The Life of a Trucker's Wife

Long Time No Blog

2011-06-30T18:32:00.001-07:00

Facebook has taken over my blogging, but I need not to let it take over my online journal aka blog.

Little Elijah is 5months old as of tomorrow. Ellie is 2yrs 3 months. Elijah is doing very well. He had a rough start because he was tongue tied and it was hard for him to nurse and even bottle feed, though he maybe got all of 2 bottles offered those first 6wks. Now all he wants to do is nurse, he refuses bottles all together. That's my boy, but it can get a little frustrating when I want a little time to myself. He wakes up every 2-3hrs still to eat at night. Blah, I want some sleep. He is so smart and very strong and has a temper. When I put him in his carseat he gets so mad that he stand up, yep, he stands up in it. When I change his diaper he doesn't do like Ellie did and just lay there relatively content, he rolls and pulls himself up. He makes it a very difficult task. Yesterday before we left for church I had Ellie put her little toys up a little doctor's kit that has a lid then put the box infront of the TV. When we got home from church I gave the kids a bath then let the watch a little video while I did dishes. I put Elijah down in the middle of the floor, about 3ft away from this box. He made his way to the box and toppled it over so he could play with the toys inside. He remembered toys were in there, figured out to go there, and he didn't even see the toys. I loved seeing him accomplish what he wanted to do. He is so different from Ellie. We never had to baby/child proof the house with her, but with him, I can already tell it will be different. He chews on everything he can get to, and he has been getting to everything for about 2wks now. It really is crazy.

Ellie is doing really well. She is a very good big sister. She's ready to be potty trained. I get her up from nap and her diaper is off and the bed is dry. She tells me when she has to go "stinky" so it'll be any day now, I know. She will repeat a lot after us. She repeats Matthew, Mark, Luke, John, Act, and Romans. She "sings" a lot. Her favorite songs are Jesus Loves Me, Old McDondald, any other kiddie songs. She does some of the signs for Jesus Loves Me. I've started showing her a Your Baby Can Read DVD and it has really helped her vocabulary a lot. Her favorite color is blue. She has a Little Einstein toy that if she presses the red it says "red" same for yellow and blue. If she presses the yellow and blue at the same time it says "green" blue and red, it says "purple" and red and yellow it says "orange." When I ask her what her favorite color is she runs to get it and always presses the blue. Which leads me to her favorite past time activity, is coloring. She LOVES to color. She also loves to sort things. I took her to a gymnastic center and sure she played some, but she also took the foam blocks and lined them up. She also took the frisbies and one by one laid them out and then picked them up. Early intervention tested her because we applied for some help ih her CF related bills. They said that she is like a 3yr old or almost 3yr old in every area, except for speach which she just doesn't annunciate well enough. She says a lot we have no idea what she is saying. We all know she's very smart and she LOVES people. She seldom meets a stranger and loves playing with other kids. It's really cute watching her.

Simon has a new position with his job, making more money and home more which includes weekends which has been fun for us. I'm doing well. I wish I could keep my freakin house clean though. The living room doubles as a play room and it's small so it doesn't take much for it to look very messy. It's also the office. The kitchen doubles as a laundry room since that is where the washer and dryer is. If I really could get it all clean I would put laundry away as soon as it finished because there's no room to procrassinate. The counters are the pantry, because we really don't have much cabinet space. Ugh, I think we're outgrowing this house.

I'm sure there is more that I can talk about but if I'm going to blog more then I better leave some stuff for later. I know every single day I'm calling my mom or husband saying "guess what ____ did." It used to always be Ellie doing and saying stuff, but now Elijah is starting to do more that warrants phone calls.

I think I'm insane

2011-01-05T16:51:00.000-08:00

Here I sit 8months pregnant and I'm wanting to take on a challange. Give it if I fail miserably it wont matter too much, considering it's for my currently 21month old. I've been thinking I'm sick and tired of doing the same thing over and over again which isn't much. I mean I'm not a very hands on parent since being pregnant. Don't get me wrong, I've had my ups, but with lack of energy and now 8 months pregnant I have many downs. I would just like to do more in the way of teaching my toddler. It may also be because she's just now at that age where I feel it's ok to do more with her as far as teaching and crafts. I think I am going to start next week. Maybe have a letter of the week, a color of the week, a number of the week, and an animal of the week. Throughout the week I will lead her and we will do activities as they become available with whatever I chose. The reason why I'm not doing different things different days is because Monday I have 2 doctor's appointments 45minutes away, Monday night I have class at the hospital, Thursday I have a doctor's appointment in town, and who knows what I have going on with the MOMS Club. Not to mention I do have a little baby boy I will be preparing for. So I'm talking just a little segment of time a few days a week, a very relaxed schedule. Of course I will start with "A" and "1." Since dogs seem to be her favorite animal, I find it only appropriate to do dogs for our animal. Our color, will be, "red" that's a nice random color. She's a lot like I was when I was young and not really showing much preference to color. She seems to love all colors as I did. I feel since I'm blogging about this and if I let more people know about it that I can't fail as much. The cool thing is, even when brother comes into the picture this will still give us some mommy/Ellie time. And if for some reason mommy really can't join in her fun and learning, I'm sure Gammy will love to take over as "teacher" and "friend." Shoot maybe I'll do the same little coloring and painting as she does. I think I'll try it out next week, maybe post some pictures and see how it works. I'm excited, but afraid I will fail miserably as I am not a very organized and structured person. I need something to help me be more structured though. If I can't accomplish this, then honestly I think I need to plan on finding a job and sending the kids to some kind of daycare/preschool. I mean Ellie is smart, don't get me wrong, but as her teacher, I feel like my ADD and lack of structure may be affecting her in a negative way. Not something I'm cool with. So while I have the house to myself I will write the "lesson plan" for next week.

Who likes to be sick?

2010-12-20T11:54:00.000-08:00

Not I!!! Ellie got sick with a runny nose and cough. Poor baby didn't eat much at all for a week. We started getting worried and took her to the doctor, plus her cough had gotten pretty yucky. Found out she had an ear infection. Who would have thunk it?? She's so tough when it comes to pain and being sick that she had no signs of an ear infection. This was her very first ear infection too. There was one time last year they said her ears were dull (almost infected) and they gave her antibiotic. She still had a runny nose and coughing, but she's eating and keeping it down. Oh yeah when she would eat she would throw it up because it would get stuck on the plegm. Nice.

For a while I thought that I wouldn't get sick, I don't know I guess I was stupid or something. Of course I did get sick. It started last Monday with a sore throat. The wierdest thing is the sore throat kept coming back for 5 or so days. I can get pass the runny nose and sick feeling and nasty taste in my mouth, that's just all part of being sick. What has hit me hard is I woke up Thursday morning feeling like maybe I slept on my neck wrong, nothing too bad. I had Simon massage my neck some but boy was that the wrong thing. After that it got WAY worse. It was so bad I had him track down his nana who used to be a physical therapist assistant, we went to her house. I had no range of motion in my neck. Every bump, curve, turn, stop, and acceleration on the way there caused me to scream. I generally have a high pain tolerance. I seldom rank things as a 10 because of all the problems my mom has had with pain. I didn't hesitate to say this was a 10. The only help his nana was just the tlc help me calm down, but as far as helping the pain, it didn't happen. Next stop was going to be the emergency room, though I hated that. I called my oncall OB and she told me not to go because they couldn't do anything and no meds would help unless I'm put unconcious. She said go home and call a chiropractor the next morning. That night was horrible. I couldn't lay down in the bed unless Simon was supporting my neck, couldn't sit up without help either. It was a long night. But I laid on a heating pad which seemed to help tons listened to relaxing music, and took half a unisom. Simon didn't understand the concept of relaxing, but it was a lifesaver. Morning finally came and I went to visit the chiropractor who agreed my neck was very messed up. Not much improvement after one visit but later that day I went back and slowly things have gotten better. It's easy to say that during the day, but at night it's bad again (not a 10). My neck feels too weak and achey to hold my head up. Talked to my mom and learned that she's dealing with the same kind of thing, on top of her having the same cold virus. We are assuming the neck pain has something to do with the virus we have. Ugh, I can't wait till it's over.

Pregnancy is going well. We are nowhere near ready for little guy to come though. I'll be 34wks on Thursday. I can't believe how fast this pregnancy is going. I'm really going to miss being pregnant as Simon is firm that this is our last one. I want one more, but if that doesn't happen I know I'll still be happy. Last week he was breech, but went to my regular OB today and she's pretty sure he flipped head down again. We hope so anyway. I'm going in every other week for ultra sound because of the high blood pressure, though it's not getting to me like it did with Ellie. I wish I wasn't considered high risk. Oh well, more opps to see the baby.

Christmas is almost here and we aren't ready. I'll tell you the one thing I hate about Christmas is the fact you have to buy for your immediately family (Simon and Ellie in my case), plus I have mother in law, nana, grandmother, father in law, 11 kids, aunts and uncles, sister and brother in laws, my mom, grandma, granddad, aunt, uncle, and cousin. I think it's just craziness!!! I feel awful if we don't buy for everybody because it seems like everybody generally buys for each other and gives at the little extended family gatherings. But goodness we have an endless list or so it seems. So I have a solution that I hope will be the cheap way out. I'm getting a case of mason jars $10 I think for all I need, a pack of sugar, flour, baking soda, M&M's and I don't remember what else. I'm going to do the cookie mix in a jar thing and for probably about $20 EVERYBODY on the list will be covered. The problem is my father in law, cousin, or granddad will not benefit from that. So a dollar tree visit is in my near future.

Considering I don't blog much I'll tell you what we have Ellie. By no means are we going overboard. I got her leapfrog junior tag reading system, which I'm guessing she wont really benefit for a few months the age is 2-4 so we'll see. We got her a little leapfrog computer. She has a toy dog that barks because she LOVES doggies. We have her a toy cleaning kit because she loves to help clean and our broom is way too big for such a little girl. She's getting a v-tech jumping turtle, she'll sit on it and jump, my aunt has one for her grandson and Ellie and all other little ones love it. I have to get a couple books to go with the reading system. She has 3 pair of pj's. It's really not a ton. Simon got me a kodak camera it has 26x optical zoom and is 14megapixels. I have had the joys of using it already and I LOVE it. For Simon, I'm pretty clueless on what to get. I know it's going to be from best buy because I have a $50 gift card, just what I'm not sure of. There's really several things he could use from there. I'll figure it out. I need to make a list of what I need and figure out my game plan in getting everything.

Time is flying

2010-11-23T18:08:00.000-08:00

In a couple days I'll be 30wks pregnant. Where in the world has this pregnancy gone? Ellie will be 20months on the 4th, so close to turning 2yrs old. I feel like I should be pregnant with her, not her turning 2 soon. She's growing up too. She has so many words and is clearly learning a lot. She was sitting on my bed watching Max and Ruby this morning when I took my shower. I could hear her talking to the TV and saying football which sounds like botball. I didn't think much of it until I got out of the shower and noticed that Max and Ruby were throwing a football around. When she hears a dog bark she knows it's a "dogga." She has many other words that honestly I have lost count and track of. Oh, maybe the hardest word of all she is saying is Christmas. When she sees Christmas lights she'll say Cicmas. We got her a big girl bed. It's actually just a longer twin mattress and box spring. It works for now, but soon I want her to have an actual bed. She sleeps well in it when I let her. She has fallen out a couple times, I really need to dig the railing out of storage, but I'm hoping I can get Simon to do that. But it seems it's a lot easier for me to just put her in bed with me. I kinda like the company in the bed, even if it means a foot in my side or I get way less than half the bed. She insist on sleeping sideways in the bed or she'll turn upside down. The pregnancy is going GREAT. Exact opposite of what was going on when I was pregnant with Ellie. I'm still able to wear my rings with very minimum swelling. I do have heartburn, but who cares about a little heartburn. All in all I'm doing great and cherishing every little movement. I'm not too thrilled with the constant peeing with a toddler in tote. Oh and the worse of it all is my underwear are falling to my knees, don't ask me how the croch stays up but the rest fall down. Time for new undies. But it's all good though. Oh something else about Ellie, she pees and poops in the toilet. SCORE!!! She still wont tell me so I have to put her on quite often, which I'm not consistent with. But when I do, she generally goes. My mom told me to put her on after meals and before and after nap, and when she wakes up and before going to bed. That seems reasonable, hopefully soon she'll start communicating her need. Some days she will hold her poop in until I sit her on the toilet then immediately she goes. I am so blessed to have such an awesome daughter. I hope this boy is just as great as his sister.

