Only getting better

Simon is doing so much better. Ok, it's still a rough road we are on. But, his pain isn't quite as bad and he's learning how to deal with it to a certain extent. He is getting used to hobbling to the restroom and his mom and nana are getting used to it. Hopefully soon I'll be able to help, as it's not my favorite thing his mom and nana helping him with such a personal thing. But, I know that's my problem. I just wish I could help him more in those highly personal ways. Home health will be coming tomorrow, so hopefully he will be able to get a good shower...I know that helps a lot anytime.

Ellie is just the best baby anybody can ask for. She sleeps mostly through the night. Of course I have to wake her up for feedings, but other than that she's perfect. The couple rough nights where she hasn't been content sleeping after a night feeding, has been easily fixed by letting her lay on my chest. Ok, maybe not the most ideal, but right now what works is what we have to do. Between daddy being in need and her being in need, mommy needs sleep.

Which brings me to something else. His mom and nana are BIG on "get morning and nights straight." Fine and nifty...but the fact still remains Simon will need help at night, readjusting, changing positions, baby needs fed, changed, and all that good stuff. They wake up or come in the morning and push all blinds up and turn on lights...um, I freakin need sleep when I can get it. If that's in the middle of the day, then let it be. I need sleep, who cares when it is. Also, Simon stayed up till 3am last night. Why? Because all day he has people breathing down his neck. Well, ok, he has people around him, sure they are helping, but still doesn't give him, "Me time." So, last night he took his personal time when he could get it, and that was in the middle of the night. His mom constantly say, "the doctor wants you to sleep at night, not get nights and days mixed up." I finally asked her last night, why that is such a huge deal. She finally admitted that it may not be a big deal if he had somebody to help in the middle of the night. So, that's why I'm helping with everything other than getting him to the bathroom at night. I'm willing to do that, in order for him to have that time to himself, and just as important some time with me. Found out yesterday when we had a few minutes alone, that he is feeling the same way as I am about not having time together, just him and I. I mean really, our marriage and our communication is far from what it should be and what we want it to be when we have family over us all the time. I was getting depressed about it, and didn't know how he felt till yesterday, but he feels the same. I'm so glad we at least feel the same and know how each feel. My appointment is Monday, so hopefully after that we can have some time with just us and give our help a break, even if it's a couple hours a day or even every other day.

The question I have...not for you all, but the question I have for myself is: Do I go back to work? We really wanted me to stay home with Ellie, I still really want to stay home with her. Having an absolute miserable job I would be going back to doesn't help matters either. It's miserable and beyond under paid, unbelievably underpaid and just a terrible job, with terrible people, and now a commute. If I go back to work, then Simon will still not be able put weight on his leg. Clearly with a newborn, that is not reasonable. He would not be able to care for her, and carry her through the house. But, I don't want to look like dirt with not going back to work. Then we have the medical insurance issue. We obviously need insurance, but, family coverage would mean I would have more coming out of my check than what I bring home. Not to mention I would have more coming out, because they would be taking out from all the months I missed paying my portion...I would be paying for about year, maybe more. 3 months out I was paying for 6 or so months. So 6-7 months...it would be a year or more of working for only insurance. Ugh, I wish I knew what to do. Daycare is out of the question, because there wouldn't be any money left over...heck eating and gas money for the near hour commute would be out of the question. I just really don't know what to do. Okay, so while you obviously don't have financial details and really details on much, I think I will accepts thoughtful comments regarding this topic. Obviously it's ultimately mine and Simon's decision we have to make. And we will have to look at a lot more than what we are looking at now. It's not something we can decide right now, but soon we have to make a decision. So, if you have a thought on the matter, please do share.

Update

Wow, what a week, or something...what day is it? How long has this been? Ok, nevermind, it seems like we, have been going for weeks. Well, if you include the labor/delivery, and being in the hospital after, we have been going for a while.

The surgery was a success. After the surgery he was in a lot of pain and pretty much kicked everybody out of his room, including myself. Talk about being helpless. Eventually, he allowed people, but only close people in his room. But, if he had to go to the restroom or something he kicked everybody out. With the new baby, his family, and mine thought it best that go stay with my family for a couple nights so I can focus on her care. This made me feel like a HORRIBLE wife.

He came home today, and Ellie and I got home. I still feel helpless. I can't do much for my husband. I don't anything. I don't really know him, his condition, or anything. I feel terrible. And our daughter is just perfect, but even a perfect baby, still drains you. His nana has stressed how tired his mom is, since she's been going non stop. Well, a baby isn't a stroll in the park either.

I wish I could kick all out of my house and just be the wife and mother I want to be. I want to take care of my husband, and my child. Not have his mommy take care of me. I have a feeling I will eventually say something to somebody. I don't want people to constantly be hovering over us. But at the same time, I understand that post c-section, I'm not "supposed" to do certain things.

Oh, and his doctor wants him to not get nights and days mixed up. I asked his mom if he knew we had a newborn in the house. I mean newborn equals mixed up nights and weekends.

Sorry for venting. I guess the next few months, a lot of my post will be venting, updates, and all that good stuff. Keep the prayers going. I appreciate all of them.

Prayers needed

Before I give the official reason for prayers, I want to do a quick baby update. We came home Tuesday and that night was rough. My mom helped me out, but it was very hard. Wed. we had her first appointment, and he put her in the hospital because she was jaundice and dehydrated. My milk is being a pain, so we are having to pump and supplement with formula. Yuck. But, whatever we have to do. She got out of the hospital this morning and is doing great. She is very content, and hopefully it wont be too bad tonight, for a number of reasons.

