BF...

P. Yesterday was 11dpo and my BBT was 98.19. I told myself if my temp was 98.19 or higher I would buy some HPT's. Well, it did drop, down to 98.19, exactly. I bought me a 2 pack of FRER. I had all intentions of testing this morning, at 12dpo with FMU. But, something hit and I just had to test yesterday evening. I tested and did my usual stare routine. The control lines popped up, and then the test line popped up, very quickly, and it was blazing. There's no mistaking it. No squinting, no holding it under light, nothing, it's there, no question. I started shaking with excitement and called Simon. He was at work. I told him, honey, baby, I'm pregnant. He says are you sure? I say of course, well I think, I don't believe it, but it's hear in front of me. So, I waited till this morning to take one with him. He is so cute. Simon was all into watching the preg. test and said he had never seen how it works. He wanted me describe the science of it. He wanted me to describe the science and timeline of the pregnancy and how I got pregnant. We are so excited, we will be parents. That sounds so strange.
And we are getting that house. We'll be moving the end of the month. Yeah, 1st tri, hot August heat, and moving. That's a real good combo. But it'll be well worth it to get out of this crummy apartment and into this house. (rent to own, if we want it to be). The guest room will not be the guest room for long, so we not decorate it with soft and welcoming colors like I had planned. I'll leave it white a bear for the time being, so we can start from scratch when it becomes the nursery. And we have a lot of storage in this house. It'll be a much better area to get our family started. Everything is changing so fast, but we are excited.

Housing

We faxed the application for our house we are wanting to rent. I am getting very excited. DH called the electric company to find out what the average bill for the house was the last 12 consecutive month somebody was in it. It is very reasonable, not the greatest, but by no means, not impossible. Now we just sit by the phone and wait that call telling us if we are approved for it or not. Gosh, I'm hoping we are approved. I am getting VERY excited about this. If we aren't approved, a co-worker of mine informed me of a company you pay $75 and for 6 months they find you rental homes. They find out what you want, in any amount of detail you have, and they find it for you. Most of what they find are not listed in the paper and are not advertised with "for rent" signs.

I know, we should be looking into buying a house, but it's not the right time for us just yet. We are wanting to wait till either DH and/or I are settled in a career. Right now we are only working jobs, jobs that bring the money in. Also, I have a bankrupcy on my record. That's right, I have had to file bankrupcy, it actually went through the day before we got married. Before you think I went out and ran up my credit in an attempt to live above my means, let me explain. It all started when I moved from one state to another. I was young, and didn't know/understand COBRA. Infact to this day I'm denying that I ever received the option. You see I was getting out of a really bad relationship and the only way to get out was to escape and run away. Once I made up my mind it was not safe to stick around or turn around. I had to quit my job spur of the moment on my way out of town. That was a crazy time in my life. Well, a few months later, I began pretty sick. I went to the doctor, but since I didn't have insurance she didn't run any test, and medicated me for a virus/strep. A few days later I felt even worse but did not feel like sitting in the doctor's office for hours as a walk in. So, I went to the local ER. I had a fever and was obviously not well. They did b/w and didn't tell me anything. The doctor kept looking at my chart, shaking his head (no), looking up at me, telling me there's something, then looking down again, and looking up at me and telling me there's nothing wrong. WTH!?! So they release me, but before I sign the paper to be release, I tell them my temp has gone up, I could feel it, sure enough it had gone up. They gave me a shot of tylenol and sent me along my merry little way. The next day, I was feeling a little better. I threw a piece of wood off of my mother's deck, and slipped on frost. I fell pretty hard on a rocky hard ground. The next day, I was feeling a little beat up, but overall ok. In fact, I was amazed at how well I felt, for the day after. Then on Monday, the 3rd day, I was working. I had this autistic guy with me, I took him so he could get milk from a convienent store. I felt a pop in my left upper abdomin, I felt it in my shoulder, chest all over that side, it took my breath away, I got clamy and felt like I was having a heart attack. But I kept doing my job with this autistic guy. That evening the pain was so terrible, I drove myself to the ER, just be told I had a bruised chest wall. I was given pain pills to be taken with food. I woke up the next morning to vomitting on my way to work. I didn't look so well, but this young adult's mom was a BITCH and needed me to stay with her autistic son. So, I did everything I could to stay awake, I wasn't sleepy though. I kept drifting off. I found it easier to take him to fast food for lunch, because I couldn't supervise him preparing himself something for lunch. That evening his parents arrived, and I couldn't so much as get up, much less eat. I looked terrible. The talked me into eating so I could take my medicine, before I even got my pill in me, I was throwing up, badly. The next morning I woke up dry heaving. By this point I was afraid of going back to the ER. But, I was encouraged to do so, and really saw no other option. After waiting in the waiting room for 5hrs I was called back. After 2 bags of IV fluid I was still dehydrated and after several shots of phenegran I was still sick on my stomach. They tried to send me home many times, but I refused, I told them, something was wrong. Eventually they ordered a CT scan. When they saw I couldn't even hold down water for the CT scan, they knew I was really sick. Found out my spleen was ruptured. I was airlifted to a trauma hospital. The very next morning, despite my request to wait till my mother arrived, they began surgery to take that ruptured organ out. My blood levels had dropped so low, I was on the brink of death. This started a 2wk stay, not at the Holiday Inn, but in the hospital. I had complication after complication. Once the bills started coming in, it was more than $100,000. There was no way I could even begin to tackle those bills, plus the bills I had already accumulate (car, rent, phone, credit card--the normal stuff), and live (eat), all at the same time. So months and years past, and eventually I found my only option was to file for bankrupcy. It really was the only option. In the light of it all, I'm glad I did it, though it really sucks with my credit for a while.

