First of all, I have to say that I am happy that my cousin's wife had her baby. Now they make a family of 3. Hopefully soon DH and I will be a family of 3.
I had my lap. surgery on Friday. Sure enough I had endometriosis. I'm not sure the details. The dr. talked to DH, and I just don't details. I'll find out on Monday for my post-op. I know I woke up with 3 holes, not just 2. I think they said he took some cyst off an ovary. Since the hole is on the left side, I assume it was from the left ovary. I know I haven't been Oing from the left ovary at least this year. So, maybe now I'll be able to O a little better.
I get very sick from the gas anesethia, so I triple checked with the place I was getting my surgery at. I was assured each time, they don't use that method much anymore, but they could still give me something in my IV to help, just in case I got sick from the other stuff. The anesethiologist starts explaining what he was going to do. Low and behold, he was going to use gas. I finally talked him out of it, I wasn't going to let him put me under using the gas. No way!! I told him of my experience with it, and I was not willing to go through it again, especially when there is a clear alternative. Eventually he saw it my way. He gave me valium in my IV, and I started laughing. He said it would burn, but even if it did, I didn't seem to care. I don't remember leaving my husband and going back to the operating room. But, I do remember upon arriving in the operating room, I asked if they were going to use everything I saw on me. They assured me they were not going to use it all. I asked, what I think was the doctor, what they were going to talk about during the surgery. (I'll probably ask at my post-op, to make sure). But, I'm pretty sure I asked, and made them answer me, the answer was Politics and Baseball. I was content knowing that wasn't going to miss much. I remember they had me help them get me on the operating table. I remember very well, they had me put my arms closer to my body, and they kept telling me to do that. That was it.
The next thing I knew I was fighting, sitting up in bed, laying down, and going back and forth, and shaking, and yelling, "I'm going home." I noticed there were 3, maybe 4 nurses gathered around me, as well as DH, they were all trying to calm me down. Once I realized what was going on, I laid back, but continued to shake. The nurse told DH, that I was fighting because I fought going to sleep, and to me, the 1.5hours, was more like a second, so I just kept fighting from before I was put to sleep. DH told me, that I pointed to him and said, "that's my husband, he loves me." I remember repeating myself to the nurses and having them come closer because I couldn't see them, they were all blury. I told the nurse, that I wanted DH to give me my apple juice. Turned out my nurse in recovery was 32wks pregnant. I know I was drugged, but I couldn't see, and kept having her come closer so I could see her belly, but it just wasn't there.
So that makes 3 surgeries that I've ever had, 4 if you count one I was simply in twilight sleep. Thus far I haven't reacted the same any 2 times to the anesethia. I think I did best after my spleen ruptured and I was too sick to care what was going on. But, post-op was terrible. I hate surgeries because they give you medications that make you lose control. That very person you keep bottled up inside, just might exscape during the pre-op or recovery phase. For somebody who likes to stay in control of her words and actions, it just isn't fun. I'm naturally a pretty shy person, so when I opposite, it's like I wasn't even myself.
Now I am 4 days past my lap. I am still in pain, but not as bad as yesterday. The problem I'm having right now, is it seems as though I have a bladder infections. So, not fun. I'm still cramping and experiencing pain, especially when I sit. But, I am so tired, I can't help but to sit. Tired, not sleepy. Hopefully this recovery will be over soon, and this TAB cycle will be over soon, so I can start TTC next cycle again.