We sure have changed

2010-11-04T17:09:00.000-07:00

As I was thinking about our parenting style and beliefs EVERYTHING has changed. Well nearly everything has changed. Ellie and Elijah will not even be 2yrs apart, yet things will be different between them. First of all if Ellie was a boy she would have likely been circumsized. Now, Elijah will likely NOT be circumsized. There's no reason to do it. Simon shared with me his disapproval of vaccines. I have been pro vaccines, but not against delayed vaccines. The only thing is I'm not sure if Tennessee even allows that, so we'll see. We disposable diapered Ellie, up until now, but he will be cloth diapered from the beginning. I do less and less canned and jarred and frozen foods and more fresh foods. I don't buy things for convience anymore. I don't mind taking a little longer to prepare food so I don't have to get stuff with additives and preservatives in it. I am learning more vegitarian dishes, as I'm really not much of a carnivore and Ellie more often than not doesn't like meat. It amazes me just how much changes once you become a parent. Oh and yes Ellie has slept in my bed with me when she needs it. We were very against co sleeping, but honestly I'm more for doing what the child NEEDS. Ellie needed to sleep in her own room rather early on, but she's had her nights, which I have no problem with.

I'm not sure if I have revealed the name to you all. Maybe I have. Anyway in case I haven't, it's Elijah Scott. Scott is Simon's middle middle name. I want to have one back up name, a totally different style of name just in case. Right now he's Elijah, but he'll probably end up being Eli. So we will have Eli and Ellie.

I have something else to say but it's pretty much a post of it's own. Soon, very soon, promise.

Hi all

2010-10-17T04:54:00.000-07:00

Nothing much is going around here. I'm growing bigger and BIGGER. Simon questioned if I'm having twins, but I'm not. I've always thought I would have twin boys, but I guess that will never happen. We are 95% sure this baby is our last. Ellie is doing great and having so much fun in life. I took her to the zoo a couple weekends ago, then last weekend to a pumpkin patch. This weekend we went on 2hr trip to see some of my family. Next weekend we're going to the Apple Orchard. Then after that I'm kinda out of ideas, but I'm sure I'll fnd more things. Pregnancy is going GREAT. It's unbelievable how "easy" a pregnancy can be, knock on wood. I mean with Ellie I was way beyond the normal sickness with morning sickness all day and night for months. Then my stinkin blood pressure and HORRIBLE swelling. So far so good, now that I am on medicine for the thyroid I have energy to do some things which feels amazing. I guess this was a little bit of nothingness, as there isn't anything to really blog about.

A bunch of randomness

2010-09-28T09:13:00.000-07:00

This is a post about a little of everything. Nothing specific just where life is now. I apologize if I repeat something I said in my previous post.

My thyroid blood test led my OBGYN to do nothing. However the high risk doctor found it importnant to put me on a low dose of synthoid. I've been taking it since Friday. I also had an ultra sound of my thyroid, but haven't received the results yet. I'm not too concerned about the results.

I LOVED the high risk dr. I saw, and hope I see more of her. With Ellie I mainly saw this guy that was very shy and soft spoken. They were always wierd appointments. But with this lady who has only been with the company for a year, I felt like it was a real informative appointment. I will be seen in a few weeks and then we will schedule the amnio, unless I decide against it. I'm leaning towards finding out as the results will help me prepare mentally, but then again it's not like Ellie has a real bad case of CF, so we aren't 100% sure we'll follow through with the amnio. I loved seeing baby boy on the ultrasound again. We got a profile pic and face pic, which the face pic is kinda scary looking, but the profile is cute. He was still measuring ahead with his legs and arms, and right on for his abdomen and head. He is measuring a little ahead with his weight, but nothing concerning.

Ellie is starting to have her runny nose, much as she did last fall. I noticed a week or so ago she had a gland behind her ear that felt swollen to me, so I thought this may be coming. I hate her being one of those snot nosed kids with dry snot all over her face. It's clear so I'm not runny to the pedi, if she has a runny nose for a week they give her antibiotics, which unless the snot turns green, or she starts running a fever, I am against. I am going to be taking her to a chiropracter and they will do something to her sinus' and adjust as needed. That may and may not help, but it's a less invasive procedure and way safer than medicating her or removing adnoids. Plus it's way cheaper so it's great. Hopefully it works.

Speaking of chiropractor I will be seeing the chiropractor as well. The one I found will do adjustments on my back. I'm thrilled as maybe this will help as I get further in the pregnancy with back and hip pains and maybe it will some with my desired VBAC. I mean I don't know for sure, haven't read anything about it, but my logic would say that it may help.

Ellie is doing fantastic, other than the runny nose which doesn't slow her down. It seems like she shows me something new nearly everyday. Her vocabulary is what I would consider average for her age. She has about 12 words she will say and use correctly. Her first 2 words were "thank you" which sounds more like tonka, and "doggy" which sounds more like "doga." She says thank you when somebody gives her something or when she gives you something. It's so cute.

She knows no stranger. Seriously I had her in Kmart with my mom and her friend last week. Ellie ran to another mom holding a little boy around her age. The mom put the boy down just to be attacked by Ellie. LOL. It was amusing, as she wanted to play, and tried to hug and kiss the boy as he tried to step back with a dumpfounded look on his face. That family went on their way, and a couple minutes later another young boy came with his mom and Ellie repeated, and of course scared the 2nd boy. Poor kids, having to endure the wrath of Ellie's friendliness. She is seriously such a loving and gentle kid who loves to play with her peers. No shy bone in her body, that's for sure.

Since Ellie is NOT shy at all, and clearly 2-3 times a week being in nursery with 6-12 others her age isn't enough, I have officially joined a mom's group. I was kinda in one before at the church, but due to inactivity it went on. They are hoping to get it going again. I decided to join our local MOM'S club. I was invited to a meeting by a friend, and had already made the decision to join. I paid a $20 dues so yeah, we'll be doing stuff. I already have several things circled on the calender that I want to do with Ellie in the month of October. They have over 40 moms in the group and from what I saw there are tons of kids in all age groups. I'm just hoping that I get more and more energy as between doctor's appointments and MOM's Club activities, and church, I will be very busy.

Speaking of doctor's appointments I will officially be changing OB's this week. I discussed a VBAC with the high risk doctor and though respectful of my wishes, she was a bit apprhensive. However she was very supportive of me switching doctor's, she said if for any reason I can deliver where I had Ellie and they will do the c-section, since I will be going to a doctor in a different county. She's just thinking I wont be able to have a VBAC. My first OB appointment with the new doctor is this Wednesday however I will be seeing the physician's assistant rather than the actual doctor. That's cool with me, I'll have to see her at some point anyway.

There's other stuff, but I've written enough for now. All in all, everything is great!! Life isn't always easy but thankfully there's no drama going on right now.

Gender Announcement

2010-09-13T17:21:00.000-07:00

It's a BOY!! I was shocked and scared when she said boy. I know nothing about boys. Oh well, I was still excited and got teary eyed. It'll be a fun experience.

I was 18w5d when we had the u/s and the boy measured 19w5d in his legs, arms, and head, but his stomach measured 16wks. I will talk to the doctor on Wed. at my 20wk appointment.

Ellie is doing great, turning into a little toddler. She's having temper tantrums, LOVES her grandma's, and has words now. She understands so much more than she can say though. She is such an amazing little girl, most of the time, just those tantrums can be so embarrassing.

I'm doing great, a bit hormonal/emotional though. I am senstive and cry easier now. Oh well, must be the pregnancy. LOL, it's kinda funny though since I'm anti showing emotion. It's almost a fun way of being, to actually cry. But then I turn around and laugh at myself because there really is no need for the crying.

I'm going to call an endocrinologist. My mom has hypothyroid hoshimotos disease or maybe it's disorder. Anyway, I've been tested for hypothyroid before but never hoshimotos. I was going to wait till after the pregnancy, BUT I have read 2 totally different things today w/out even looking for it. I wasn't fishing for thyroid problems during pregnancy, but accidently fell across it. One was in relation to labor and delivery that the baby will often times not be in position for delivery thus resulting in c-sections. I think it's important I explore this if I'm going in for a VBAC. Also apparently it also affects milk supply. YIKES!!! More so than wanting a VBAC I want to be able to breastfeed successfully meaning only breastmilk for 4-6months. So if I find out I too have thyroid problems then it may give me a better chance at a VBAC and allow me to be more successful at breastfeeding. Fingers crossed.

So, I think that's all the important stuff for now.

The news

2010-08-12T07:42:00.001-07:00

It has been one interesting week, to say the least. Ellie, my mom, and I went to NC then GA, then back home to TN in 3 days. We drove nearly 1000miles. While we were gone, Simon was stuck at home because his truck was in the shop. Now if we knew that he wasn't going to be going out, either he would have went with us or kept Ellie, but there is simply no way we can know things like with this tucking career.
While I was gone, Simon did all the final things to make that 2006 Kia Sedona ours. So now sitting in our driver we have 4 cars, one being my nice minivan. Now we need to fill it up with kiddos. Ok, not really, just this 2nd baby. We are now faced with what 2 cars to sell. We can agree on my 2000 Saturn SL1, for whatever little bit it will sell for. However Simon is kind of sentimental about it and hesitates to get rid of it. It's easier for him to sell that one though. It was my first car I went out and bought on my own. The other 2 cars, is a 1997 Buick, it's big, leather interior 60,000miles on it, drives great, air condition needs to be checked out, but it may just need refridgerant, it needs new tires, the cruise doesn't work. It could probably sell for $3000 or a little more if we got the air working. My grandfather gave us the car. The other car is a 2003 Dodge Stratus, it's Simon's first car that he went out on his own to get. It has 170,000miles, the trunk will not stay open unless you hold it open with one hand, which you try to put a stroller or double stroller in the car w/ one hand. Little bits and pieces of the car are messed up, like the bumper is held together w/ duct tape, thanks to my MIL. The passanger's door automatic lock doesn't work, the door behind the passanger's door is messed up. When we lived in our apartment, somebody hit the car at that door, we had to get it fixed but it was no time before it was messed up and at times the door wont even open. As far as the way it runs, it runs ok however for a long time when you are stopped at a light or stop sign or in traffic it will accelerate just a tad while you are breaking so I have learned to keep a distance between my car and the car in front of me. Simon wants to keep the dodge and get rid of the buick. I think personally the buick will make a better 2nd car. I think we are going to get Simon's brother to look at both cars and advise us as far as the condition. The dodge had a rebuilt transmission put in at 100,000miles too. So which do you think we should keep and which she we get rid of?

Breast pumps

2010-07-29T13:59:00.000-07:00

I know I'm early, but not really. I'm in the 2nd trimester now which IMO, it's a time to start thinking about things like this.

With Ellie I rented a hospital grade pump, but had very little luck. It was medela. I just got maybe 4oz total from both breast, and that was after nearly an hour of pumping. My SIL said she never got an electric pump that from her experience manual was just as good, I heard the same from somebody else. So I eventually bought a cheap manual with even less luck. I seemed to consistently have low supply despite blessed thissle and fenugreek and some kind of compound med. the dr. gave me. Who knows if my PCOS affected my milk supply. Or maybe the stress of Simon having broke his leg days after Ellie was born. I don't know which it was. Maybe even a combination. Or maybe I just didn't have what it took to breastfeed.

Now I am faced with the desire to make breastfeeding work way better than it did with DD. In fact, if ok with a lactation consultant I plan on taking fenugreek and blessed thissle to the hospital when I deliver. I would like a good breast pump, but I really hesitate to invest much over $100 since I am afraid it will be a waste of money. I mean seriously, why buy a $300+ pump when you have a history of pumps not working and supply problems? I'm really hoping things will be way different this time around, but seriously what makes me so sure it will be to go out and make that kind of major purchase.

I think maybe I can wait and see if I will be able to breastfeed successfully this time, and if so I'll buy a good pump. That would be an option, especially since I do still have the manual one I can use for the time being. I will hopefully be starting school Mon-Fri 8am-3pm when the little one is 6 months. So I will be needing a pump that will work good for me at that time.

I would love opinions and input. Hold off and don't buy anything until I know I'm going to be able to do it, then invest in a good one. Or buy a half decent one to have from the start, but may not be best.

Update to van shopping

2010-07-20T13:19:00.000-07:00

I took the buick in for trade in but they couldn't give me near what we needed nor what we could sell it for. We decided w/out hesitation it would be best to get as much out of the buick as we can. We'll be putting it out for sale and when we sell it we will check back with the same dealer and others and even private sellers until we find a van of similar mileage and condition. This kia sedona has really raised the bar as to what I will find acceptable. At least it means we wont be jumping into anything since it does require quite a bit of looking around to find the RIGHT thing.