So buying a house right now, is just out of the question. It's not going to happen, so renting is our option. I'm okay with that for now. I have to be, right. But, I do want to get out of the apartments and go to the house.

As far as TTC, I am 6dpo. My temps have been nice and high, until today, it dropped quite a bit. But, it's the overall picture, not just one individual temp that counts. I'm not planning on POAS. Well, I haven't put a date or day on when I will test. So far I'm pretty relaxed and level headed, though I can feel the anticipation building. I will try my best to hold back until I am really late. But, is late 12dpo, when AF should start for me, or is late 13dpo, the day after AF should start? Or, am I supposed to wait till after the "normal" 14dpo to test? Who knows, I'll test when I test, if I even test.

Long time no post

Sorry to all those who get curious and read my blog. I'm just so terrible at blogging. So, it's pretty much been a month since my last post. Great, that means a month worth of updating.
I went to my follow up for my endo and lap. Yes, I have endo, he lasered most off. He could not safely get the endo that was on my urethra off. He got a bunch of cysts off of an ovary. I saw pictures and it was like 5 or more times larger than the size it was supposed to be. The doctor seems to think we shouldn't have any trouble getting pregnant now. Since the endo is gone, and I'm taking metformin. He does want me to go back to see him in the middle of August if I'm not pregnant and he will give me a script for clomid. I am 5dpo, so we'll see if I will be going in for clomid or for betas. I think I will go ahead and schedule my appointment, either way I will need to see him, and if I do find out I'm pregnant, I will love having that early appointment.
About month an half ago, DH's car was hit, while it was parked in the parking lot of our apartment. It pissed me off. Nobody said anything, even after DH asked, nobody would knew anything. How can you hit a freakin parked car, and it was pretty bad and not know. Since we got the truck, my car has been parked across the street at a very small factory, we are at the end (hard to explain), but it's not where the workers park. It's only an area where we have been instructed to park by the owner of the apartment. Well, last week, my car was hit. We live in a 2 bedroom, with only 1 assigned parking. We have now comendered other apartment's parking spaces. It's less walk for them to park across the street, we have been here longer than anybody else, and 2 cars in 2 months have been involved in an hit and run situation. It pisses me off, and we will not back down. We will not continue to stay in this apartment, paying rent and car repairs from stupid, blind, or drunk drivers who can't drive. So we are looking to move very soon. We have a list of about 18 apartments to call and ask a list of questions. The apartment we are looking at are a lot better than the cheap one we are in. This one we are in, the toilet wont flush half the time, the oven doesn't work, there's obvious mold, and there's no parking. Well, let me correct that, there is plenty of parking at any time, just there are assigned parking. So there can be 15 empty spaces, but they are "off limits." The apartments we are looking at, have pools and clubhouses. It'll be great. The other option is this house for rent that we found. We really liked the house. It's not perfect, but we aren't buying, so it doesn't have to be perfect. But, as most know there are things we have to look at with the house. We have to see what the average electric bill is and check for mold and stuff before we actually go with the house. We are excited about this move.

