Photos

I am finally going to upload some pictures. No ultra sound yet, but soon. We got an awesome printer/scanner last year for Christmas. I had the box in MY closet (we have separate closets). One of Simon's cleaning/throwing away fits, he threw the box away. So I have this brand new never been used printer, but can't even plug it in, much less hook it up to the computer. For this next week, I am planning on going to Walmart and putting the pictures on CD, then I should be able to have a post with the ultra sound pictures.























The first one is me at 6 1/2wks. The second one is me at 22 1/2wks. I wanted to see the difference between the 2, hence why I put them both on, skipping any other pics I have. I can still very much wear the dress in the first picture. Maybe soon, I'll get a picture of me in that dress and compare the 2. The shirt in the second picture is my favorite shirt. Most of my shirts are just a plus size up from what I usually wear. This is actually a maternity shirt, and out of my maternity shirts, this one shows my belly the best.

Sorry it's been a while

I've been reading other blogs, not commenting as much, but commenting some. I guess I just haven't been in much mood to post. Sorry for that. I just wanted to let all who read my blog to know that I'm alive, I'm well, and Ellie is doing well. I had another ultra sound last week. They tried to get a front view of her face, but everytime they almost had it she moved, the little stinker. She's only interested in showing her profile view and between her legs. She's not very modest. I am 24wks now, I'm so excited to be getting closer to 3rd and final trimester. I'm excited almost to tears. 110 days till the edd, and if we have to induce at 39wks then it's even less. I'm so excited to be so close to holding my little precious baby in my arms. But, we have lots to get done before that big day. Nursery, lots of stuff still to be purchased, showers, and still, I haven't given up on the wish to move, even if it's to the better apartment below us. That's all I have for now...more later.

Dr.'s appointment

I had a doctor's appointment today. Nothing too interesting, well, ok, maybe a little. I am still on moderate bed rest until my blood pressure decides to cooperate with me 24/7. He said I'll most likely be on some form of bed rest until we see a baby. Awe, a baby.

I discussed a little problem I'm having, be proud of me. I wasn't sure if it was hemorrhoids or not, so I wanted to make sure before I used medication for it. He said it sounds like hemorrhoids and made his recommendation. We didn't get the medicine yet, but we will tomorrow or the next day. I mean I'm on bed rest, it's no huge deal, really. For the most part, I can handle pain, not happily, but it's not an emergency.

I didn't say a word about the back pain I'm having off and on. It's mostly when I sit up for a while. I really think it's from weak muscles in my back being used now. Not to mention, I can't complain about these common aches and pains. I signed up for this, so I was prepared for most of what I've had to endure thus far.

Something I was not prepared for that has been a bother for 7wks is the constant gushing of heartbeat sound in my left ear. Oh boy, and when I try to go to sleep, it's very loud and very aggravating. I mentioned it to him before, but he brushed it off. This time, I didn't really brush it off myself. He listened to that artery and said that he will contact a cardiologist that he likes. He was concerned, but wasn't sure if it was something we needed to address during pregnancy or if it could wait till after pregnancy. He said that often times older people will get their artery stripped of the plaque. If they don't plaque will build up and cause narrowing of the artery which is apparently his guess for this. He said that during pregnancy since there is a high blood volume, it will probably seem worse, but get somewhat better after the pregnancy. However, he did say that it's definitely a warning sign that needs to be addressed at some point. He said it's a risk factor for a stroke. Apparently he quickly talked to the cardiologist and I have an ultra sound on me neck in the morning. Hubby says that's where the twin is hiding.

I told my mom about the above, and she commented that I tend to age faster than normal. Now, for some family history, my mom is in her mid 40's and is like a 60-70yr with health and stuff. She can't relate to anybody in their 40's but rather the older ones. Her health started deteriorating fast in her late 20's. Her mom had very poor health in her 40's, died when she was 61 of medical problems. Her mom died in her late 50's and again, was older than she really was. So the women in our family have poor health, and we are learning, we age quicker apparently. I guess I'm no exception.

I was happy though when they asked if I have been having any contractions or cramping. NOPE! That felt real good, LO is snuggled in there for now. While I'm looking forward to April and I'm getting increasingly excited, I don't want March to be the month.

