much though, because worrying isn't going to help things. I need prayers and good vibes.

Simon is pretty upset about the possibility, so say a little prayer for him too. He is about to be against all forms of birth control, which isn't good for me.

Strep Throat

I am about 90% sure I have strep throat. My throat has been hurting pretty bad for 4 days now. It's red, and has white areas and swollen. It hurts to swallow and I have drainage. It's zapping my appetite completely. At times it itches, and I thought it was meaning it was getting better, but then the pain would once again take over the itchy/scratchy feeling. I really hope they can squeeze me in today at my doctor's office. I hate going around with a sore throat, I don't even want to talk. I don't even care if I have to miss class today. I would like to go to class, so hopefully they can get me in before. But if not I would like to at least go to class and take the quiz then I'll leave. Maybe I can even make it back for lab.

I REALLY hope Ellie doesn't get it. I don't even know really how to keep a watch for it. I guess she'll pop her throat like she does right before she gets a sinus infection. I'll have to keep a close watch on her so I can hopefully detect it before she goes 4 days with a horrible sore throat.

Saturday, February 13, 2010

TRIGS As soon as I was content

As soon as I was ok with not being pregnant, if you read my previous post here, you'll understand, AF ended up being late. I assumed my luteal phase was different since this was my first real cycle since giving birth. Then my temp went up and was staying up so for the heck of it I took a HPT. It was bad blue dye test that I've read many things about false positives. To my suprise it was positive, but I didn't believe it until I got the FRER, that one was positive. I called the doctor and they had me go in for blood work, this was all Friday, btw. I peed in a cup for them and my result was neither positive or negative. They said it's probably too early, but I don't know at 14dpo?? Oh well, it is what it is. Friday evening I took a FRER digital and is said YES. So I'm guessing I am PREGNANT!!

My mom and grandma are less supportive than I hoped, but I'm sure they will come around. It took about 24hrs for my mom to congratulate us. She just doesn't like that I am having another so soon and she doesn't feel we are ready for another child. Whatever, Simon and I have discussed it and we were ok with this. My mom said we should have just had one. She just had 1 and always wanted more, but her circumstances never allowed it, then she ended up disabled. Grandma had 5 sons and she didn't want even 1 child, she never played with them or anything. She wasn't happy being a mother. So, Simon and I think there's a little jealousy associated.

Simon's family is thrilled. I'm sure Simon forgot to say not to tell anybody. I was wanting to keep it on the dl until we see the u/s and heartbeat, considering the neither positive or negative results.

I'm so early, I'm just enjoying being pregnant before the real symptoms kick in. So far I'm just really tired, but it may not be the pregnancy, it could be Ellie and the winter gloominess. I have a sore throat, but nothing hot tea, and salt water can't help soothe. If all goes well I should be able to get a VBAC, if I still want to at the end.

I may not post as much as I am worn out and busy. Just wanted to let my blog family know.

Tuesday, February 9, 2010

Bittersweet

This is my blog and I have something to say and nowhere to say it, so this is as good as any place. This may be a little bit of TRIGS to those still fighting the infertility war, so if you're having a particular hard day you may not want to read. Though I'm sure you've realized now that most of my posts will have baby related stuff.

This is regarding TTC. I am 11dpo and got a BFN. First off the cycle isn't over yet, so my feelings may be premature. I am feeling 2 very different feelings, but I can't help my feelings. I am scared and I am relieved.

First I'll type about the scared feeling. I know to a lot 14 months isn't a long time to spend TTC, that's what it took for me to get pregnant. I had a diagnosis of PCOS and endometriosis. I had surgery for the endo, I was on clomid for a few round, but wasn't when I got pregnant. The doctor was looking at putting me back on clomid if I didn't get pregnant when I did. I also learned that I was a candidate for IUI, and would probably need that to get pregnant. I was also told my a different doctor that I would probably need IVF to get pregnant. Our insurance does NOT cover IVF or IUI cycles. We could come up with the money for the IUI cycles, but I really don't think we could come up with the money for IVF, that's some expensive stuff. And we have family who would be so against it and give us so much grief about it. I know that this is just one BFN and failed cycle, but I can't help but to think how I was lucky/blessed with getting pregnant the first time. Maybe I wont be so lucky again. It scares the crap out of me, thinking that I may have an even longer road down infertility lane.

I know maybe I should just be content with the beautiful baby girl I have. BUT, DH and I have NEVER seen ourselves with just 1 or even 2 children. Now, we have seen ourselves competing with the Duggars or anything, but we want a nice big happy family.

After reading about my fear you wouldn't think there would be room for relief. Well there is a ton of relief. If I am or had gotten pregnant, Ellie would be about 18 1/2 months old. That's still pretty young. I mean it's the closest I would want 2 children to be in age, hence why we opted to start trying when we did. But still, she's only 10 months right now, still very much my little baby. Simon is still over the road. It will be so much better if Simon is local while I'm pregnant so that he can have more to do with the pregnancy and help me more. Hopefully he'll find a local job in June. It would be awesome if I got pregnant around June or July. That would be Ellie and little brother or sister, almost exactly 2yrs apart. Also if I have a rough pregnancy with m/s and stuff, I can have Simon's help. If I get pregnant before the fall semester starts then I know that I wont be doing any schooling then, which isn't a problem. Simon really would rather me not do full time school anyway, so I can be a SAHM as long as I can. But, the relief comes in, that TTC#2 is way different from TTC#1. Now rather it be a pregnancy sucking the energy out of me or a new baby in house, it affects my first child greatly. I know I will be able to love both the same. It's really very hard to explain. I guess because Ellie is still so much a baby still, it gives me a little relief. It would probably be best if I got pregnant when she's less baby and more toddler. Which let me tell you she's getting closer and closer to each week.

Ok, so for my brag session. Ellie is walking when somebody holds ONE hand. She has a real good gait too, she's not wobbling when she walks, but rather more of a one foot infront of another, ok, so maybe she does have some wobble in her step too, lol. When I'm trying to get her changed on the floor or brush her hair, she will crawl FAST away from me and giggle the whole time.

Obviously I have very mixed feelings about a failed cycle. But it's just what I'm feeling scared and relieved. Oh, and if I had gotten a BFP I would have been scared and relieved for the exact opposite. Relieved it didn't take long to conceived, and scared about how it would affect Ellie. So, either way, I would have the same feelings.

Tuesday, February 2, 2010

Party Planning

Anybody good at party planning? I have some ideas w/ many wholes in it for ellie's 1st bday. If you are good at it, we need to be on facebook together and interact via facebook email. Look me up bebsangel@yahoo.com Let me know you read my blog and can offer some help/ideas/insights. TIA.

Monday, February 1, 2010

I'm so smart

Ok, so maybe I'm not SOOO smart, but I'm not stupid. I just made a 100 on my quiz today in class. So far my class average is a 100, we've had 2 quizzes, 10questions each. I'm so good. Ok, before I boast too much, pride comes before a fall so I best shut up and study. I'll study tomorrow, my bed is calling my names.