First of all, I have to say that I am happy that my cousin's wife had her baby. Now they make a family of 3. Hopefully soon DH and I will be a family of 3.
I had my lap. surgery on Friday. Sure enough I had endometriosis. I'm not sure the details. The dr. talked to DH, and I just don't details. I'll find out on Monday for my post-op. I know I woke up with 3 holes, not just 2. I think they said he took some cyst off an ovary. Since the hole is on the left side, I assume it was from the left ovary. I know I haven't been Oing from the left ovary at least this year. So, maybe now I'll be able to O a little better.
I get very sick from the gas anesethia, so I triple checked with the place I was getting my surgery at. I was assured each time, they don't use that method much anymore, but they could still give me something in my IV to help, just in case I got sick from the other stuff. The anesethiologist starts explaining what he was going to do. Low and behold, he was going to use gas. I finally talked him out of it, I wasn't going to let him put me under using the gas. No way!! I told him of my experience with it, and I was not willing to go through it again, especially when there is a clear alternative. Eventually he saw it my way. He gave me valium in my IV, and I started laughing. He said it would burn, but even if it did, I didn't seem to care. I don't remember leaving my husband and going back to the operating room. But, I do remember upon arriving in the operating room, I asked if they were going to use everything I saw on me. They assured me they were not going to use it all. I asked, what I think was the doctor, what they were going to talk about during the surgery. (I'll probably ask at my post-op, to make sure). But, I'm pretty sure I asked, and made them answer me, the answer was Politics and Baseball. I was content knowing that wasn't going to miss much. I remember they had me help them get me on the operating table. I remember very well, they had me put my arms closer to my body, and they kept telling me to do that. That was it.
The next thing I knew I was fighting, sitting up in bed, laying down, and going back and forth, and shaking, and yelling, "I'm going home." I noticed there were 3, maybe 4 nurses gathered around me, as well as DH, they were all trying to calm me down. Once I realized what was going on, I laid back, but continued to shake. The nurse told DH, that I was fighting because I fought going to sleep, and to me, the 1.5hours, was more like a second, so I just kept fighting from before I was put to sleep. DH told me, that I pointed to him and said, "that's my husband, he loves me." I remember repeating myself to the nurses and having them come closer because I couldn't see them, they were all blury. I told the nurse, that I wanted DH to give me my apple juice. Turned out my nurse in recovery was 32wks pregnant. I know I was drugged, but I couldn't see, and kept having her come closer so I could see her belly, but it just wasn't there.
So that makes 3 surgeries that I've ever had, 4 if you count one I was simply in twilight sleep. Thus far I haven't reacted the same any 2 times to the anesethia. I think I did best after my spleen ruptured and I was too sick to care what was going on. But, post-op was terrible. I hate surgeries because they give you medications that make you lose control. That very person you keep bottled up inside, just might exscape during the pre-op or recovery phase. For somebody who likes to stay in control of her words and actions, it just isn't fun. I'm naturally a pretty shy person, so when I opposite, it's like I wasn't even myself.
Now I am 4 days past my lap. I am still in pain, but not as bad as yesterday. The problem I'm having right now, is it seems as though I have a bladder infections. So, not fun. I'm still cramping and experiencing pain, especially when I sit. But, I am so tired, I can't help but to sit. Tired, not sleepy. Hopefully this recovery will be over soon, and this TAB cycle will be over soon, so I can start TTC next cycle again.