Oh, we got a Precious Moments quilt in the mail today. I won it on eBay, my first bidding and my first win. Thursday we plan on picking up the crib and changing table. I'm thinking before we put it together we should probably do any painting first. Simon is very excited to get rid of his den area and start getting the nursery set up.

There's my update. I'll post a memory story next.

I look pregnant now!!

If you are TTC, and you are having a bad day, you may not want to continue reading. It's just a little pregnancy post. Trust me, it'll be short.

I was concerned, being overweight and all, that I wouldn't look pregnant. It scared me. I mean, I'm not 300+lbs, but I'm also not 180. I would be happy at 180 with my build. If I were to say how much I weigh, you would probably envision a very large nasty fat person, which in my opinion isn't the case. I am very large boned, and the weight is pretty much distributed equally. I don't have a large mid section and skinny legs...it's all on the large side. I was also worried, well, still am about if DH will be able to feel Ellie through the fat. We'll have to wait on that part.

So, I've been concerned that I just look fat and not pregnant. Guess what though. Just in the last couple days, I SUDDENLY look pregnant. Yeah, I am so excited. Friends and family are starting to comment on how I look pregnant. I have my favorite maternity shirt, and it really make my belly look cute. But I went to target and tried on a few different plus size shirts, and let me tell you, there's no doubt I'm pregnant. I LOVE LOOKING PREGNANT!! Okay I just had to get that out. I want to go to the top of the mountain and shout it, so all can hear. Can you tell I'm happy? I wore my favorite top last night to a Christmas program, and as I walked to the bathroom, I could see my reflection in the window...it's such a gorgeous profile look. I think it's time I can take another pregnancy photo. Maybe I'll figure out how to post it on here. I'm finally feeling beautifully pregnant.

With looking pregnant does come aches and pains that can't be ignored and brushed under the rug. So far I'm good though, I only get down when I'm having the back pain, generally in the evening. But, I've had worse in my life and this too shall pass. The day will come in 4 months, that this will be over and I will hold Ellie in my arms...okay, I think I'm hormonal today, I'm about to start crying. I love my baby girl so much. I love looking pregnant.

Disturbing post

I read a post on a message board that was a little concerning for me. It was somebody who is pregnant with #2 or more, and they said they asked their doctor why they are so much more concerned now than with #1. The doctor said that with #2 you know what your missing if something does go wrong. So, then of course, others put in their 2 cents worth and agreed they worried a lot less with #1.

I'm not sure if I have the ability to worry any more than I already am and have been. Whether I am considered an infertility grad or not, that's beside the point, it took me over a year to get pregnant. I was diagnosed with a couple different conditions that make it difficult to conceive, in fact some with my diagnosis have to do a lot more than I did. I feel very blessed and don't take any of this for granted. If something happens to this baby, I know that it may very well take me a lot longer and a lot more medical intervention to get pregnant again. With PCOS and endometriosis, it's not a guarantee that I'll easily get pregnant again.

Also, with the 25% risk this baby will have cystic fibrosis, and a 25% chance #2 will have cystic fibrosis, and so on and so on, I'm sorry but I worry. I was about to reply that one can be worried with their 1st, but I didn't want to get something going. I hate confrontation so I figured I would come to my blog since I can say whatever I want to say.

I don't know if I'm so worried because I did try longer than the "oops I'm pregnant" girls. Or even longer than the 2 BFN months and then finally after what seemed like forever, they get their BFP's. (3 months, yeah, that was forever, that was torture). I have realized that I didn't even try for a real long time. I did put money, and with our finances, I put in a nice amount towards getting pregnant. So, if something happens to this baby, then I'm at square 1, well okay, maybe square 2, since I at least know what the problems are now. Maybe for most, a pregnancy with #2 is more worriesome. I have to disagree though. Many of you spent time or are spending time in the TTC. Many or all who read my post spent or are spending big bucks on trying to get your baby #1. I think it's ok to worry during the first pregnancy in these cases, when you have some sort infertility battle.

Are we, as women who fought or are fighting for even just 1 baby, are we allowed to worry during the pregnancy? The first baby isn't always a surprise for couples. Some really want and try hard for that 1st one. Am I overreacting to this??? If I am just tell me, and I'll delete this post. I don't want to make anybody feel uncomfortable and cause confirtation on my blog. But when you invest, time, money, tears, and avoid social functions to avoid babies, pregnant women, and pregnancy announcements; I think you have the right to worry.