I'm back

You missed me, didn't you? Sorry, I am far from an obsessive blogger. So, sorry to all my fans.
Well, my surgery to find out if I have endo or adhesion's will be this Friday, June 27th at 8:30am. I'm off and on nervous. You see being afraid/nervous, is nothing but a lack of faith in God. Every time I get nervous about being put to sleep, I have to stop myself and remember that God will be with me. You see, I have had 2 surgeries in the past, and both times I have been extremely sick after. The first time was from the gas and the second time was probably because I was so sick going into it. I had a ruptured spleen with internal bleeding in my pelvic area. It was not an easy surgery. This will be quick and easy, so it has to go okay. God will be with me. The other off/on fear is they will get in there and not find anything. I will feel like the surgery was a total waste. However, I understand that if they don't find anything, then I can assume that God healed me before going in, which I know he can do.
Church was AWESOME tonight. The youth are on fire from going to The Ramp. They experienced something spiritually that is totally out of this world. I'm looking forward to when that anointing falls on the rest of us in the church...I know it will.
My pastor opened the altars tonight for anything, but he felt like some people needed to go up for healing. So, he was open to pray with people for healing. At first I didn't want to go and get prayed for by a youth. This endo surgery, TTC, and PCOS is kind of a "grown-up" thing. When he was open, I was still hesitant, he's a man...it was strange. But, I finally, despite being nervous, went up so he could pray for me. He told me to get ready, to get a room ready then prayed a short prayer. Now here is the amazing part...I kind of am getting a room ready. My mom was getting rid of a couple chest of drawers and I wanted them. She asked me if I wanted them for my twins I will have. I looked at her strange, because that's exactly why I wanted them. I want twins, but who knows if I will have them. I just wanted both, just in case. I made my plans to paint them white. Well, I was able to put one in my car, the other is waiting for me at my mom's. This weekend, I have put the primer on the first one. I will paint it white, then add handles, since it doesn't have any. I have also been thinking of what nursery theme I want. I know if I have twins, I want Noah's Ark, you know, 2 by 2. I thought it would be cool. If it's one, I still really don't know what I will decide on. But, the twin thing will be awesome. I saw online a Noah's Ark picture frame I would get that has something about 2. At this point, I can't wait till "it" happens so I will know what to buy for the room. I am just so excited. And oh, if you are TTC, I can't even explain the feeling you have while you are making something for your baby that doesn't yet exist. There is something about it, that brings you a level of joy.

I'm bad at this blogging thing

It's official, I'm a terrible blogger. Haha. Well, instead of trying to pick up where I left off, I figured maybe I should talk about my weekend, and what is going on right now in life. That sounds easier.
Last weekend, I warned my husband that I was getting my hair cut. My hair used come down to the middle of my back. I was long, very full, and frizzy. The only things I could do with it were dry it for 40ish minutes and straighten it or keep it went and put it up in a ponytail or a bun. Yuck!! Neither were fun and neither made me feel wonderful about myself. So I dropped the bomb on my husband. I told him, I was warning him, not asking permission. Yeah, he's the kind of husband that insist on me having long hair. So, he was disappointed and really thought I wouldn't actually follow through with it. Hehehe, I did it though!! It's shoulder length, not above my shoulders, more like right at my shoulders, cut in long layers, and frames my face. It's cute, but it's curly. I've always had straight hair, then it turned a little wavy in my late teens, now, I get it cut, and it turned closer to curly. But, I like it. There are so many things I can do with it now. I can let it dry naturally, but add some mouse to curl it up, or I can use the defuser to help it with more defined curls (of course with styling products), I can dry it then straighten it, or I can let it dry naturally, put some anti frizz stuff, and let it be. Oh, and I can still put it up in a ponytail. So there are quite a few options I have, a lot better than before.
We are still trying to get pregnant. This is C13. I have switched doctors, still seeing an OBGYN, but he may actually do an IUI later if it looks like I need it. I'm praying we wont need that. When I saw him, he mentioned two options for this cycle, I can either take a break and have a laprascopic surgery to see if I have endometriosis, or I could continue clomid. After 3 failed cycles of clomid, I wasn't confident in it. I was actually feeling like clomid was hindering more. So, I am chosing to have the surgery. I see him tomorrow to discuss it and to schedule it. Hopefully he can get me in before I ovulate, because I would love to still have a chance at it this month, without the clomid.
On a more spiritual note, once I switched doctor's and he mentioned surgery and endometriosis, and I already know I have PCOS, I figured it was time to tell some people at my church. You'll have to understand my church, it is large, about 1500 people. Most of the people I am in contact with are spirit filled prayer warriers. My Sunday School/Life group class is 10-20 married couples. So, I wrote my situation down on the prayer request sheet. All the women gathered around me/laid hands on me and prayed for me. It was kind of hard, mostly because I am a to myself kind of person. Then one of my friends went down to the bookstore and got a book, "Supernatural Childbirth." If you are exspecting or trying to get pregnant, I reccomend this book. It's awesome, but it is a Christian book with biblical teachings and verses from the Bible. So if Christianity, is nowhere near you thing, then the book may not be for you. I skimmed through it and loved it. I had the money with me and I was going to buy it today, but my friend beat me to it. I told my husband we need to get her a thank you card. It one of those gifts I wouldn't feel right about trying to pay her back for it, for that would rob her of her blessing.
Well, I'm in the choir too at my church, 150ish people in it. We are preparing for a Patriotic Program to be done at the end of this month. It is going to be awesome. I'm looking forward to it. But we have practice the next two weeks Tuesday, Wednesday, Thursday, and Saturday. It's a lot of practices and some long hours. He did say if we get everything done on Tuesday we may not have to come on Thursday. And he does follow through with what he says. I haven't told the choir yet about our little challenges with trying to get pregnant, give it there are a few people who sit around me in the alto section who know. We'll reveal it to the choir at a later time. We also go to an intercessor prayer group most Sunday mornings before sunday school/life group. Some of them know but we make a more official announcement after we know when this surgery will be. I don't want to jump the gun and make an announcement to everybody all at once.
I gotta run, I gotta get ready for church tonight.