Van shopping

2010-07-20T05:18:00.000-07:00

After years of no car payment it looks like we will be sucked into one. :-( But we need a van for obvious reasons. While we haven't had a car payment, we sure have been driving around a couple old beat up cars. It's time for change and a better vehicles. I've done so much looking for the right vehicle. I found the one I REALLY want. Simon isn't quite as fond of it, as he would rather buy it out right, and with the trade. I want it, even if we have to get into a small monthly payment. It's way more reliable, nice, and just perfect for my needs and wants even. He got preapproved for the loan yesterday so now it's a matter of seeing if the buick my grandfather gave us will trade for what we know it's supposed to, give them a check, and get the loan completely taken care of. Not much left, HOPEFULLY it'll happen today. Fingers are crossed. Ellie loved the rear air condition when we test drove it. She was happy as could be, pointing to the air and laughing and clapping. I've gone for the extended rear facing for saftey, but poor kid doesn't get air blowing right on her being rear facing, plus our air only works most of the time. When it doesn't we don't drive at all and cancel anything we have because lately the heat index is over 100. As you can see a new vehicle would be a very positive purchase. I think Simon's hesitation is because like I said pay it off, but I don't want to drive around in another 130,000+ mile vehicle, that's the same thing we have now. What I have found for a killer price is a 65,000 mile Kia Sedona and it nice!! I love how the back seats go down into floor, as we don't have room for storing them. It will help make transferring the huge double stroller mega easy. I also didn't know that vans these days have a special mirror that you use just to see the kiddos. Pretty nice, if I should say so myself. All in all the van is nice. If we get it I'll post pics. Oh and the reason I really want this one, is because in our price range I'm not finding multiple deals like this one. If it looked like we could find similar deals in a few months, then we would wait, but it's just not very promising. We're in TN and I found a similar deal in Florida and another in New York so what I found isn't common at all. Like I said what I'm find is 100,000miles. A lot of people get rid of their vehicle around 100,000miles because they know that the transmission is unreliable, the timing belt is iffy, and other things are likely to go out. Then you have the 130,000mile cars that the transmission will go out if it hasn't already, then you have the 190,000mile ones that the transmission has been replaced, the only concern now is the engine and the fact the car is considerably old. In "my" van it's on the newer end of what I've been looking at, with way less miles and we have a 1yr warranty. This would be the best birthday present EVERY...just a week early, lol.

FIL's joke

2010-07-15T12:28:00.000-07:00

My FIL has this joke that he dreamt he was awake then woke up and found out he was asleep. I had a dream exactly like that recently. I could have swore I was awake, until I woke up and realized I was actually asleep. Talk about weird.

VBAC vs. repeat c-section

2010-07-09T17:11:00.000-07:00

I see a new dr. on August 3, for a consultation to get their opinion.

My dr's reccommendation is to get a repeat c-section. His reasons are, 1. They don't do them because there are several hospitals women deliver at in the county. By law the dr. must remain on the L&D floor at all time while a woman is laboring during a VBAC. He can't promise the on call dr. can do that because somebody else may go into labor somewhere else, and it's just an inconvenience for them to have to be glued to the hospital. 2. He can send me to the university doctor's, they have residents and doctor's overseeing them at all times. I could switch and see them, however that would mean my dr. would lose a patient and money so he's not advocating that. 3. The reason he's giving for not being a fan of that option is because at 38w3d when I was induced for several days I hadn't made much progress. I wasn't even quite to 3cm yet, even after they broke my water that morning. He says my pelvic opening must be too small causing me not to progress.

My opinion, is 1. Rememeber the amniotic fluid was dwindling for about a month and it got too low, so they had to induce. I was 38w3d when we had the c-section. I was still somewhat early, especially considering a pregnancy can be up to around 42wks. I was also tracking my ovulation via fertility friend and I know based on ovulation signs CM and temps that I ovulated a week late. I just so happened to always measure right based on my LMP. I don't know, but I think my EDD was really a week later so it made me more like 37w3d and I just don't think my body and the baby was ready to come out. Maybe I'm wrong. Maybe regardless of how far along you are your body should respond to the oxytocin...

That's why I'm getting a 2nd opinion. I'm living in the county beside the county we used to live in the one that has 3 different hospitals. So where we are now we have 1 hospital and I found a doctor (a female dr. yay) that takes my insurance and does VBACs and has been recommended. I will just have a consultation with her and I have tons of questions to ask her, both specific to my situation and also questions I've found online. I was going to go with a midwife but they said that a doctor has to be there at all times anyway so I might as well just go straight to the dr and especially since it hasn't been a real long time since I had my c-section. I think it's probably best anyway. I'm thinking about looking for a doula, especially if Simon is still over the road trucking because there is a chance he misses the birth if we let the baby come on his/her time schedule.

Before the appointment I need to tour the hospital I will be delivering at and make sure I like it. I also want to tour the hospital I will have a repeat c-section if I stay w/ my current doctor. It's closer to where we live and a lot nicer and newer than where we delivered Ellie at. I know I'm still in my 1st tri and its a little early to be touring hospitals. But I currently have a wonderful dr. and the office is super nice as are the staff. This new doctor's office and doctor has a lot of impressing to do. Plus the place I deliver at is really important to me. When I had Ellie since she was ok, they didn't wheel her away from me. She stayed in the operating room while they sewed me up then in the recovery room I was able to hold her and nursed her. I've heard from a lot of people that they generally take the baby to the nursery to do all the testing and bath. People complain because other family and friends get to see the baby better first before the mom sees and bonds. It's really important that whichever hospital I deliver at can grant me the same experience as long as there are no complications. So you see there is a lot for me to think about right now.

Slight change of subject...I have a friend selling their van, about the year we are probably looking for and it's a Honda so we like that. I asked how much so we'll see if we're going to follow through. I will feel so much better if we had a van or suv w/ 2 rows of back seats. Right now we have an older car that isn't perfectly reliable anymore. We'll see if this will be our van or if we will have to begin a search.

New computer

2010-06-29T13:59:00.000-07:00

Finally we got a new computer!! Our desktop went out on us quite some time ago. My MIL got a netbook so she let us use her crappy laptop. That one went out. So we were using her netbook because her son in law always has her internet stick so she had little problem loaning out the computer. But at times she would comment and we knew we needed to get her computer back to her, I means it's the right thing. But the thought of living without my computer was just unbearable. Ok so maybe I would have survived. But we are also trying to get Simon a job working in the offices and to do that we need internet access. So we finally made the purchase. We got a Toshiba. It's pretty nice, but we didn't get a high priced one. We really don't need a high price one. I like to put pics on the computer, go to a few sites, and apply for jobs. Since my birthday is in a month, it's pretty much my Birthday present. I'm satisfied, but I know when my birthday rolls around I'll want something even if it's small. I'll probably buy a couple maternity shirts or something for myself.

Thank you

2010-06-25T06:10:00.000-07:00

Thanks for all the congrats!!!

Ellie and me are worn out this week. We have had camp meeting at our church all week. All week we have, well I have but Ellie is my little shadow, working in the nursery. We have to be there at 6pm and work until 9:30pm. On adverage we have about 11 1yr old and 3-4 workers. It takes a toll on you physically and emotionally, especially when you have 3 hysterically crying for their mom's, 1 doing something dangerous, and 1 taking a toy or something from another kid. Last night was our last night working. Tonight I'm thinking of going to the service and taking Ellie to be in the nursery. She'll probably cry for her 2nd time ever going to nursery because I wont be w/ her. It's a really big named preacher that will be there tonight so I really want to be there. But I'm not sure if Ellie can "handle" it. She was getting sleepy, cranky, and clingy last night at 7ish.

I am trying to get a part time job. We don't need a lot of extra money. But if Simon has 2 lower weeks we really feel it. My MIL helps out, but she can't continue. She's trying to set herself up to retired next summer so she's having to put herself on a strict budget. I haven't thought much about Ellie while I'm at work. I guess I need to look into daycares. I hate putting her in daycare, but I really feel she's ready for it. After seeing her in nursery all week I think she'll be fine. Who knows it may even help her talk. She only has a few words she says, doggie, mama, dada, and thank you (kinda). Anytime she needs or wants something I just know what she's trying to get across. She has little need for talking with me around. Simon isn't thrilled with my decision, but I told him I would just see what is available, apply, and see what happens. It's possible I don't get anything if I don't I'll continue what I'm doing with staying home. We'll see where it leads.

Surprise, Surprise

2010-06-22T08:40:00.000-07:00

Monday, May 24th something told me to take a HPT. I wasn't yet late, but I didn't feel AF was coming. We were also about to go to Mrytle Beach and knowing if I was pregnant or if AF was going to be ruinning parts of my vacation seemed to be vital info. Much to my surprise I got a faint BFP. We weren't even trying. Since the miscarriage we were actually preventing, by using condoms anytime I was close to ovulation or had ovulation signs such as my faithful EWCM. The only time we didn't use condoms was after I clearly ovulated and before I was due to ovulated. This time it was CD11, on mother's day. I have never o'd before CD18 so I knew sperm couldn't live for 7 days. I also didn't have any EWCM so it was an hostile environment for sperm, or so I thought. This was actually the first time not using condoms. I guess my body decided to ovulate on CD14, the first time ever in the last 10yrs I have done that. I will be 8wks on Thursday. I have seen the baby 2 times, once at 5w5d we saw the heartbeat. The 2nd time was after a spotting scare and we saw and heard the precious heartbeat at 135bpm. We haven't told many people and we are holding out as long as possible. My mom doesn't know how she will love another child as much as she loves Ellie, as Ellie really is so perfect. But my mom doesn't know yet either. I don't want to hear her negative comments. So please don't say anything on facebook.
The pregnancy is going pretty good. I have moments of nausea, but nothing a preggie pop can't help. It's a lot different than the pregnancy with Ellie. With her I was so sick I could hardly function. I think part of the ease is coming from staying at home. I have very few commitments were I have to be somewhere at a certian time. My EDD is 2/3/2011. Though this is a complete surprise, we are very happy and looking forward to Ellie being a big sister.

2010-05-15T15:35:00.000-07:00

You know I have no idea what I wrote on the last blog entry. Sorry if I repeat.

We had a death in the family a couple weeks ago. It was my uncle, well actually my great uncle. But because of the family dinamics he was more like a regular unlce. I saw him several times a year, summers, christmas, thanksgiving, and sometimes another time. His son and I were really close growing up since we were only 2yrs apart. He seemed to be everybody's favorite unlce. It's been hard on the whole family since we all thought so much of him and it was totally unexpected.

Due to the funeral we got to see family we haven't seen in 10+yrs. Ellie got play with a couple of her little cousins on my side of the family for a change. She's usually only seeing and playing with cousins on Simon's side. The funeral has us planning a small reunion this August. We have been planning one for next August but it will be a lot bigger, with family from CA coming.

I rescheduled Ellie's GI appointment, I think I may cancel it though. Suddenly she's doing amazing with her eating. She loves chicken and carbs. She loves breads and pastas. She likes lentils but not into other beans. I'm having to feed her a meal w/out her seeing bread or pasta some during the day because she'll just eat that stuff and no veggies and meats. Chicken is really the only meat she does right now. It's really the only meat I eat too, so I guess it makes sense.

She's walking all over the place. She would rather walk than crawl now, which I actually like. I'll let her walk to the car some days. She weighs 20lbs, so she has finally gained a pound. First gained pound in 2 months. She is doing a lot of babbling and making sounds, but I don't talk that language. She does say doggie when she's around a dog. She says moma and dada, but I'm not convinced that it's just sounds she's saying vs. saying it on purpose. She will say other words once and never repeat them. For example after the grave side service my aunt Betty, (uncle who passed wife), rode with us back to her house. We were all talking, and Ellie clearly said "Betty." She never said it again. So you tell me did she know what she was saying when she Betty, or was she just experimenting w/ sounds?

I'm finished w/ my class. I made an "A" I'm so proud of myself. Now I have to take a test the college failed to tell me about. Actually they told me NOT to take it, just for me to find out that I need to take it. Oh well, that gives me more time to be home w/ Ellie. Somebody else told me there's a certain english and math you need, but I've NEVER heard that from anybody else. So this summer and next semester I will find all that out and hopefully have everything in place to start surg. tech aug. 2011.

That's all for now. Not too much else going on.

Sorry I've been MIA

2010-05-02T21:35:00.000-07:00

Ok, I'm back. Life has been so hectic, I can't even say what's all been going, because it's been so much, but I am on facebook a lot. Just not much w/ updating my blog.
I have lost 16lbs and still going strong. I'm not doing a whole lot to lose weight, just trying alter my eating and having an active 1yr old gets me moving a little more. She isn't happy with a "lazy day" just staying at home. So we go out, somewhere everyday. She's so much fun though. I have my exam tomorrow, well actually today. Then next week I'm going to start looking for a job I can do from home to make a little extra income. If I can accomplish this, then we may TTC#2 this summer, putting the kids hopefully 2-3yrs apart. As for surgical tech, yes I still want to do that. However if I do that fall 2011, then obviously I wont get pregnant until after, but I'm still going to be going into the work force until after the 2nd child is older. So we'll probably TTC for a few months this summer. However if I can't make additional income then we are so done for now.
Ellie is doing great. She has moved up to the walkers in nursery at church. She's walking, and steady enough to be with almost 2yr olds. She loves the park, she likes the slide and swing. She still has just 4 teeth, but I'm happy with that, they are sharp. She's eating better. For a while she was gagging and throwing up everything that wasn't stage 2 baby food. Because of that her dr. wants her on formula longer. But the last week or 2, she's started doing better. Still not great, but a lot better. She can eat bread, crackers, beans, rice, and things like that. She gets 1-3 bottles a day. Soon I will try formula in a sippy and hopefully wean her from the actual bottle. She's not saying a lot of words, mama, dada, bobo and dobo, baby, boo, and maimi. Her and I are dog/house sitting for family w/ 3 dogs, one named Lobo. My mom's dog is boosi. Ellie calls her baby doll maimi. We have a GI appointment at the end of the week, but I'm wondering if we really need it. We'll go and see what happens.
I'll try to post again later this week.

