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Tuesday, October 28, 2008

Wave of Fear

Being in the 2nd trimester, I've been a little less worried about a miscarriage. I know it can still happen and things can till happen, but the chances are lower. First tri boards are full of miscarriages and the 2nd tri boards aren't as much.

Suddenly after reading some blogs and doing some thinking, I've realized that my fear is not over. I'm suddenly afraid of SIDS or some kind of medical problem that takes my child from me early.

Am I allowed to be afraid? How afraid am I allowed to be?

Then I get to thinking past the infant and baby stage. What if my toddler gets hit by a car, abducted, is in a fatal car accident? What if I put my child on the bus and the bus gets in a horrible accident. And there are so many other things that can take our baby/child from us. From conception till the day they actually do die, hopefully when they are very old and after I've gone. I admit, I can be an emotionally strong woman. But there are some things in life I seriously don't think I can ever handle. One of these things is loosing a child. It breaks my heart thinking about the possibility of it.

I need something from the few readers I do have. I need some reassuring words so I don't sit here thinking I'm going to have to be medicated to handle my nerves as my child goes from baby to child, to teenager. If I'm this worried now, before I give birth, how much worse will I be later. I need some calming words. I've always been the queen of "what if's."

4 comments:

~*JaYmE*~ said...

I think what you're feeling is totally normal. I'm sure w/the extra hormones running through your body that you are feeling this a bit more maybe. I'm sure as time passes these feeling will ease up. Don't be so hard on yourself.. I'm sure I will be the exact same way.

Oh yeah.. when do you find out what you're having?

Elana Kahn said...

Actually, worry is a mom thing...it just happens and will continue to happen. But, don't forget that the average life expectancy is over 70 years old, so the chance of something horrifying happening to your baby (or any of your future children) is pretty small. *hugs*

Morgan said...

I'm definately a queen of the "what ifs" too so don't feel bad. I just want you to know I'm right here with you floatin in the same boat, I'm so afraid that I made it this far only to not get the prize in the end if something goes wrong at birth, and then after birth what if I'm one of those moms who loose a kid? What if what if what if! Everyone has told me it is natural to feel this way and it wont change in the future, you will worry about your kids until the day you die. It's part of life.

It reminds me of that quote..

"God, give us grace to accept with serenity
the things that cannot be changed,
Courage to change the things
which should be changed,
and the Wisdom to distinguish
the one from the other."

ssbean said...

Thanks ladies. Jayme- Big u/s is on Nov. 11th.