Christmas wish list

Believe it or not past Christmas' has been hard for me to shop for hubby. He's a man with few need and few wants. This is our 2nd Christmas married, and the list for him is endless. I want to get him everything on his list and the list that I've created for him. Now, I am totally clueless on what to get others, such as my mom, his mom, his dad, and do we really need to worry about aunts and uncles and cousins? I mean seriously, my mom's sister and brother, and 22yr old nephew expect things from us. I just don't understand buying for such extended family. I'm actually giving my uncle my used digital camera, as my aunt and cousin are giving us their used digital camera. So, since this is how it is, then I shouldn't feel bad for giving them a really small something, right? Then there's my mom, who really doesn't expect much, and his mom who I am completely clueless as what we should get her. Here's the list I have for Simon

• MP3 player (already purchased) He'll love me for it.
• MP3 holder (already purchased)
• Pajamas
  
• A specific kind of socks, kind of a joke.
• A sweater (he's finally starting to like the style of clothing I like for him)
• Undies (my choice of course)
• Cologne (again my choice, but his favorite)
• Plus a stocking, which I've decided this year we will have 1 stocking for stuff for both of us, unless he decides to do me a stocking.

My wish list

• Perfume (our favorite for me)
• I want him to wash my feet with a special scrub, sand the dry skin off the heels, lotion the feet, and paint the toenails a new color.
• One of those long things that help you reach your back to wash it better
• Pajamas to match/compliment his
• A new tube of my Mary Kay foundation

Thanksgivings the way they used to be

One day I loved so much was Thanksgiving, even better than Christmas at times. From a child's view that is. Now, I love all the holidays just the same.

Thanksgiving was the day that all my family from Georgia, great aunts, great uncles, and cousins came to visit. Often times my mom's siblings one and/or the other would grace us with their presents. Throughout the years, other relatives from Florida or other parts of North Carolina would come. Everybody knew that we would all get together on that particular day at a specific (never changing) location once for day of food and fun with the family.

The food was absolutely amazing. Several tables in MY church's fellowship hall were covered with all kinds of food. I had many cousins just a little older than me that were a lot of fun to play with, well, when we were younger we played. When we got older, since 3 that were the closest to me were boys, there was a time we didn't have anything in common. I guess I was around middle school age. Surrounded by family but still feeling alone. That's actually the story of my life, surrounded by people, but feeling alone. Ok, this isn't supposed to be sad, it's supposed to be happy, so let me, back up to the FUN ones during childhood.

After we stuffed our bellies, played outside, played a special Thanksgiving Bingo, took many pictures of each individual family and all the cousins, the kids made Christmas countdown calenders with a piece of candy taped to each day, we called it a day. Actually I left one big thing out, Aunt Joann. She would always never fail, lecture all of how important family is, and tell us younger ones how important it is to be close knit with each other. She would always end up crying and talking through the tears and she wasn't finished until at least half the family was crying with her. Then, we would sort of called it a day. We gathered everything up and head to my great grandma's house. It was everybody else's grandma, but only step grandma. She was married into the family, but then widowed, so she was still in the family and the only grandma many knew. We would go to her house and rake the leaves into a big huge pile by the road so the city could pick them up. Us kids went out back to swing on a rope swing. There were 2 pieces of rope with a board between them, as the seat. The swing didn't go as high as a thrill seeker such as myself would hope it would. But, with the cousins there, I got more than my thrill. I sat on that huge wodden swing, and they twisted those 2 ropes together and bam, let go. That was so much fun!! I stood up and tried to walk a straight line as I was so dizzy, and it gave somebody else a chance to be in the hot seat. Then my turn again. One of the last times I remember, was rough though. It was the only time I got a litte scared. I guess they twisted it a lot or something. I thought for sure I was going to fall off or something. But, it was still fun. For dinner that night, we helped ourselves to some of the left overs, being sure to save enough for the next day. Not to mention we had such a huge lunch, who needed much. A lot of the time, it was just desert later we helped ourselves to.