Happy Birthday Ellie/Happy Easter

2010-04-05T10:55:00.000-07:00

Yesterday was Ellie's 1st birthday. We had her party on Saturday. What a success. My MIL wanted to invite ALL the family who had babies which means almost everybody, so of course I had to invite the few families in the extended family that didn't have babies. Besides Ellie we had 3 of the babies, 2 weren't there. We had just over 40 people at her party. To offset the high number coming from DH's side I invited some family and family friends on our side. It seemed to work well. We had an easter egg hunt for the kiddos, which they all enjoyed. Ellie even hunted eggs with daddy. Daddy took her around and she picked up eggs and put them in the bag. Then later when the kids counted their eggs we sat her on the sidewalk with the others and counted 13 eggs. It was so cute, I'll have to get my SIL's pic she took of Ellie hunting eggs posted sometime.
Of course we had cake. Ellie's cake had her initial logo my mom created. You know the butterfly made out of the initials EEB. It was pretty neat. She didn't dig into the cake like other babies do, she was quite reserved, but eventually she got her hands all dirty, just not her face. Good girl, I'm raising her right, lets not get all sticky.
We were going to do a diaper derby, but no other baby can crawl yet, so obviously it wouldn't have been too fair. We did where everybody guessed how many fruit loops were in a container. My mentally challenged cousin, he's on a 7ish yr old level guessed the closes, I was shocked. The 2nd place winner was an 11yr old, again rather shocked. Ellie would have been 2nd place if my mom put what she meant to put for Ellie's guess. My mom put 1999, for some reason...all we can think is my mema died April of 1999. My mom wanted to put 2009 for the year Ellie was born. That would have won her maybe even 1st place. My cousin, put 200018..meaning 2018, but he didn't know how to write it.
She got SOOOO many gifts. I'll say it was about an equal division with the clothes, toys, and books. So far her favorite toy seems to be what I, well, DH and I got her. But I picked it out. It's basketball goal, w/ 2 little hard plastic balls, connected to it, there is baseball and has a little bat, and there's a football. It's designed so more than 1 child can play on it at once. Ellie LOVES balls, so though it may be a "boy" toy it's so her. When you score on the basketball, it cheers and lights up the score, so cool.
She's walking around now. She'll walk halfway across the room and then go back to crawling. She isn't standing up in w/out something to pull up on yet though. She still has 2 teeth on the bottom and 2 teeth on top. She says mommy, dada, mama, baby, bye, maimi, and babbles some other stuff that I can't make out yet. She waves hi and bye. She loves her baby doll which she seems to have named Maimi. Her favorite things are balls, music, her baby dolls, and dogs and cats. She shows the animals and her baby dolls so much love by hugging them, petting them, and kissing the dolls. My baby is really growing up on me. I'm so impressed with the things she's doing and saying. This past year has been the best ever. I don't remember ever smiling and laughing as much as I have since she's been in my life. I may have had a bit of wait before I got pregnant with her, but it was worth every minute and every failed cycle. For now we have got a beautiful and complete family. Eventually we may add to our family, but for now I'm just going to continue to focus on this little one.

Wills/Godparents

2010-03-30T14:35:00.000-07:00

Morgan's post has sparked some thinking. Since I was pregnant, we discussed who would get Ellie if something happened to both of us. We can't ever come up with a family, but we do have a few couples in the running, we just haven't asked any of them.

SIL and her husband. They have a 6yr old son, 8yr old daughter, and a 6 month old daughter. She homeschools the kids. The kids are involved with basketball, baseball/softball, football, cheerleading, dance, and gymnastics, basically whatever they seem to have an interest in. The 8yr has and still may be taking piano. The husband is a school teacher and also buys from auctions and yard sales and sells stuff on ebay. They go out of town for a day or weekend for the kids b-day and to concerts and about 2 or 3 big vacations a year. They have a pool at their house, swing set, and trampoline. Just saying all this to give an idea of how they are. Basically your typical middle class family. They live in the town we do. Ellie would be able to basically see most of the family she already sees, being my mom and DH's mom and nana. She may not get to see much of the family that lives out of town, not that she sees them more than a few times a year anyway. They go to a church in town, same denomination as ours. They social drink, which DH and I very against even social drinking because his dad is an alcoholic. We just don't want to play w/ fire and teach our child that it's ok to drink. They are very over protective of their children, way more so than we are. We want Ellie to go to camp as a child and SIL can't even think of that until the kids are teenagers. SIL is instilling in them fears of the dark and doesn't mind having the family bed...we aren't fond of. The kids can't even go into a room at night by themselves they are so scared, which SIL is the same.

Then we have a 2nd cousin of mine. He is going to grad school. His wife is a social worker at a school. They have a boy about a year older than Ellie. He is in daycare close to the school. They live about 3hrs away from us, so who really knows how often Ellie would see some of her family around here. But she would see some family on my side that she doesn't see often, and she would have a large other side of the family. We don't know a whole lot about the way they raise their son. All I know is they are very responsible adults and I guess I would say they are again a typical middle class family who is trying to improve theirselve. She has a master degree, and like I said he's getting one. I know they go on vacations and their son doesn't lack stuff. He gets to see his grandparents (my great aunt and uncle) weekly, which is great.

Then we have another 2nd cousin of mine. She works for maybe sprint or something like that. Her husband is hispanic, and actually was (not sure now) if he's legally a citizen. I know they had to move to the boarder at some point so he could come here legally. It was supposed to take a year but it took him 6 months and he was back, so don't know details. He travels a lot, going where work is. They live in descent house. They live very close to the great aunt and uncle I mentioned above, and Ellie would see them often. They don't have kid stuff, or go on vacation, they don't have any kids. She's dealing with infertility AND with her husband being out of town a lot. I don't know as much about them as I do SIL.

So based on what I wrote, who would you lean towards? After writing it I think I know who I am leaning toward. How do you confront a couple about stepping in and taking custody of your child in the event something happens, and how do you make it legal?

Great Stride walk

2010-03-13T12:28:00.000-08:00

I registered to walk in the upcoming great stride walk for CF in a couple weeks. In case anyone wanted to donate you can go to http://www.cff.org/Great_Strides/index.cfm

Type in Sherry Bean, and Tennesse. I'm really the 2nd Sherry Bean that pops up. The first was an oops I created, i have to figure out how to delete it. For some reason as soon as I created it i guess I didn't know my password and/or username. I don't know.

Anyway, thank you very much.

On a side note, I will not be online much for a few weeks. Besides being busy, my computer is messing up and until we get it fixed I am going online when I'm at other's houses.

Update on DH's new attitude

2010-03-10T07:40:00.000-08:00

The other day when we were discussing family planning, DH said he wanted to wait 5yrs to have another baby. I was just talking to him because I'm not 100% sure I will get into the surgical tech program this year. I mean there are a lot of people trying to get into a program that only allows 20 people. I was just wanting to discuss that if I don't get accepted into the program for this fall, we'll know next month, then I'll want to go ahead and have another child before the following fall when hopefully I'll be accepted. I really don't want, and he didn't either for our childern to have HUGE age gaps. But, he was saying that he wants to wait 5yrs.

Then today we were talking. He made it clear he doesn't want to keep going through a bunch of miscarriages. Let me say, I did find out that I am O+ so the fact that I didn't get the rhogam shot is not an issue. Apparently a lot of his problem is the miscarriage. I confided a lot is friends online and my mom and even DH. But he holds it all in and doesn't work through the emotions. I'm pretty much ok with things now. I mean, sure I have my moments, but for the most part I've worked through the grieving process. He isn't and he isn't going to express himself, that isn't him.

We'll talk about family later, for now we're preventing. No biggie. I just want him to emotionally heal before we discuss family planning more.

Why doesn't he want to be with me

2010-03-09T13:01:00.000-08:00

Simon is over the road for 7 days, then home for 3-4. During that time we used to get a date, at least every other time. That quickly ended. But we did try to do something special as a family with Ellie. All was well, but now that is coming to an end. He does stuff with her, but not if I'm going to. He'll take her to the mall, or to his dad's or his friends. But, like I said, not if I'm around. Everytime WE try to go somewhere together, regardless of where or what he gets a headache, he feels sick, he gets tired, he gets depressed. Today we didn't even make it 1/4ml down the road before he turned around and went back home. Ellie and I went out to spend family time together, with Simon. I've told him repeatedly that if he's not going to spend time with us, then I'm not going to adjust my life. We will continue with life as we usually do, if he wants to participate, then he can, if not that way we aren't making special arrangements for ultimately nothing. For example, I blew off a playgroup today because he was home and we had "plans." Turned out we didn't follow through with those plans, but it was too late for the playgroup because I didn't know the directions to the woman's house. Those kind of things happen all the time now. It's like he has no use for me anymore.
When he comes home he says hi to me, kiss me, then goes to Ellie...no harm there. But then when I try to talk to him, ask him questions or anything he doesn't answer, he doesn't listen, he doesn't acknowledge me.

I wish I knew what his problem is. I wish he wanted to be around me, but he doesn't. I guess I can't blame him...I mean it's me we're talking about. Oh well, I'm trying to get to the point of being ok about his decisions to not be with me.

Assured and in pain

2010-03-02T15:26:00.001-08:00

I talked to the nurse AND the place I give blood at. Both said I am O+. What a relief. I can breath now.

TMI, I think I passed the baby, well more like a large clot. Now my back is hurting SOOOOOO bad. I thought I had excaped a miscarriage without much pain, or maybe my pain tolerance is just that high. I'm not convinced of either now. My low back is hurting so bad it's not even funny. I may have to dig into to the supply of tylenol w/ codine or hydrocodone.

Emotionally, I am shocked at what I'm feeling. Yesterday I was upset at myself because, honestly I didn't care too much. I wasn't pregnant long, I have Ellie, no biggie. But today, it's a BIG difference. I'm missing my "Little Baby." I had already looked at the double stroller and carseat I wanted, and I was very close to buying 2 gender neutral PJ's that were on sale one for Ellie and one for Little Baby.

I guess any loss you go through the stages of grief.

miscarriage and major concern

2010-03-02T05:31:00.000-08:00

It was just a miscarriage, not a molar pregnancy...thank God. And it seems I am miscarrying without the need for a D&C so another good thing. Little Ellie is being an absolute life saver. If I didn't have her, it would be so much harder. Or if I had spent a while TTC it would be a lot harder.

Simon and I have decided to TAB from any TTC efforts. We are going to prevent, for a while and research the copper IUD and see if I'm allergic to copper. We'll just spoil little Ellie for now.

I'm concerned about something BIG. I thought I was O- before I was pregnant with Ellie and during most of the pregnancy. When it came time for the rhogam shot I asked them about it. They said I don't need one because I'm O+. That's fine I wasn't 100% sure anyway, I just always thought I was the universal doner, and that would be O-. They double checked my files and indeed I was O+ so I didn't get a rhogam shot. WELLLL, when they did blood work Friday for the miscarriage the lab report says I'm O-. WAIT, if I'm O-, I know Ellie is O+ and I NEVER got the rhogam shot. So I'm a little freaked. I asked the doctor real quick in the hall on my way out because that's when I noticed it. He said that's not right, that I'm O+, that it's confusing. I'm not sure what the confusing part is, I'm pretty worried. I'm afraid the lab or the doctor's office made some kind of mistake and I should have gotten the rhogam shot.

I have given blood in the pass, can I call the company and get my blood type from them? Or should I give blood again in order to find out? Or do I call the doctor's office and talk with the nurse, expressing my concern?

Also if this indeed was a mistake and I can never have anymore children because of this mistake, is it ground for a law suit? We ALWAYS wanted more than 1 child. I know, there are lots of people who can't even have that 1 child. But still wouldn't it be a big enough thing, I mean THEY made me to never be able to carry another child.

Miscarraige or Molar Pregnancy TRIGS

2010-02-26T12:41:00.000-08:00

I spotted a little last night, but I wasn't overly concerned. I had some minor spotting with Ellie around that same time. Plus the spotting went away, until this afternoon. I had already called the dr.'s office and they wanted to see because of high blood pressure readings, my clogged ears, and the spotting I thought I should report. This afternoon I started spotting just a bit more, so I was happy that I had made an appointment.

My doctor is on vacation so I had to see another doctor, who is absolutely awesome. He did an ultrasound and delivered the news one is never ready for, but I tried to prepare myself for. He said he's not seeing what he should be seeing at 6wks. There was no yolk sac, no fetal pole, no beating heart, nowhere for a beating heart. I said, so it looks like a miscarriage? He said yeah, or what he's concerned about is a molar pregnancy. A few times during the u/s as I looked at this screen with a thick uterus lining, but nothing else, I started to get a little choked up, but I stayed strong. This kind of thing happens to a lot of women, right. They survive, I will too.