I'm back

You missed me, didn't you? Sorry, I am far from an obsessive blogger. So, sorry to all my fans.
Well, my surgery to find out if I have endo or adhesion's will be this Friday, June 27th at 8:30am. I'm off and on nervous. You see being afraid/nervous, is nothing but a lack of faith in God. Every time I get nervous about being put to sleep, I have to stop myself and remember that God will be with me. You see, I have had 2 surgeries in the past, and both times I have been extremely sick after. The first time was from the gas and the second time was probably because I was so sick going into it. I had a ruptured spleen with internal bleeding in my pelvic area. It was not an easy surgery. This will be quick and easy, so it has to go okay. God will be with me. The other off/on fear is they will get in there and not find anything. I will feel like the surgery was a total waste. However, I understand that if they don't find anything, then I can assume that God healed me before going in, which I know he can do.
Church was AWESOME tonight. The youth are on fire from going to The Ramp. They experienced something spiritually that is totally out of this world. I'm looking forward to when that anointing falls on the rest of us in the church...I know it will.
My pastor opened the altars tonight for anything, but he felt like some people needed to go up for healing. So, he was open to pray with people for healing. At first I didn't want to go and get prayed for by a youth. This endo surgery, TTC, and PCOS is kind of a "grown-up" thing. When he was open, I was still hesitant, he's a man...it was strange. But, I finally, despite being nervous, went up so he could pray for me. He told me to get ready, to get a room ready then prayed a short prayer. Now here is the amazing part...I kind of am getting a room ready. My mom was getting rid of a couple chest of drawers and I wanted them. She asked me if I wanted them for my twins I will have. I looked at her strange, because that's exactly why I wanted them. I want twins, but who knows if I will have them. I just wanted both, just in case. I made my plans to paint them white. Well, I was able to put one in my car, the other is waiting for me at my mom's. This weekend, I have put the primer on the first one. I will paint it white, then add handles, since it doesn't have any. I have also been thinking of what nursery theme I want. I know if I have twins, I want Noah's Ark, you know, 2 by 2. I thought it would be cool. If it's one, I still really don't know what I will decide on. But, the twin thing will be awesome. I saw online a Noah's Ark picture frame I would get that has something about 2. At this point, I can't wait till "it" happens so I will know what to buy for the room. I am just so excited. And oh, if you are TTC, I can't even explain the feeling you have while you are making something for your baby that doesn't yet exist. There is something about it, that brings you a level of joy.

