Random thoughts

There really isn't too much to update on. Pretty much the bullet thing like Nancy does at times.
- I'm pissed off at Mrs. Lazy at work. She's making my life MISERABLE at work.

- Simon and my cousin are going to a Men's Conference at church Friday evening and Saturday morning. I will be staying with my aunt just relaxing and chilling out.

- After the men's conference Simon will be getting me, dropping off my cousin, and Simon and I will head to visit my most wonderful aunt and uncle. They live about 2hrs away and we always have such awesome times with them. We are both very excited.

- I NEVER cook. Seriously, I do not cook, and Simon doesn't cook either. He'll eat a sandwich, microwavable something, or hot dog. I pretty much do the same. We just never cook. We have decided, to try 1 home cooked meal a week. We just don't like the cooking and cleaning involved. So, starting off with one home cooked meal should be pretty easy. I made some awesome vegetable beef stew and I had Simon make a box of Jiffy cornbread. We sat at the dinning room table and enjoyed a "family dinner."

Pregnancy related:

- I have a doctor's appointment on Monday afternoon.
- I am 15wks as of this past Wed.
- I'm kind of hoping he'll do an ultra sound, but I doubt he will. If nothing else I want to see this little one move in there. And if we can tell the gender, it'll be an added bonus.
- I have wanted a boy, up until this week, and now a girl sounds pretty good.
- We have a boy and a girl name picked out. While we are open to changing things a bit when the baby arrives, we are not open criticism on what we picked out. I have a coworker who is very picky with names. When I first started brainstorming, she was quick to shoot down our possible names. So I am hesitant to reveal our chosen names at work.
- Boy: Josiah Zacharriah Yeah, ok, so that's a little odd, I know. This may really change, but when I wrote it down during church one Sunday and showed it to Simon, he lit up. That's what I've been looking for, the reaction from him, saying that, he really loves a name.
- Girl: Elizabeth Ellen. Awww, that almost brings tears to my eyes, just the way it looks. We will call her Ellie. Ok, so maybe I REALLY want a girl now so I can use this name. Simon's 2 grandma's names are Elizabeth, one middle, the other it's her first name. My beloved mema's middle name was Ellen. My mom's best friend, who is like an adopted grandma to me name is Helen. So, Elizabeth Ellen will be naming the child after all great grandmothers. And I LOVE Ellie for short.
-Still not feeling little Ellie or Joey yet. But I'm just getting to that stage that some people feeling their little one. I'm larger and this is my first. So, I can't really expect to feel anything yet. Punishment for being larger, right.

Difficult Evening yesterday

Before I continue this is about a friend's miscarraige, not details, but about something that happened last night.

This friend and I are more like acquaintances, but she's on my facebook. Through facebook I have learned that she has experienced a miscarriage. Her and her husband aren't in our young married couple Sunday school class, but they are interested in getting involved at some level with it. So we had a Sunday School party last night, and they were invited. My husband went to a different Walmart yesterday afternoon, not the one closest to us. To our surprise they were there, so they talked. Turned out they had been invited to the party, but needed directions, so Simon gave told them. I was afraid, not only because I'm pregnant, but because there are 4 other preggos in the class, who are really active. I knew that the night would be hard on them, but there was very little anybody could do to make it better. Oh yeah, and besides 4 preggos, theres were babies and toddlers and young children all over the place.

I felt like crying for them when one of the non preggos said "raise your hand if you pregnant." I didn't want it to be a night to flaunt pregnancy around this new couple who just experienced a tragedy. Later, the first batch of hamburgers came out, and they said "all preggos get first choice of burgers." They were adiment about the preggos getting theirs first. Shouldn't the guests have gotten theirs first too? That's just the tip of the ice berg. Since we were the really the only ones they knew, we talked to them a lot. Of course, I remained considerate and sensitive by not talking about my pregnancy to them. But I couldn't do anything to avoid all the many people coming to me asking me how my pregnancy was going, how far am I, do we know what we are having, and making their guesses. It wasn't like I could say, lets not talk about this because they just experienced a lost. Or I would rather not talk about it. I felt like my hands were tied.

I remember the days that I avoid this group of people or if I couldn't because of a holiday party, I left hurting. I remember doing everything to avoid the preggos and babies and any place that would have parenting talk and pregnancy/childbirth talk. If I couldn't avoid any of that, which you can't unless you lock yourself up in your house, never answer the phone, and never watch TV. So this morning, I typed up a somewhat long email to send to her. I told her what most don't know about me. How, while I can't understand a miscarriage and the lost they have experienced, I understand how hard last night probably was for them, with all the preggos and babies. She replied, glad that she has somebody she can talk to and that it was hard for them last night. She said that it let them know that it's not over yet and their day will come. They were not trying, as she is actually still in school and don't want to have to take a semester off. Now, they've realized how much they want a baby, so they need patience to wait till the time is better. Nevertheless trying or not, a pregnancy lost is losing a piece of yourself. Please say a prayer for this couple. I know is our world on the internet, pregnancy and TTC boards we hear about so many miscarriages that it actually becomes hard to keep all in our minds. But, if you can, please say a real quick little prayer for this couple. Thanks.