TTC life

Yeah, that's right, we are TTC #1, and let me tell you it's not as easy as people make it sound. I am currently 11dpo, on my C11. I went in to my doctor last Friday for my progesterone level check and for a pelvic u/s to see if the clomid was giving me cysts. Yeah, that's right, I'm on clomid. The first round was at 50mg, and the second was at 100mg.

So, for the results. I haven't talked to the doctor yet, however, I will tomorrow. I plan on calling tomorrow morning and speading up the process of them calling me back. But, I know a little bit of the u/s results. There was a large cyst on my right ovary, but it could have been just from Oing. She said it looked like I was about to O. Well, I promise, I was 7dpo. So, hopefully I will find out what that was all about. There were also quite a few smaller cysts on both ovaries. How they tell if it's from my PCOS or from the clomid, it's beyond me. But, here is the kicker, my uterus lining was 2.21mm. That is crazy low, so no pregnancy this cycle. So, it's an issue I have to discuss with my doctor and come with a solution.

Although, my lining was so thin, I'm still hoping. I looked at my charts from my previous charted cycles, and I noticed that every single cycle, I start spotting at 10 or 11dpo, but I'm 11dpo and the day is practically over for me, and NO spotting. But, there is a little cramping and little bit of sore bb's, so I'm exspecting AF. But, I did go out of my way to the dollar tree to get HPT's. Since the uterus lining is so thin, I didn't want to waste my money on exspensive HPT's.

Here is what I am experiencing thus far:
Cramps, off and on, but when on, not for long and pretty uncomfortable.
Headache from you know where...I don't usually get a headache, but I've learned that with clomid, nothing is "normal" anymore.
Tired...but so are my other co-workers...it's been a very long week already.
Sore bb's, but it's pre-AF too. Actually it's not as bad as usual, yet anyway. But, worse tonight.

Since I have HPT's in the house, I may POAS tomorrow. But, hopefully I'll be able to hold off till I'm really late. We'll see. I BELIEVE IN MIRACLES!!!