I'm bad at this blogging thing

It's official, I'm a terrible blogger. Haha. Well, instead of trying to pick up where I left off, I figured maybe I should talk about my weekend, and what is going on right now in life. That sounds easier.
Last weekend, I warned my husband that I was getting my hair cut. My hair used come down to the middle of my back. I was long, very full, and frizzy. The only things I could do with it were dry it for 40ish minutes and straighten it or keep it went and put it up in a ponytail or a bun. Yuck!! Neither were fun and neither made me feel wonderful about myself. So I dropped the bomb on my husband. I told him, I was warning him, not asking permission. Yeah, he's the kind of husband that insist on me having long hair. So, he was disappointed and really thought I wouldn't actually follow through with it. Hehehe, I did it though!! It's shoulder length, not above my shoulders, more like right at my shoulders, cut in long layers, and frames my face. It's cute, but it's curly. I've always had straight hair, then it turned a little wavy in my late teens, now, I get it cut, and it turned closer to curly. But, I like it. There are so many things I can do with it now. I can let it dry naturally, but add some mouse to curl it up, or I can use the defuser to help it with more defined curls (of course with styling products), I can dry it then straighten it, or I can let it dry naturally, put some anti frizz stuff, and let it be. Oh, and I can still put it up in a ponytail. So there are quite a few options I have, a lot better than before.
We are still trying to get pregnant. This is C13. I have switched doctors, still seeing an OBGYN, but he may actually do an IUI later if it looks like I need it. I'm praying we wont need that. When I saw him, he mentioned two options for this cycle, I can either take a break and have a laprascopic surgery to see if I have endometriosis, or I could continue clomid. After 3 failed cycles of clomid, I wasn't confident in it. I was actually feeling like clomid was hindering more. So, I am chosing to have the surgery. I see him tomorrow to discuss it and to schedule it. Hopefully he can get me in before I ovulate, because I would love to still have a chance at it this month, without the clomid.
On a more spiritual note, once I switched doctor's and he mentioned surgery and endometriosis, and I already know I have PCOS, I figured it was time to tell some people at my church. You'll have to understand my church, it is large, about 1500 people. Most of the people I am in contact with are spirit filled prayer warriers. My Sunday School/Life group class is 10-20 married couples. So, I wrote my situation down on the prayer request sheet. All the women gathered around me/laid hands on me and prayed for me. It was kind of hard, mostly because I am a to myself kind of person. Then one of my friends went down to the bookstore and got a book, "Supernatural Childbirth." If you are exspecting or trying to get pregnant, I reccomend this book. It's awesome, but it is a Christian book with biblical teachings and verses from the Bible. So if Christianity, is nowhere near you thing, then the book may not be for you. I skimmed through it and loved it. I had the money with me and I was going to buy it today, but my friend beat me to it. I told my husband we need to get her a thank you card. It one of those gifts I wouldn't feel right about trying to pay her back for it, for that would rob her of her blessing.
Well, I'm in the choir too at my church, 150ish people in it. We are preparing for a Patriotic Program to be done at the end of this month. It is going to be awesome. I'm looking forward to it. But we have practice the next two weeks Tuesday, Wednesday, Thursday, and Saturday. It's a lot of practices and some long hours. He did say if we get everything done on Tuesday we may not have to come on Thursday. And he does follow through with what he says. I haven't told the choir yet about our little challenges with trying to get pregnant, give it there are a few people who sit around me in the alto section who know. We'll reveal it to the choir at a later time. We also go to an intercessor prayer group most Sunday mornings before sunday school/life group. Some of them know but we make a more official announcement after we know when this surgery will be. I don't want to jump the gun and make an announcement to everybody all at once.
I gotta run, I gotta get ready for church tonight.

TTC life

Yeah, that's right, we are TTC #1, and let me tell you it's not as easy as people make it sound. I am currently 11dpo, on my C11. I went in to my doctor last Friday for my progesterone level check and for a pelvic u/s to see if the clomid was giving me cysts. Yeah, that's right, I'm on clomid. The first round was at 50mg, and the second was at 100mg.

So, for the results. I haven't talked to the doctor yet, however, I will tomorrow. I plan on calling tomorrow morning and speading up the process of them calling me back. But, I know a little bit of the u/s results. There was a large cyst on my right ovary, but it could have been just from Oing. She said it looked like I was about to O. Well, I promise, I was 7dpo. So, hopefully I will find out what that was all about. There were also quite a few smaller cysts on both ovaries. How they tell if it's from my PCOS or from the clomid, it's beyond me. But, here is the kicker, my uterus lining was 2.21mm. That is crazy low, so no pregnancy this cycle. So, it's an issue I have to discuss with my doctor and come with a solution.

Although, my lining was so thin, I'm still hoping. I looked at my charts from my previous charted cycles, and I noticed that every single cycle, I start spotting at 10 or 11dpo, but I'm 11dpo and the day is practically over for me, and NO spotting. But, there is a little cramping and little bit of sore bb's, so I'm exspecting AF. But, I did go out of my way to the dollar tree to get HPT's. Since the uterus lining is so thin, I didn't want to waste my money on exspensive HPT's.

Here is what I am experiencing thus far:
Cramps, off and on, but when on, not for long and pretty uncomfortable.
Headache from you know where...I don't usually get a headache, but I've learned that with clomid, nothing is "normal" anymore.
Tired...but so are my other co-workers...it's been a very long week already.
Sore bb's, but it's pre-AF too. Actually it's not as bad as usual, yet anyway. But, worse tonight.

Since I have HPT's in the house, I may POAS tomorrow. But, hopefully I'll be able to hold off till I'm really late. We'll see. I BELIEVE IN MIRACLES!!!