So I'm absolutely terrible at keeping up with my blog. Honestly, it's because I really don't have much to talk about. Yeah, I live a boring life. I could go into a rant and rage about work, but honestly this is Saturday, and today and tomorrow I want to get my mind as far off work as possible.
I'm a week away from my 2nd tri. I'm feeling great!! I've learned how to eat. I'm eating the more frequent small meals and snacks. As long as I keep a little food, but not much on my belly at all times I don't get sick. If I fail at this, like last night before dinner, I get a little sick feeling. All it took though was little piece of lemon to take care of it, then I could eat no problems.
We enjoyed mexican last night. We used to go for mexican all the time, but then the cheese thing scared me away. We finally went and I loved it. I had a soft taco and mexican rice, with mild sauce and sour cream in it. It was so yummy. In fact, I'm thinking about getting me an order to go today for lunch, and maybe even dinner, we'll see. I just ate the left over rice, for a middle of the night snack. While eating it, I ventured on the computer...bad idea, I really should be back in bed sleeping. When I finish with this I'll crawl back between the covers. I think I have some real cravings now. The mexican rice thing, but it has to have the salsa and sour cream, mexican food in general, baby carrots, spinach veggie dip, and pepsi. Obviously I'm not indulging in too much pepsi, just a can or 2 a day. The baby carrots are really strange though. I chew them up, but can't seem to swallow them. TMI alert, I chew pulvarized carrots and will keep chewing till I spit it out. I try to swallow it but it's gagging. I chew and suck the flavor. So, because it's so nasty, I have indulge in the privacy of my own home, and way from Simon. I don't think he would be too thrilled about seeing ABC carrots.
As you may know we live an apartment. Especially with the baby coming and economy, we have been doing a lot of considering what we should do. The apartment we are in now, imo is not acceptable for the baby. Even some of the other units here would be better, but Simon refuses to move to a different unit. When we moved in his uncle owned them, and it was really run down. Since then, a different own has bought them and fixed them up as people moved out and raised the rent of course. He also bought a 2nd apartment complex. We took the manager the rent last and it was my first time seeing the other apartments. Her and her family are moving to the unit across from them because it's a little more room. I told DH I really want to move in, sure it's a little more rent, but come on, it's better quality and we really can afford it. It's not quite as big with the kitchen and living room, but the set up is open. The rooms are bigger, there's carpet in the bedroom areas, and hardwood and tile in the kitchen and living room. Where we are at now it's dingy old stained up carpet and lanoleum. I told Simon when they move I really want to jump on their unit because I know it's been taken care of. Also, it's lower level and easy access, not only for us with the baby, but my mom and his dad are disabled and it would help them a lot. So please pray and keep your fingers cross that I can talk Simon into this other apartment. We've thought about becoming house people, renting or owning, we've considered and come close, but we aren't house people just yet. Too many things to get into, but we really don't want one yet. I'll keep you update on how it goes with talking him into it. For what we pay for rent, we aren't going to find anything descent, we have to up the amount we are willing to pay, and this isn't bad at all. So many reasons this is better, and easier because we don't have to pay another pet deposit and it's easier because we are sticking with the same owner and everything. It's great.

Noticed something on the ultra sound pictures

I was looking at my latest ultra sound pictures. I guess it would be easier if I had them online, but I'll do it soon, I promise. But, the top picture is really confusing. It looks like 3 legs, or could it be the cord. Way too soon for it to be anything, and this is actually way too big to be something else. It is just a bit strange. Could it still be a little bit of a tale at 10wks, 3 days? Also, I can't help but notice on the 2 that has my whole uterus, there's a circle. Not the little circle surrounding the baby. This is up on the other side of where the baby is. The baby is on one side, and the other side beside it's head, is a little circle. Simon said it's the 2nd baby. If it is, then it's one of those that's been absorbed and just didn't work out. I don't know though. You'll see what I'm talking about when I post the pictures on my babiesonline page, and maybe I'll work on putting them on here. What could an additional circle be though? It's a perfect little circle, a bubble maybe? I looked at other ultra sound pictures, and didn't see a circle on them like this.

D/A update

At 10wks, I just had a doctor's appointment. This will be short and sweet, I promise. He needed to check my white blood count. Oh yeah, I was in the hospital overnight last week due to dehydrated and through the roof white blood count and high plalette level. I'm feeling much better now, more "normal." Saturday was a terrible day where nothing stayed down at all, however it was followed by some good days, unlike the previous weekend. It was a very short appointment.
I did get to Beanie Bear again on the u/s. I saw the legs and arms, and they were moving. I heard the heart beat for the first time. It was 172BPM. Beanie Bear waved the arms by the face. It was adorable and priceless. I have another appointment in 4wks. I guess then, I'll have another one in 4wks, and it'll be the BIG u/s.