I have to go back on Monday for repeat Beta's, an ultra sound, and an appointment with my doctor. The doctor I saw today gave me a script for pain meds in case I need them this weekend, told me to try to get rest. Told me when I would need to go to the ER and call the on call number...hopefully it wont be that bad though. So he's pretty sure it's not a vialable pregnancy. He said I'll probably be having a D&C next week. Ugh, I hope not. My mom is having back surgery on Monday. Simon will be back out trucking. MIL can't get off work. Grandma will be taking care of my mom. Nana will be all that's left to get me to and fro, and who will babysit Ellie if nana is with me. Hopefully I will pass this on my own.

I'll let you all know how things go as I can this weekend and Monday.

I want to cry

2010-02-25T16:34:00.001-08:00

I don't cry often. Sometimes when I'm REALLY mad, if you say something mean about my baby or my husband, or when I'm post partum. I'm really not your "typical" woman. I can't even make myself cry if I feel the need. In fact I really don't understand how some people can cry like they do. I'm so not the ball of tears others are.

BUT, I want to cry so bad right now. It's totally unpregnancy related so don't worry. It's these darn ears. I'm so fed up. Still no pain really. Maybe an occassional twinge of pain here or there, but nothing major. I JUST CAN'T HEAR! I can't hear in my dishwasher when I'm right beside it, nor can I hear my microwave, or the washer machine. I can't hear the microwave beeps when it's finished. The TV has to be up to 50 before I comfortably hear and make out what is being said. Though my phone ringer is as loud as it can be, I don't hear it ring. Either my baby has been VERY quiet today or I'm not hearing her.

I always sing to her, but I can't sing to her now. I'm missing our little cuddle times where I sing to her and she sings a constant "AAAA" sound. It's so beautiful. But my ears are too stopped up to sing. I hate talking because I don't know how loud I'm talking. Either I'm talking way too loud or not loud enough. How can I tell how loud I'm talking? This is so frustrating.

No I haven't been to any doctor yet, other than my OBGYN that made it clear I just have to deal with it. First of all, in order to see another doctor, I would have to call and I for one HATE talking like this. Plug both of your ears with your fingers and talk. That's EXACTLY how it is for me 24/7 now. No relief. That's why I'm having a hard time with this; and it's getting worse, not better.

I was hoping it was getting better because my ears were itching on the inside. That started a few days ago, and now it's worse. This is bad enough that I am moments away from crying.

Happy Anniversary to me

2010-02-24T13:37:00.000-08:00

Such a lonely, normal day. I woke up this morning, got ready, got Ellie ready, took Ellie to her aunt's house, went to school. After class I went to pick Ellie up. Her and I went to Target to get some of those Little Boogie nose wipes for babies, toilet paper, window shop baby/toddler clothes, and I got me some of those little cheddar rice cakes (Yummy). Came home, checked the mail, changed a diaper. I'm tired as all get out, but I think I really want to go to choir practice tonight. I'm not talking much because my ears are so stopped up. But, I'm tired of not going to choir, so maybe I'll go and just sit and learn the stuff so I'll know it when we are singing it.

That's my day in a nutshell, Feb. 24, 2010, mine and Simon's 3rd year anniversary. He's out, he will be home Friday, Saturday, or Sunday. He's sure he wont be back Friday, which is actually when they have him getting back so here's to another week last week where he'll be home 2 freakin days. I'm so upset. I keep telling him that the company doesn't care if he's getting all his crap out of one truck and moving it into another truck to go back out. They don't care if he gets any home time. It's his responsibility to tell them that he is supposed to get home and can't take a certain load because he'll be home late if he does. But, that's his business if he doesn't want to spend time with his wife and child. Whatever. I told him if he gets home late he really should tell them when they call him the next day getting him to go out the following day (not even 2 full days home), that he isn't going out till he's home. But if he doesn't want to do that, which knowing him, he wont, then oh well. I told him Ellie and I will be going through our days like normal, with him here or not. Nana will babysit Ellie on Monday, my SIL on Wednesdays, and my mom or somebody on Fridays. If it's not important to him to be home when he's supposed to be, then it's not going to be important for me to alter our schedule for if or when he's home.

Maybe it's the pregnancy hormones talking, but I'm not too happy with they way he's making this job his life. I understand when he's out he needs to be out. But he refuses to get info from the stock we took out last year for tax purposes. It wasn't may stock, I have NO idea what it's about. He's supposed to be out for a week, 7 days, meaning if he goes out Saturday, he comes home Friday. Then he's supposed to be home 3-5 days. It was all great at first he was home when he was supposed to be, I could actually estimate a couple weeks in advance and "plan" something. Now I can't because the are keeping him out an extra day, so he's only home 2 days. And "THEY" are people who are home EVERY night with their damn family. The hell with them. I'm mad at them. I'm mad at DH for letting them walk all over him like that. He would rather jump when they say jump, than do things "right," the way they are supposed to be. Then in an attempt to be supportive, I back tracked and said maybe he is right, and maybe he should go ahead and just play the kiss ass game for now. Since he is new, maybe he should do whatever they say and suck it up if he's not getting home time. Then he got mad because he said I was supposed to be suportive. Ummm, I thought I was being supportive.

I'm pretty sure we wont be celebrating our anniversary this year. Oh well, it's not that big of a deal anyway. I thought we were going to celebrate it this Saturday, but if he gets home Saturday or Sunday, then that's out of the question. It's not all that important, in fact I really don't even want to celebrate it. I mean we wont have a babysitter anyway, so we wont be going on an actual date anyway. We got married 10 days after valentines day so we would have 10ish days to celebrate either or both. Guess this year we're celbrating NEITHER at all. Maybe we'll celbrate our 5yrs and 10yr...yeah we'll just do stuff for the big anniversaries. The little ones don't matter anyway. Just like birthdays...all those people that make a huge deal over every birthday, need to grow up and realize the world does NOT and NEVER did revolve around them. Sorry if that stepped on toes. Obviously I'm not happy right now and MY blog is MY place that I can vent.

For my records about pregnancy

2010-02-23T09:24:00.000-08:00

I have enjoyed reading my previous post here around the same time my in my pregnancy with Ellie. So this is mainly for my purposes, but feel free to read. It's going to be short and sweat pregnancy related.
I'm 5w4d. SLIGHTY sore girls. No m/s, no cramping anymore, no excessive hunger, no backache, no gas, no constipation. A tad bit emotional and short fused and easily stressed. I'm not anymore or less exhausted than I was before...ok, maybe a little, but not like I would think I would be. All in all I'm feeling great. Waiting impatiently for some symptoms to pick up some, but hoping I don't have real bad m/s like I did with Ellie.
I'm pretty afraid that I will go in for my u/s at 8wks and there will not be a heartbeat. I think it's a normal fear. I guess the lack of symptoms have me worried.
I still have my clogged/stopped up ears. I'm hanging in there pretty strong for as long as I can until I can't hold out anymore for antibiotic.

At this point I want to feel pregnant, but I simply don't.

I'VE HAD ENOUGH!!!

2010-02-21T18:21:00.000-08:00

2 Friday's ago I had a sore throat. Four days later still had a sore throat. Being concerned it was strep throat I went in to see the doctor. It wasn't strep throat so I was instructed to treat the symptoms. No problem, right. Wed. night the ear infection kicked in. I was in such horrible pain that whole night. I didn't get much sleep it was so bad. Thursday we did those ear candles. For about 3hrs I didn't have pain and my ears were clear, they weren't stopped up at all. YAY!!! But then they started getting stopped up again. Grrr. Fortunately the pain never returned like it was. I held out and just talked to my doctor at my appointment on Friday. It was my first prenatal appointment. I told him about the ear infection. He looked for the otoscope, for like 30 seconds, said he couldn't find it. Just treat the symptoms. I have been taking sudafed like it's candy, I was taking benadryl, but Simon isn't home now. I'm taking loratidine once a day. My ears are so stopped up. I'm not talking much to people, not even Ellie. I hate the way I sound, I hate the way I'm hearing. My ears do hurt a little, but I can deal with that, it's the stopped up ears I've had enough of.

You all know how I worry. I'm also worried about the possible damage untreated an untreated ear infection will do. I know my doc thinks it will clear up on it's own. But I wasn't nearly deaf as a child because my ear infections cleared up. I did get tubes in my ears because they cleared up. And I have been told numerous times as an adult that I would likely need tubes in 1 or both ears at some point because all is well in there.

Where do I got from here? Do I insist on them giving me something, aren't there antibiotic eardrops? Do I just deal with and if that's the answer, for how long, another week, 2wks, 4wks or until 2nd tri? Do I go to my PCP? What shall I do? I seriously have no idea.

Randomness

2010-02-19T05:26:00.000-08:00

School: I made another 100 on my quiz on Monday. That makes it 3 100's and one 90. We have quite a few left to go so hopefully I can get 2 more 100's so I will have a perfect 100 score for the quiz part. I had our first big exam on Wed. Hopefully I get it back today. I'm pretty sure I missed a few. I'll be happy with a B, but I'm guessing there's a chance I got an A.

Me: I am so sick. My MIL gave me the cold/virus thing she had. I had a sore throat for 4 days. Then it progressed to all out runny nose and coughing. I have a double ear infection. I used some ear candles for the first time, SCARY, but they worked. For several hours it was as if I didn't have an ear infection, then the pain and stopped up feeling slowly started to return. But it NEVER got as bad as it was before. Hopefully I can do ear candles again tomorrow and it will help some more because I really don't want to take antibiotic.

Ellie: She's doing GREAT!! I'm so hoping she doesn't get what I have. It's one thing to be sick, but it's another thing to have your baby sick. But much worse when you're sick AND you baby is sick. She's so happy right now because Daddy is home. She didn't go to sleep last night until close to midnight. I have given up on trying to keep her on a good baby schedule, you know, getting to bed at 8pm. She does great unless she spends the night with my mom, MIL, or daddy is home. She is wide a wake and just wants to play with them, until she can't stay awake anymore. She is so close to walking. She will stand unassisted for a while, and take a little step with one foot then she falls. She loves Johny Cash. Simon and her watched Walk The Line last night and Ellie sat on her knees in the middle of the floor lifting herself up to be standing on her knees, and was dancing and clapping her hands. So darn cute...I should have ran to the video camera, why didn't I think of that. Darn. But she stopped when she noticed I was watching her. Lil stinker. Figured out when anybody kisses somebody she laughs. When Simon and I kiss she laughs. When her cousin kisses her baby sister she laughs. I don't know what is so funny about kissing but she thinks it's funny. She's cutting 2 teeth on top now, this will give her 4 teeth.

Simon: Such a short visit home this time. He was supposed to be home Tuesday evening, but for certain reasons he didn't make it home till Thursday. The time I need him home, he is only home for a couple days. He was home yesterday and today and has to leave out tomorrow. :-(

Little Bit: Blood work results in. Friday's progesterone was 7.77; Monday's progesterone was 9.4. I've been taking my prometrium now so I'm sure that has gone up again. Friday HCG 34.12. Monday's HCG 255.4. That's doubling every 1.03 days. I have my first actual prenatal appointment today. Symptom wise everything is going great, it'll be better if I can get rid of this cold. I am getting slightly queasy at times, but nothing a little bit to eat or some ginger ale, or getting away from the odor wont fix. So I'm all good there, for now.

Family VENT please read and comment

2010-02-15T18:45:00.000-08:00

This may get long. Please read, because I need comments.

A little history first. Growing up my aunt, I'll call her P... has always been jealous of my mom. My mom had child, my mom had been married, my mom had sex in her life. My mom was VERY close to her child. P... was openly jealous because my mom had way more than what she ever could have. She took her jealousy to an angry level. P... later became jealous because my mom gets to be a grandma and she will never be a grandma. She assumed when Ellie was born that she would be like a grandma to Ellie. Well, I never saw P... as a mom so idealy P... isn't going to be like a grandma.
Keep in mind P... has never been married. When I was 20yrs old she decided that she wanted to do a foster to adopt program to adopt a mentally challanged child. It was obvious to my mom and I that it wasn't all about having a big heart, but a lot about wanting to be a MOM herself. She bragged about how much of a mother's heart she had. So, she fostered a 16yr old boy and adopted him when he was 17. Suddenly she's got her title of mom, along with a crap load of money from social security disability and adoption assistance, and she never had to put him on her insurance because of state medicaid. She complained that she want to be around him. She always needed a break from him. She had him wash his own clothes then complained when he couldn't do it...but she would never supervise him. She yelled and screamed (I've witnessed it many times) at him for not properly grooming himself and washing himself properly. She brainwashed him early on that she never yells. She freaked out and yelled at him if he didn't make his sandwich or other little meal "right." But again she never supervised him. Remember he's mentally challenged. His IQ is around 47. She yelled at him if she sent him to look for something and he didn't find it. Then she would go look and half the time the item wasn't even there. She yelled if she told him to get a pan out (not specific about what she wanted), and her son had no idea what she wanted but knew that if he brought out the wrong thing that he would get yelled at, but his lack of speed at finding what she wanted led her to yelling. BTW, he's also got mental illnesses too. As you can see she was never a real "mother" to him, but rather an emotionally abusive mom wannabe. When he was in high school she pushed for him to get his high school diploma. The test to graduate was given to him by another student reading the test and leading him to the right answer. While in school he never had homework, he never did a research paper, or a project. Somehow he got a high school diploma. She boasted about him receiving his high school diploma. Other times she complained about how people don't know how mentally challanged he is. Right there, if he is smart enough to get a high school diploma then he SHOULD be smart enough to flip burgers at McDondalds, or work security at a factory or work in a factory, all of these jobs require high school diplomas.