The next morning, we were up bright and early, a little too early. We hit the pavements shopping. I learned rather quickly why nobody went with Aunt Joann. But, I still liked the one on one time with her and she always got me something really nice. Aunt Joann would stand at one rack for what seemed like an hour, carefully sorting through each article clothing, as if she's going through a mental list of each person she has to buy for with each thing. Before we even left the first section of Belks my feet would be hurting so bad. I knew when we got finished with that first section we were about 1/3rd down with that store. She spent another 1/3rd of her time in other parts of the store, then the other 1/3 of the time at the make up counter. She would have all these different shades of lipsticks on hand. Slowly but surely she narrowed the shades down. Often time it would take a good hour or more before she was set on the one she was going to get. After 3-5hrs in Belks, it was time to move on. She would visit some other stores, but none were even close to Belks for her. She loved that store and they didn't have one in Georgia. That was why she loved it so much.

Eventually we would all meet back at the grandma's house. We would share with each other the great deals we found. It was time for lunch, so the infamous turkey sandwich made it's appearance, with a couple side items such as stuffing, collards, mac and cheese, or some other casserole, and maybe a deviled egg. Yummy, yummy, just as good as the day before. We sat and relaxed and napped as we watched T.V. There were kids all over the floor, since the rule in our family was always the older ones get first dibs on the seats. Even if somebody was 1yr old and there was only 1 seat, that oldest got dibs first. It was an understood rule, that's hard for me to get over now. When I get together with a different family or with my husband's family and here a 50yr old man has to sit on the floor, but a 6yr old has a seat in a chair or couch, I just don't get it. It's a first come first serve, move your feet, lose your seat kinda thing. Back to the Thanksgivings, ones from Georgia would shower grandma with early Christmas gifts. If only they knew what I knew. She had closets full of old gifts with tags still on it, she didn't wear the stuff, she just put it in closets. It was still fun though.

On Saturday we would once again meet at the house, as everybody packed up to leave. Never a dry tear in the place. We hugged, we kissed on cheeks, until next year. Yet another Thanksgiving, come and gone. Children were told to be good. "I love you" was the line everybody said to each other We never knew when it would be the last for somebody, anybody.

Then one year, it was. My grandmother, my mom's mom that is, passed away. To some she was a sister, and to a few she was Mom, to me she was Mema, but to many she was Aunt Barbara. I honestly don't remember that following Thanksgiving. I'm sure some came for my great grandma, but I just don't know. If the family did get together, it was the last Thanksgiving. That August before Thanksgiving we had a HUGE family reunion in Georgia. For once all my Mema's siblings were together, all but her. The one from California was there, and I met many cousins I had never so much as seen before. It was huge. After one passed away, Thanksgiving was never the same.

I know even if we still all got together it wont be the same. I mean, we will never all gather at one small house the day after for turkey sandwiches. We wont go out and rake leaves, and throw people in them after. We are all much too big to get on the swing anymore. No matter how much I want to relive those past Thanksgivings, I can't. Last Thanksgiving, last minute the Georgia folk, a couple hours away from us got together. It was too last minute for us to join them. I asked well in advance this year, hoping they would once again get together. I guess many are still trying to "find" that way of spending Thanksgiving. One cousin and his wife and newborn son are going to Disney World for Thanksgiving. An aunt and uncle are going to North Carolina. Aunt Joann will be with her son and 4 grandkids. My mom is going to Chicago with her best friend. My aunt here in Tennessee will be going up on the mountain with her best friend. My husband and I will be spending the day with roughly 25 people in his family. It's a bittersweat day, as I would much rather keep it simple with a small group than spend it with a totally different 25 people. My heart is with my family on Thanksgiving. It's so hard to get used to another family's way of doing things. They pick at the food before the meal. If I did that growing up, surely some adult would correct me. If there is one day of the year, that I miss my extended family, it has to be on Thanksgiving.

My Thankful List:

• My immediate family (my husband, and my mom)
  
• My extended family
• The little baby growing inside me
• Our jobs that we have, it could be worse, we could have no jobs at all
  
• My friends
• Our wonderful and most awesome church

Happy Thanksgiving everybody. Safe travels for all who are traveling. Be careful on Black Friday and have fun.