See told you, short and sweet.

9/11

It seems like 7yrs ago was just yesterday. I can't believe that it has been that long since the entire nation was glued to the TV as we watched the 2nd tower fell. I'm getting cold chill bumbs just thinking about it.
Where were you when it happened?
How did you find out?
What were your thoughts and feelings?

It was my first semester in college. I'll never forget, it was a Tuesday morning. I went to my first 8:00am-9:15am class, Freshman Seminar. When it was over, I had until 10:00am before my next class, so I went to the cafeteria to get some breakfast. I sat down with my tray, and watched the 2nd tower fall. I could not finish eating my breakfast. There were only a couple other students in the rather large cafeteria and I felt alone. So, I left the cafeteria, to find a huge group of people gathering around the large T.V. I joined the group of strangers as we watched the news. The time came that I had to go to my American History since 18 (something) class. I went to class, and everybody looked like zombies. The professor talked for a few minutes about what was going, and dismissed class. She said that our children and grandchildren would be learning about the day in their American History classes one day. I went back to my dorm room to find out that all classes had been canceled. For the remainder of the day, it seemed that every dorm room was open, every T.V. was on a news channel, and for once, you would make eye contact with perfect strangers as you walked down the sidewalk. Nobody wanted to be left a lone. Each were hurting and morning in their own way. Some had friends and family who lived and worked in the area. Most in my area new that friends and family and some of them, would be deployed in the months to come. Fear struck over all, as we were fairly close to a large Army base. We all knew to some extent what the future held.

May we never forget those who lost their lives, and those who lost loved ones in the tragedy on 9/11. May God give you peace, as yet another year has passed.

Update...I'm terrible at blogging

The key to blogging is to actually blog. LOL, I'm horrible at this stuff. No wonder I don't have many readers.

Well, I'm got some updates, and some food for thought.

We found out that Simon IS a carrier for Cystic Fibrosis as well. That leaves us with a 25% chance of having a child with cystic fibrosis aka 65 roses. My doctor said we can do the amnio to find out if the child has CF, if we plan on terminating the pregnancy if the child does have CF, then he said we need to do it ASAP. OMG, this upset me, that he would even be saying that. Of course I'm not going to terminate it. So at this point, we have concluded that we will NOT do the amnio to find out if Beanie Bear has CF. It's too much of a risky procedure, for what...just to know sooner. Some may say that's a good thing and needs to be known sooner so we can prepare ourselves. I agree to an extent. Thing is, Simon and I haven't always dreamed of having 1 kid, but we were hoping on 3ish maybe...if we can, if God allows. So, I'm figuring, I need to learn about CF, if not for Beanie Bear, but for one of the possible little brothers and/or sisters. Also, when looking for a pediatrician I will discuss the CF possibiity and make sure I find one that is good with that sort of thing. We plan on preparing ourself for the worse, but of course hoping for the best.
One may wonder how I'm doing with the possibility, especially since I'm a total worry wart. Well, in the first 24hrs I went through many thoughts and feelings. From anger and guilt, that if the child has CF, then it's my fault for giving the child the CF gene. To wondering if keeping the child and not termination, is selfish of me, saying I want my child so bad, that I will bring a "sick" kid into the world to suffer. Of course, I got off that feeling rather quickly. Now I'm at acceptance, if it does happen, I know that we will be wonderful parents to sick child. I have worked with a variety of disabilities, I can advocate, I can stay up at the hospital when need be, I can administer medications, and above all, I can love. I believe that Simon would follow suit. So, even if this baby has CF, we'll be fine.

Other than that this pregnancy is going great. I am very sick at times, not always first thing in the morning. I am throwing up from time to time. Today at work, I threw up and my face felt like pins and needles were sticking in it. My coworkers quickly noticed I looked like...well, you know, and made me sit in a recliner. They were very concerned for me. After several minutes of resting, I felt better, and could get back to my job full force, and I felt somewhat better with my stomach. I felt way better after eating lunch though. They told me that I will probably end up on bed rest. I know that it's always a possibility, but in my opinion, I can't jump at everything and freak out. Use caution and be wise, but relax as much as possible. I mean if that kind of thing reoccures then I'll talk to the doctor about it. Also I spotted again this morning. It was after having my first BM in like 2 days. I figured I would keep a close eye on things, if I continued to spot and spotted without having a BM, I would call the doctor. No more spotting as of now though. My nature is to be STUBBORN. I'm trying to tell myself, I can be stubborn all I want, but this baby can't handle me being stubborn, it's not fair to Beanie Bear, it's not me I'm being stubborn with, but the baby. So, I would like to say I'm being a trooper and just simply NOT freaking out at every little problem. Not that I'm being stubborn. I feel like I'll know if there's something wrong and I need to call the doctor. Right now, I think I can hold on to my normal life a while longer.