So recently her son, we'll call him J... has been put in jail. Since he's been 21, he's 22 now, his adoption assistance has stopped. From that point on, she's been trying to get him into a group home. Thanks the economy it couldn't happen unless he was either homeless, in jail, or in a mental hospital. For a year and a half now she has been pushing his every button to try to get his mental illness get the best of him. She's been YELLING at him and making his life MISERABLE. He's been very unhappy living with her and has voiced his unhappiness for some time now. But she always manages to brainwash him to believing that it is his fault.

Ok, so back to J... being in jail. She would only let him eat 2 pack of instant oatmeal, but he wanted 3 packs. She got mad and yelled, he got mad and yelled back. She told him to take a walk, and I'm sure he probably told her to take a walk. Obviously this pissed P... off even more, since she is over 400lbs and it's impossible to walk from the recliner infront of the TV where she stays. This is where I'm not sure of the details, but J... finally hit P... and thus she called the cops and had him put in jail. Now she's the victim. Victim my ass, excuse my language. But from what I've witnessed he is just as much of the victim, and yet he's the one that's getting all the blame and she's got a crown for being such a wonderful mother and going through such a rough time. Well, this was pretty much her only way to get rid of him like she had voiced so many times she wanted to do.

The other day she called me. I wanted to stay out of it and just get 2nd hand info from my mom. But Simon encouraged me to answer because afterall she did need support. Regardless of how much she treated J... like shit, it still has to be hard on her. So I answered. This is where the real vent begins.

Apparently all this started when Ellie was born. Simon and I stopped spending time with J... Ellie got all the attention. First of all if you remember, 4 days after Ellie was born Simon broke his leg. He couldn't put weight on his leg for over 3 months. Then he went back through trucking school, then became an over the road truck driver. Despite all this, Simon did attempt to spend some time with J... As for me, I never had a desire to spend time with J... anyway. I didn't like him, and I had little to no use for him. He always wanted to complain about how his mom treated him and any response you gave he told his mom that you said what he said resulting in her calling and blessing you out. Not something I ever became fond of. So J...'s problems are the result of MY baby, MY husband, and MYSELF. That was the end of the conversation. I was FURIOUS and shaking and had to get off the phone before I exploded. Since I haven't answered her calls. I mean a killer sore throat hasn't helped much either, since I don't really want to talk much, which I did text her that I have had a sore throat for 4 days and I'm not able to talk much.

I guess her being mean, yelling, screaming, and nitpicking everything had NOTHING to do with J...'s reaction and situation. Nope, it all has to do with my family. All our fault. Because J...'s had a 2nd cousin born. Umm, I'm sorry I didn't think about how a baby would affect her son, guess I should never have gone on with my life in getting married and having a baby, right? What an insensitive person I was to have a baby. Obviously I'm being sarcastic, but basically that's what she says.

I am SO close to going off on her ass. Because I'm sorry, but her mistreating J... the way she has, has been so much more of her problem. Now thinking about it, she didn't find out about the only way to get him in a group home and out of her house until Ellie was born or right around that time. I'm about to go all pregnancy hormonal on her. Yep, I will blame the hormones, but it's getting to a point that I have to say something. She told my mom that I need to put on my grown up pants. I'm not sure what she's talking about there. But she needs to put on her way oversized grown up pants and start taking responsibility for her stupid, inconsiderate actions rather than dishing out the responsibility to everyone else. If the bitch continues with this shit, she's not going to know what hit when I go off on her, and I'm very close to going off on her. Again, I'm sorry for my language, but when I'm upset those words come out. Better on computer than out loud though, right. For now I am using all the restraint I can to not go off, but I'm about to reach my boiling point. And again it's not going to be pretty. I was once told if you want to see the worse in the woman, say something negative about her husband or child. And she's done just that, and I'm experiencing the worse feelings. I'm sure my hormones aren't helping a bit.

Thank you for reading this. I would appreiciate comments of any kind. Calm me down, or tell me I'm write and this woman really is a bitch, or give me advice as to what and how to tell her off. I don't care, but please don't take her side, because this is just part of the story, as it would be a book if I wrote everything.

Bad blood work results

2010-02-15T11:56:00.000-08:00

I went to the doctor for a throat swab. It was negative for strep throat. My dr. doesn't want to give antibiotics this early on, so I basically just have to deal with it. I have tried gargling w/ salt water, tylenol, cough drops, a bunch of stuff, and it only helps while I'm doing it. Hopefully it'll get better soon.

He sort of quickly showed me my blood work results from friday. My progesterone was low at 7.77. My HCG showed that I was only like 1 day pregnant, it was so low. They did more blood work. He said if my numbers don't rise as they should then it's not good. I have yet to be able to say or type the words. The thought of _______ is so scary and heartbreaking. I'm trying not to worry too much though, because worrying isn't going to help things. I need prayers and good vibes.

Simon is pretty upset about the possibility, so say a little prayer for him too. He is about to be against all forms of birth control, which isn't good for me.

Strep Throat

2010-02-15T05:25:00.000-08:00

I am about 90% sure I have strep throat. My throat has been hurting pretty bad for 4 days now. It's red, and has white areas and swollen. It hurts to swallow and I have drainage. It's zapping my appetite completely. At times it itches, and I thought it was meaning it was getting better, but then the pain would once again take over the itchy/scratchy feeling. I really hope they can squeeze me in today at my doctor's office. I hate going around with a sore throat, I don't even want to talk. I don't even care if I have to miss class today. I would like to go to class, so hopefully they can get me in before. But if not I would like to at least go to class and take the quiz then I'll leave. Maybe I can even make it back for lab.

I REALLY hope Ellie doesn't get it. I don't even know really how to keep a watch for it. I guess she'll pop her throat like she does right before she gets a sinus infection. I'll have to keep a close watch on her so I can hopefully detect it before she goes 4 days with a horrible sore throat.

TRIGS As soon as I was content

2010-02-13T18:53:00.000-08:00

As soon as I was ok with not being pregnant, if you read my previous post here, you'll understand, AF ended up being late. I assumed my luteal phase was different since this was my first real cycle since giving birth. Then my temp went up and was staying up so for the heck of it I took a HPT. It was bad blue dye test that I've read many things about false positives. To my suprise it was positive, but I didn't believe it until I got the FRER, that one was positive. I called the doctor and they had me go in for blood work, this was all Friday, btw. I peed in a cup for them and my result was neither positive or negative. They said it's probably too early, but I don't know at 14dpo?? Oh well, it is what it is. Friday evening I took a FRER digital and is said YES. So I'm guessing I am PREGNANT!!

My mom and grandma are less supportive than I hoped, but I'm sure they will come around. It took about 24hrs for my mom to congratulate us. She just doesn't like that I am having another so soon and she doesn't feel we are ready for another child. Whatever, Simon and I have discussed it and we were ok with this. My mom said we should have just had one. She just had 1 and always wanted more, but her circumstances never allowed it, then she ended up disabled. Grandma had 5 sons and she didn't want even 1 child, she never played with them or anything. She wasn't happy being a mother. So, Simon and I think there's a little jealousy associated.

Simon's family is thrilled. I'm sure Simon forgot to say not to tell anybody. I was wanting to keep it on the dl until we see the u/s and heartbeat, considering the neither positive or negative results.

I'm so early, I'm just enjoying being pregnant before the real symptoms kick in. So far I'm just really tired, but it may not be the pregnancy, it could be Ellie and the winter gloominess. I have a sore throat, but nothing hot tea, and salt water can't help soothe. If all goes well I should be able to get a VBAC, if I still want to at the end.

I may not post as much as I am worn out and busy. Just wanted to let my blog family know.

Bittersweet

2010-02-09T12:06:00.000-08:00

This is my blog and I have something to say and nowhere to say it, so this is as good as any place. This may be a little bit of TRIGS to those still fighting the infertility war, so if you're having a particular hard day you may not want to read. Though I'm sure you've realized now that most of my posts will have baby related stuff.

This is regarding TTC. I am 11dpo and got a BFN. First off the cycle isn't over yet, so my feelings may be premature. I am feeling 2 very different feelings, but I can't help my feelings. I am scared and I am relieved.

First I'll type about the scared feeling. I know to a lot 14 months isn't a long time to spend TTC, that's what it took for me to get pregnant. I had a diagnosis of PCOS and endometriosis. I had surgery for the endo, I was on clomid for a few round, but wasn't when I got pregnant. The doctor was looking at putting me back on clomid if I didn't get pregnant when I did. I also learned that I was a candidate for IUI, and would probably need that to get pregnant. I was also told my a different doctor that I would probably need IVF to get pregnant. Our insurance does NOT cover IVF or IUI cycles. We could come up with the money for the IUI cycles, but I really don't think we could come up with the money for IVF, that's some expensive stuff. And we have family who would be so against it and give us so much grief about it. I know that this is just one BFN and failed cycle, but I can't help but to think how I was lucky/blessed with getting pregnant the first time. Maybe I wont be so lucky again. It scares the crap out of me, thinking that I may have an even longer road down infertility lane.

I know maybe I should just be content with the beautiful baby girl I have. BUT, DH and I have NEVER seen ourselves with just 1 or even 2 children. Now, we have seen ourselves competing with the Duggars or anything, but we want a nice big happy family.

After reading about my fear you wouldn't think there would be room for relief. Well there is a ton of relief. If I am or had gotten pregnant, Ellie would be about 18 1/2 months old. That's still pretty young. I mean it's the closest I would want 2 children to be in age, hence why we opted to start trying when we did. But still, she's only 10 months right now, still very much my little baby. Simon is still over the road. It will be so much better if Simon is local while I'm pregnant so that he can have more to do with the pregnancy and help me more. Hopefully he'll find a local job in June. It would be awesome if I got pregnant around June or July. That would be Ellie and little brother or sister, almost exactly 2yrs apart. Also if I have a rough pregnancy with m/s and stuff, I can have Simon's help. If I get pregnant before the fall semester starts then I know that I wont be doing any schooling then, which isn't a problem. Simon really would rather me not do full time school anyway, so I can be a SAHM as long as I can. But, the relief comes in, that TTC#2 is way different from TTC#1. Now rather it be a pregnancy sucking the energy out of me or a new baby in house, it affects my first child greatly. I know I will be able to love both the same. It's really very hard to explain. I guess because Ellie is still so much a baby still, it gives me a little relief. It would probably be best if I got pregnant when she's less baby and more toddler. Which let me tell you she's getting closer and closer to each week.

Ok, so for my brag session. Ellie is walking when somebody holds ONE hand. She has a real good gait too, she's not wobbling when she walks, but rather more of a one foot infront of another, ok, so maybe she does have some wobble in her step too, lol. When I'm trying to get her changed on the floor or brush her hair, she will crawl FAST away from me and giggle the whole time.

Obviously I have very mixed feelings about a failed cycle. But it's just what I'm feeling scared and relieved. Oh, and if I had gotten a BFP I would have been scared and relieved for the exact opposite. Relieved it didn't take long to conceived, and scared about how it would affect Ellie. So, either way, I would have the same feelings.

Party Planning

2010-02-02T09:19:00.000-08:00

Anybody good at party planning? I have some ideas w/ many wholes in it for ellie's 1st bday. If you are good at it, we need to be on facebook together and interact via facebook email. Look me up bebsangel@yahoo.com Let me know you read my blog and can offer some help/ideas/insights. TIA.

I'm so smart

2010-02-01T19:58:00.000-08:00

Ok, so maybe I'm not SOOO smart, but I'm not stupid. I just made a 100 on my quiz today in class. So far my class average is a 100, we've had 2 quizzes, 10questions each. I'm so good. Ok, before I boast too much, pride comes before a fall so I best shut up and study. I'll study tomorrow, my bed is calling my names.

YUCK

2010-01-31T17:49:00.000-08:00

Simon has been begging for sloppy joes and tator tots for over a month now. It's one of his favorite meals. I FINALLY made it for him, but he ate all the tator tots earlier so I made mac and cheese. I've been experimenting with different sloppy joe mixes, rather than sticking with the canned manwich. Last time I used one of the packets, and OMGosh, it was wonderful. This time I debated on bi-lo brand or name brand. I went with cheaper bi-lo brand. DH liked it pretty well. I on the other hand, HATE it. It's so nasty. NEVER again. So disgusting.