For the prayer request. When Ellie I were about to leave the hospital, Simon's truck driving instructor called my phone to inform me that he was being taken to the hospital because of a twisted knee. So Ellie, my mom, and myself headed down to the ER to see what was up with my hubby. Turns out he broke his fibula right under the knee. The doctor is baffled as to why it happened. He will be doing surgery early in the morning, at 7:15EST. The doctor said he will put the bone back together, like putting a mosiac together. Any missing pieces he will use artificial bone. This is the first time I've had to deal with my hubby being in surgery. I love him so much, I hope everything goes well.

But don't stop praying after tomorrow morning, or if you don't think about it till later, it wont be too late. There is a 3 month recovery where he can't have ANY weight on his leg. Less see, a newborn + a hubby who can't put any weight on his leg = a hard and unpredictable near future. Simon was in trucking school and was really excited about all of it. But then this happens. It was going to work out great because I would be able to stay at home with our sweet pea. Now we aren't sure what the plans are. My job is a very sucky paying job, and I'm extremely miserable doing it, not to mention, it's an hour away. But, who will watch the baby while I'm not at home. Simon can't not put weight on his leg and care for a baby. Not gonna work. So keep the prayers coming.

I promise pictures will come soon, maybe next week. Our lives are chaotic right now.

Welcome Ellie

My sweet lil Ellie has finally been born. She was born Saturday, April 4, 2009. I had to have a c-section because I was laboring, thanks to pitocin, but I wasn't dialating, thanks to a smaller pelvic opening. She we went to prep at 7pm for the c-section. She was born at 7:10pm, weighed 7lbs 3oz, and was 19.5in long. The c-section was no fun at all, but I survived. I do need time to let memory fade before having #2. Her apgar score was 8/9. She's doing great, as am I. She's absolutely beautiful. I can't wait to share pictures, but I'm barely awake right now, so I'll leave it for a different day. We will be going home tonight. I'm gonna go take a nap.

Still pregnant

I knew she flipped, and they did an u/s 5 min. before c-sect time. she had flipped. we've switched to induction. day 2 on pitocin now. water was broke this morning at 8ish, it's now almost 10am. we're commited for today. dr. thinks we will go natural so hope and pray he's right.

Nursery pictures

This is a window box, my mom created/made. And she did the curtain as well. Both have Precious moments on it. The curtain still isn't up because it wasn't long enough, she was having to lengthen it. It'll be up the beginning of next week, I'm sure.

The shelf over the changing table was designed and created my mom. It's awesome. Provides lots of storage room and room for little figurines and stuff we've gotten. Beats bending down to items, when they are right there in front of you. The walls are a light lavender. Pictures never do the colors justice. You can also see several cling on's that cling to the wall. They are all precious moments, flowers, hearts, and butterflies. They can be removed and rearranged when we want.

My sister in law, her husband and Simon's Nana bought this rocker. It looks wonderful in the room. Beside it, I have a cute basket with a a bunny, lamb, and an album. I have another basket close with books, and a small cute baskets with some little cereal bars.

The crib with her name over it. I actually switched out the quilt for now. My aunt made a quilt with a Precious Moment girl with bunnies, actually the same one I have a cling on for on the wall. I figured with Easter coming up, it was only appropriate.


Guess who made the letters. You're right, my mom. She did an awesome job!! I love her abilities and how creative she is. I hope Ellie learns something from her.

Again, my mom. From gammy's heart to Ellie's door. If you look close, the butterfly between the words, is using her initials, EEB. My mom created a logo for her. Can you tell this child is spoiled already. And the mouse on the right is in memory of my mema, who passed away 10yrs ago. Her and I were very close. She collected mice, so there are a few little mice that have popped up around the nursery in various places. Just our way to include her a little. I better stop before I start crying.

Here's the cling that matches the handmade quilt, I was referring to. We have several different ones, but since this is my favorite, it's the only one that made the camera.

I have more pics, that I would love to post, but...I don't want to bore you with so many photos. Not to mention, you get idea. And, it's time for me to go shower, make sure have everything, and head out for our big day. The next post will be updating on the birth. Pray it goes well, I'm getting cold feet.

BIG update and I'm back!!

We finally have internet up at our house. But, I don't have time for a long update. Believe me, we are busy right now. I have so much to do.

So, I guess you all want an update of some kind.

Last Tuesday: No dialtion, but the OB wanted to schedule the induction for April 8th. I was hesitant, since my body, clearly wasn't ready. But, I went with it for the time being. I would be 39wks at the time.

Last Friday: Breech, still. Amniotic fluid was 5.something, below 6. Anything below 5 is dangerous. Considering all, the high risk dr. highly recommended we schedule an induction for this week, either April 2, or 3.

This past Tuesday: No internal. NST went well. Regular contractions. Protein in my urine, sugar in my urine, and blood pressure was slightly elevated. My OB agreed that c-sections would be best at this point, and at 38wks, not 39wks.

So, here I sit April 1st, less than 24hrs away from holding my baby for the first time. Yep, that's right. C-section tomorrow, April 2nd, at 1pm. I have to be there at 11am though. The only way it will be switched to an induction is if she has flipped head down. We'll go with whatever, it's fine by me either way. But, honestly with weekly ultra sounds and weekly NST's, I pretty much her position, or can guess anyway, and I'm guessing head down at this point. But, I could be wrong. We'll just have to wait and see.