...Dry Socket

This is still a big part of my current life. Last night, I got very sick on my stomach from the antibiotic. My mom reminded me that it's an antibiotic I got sick from back in high school. Well, now I will remember. I spent half the night with my head in a trashcan praying I wouldn't vomit. I imagined the pain I would have felt if I vomited and it went into the whole where I've got the dry socket. All I can say is "OUCH!!"
Simon took my to the oral surgeon today. They were going to give me the laughing gas, upon request. But, they changed their minds, and gave me Novocaine. Thank God. He gave it to me once in all the little areas. But, it wasn't enough, so after two more shots, 3 times more than normal, he was able to proceed and complete the packing process. The packing kept coming out and he kept packing it back in. Eventually he got it to stay. He did say there was a good chance it would come out, so to continue eating only soft foods, nothing harder than scrambled eggs. I am wanting a big pickle and a canned mountain dew so bad, guess I have to wait. On my way home from work I picked up a canned mountain dew, and I've a straw I'm getting some out of with my finger and dropping it on my tongue. Even though it's packed, it still hurts to get drink near it. Not to mention I'm sure carbonation, isn't the best for it.
The oral surgeon, told me no heavy lifting, light duty. I work with adults in wheelchairs, they are physically and mentally challenged. I work in a classroom with 2 other aids, a teacher, and a nurse. The company I work for, does not have light duty unless you get injured on the job, then they suddenly have it. So, I told the doctor that I would be able to work it out with my co-workers with no problems. Well, I was wrong. The teacher, which is our immediate supervisor, was very understanding. However the other 2 aids, which are total b****, which I don't curse, only when I am heated mad. One is great, unless the other is there too, then watch out. So, the one that is okay some times, rolls her eyes when I tell her I can't do the 2 person lift, by lifting the back part of the person, which is the heavier part. For now, until this dry socket heals, I need to be getting the lower extremities, the lighter part. Then she rolls her ugly eyes. I was so pissed. Then later, when I informed the totally 100% b****, that I can't do heavy lifting, she has the nerve to say, with an attitude I must add, "well what does having a tooth pulled have to do with lifting." Well, you freaking idiot, first of all I don't want the packing to fall out and if I strain when I lift or pull on somebody it can increase the pain and make the healing process longer and harder. Then she says, now remember the immediate supervisor was cool with the situation. After all we can all work together. But, this girl had the nerve to say that there is no light duty... What an a**!! Lifting is a minor part of the day. I don't mind lift the bottom extremities, feeding, changing diapers, working on activities, or anything else. ALL I ask is that somebody get the top extremities when lifting and somebody else care for the one larger client who requires more tugging and pulling, or at least be available. I remember the day at this job, where we all worked as a team, this was before this one girl came to the room. If a staff was ill or something, the others did a little more to help out. We worked together. And, Simon wouldn't let me stay home, he made me go into work today. Which I went in because if the packing falls out, then I will not be going back in until the packing is replaced. So, I don't know what tomorrow holds. I have 12 vacation days, but who really wants to use their vacation on a dry socket. I will endure it as much as I can. But, I am just so pissed at my co-workers. I don't wish dry socket on even my worse enemies, however right now, I am wishing it on them. Neither have had their wisdom teeth cut out, both will need to one day, probably since they are cutting them and they are cutting crooked or something. So, their day will come when they have to get them pulled. And when they do, I hope I'm still around, because I will have no sympathy for their selfish a**es. I will be laughing so hard. I am not the kind of person to wish pain and discomfort on people, but that's how upset I am. Maybe it's partially the pain meds talking, but I am very upset too. If I go into work tomorrow and they give me any problems, I will be at risk of losing my job. Simon is asleep right now, but when he wakes up I will tell him what happen. He heard what the dentist said about lifting and light duty. Not there's anything he can do about the situation. But, if he doesn't calm me down, I will go in there and tell a couple people off if they give me any problems. All in all, I really need a new job, so I can work with at least half way intelligent people. These girls have a brain the size of pea and half the time they don't even use that. But they think they are God's gift to the world. What irritates me so much, is they walk around like they have such high self esteem, but they are always asking clients if they love them, or if they missed them or whatever. Have a little self esteem. I don't understand. I mean I don't go around and ask people if they love me, or if they missed me. I don't need that love and support. Maybe it's because I'm married to a wonderful man and have a wonderful family and church that I know love me dearly. Maybe that's what I don't need to know that I'm loved at work. I mean get a freakin life. Okay, enough of my rant for the day. I need a new job, really bad. I hate working with these people.

Dry Socket

I had a wisdom tooth removed last Thursday. It wasn't bad at all after he gave extra novacaine. And the gas was wonderful. Friday was awesome, just a little sore jaw, the same for Saturday. I was just exhausted on Sunday, but my jaw wasn't even sore. By Monday I was ready for "real" food. Then today...Ouch!! When cold air hit, my hand went for my face. Cold or hot beverages had to stay clear of the area. My tounge acted more as a wall between the two sides of my mouth. But, despite the pain, I worked a full day with just 3 tylenols. Yay, me. After work I went to the oral surgeon. One of my worse nightmares came true, dry socket. It's been one of my biggest fears, and here I am, experiencing it. He gave me antibiotic and a mouth rinse. He tried to pack it, but I pulled back too much. It hurt like, (a word I would rather not say), and I visualized what he was doing and that didn't help much. My mom stressed the importance to me about going back and letting him. So, tomorrow morning, I will call and I will go back. Only this time, it will not be the unknown for me. I will have Simon with me which will help a lot, and I will do a lot of praying before and during the process. With Simon next to me, I can endure almost anything. So, wish me luck on tomorrow when I go back. I'm a bit nervous.