Another yuck, I have a yeast infection. :-( Simon leaves tomorrow early in the morning for a week. He wanted to have a little fun tonight, but I feel so gross, not to mention the pain, itching, and discomfort I'm feeling. I took a diflucan today and I have some monistat cream. Hopefully I'll be symptom free in no time. Until then YUCK!!

And for the reason I got the infection in the first place, I'm on an antibiotic. Don't worry I have stocked up on yogurt now. I'm on antibiotic for a gum infection, which is another YUCK. I had a root canal many a year ago, I was maybe 15 or 16. The dentist failed to mention I needed a crown. So with time that tooth has broken quite a bit (it's in the back). All that's left is the bottom (closer to the gum) and the outer wall. Last March the gum all around it got massively infected. It was no fun. It hurt to eat. The gum was swollen, and just plain irritated. Back in March I was also sick with a sinus infection so I was given antibiotic, which got rid of the gum infection too. WELL, the gum infection came back, maybe it's time I get the remains of the tooth pulled. It was so painful this time, that my jaw on that side felt bruised and hurt. My cheek on that side was swollen. The good news is I'm about halfway through w/ the antibiotic and the pain is about half gone.

I'm pretty sure that's all the "yuckiness" for now.

I'm smart

2010-01-29T06:18:00.001-08:00

Class is going GREAT!! Better than I ever thought. We have a quiz every Monday, and he takes the 5 highest quiz grades we have and uses those for the final grade. Welp, I have 1 quiz grade behind me. He passed them back out on Wed. and when he gave me mine he told the class if they are into cheating to sit beside me. I was the only one who got them all right, and I was even the first one finished, and I checked over my answers before handing it in. It was pretty easy, but I have a big head now. I'm understanding the next section pretty well now. At first it was a little hard, but I'm getting it now. The chapter in the book is throwing me off, but fortunately his lectures are making sense and he quizzes on the lectures, so that's good.

Ellie is doing great. If I stand her up in the middle of the room, she will remain standing for a few seconds, sometimes 30 seconds or more. When I stand her up, she laughs so hard it's hard for her to stand.

Simon is home and we are enjoying our time together. Possible TRIGS (TTC) I'm about to O so it's a miracle that he's home for the first C's O. I'm not holding my breath that I'll get pregnant. I think I've said it before, I wouldn't mind Ellie and a sibiling being 18months apart, but I'm pushing for closer to 2yrs apart. I would be ok with 3yrs apart. All this plus PCOS and endo is why I'm we're doing what we can this early.

Anyways, I think that's it. Yep it's a short post this time around.

Clomid alternative-Soy Isoflavones

2010-01-22T19:18:00.000-08:00

Apparently the $6 vitamin is supposed to be much like clomid. You take it like clomid 5 days at the beginning of the cycle, you get the same side effects, and apparently your chances of getting pregnant on it are similar to those who take clomid. Only thing, it's not FDA approved for fertility. With that comes, you aren't under a doctor's care as you take it. As many of you may know u/s's and b/w are a part of a clomid cycle.

Here's the kicker; I read this past week about a woman C2 of TTC, never had a baby yet, so she's brand new to the TTC thing, she's planning on taking it next cycle. Apparently it's growing in popularity amognst the new TTCers. I understand being impatient and excited about TTC. I remember trying different things as I learned them to hopefully be the "key" to pregnancy. I know, not as much as some, but more than some too, how heartbreaking a BFN is. BUT, to go out on your OWN w/out a doctor and taking something that is like clomid...that's a bit upsetting. I can understand if you've been on clomid before or if you have PCOS, or if you've been trying longer and no results yet, or if you have a history of IF. I mean eventually I may try it, but I highly doubt it. I'm not trying to bask these women who I feel are jumping the gun and taking it. I just don't understand how you can rationalize it. I mean, say you've never had IF issues, only been TTC for 2 cycles, how would you validate taking clomid?? Same idea here.

All About us

2010-01-21T15:55:00.000-08:00

Most important one first, lol.

Ellie is doing GREAT!! She is walking with her little push toy, it's so cute. Sometimes she will push herself away and let go of what she's leaning on, and well, she falls. But she's trying really hard to stand on her own. She gets credit for that. I took her to the park 2 times this last week, we had some great weather and had to get out. She loves the park and LOVES the swing. She cries when we leave the park. But you know, we can't stay there constantly, we do have to come home. She still just has 2 bottom teeth, no top ones yet. I took her with me to get formula yesterday. I laid one can on her lap and she didn't want me to take it from her. She picked it up (powder formula can) and tried to drink it, lol. Then today I got her baby food. She wasn't hungry till she saw the jars, so I had to get out the puffs and feed her as we finished up in the store. Her vocab is growing. When she's with dada and not me, she says moma. When she's with me and not dada, she says dada. The seldom times she will say our name around us she'll generally look at us. So cute.

Simon: All is well. He's enjoying his job. He's back out for another week, then will be home for a few days.

Me: GREAT!! Class is awesome. I don't know if it's because I'm older, taking one class, or I'm highly interested in the class, but it's a lot easier than college classes were back in the day. Only problem is the class is too short. I could have stayed in class for another 30 minutes. I've lost 6lbs in a month. Ok maybe that's not great, but I had lost the weight, then Christmas I gained it or most of it back, and now I've lost it. I had to go to a doctor I went to last month so they have a good comparison. I have a lot more energy since getting my IUD out. I used to have to nap at least 1 time a day, now I'm having no problems with 1 nap a week. I can even stay awake with little to no problem on Sunday afternoons. That says a lot.

I have another topic of discussion, but I'll save it for a later date. The previous pictures were taken less than a week ago.

Nursing or Surgical Tech

2010-01-17T05:01:00.001-08:00

The last week or so I've been thinking that maybe I should just go on for my RN, but it's going to take a couple years longer, be more expensive, BUT pay twice as much as Surgical Tech. I mentioned it to my mom and she told me of the nurse at her pain clinic. When she told him I was going to school for Surgical Tech he asked why not RN, it's just an extra semester. Yes, the program is an extra semester, however, It has a lot more prerequisites. None of my stuff will transfer because it's been longer than 5yrs. In the end it will be more fulfilling to do nursing, but to get there is going to be a lot harder. Any thoughts on this would be great. Surgical Tech or Registered Nurse????

Daniel Fast

2010-01-13T20:04:00.000-08:00

My church is in the middle of doing a Daniel Fast, for more info on what a Daniel fast is, check out this site: www.daniel-fast.com

I was raised Baptist, not Church of God(as I am now), so I learned very little about fasting growing. Well,actually I didn't learn anything. All I learned about fasting was sometimes before blood work or a medical procedure you had to fast after midnight, which meant you needed to wake up at 11:30pm for a snack, or so that's what my grandma did. LOL. I'm not 100% if I understand the spiritual benefits of a Daniel Fast. I came to learn that you fast, and drink only water and the time you would be cooking and eating, you spend in prayer and reading the Bible. Maybe I was wrong in this idea. The Daniel Fast is something you do for 21 days. On the above mentioned website, they have recipes and foods you can eat. So much for not cooking. As you may have gathered from reading thus far, I'm not participating in the Daniel Fast, just yet. However, I went to the store this evening and bought some fresh fruits and veggies, nuts, and hummus. While I really don't understand the spiritual aspect, I do understand the physical aspect, and I plan on eating Daniel Fast friendly foods more often. One day at a time, but maybe 3 days a week, or maybe even more. For added protein, I think I'll throw in eggs to the mix. Gone with the easy microwavable dinners...so easy when I'm just cooking for myself. Gone w/ the occasional soft drink and other snacks that I really shouldn't be indulging in, like my tortilla chips that I have become so fond of lately.

I was doing so well with losing weight before Christmas. I was eating very sensibly and was quite proud of myself, when the scales showed I lost 8lbs in less than a month. That was before Christmas. The after all the holiday foods, I gained 6lbs back. I haven't weighed since then, but I haven't been "good" since then either. I just haven't had the will power. However, I think I'm getting back on track. Like I said I went to the store, and despite how much ice cream or other junk appealed to me, I stuck with the healthy stuff. I got a couple avocado's, apples, grapefruits, bananas, tangerines, and celery stalks. I already had lettuce and mushrooms. I'm not too fond of apples, but Ellie likes to gum on a chunk, so I figured we could share an apple. I can even dip it in peanut butter, hey it's protein. I usually drown grapefruits with sugar, however, I have some of the Truvia, I figured I could put on it. I LOVE avocado's and I'm trying to get Ellie to be the same, however she's not the most thrilled with them. She doesn't care for anything green. Banana's are the best. Celery is pretty good, especially w/ peanut butter or a little ranch dip. Tangerines are good, just don't care for peeling them. I also got some nuts, with I'm not totally fond of, but I think I can make it work. I have tofu in the fridge and my eggs. I guess I'm going pretty vegetarian on myself. LOL. I've always liked the idea of being more vegetarian. As long as you aren't on an all carb diet, it seems pretty healthy. Hopefully I can jump on this new way of eating pretty good and lose some pounds. My next allowed splurge event will be my anniversary at the end of February, then the one after than is Ellie's birthday at the beginning of April.
I'm going to try and be accountable on here w/ progress. Not necessarily revealing my weight, but just to get how I'm doing out.
Oh and BTW, Ellie has her 9 month appointment on Thursday and I start my class on Friday. I'm so excited!!!

Kinda sorta TTC#2

2010-01-08T15:05:00.000-08:00

IUD is out, AF has shown up today. I'm going to start out temping and charting. As for timing...can't do that for a while. With Simon not home so much, we'll just DTD when he's here. Eventually we will predict when I'll ovulate and try to get him home during that predicted time.

I'm not too optimistic though. After all Endo and PCOS are weighing against me AND now w/ Simon's new career. So for a while I'm not really even going to stress about it or anything. I mean, I have Ellie to keep me busy and love on, so I'm feeling good about having to wait some. Hence why I'm starting to chart now, rather than later. I would like Ellie and #2 to be a couple years apart, but if I got pregnant this month, I would be ok with them being 18 months apart.

I've went to TTCJSO on webmd. OMGosh!!! Those girls are nuts. Many of them are so depressed and emotional because they got a BFN their FIRST cycle trying and they even tested early. Then somebody asked how many DPO everybody was and what the symptoms people had. I know I was once them, but I could gag. The vast majority were all acting pregnant with their "symptoms." Not that all are the same, but for me all I had was I felt like I was going to start my period. Until m/s came between 5-6wks. But these girls are all already feeling m/s and everything else you can think of. Now, surely they aren't ALL pregnant just like that. But still what's the most upsetting is the way people are so distraught over ONE failed cycle. If I stay w/ these people long, I just may go off on some people. I think I will end up coming across as being some know it all bitch, but oh well. I just hate when women talk like their world is falling apart when they haven't been TTC but for a couple months when I know so many that have tried for many years and some have even given up. Grrrr. So, I may not be on that board for long. Fortunately life is about to get VERY busy for me and I wont have time to spare so I wont be able to go on much.

BUSY BUSY life

2010-01-05T12:12:00.000-08:00

My schooling
As if having a rapid crawling, standing 9 month old doesn't keep me busy enough. I am registered for my 1 class, it's paid for, I have my books, and I've read, highlighted, and made notes for the 1st chapter. Class starts on Jan 15th. The only problem I have is childcare. I have class MWF, Mondays are longer because I also have a lab, Wed and Friday are only 50 minute classes. So I just need part time child care, not something that daycares have and I've had no luck finding in home daycares. I found care.com and put in my info, and there is a babysitter that sounds like she would be a perfect for us. I just have to pay the 1 time fee to be able to communicate with her and hopefully it works out. As it stands, Simon's Nana will keep Ellie on Mondays, my mom on Friday's, and I still don't have anybody for Wed. I'm looking for somebody to temporarily fill that spot, but if I can't find anybody, then I'm pretty sure Nana and my mom will be able to alternate weeks for Wednesday. Hopefully I don't need to use them for many weeks. My mom's disability is getting real bad, her back is TOO bad for surgery. She's in so much pain all the time. Nana is over 80yrs old. I just really don't want to wear either of them out. If Ellie was 2months old, it would be different as she would pretty much stay in one place, but she's very active now. So hopefully this all will work out. BTW, the class I'm taking intro to human biology. If I get a B or better in the class, I will get extra points to get me into the Surgical Tech program I've talked about before.

Ellie:
She's doing great. She has a chronic runny nose, and I took her to the doctor today. They gave her loratidine. As for sending her to an allergist, they said they generally don't do that until they are 2yrs old. However, since she has CF they said to call her CF doctor to see what they though. The pedi's view on it, is that if a young child has allergies, it doesn't just suddenly start at age 2. The CF doctor says it's a parental call, they support it, and told me the one they recommend her seeing. I called the pedi back and told them what I was told. Now I'm waiting to see if the pedi does want to go ahead and send her to the allergist or see if the loratidine helps. Either way I'm happy. I was afraid they would give her antibiotics when I didn't see any reason for it. She's not running a fever, not even a low grade. She's not losing sleep. The only congestion is higher up, and I was pretty sure it wasn't in her lungs, which was correct. So we'll see what happens with the allergist.

Simon:
WOW, ready for drama?? Ready or not here it comes. So he, well we were satisfied with his assigned teammate. He was experienced and got around great in the snow and ice. He has 5 kids, one of which is the same age as Ellie, maybe a few days or week or so different. Well, the only problem when they came home for break, Simon tried and tried to get in touch with the guy. His wife and mother in law kept answering and talking to Simon. He could never talk to the teammate. His family was pissed at Simon, but Simon just wanted to know when they would go back out to make money. Apparently dude didn't want to go back out or something. Over a week later, Simon FINALLY talked to the teammate. Well they met at the terminal and weren't any loads, go figure. The guy was yelling and cursing at Simon in front of other drivers, and Simon laughed at him. I would have been yelling and cursing and throwing stuff at him. I have more of a temper than my husband. He was pretty much blaming Simon for the fact that he didn't get to spend time w/ his family (he was off for over week, wasn't Simon's fault). Then on Sunday, somehow the guy found out his license was suspended. My mail doesn't run on Sundays, so I don't know. But, he had a ticket from some time, and never paid it, now there's a warrant for his arrest. So Simon found another teammate, an older man, like in his 70's. BUT then the company had a slip seat position open and offered it to Simon. What's up with the required 6 months of teaming? Oh well, it's a better option for us so he took it. Now he awaits a truck. What slip seat is, he will get paid a certain amount every week. Beyond that, he will get millage. So it'll be more sure income. He will drive a truck for 7 days then take everything out of that truck and be home for 3-5 days, then go back out in a different truck for another 7 and start the whole thing again. During that 3-5 days, once a month he will probably act like he's really home, spending time with us and stuff, but the other times, he's going to drive the shuttle van for $150 a day to extra income on top of the minimum amount he'll get. The reason for him doing the shuttle van is because if he was out there with a team or solo we would have him stay out for 3-4 weeks then come home for 4-5 days. The other option is 2wks over the road and a crappy 2 days home. Our thoughts were stay out a month, come home for a few days. We would get more money and more time off when he's home. So w/ the slip seat program, he can keep working while he's off, just as he would if he was over the road still. Sure there are downfalls of this plan but it's going to work, we really think it will. After my class is over in May, I will apply for him for local trucking jobs, since most like for them to have 6 months experience. When he's local, if circumstances are ok, he want to try and take a night course in theology. It's looking like we will be keeping pretty busy this year with working, Ellie, schooling, and everything else that comes up.

Happy New Year

2010-01-02T04:58:00.000-08:00

1. What did you do in 2009 that you’d never done before?
Gave birth and bought a house and cared for a hubby w/ a broke leg, and breastfed.

2. Did you keep your new year’s resolutions, and will you make more for next year?
I don't think I made a one last year, this year, yes, I'm making a couple. Save more money, and lose more weight.

3. Did anyone close to you give birth?
Goodness yes, I gave birth. Two of my SIL's did, 2 cousin's did, lots of good friends did. Many bloggers gave birth.

4. Did anyone close to you die?
No

5. What countries did you visit?
N/A

6. What would you like to have in 2010 that you lacked in 2009?
Stability, no moves 1 good job for DH.

7. What dates from 2009 will remain etched upon your memory, and why?
April 4- My daughter was born. April 8- Hubby broke his leg

8. What was your biggest achievement of the year?
Having my daughter

9. What was your biggest failure?
Not losing my weight after giving birth as quick I should have.

10. Did you suffer illness or injury?
Umm, not really, I did have surgery to fix a torn sphincter.

11. What was the best thing you bought?
House

12. Whose behavior merited celebration?
My hubby's for going back to trucking school, getting a good job and enjoying it.

13. Whose behavior made you appalled and depressed?
Not sure if other's behavior makes me depressed. Well, if Hubby's depressed I get depressed. I am always appalled at my aunt behavior, she's such a manipulative conniving you know what.

14. Where did most of your money go?
Walmart

15. What did you get really, really, really excited about?
Having my baby.

16. What song will always remind you of 2009?
N/A not huge into songs, don't really know titles and stuff.

17. Compared to this time last year, are you: (a) happier or sadder? (b) thinner or fatter? (c) richer or poorer?
a) happier
b) thinner, much thinner
c) richer

18. What do you wish you’d done more of?
Socializing and cleaning

19. What do you wish you’d done less of?
being lazy

20. How did you spend Christmas?
At home w/ hubby and my baby. My family came for lunch and my MIL and nana came for dinner.

21. Did you fall in love in 2009?
I fell in love with my baby.

22. What was your favorite TV program?
I got sucked into the Teen Mom's and Jon and Kate +8, I got into The Doctors

23. Do you hate anyone now that you did not hate this time last year?
No

24. What was the best book you read?
Don't really remember, but I know there was one.

25. What was your greatest musical discovery?
Um, Ellie, she loves to hit the drums

26. What did you want and get?
House and baby

27. What did you want and not get?
Friends where we moved.

28. What was your favorite film of this year?
Again, I don't remember, but I KNOW there was one that I LOVED. I'll have to ask DH.

29. What did you do on your birthday, and how old were you?
I turned 26, we went to Pigeon Forge, TN for one of the shows, and to the Apple Barn, and came home.

30. What one thing would have made your year immeasurably more satisfying?
More money

31. How would you describe your personal fashion concept in 2009?
Comfy, and scarce, I wore the same things many times. PJ's became my uniform on my favorite days.

32. What kept you sane?
My baby was my sanity most of the time. When she became my insanity, my mom or DH helped a lot, wasn't very often though.

33. Which celebrity/public figure did you fancy the most?
Umm, Dr. Sear's on the Doctor's

34. What political issue stirred you the most?
Universal Health Care and all the many bailouts

35. Who did you miss?
My mema

36. Who was the best new person you met?
Ellie

37. Tell us a valuable life lesson you learned in 2009.
This too shall pass.

Happy New Year, 1 day late.

decisions, decisions

2009-12-22T10:28:00.000-08:00

Option 1: I've enrolled for a class, MWF 4hr course. It's a class that if I make a B or better I will get extra points and give me a leg up for getting into the limited space Surgical Tech program. I'm sure I'll make a B or better. It's a human biology course, and I just love that sort of stuff. I'm enrolled and all, just need to pay. The class will help me get into the program for 5yrs, so even we did end up pregnant I can take it a year or so later, either way, the class will be behind me.

Option 2: My SIL's MIL knows somebody looking for a part time baby sitter for their 13month old son. If I take the class, I will be looking for a part time baby sitter too. The boy would be coming to my house. There are pros and cons if I decide on this. Pro being extra money, Ellie would have a friend and older baby to look up to. Con means I can't go to school, I would have really baby proof the place quickly and better, and it means bringing another child's germs around Ellie. Plus Ellie is starting to get into everything. I can't imagine having 2 going their separate ways getting into things. I know I will need to baby proof the house soon, but for now w/ me staying home w/ Ellie, so far I just keep a close eye on her, and I really haven't had to do much. I have a make shift gate for the kitchen entrance, which I'm not sure how well it will work for a 13 month old and how well his parents will like that.

I'm leaning towards school. It's what I really wanna do and feel like I need to do. So now I just have to find 1-3 babysitters that can help out. I think Dh's nana is willing to take 1 day, my mom MAYBE 1 day, and hopefully we can fill that other day w/ somebody. We'll see.

Ellie's bronchoscope, talking, walking, and me

2009-12-20T19:22:00.001-08:00

Ellie had her bronchoscope last Wed. and she was PITIFUL She was smiling and as happy as she could be before they took her back to the operating room. She was laughing and smiling while they carried her back. Then we waited and waited for what seemed like hours, but it wasn't even an hour. Then here the nurse comes carrying my little crying sweet pea. She had the most pitiful cry. I asked how she did, they said she did great and was asking for me. Whatever...my MIL and I let that go, as we knew she didn't say "momma" yet. But then I heard it...."MOMMMA." OMGosh, it was precious!! When we got home, Ellie and I quickly laid on the couch and took us a good nap, that didn't even last an hour. I woke up to her shaking...she was stiffening every muscle in her little body and relaxing...she kept doing this repeatedly. I was SCARED. I said her name and after about 4times she pryed her eyes open, glanced at me, and closed them again as she trembled. She didn't feel warm at all. I took her to my room and bathroom, then she started showing signs she was going to throw up. So, I held her over the toilet. After she threw up, she continued shaking. I called my MIL and asked her to come back, called my mom, and the doctor. 15minutes later when my MIL arrived Ellie had a fever. They told us she would have a fever for a day or 2. Let the fun begin. She was so pitiful. She just wanted to be held 24/7 as she fought her fever. Thank goodness for my MIL, mom, and Simon's nana. Between all of us we were able to comfort Ellie and nurse her back to health. She threw up several times and didn't seem to be able to keep anything down for a while. But she did say MOMMA.

This past week she is saying a lot more sounds. She is saying "momma", "aba" (we joke that she's saying abba-father in jewish), she said "I lub" when my mom was saying "i love you." She says "hi" and several other sounds. She's pulling herself to stand up on the couch and even making some side steps to get to what she wants. I wouldn't call it cruising just yet, but it's the step before cruising. All this in the last week and that's on top of her being sick w/ the scope and all.

I got my IUD out and I'm on metformin again. Not for TTC purposes, but if it happens then so be it. I have been unable to lose my pregnancy weight, so I've been on a relatively strict diet. I've read that the mireana IUD can make it to where you don't lose weight, plus I was having terrible migraines. No headaches since I had it removed. So far I'm on 1 metformin a day. All this happened last monday. Since then I have lost 4lbs and my pants are fitting lose. I had lost 3lbs before then, so I'm down about 7lbs. While my pants are fitting lose, my other pants still don't fit me. I have to really watch what I eat the next few days because I know from christmas eve-the monday after I'm going to be tempted beyond belief to eat an array of terrible foods. As far as the possibility of getting pregnant...we'll take that chance. Hopefully it wont happen until I lose weight, but whatever happens, happens.

2009-12-09T14:53:00.001-08:00

Simon made it home for Thanksgiving. The week following Thanksgiving he tested to upgrade out of training. Of course he passed everything. Then the stinkin company strung him along and claimed they couldn't get in touch with his assigned teammate. Apparently they were telling his teammate the same. Anyway, as of yesterday they are together and have the truck and are just waiting for a load. His teammate has a 4 kids, one is 8 months old; Ellie's 8 months too. Kinda cool. He and his wife think it's important for her to stay home with the kids too. So that pretty cool. They both have many reasons for keeping that truck moving. Team drivers get paid more and both are very excited about earning a good living for their families.

Guess who is ready to TTC#2?? Simon. The first time around I was all over it, that maternal instinct thing, and I really felt Simon was just along for the ride. I mean he wanted a baby too, but NOTHING like I did. And now he so excited about trying for another one. I have been excited about another one since a few months after having Ellie. He wants me to get my IUD out, and for us to start trying in February, then by May or June he will put in a request to come home on expected "right" days. Don't get me wrong, I'm excited. But, I'm NERVOUS. Maybe I'll be more ready in a few months. My BIGGEST fear, is that I will get pregnant quickly with TWINS while having Ellie, and Simon still being over the road. Can you imagine, a lets say 18-20 month old and a set of twin infants. How would I go grocery shopping??? Pull a buggy w/ a kid and groceries, and push a buggy with 2. I'm not saying I will have twins, but there is always that chance since I have a family history of twins. And easy for Simon to be ready for another one, he will only be home a couple day every few weeks. He wont have to deal with the sleepless nights and all the crying. So yeah, I'm glad he's all over having another one, but I'm not all over the idea just yet. BUT, I am getting my IUD taken out on Monday. I stopped breastfeeding just over a month ago and since then I've been getting migraines like crazy. I know it's from the hormones in the IUD, though not much there are still some. I'm just very sensitive to hormones. I couldn't even handle clomid. By the 3rd straight month my migraine lasted a week and it was so bad that I wasn't going to agree to clomid anymore. So goodbye IUD. I mean seriously with a trucker husband what are the chances of pregnancy anyway??? I think we'll wing it.

Ellie is doing great. She still isn't talking, but I think I'm going to say it's because she's an only child and I'm a SAHM. If we still only have "ahhhs" I will talk to her doctor at the 9 month appointment. But I'm not so worried now. She's now pulling up to stand, and let me tell you, every time I turn around she's standing with something. Ellie still has a cough and clear snot. But, they want to still do the bronchioscope next Wednesday. I'm dreading the aftermath with the high fever. She's going to be so pitiful.

We have icicle lights up outside, and I have some garland and lights around the 2 white post on our porch area. It's kinda pretty. I also put our tree up. I had to get a new tree because our old one, was just a bit puny for me. The old one was 6ft, and I wanted taller, though didn't get the one I really want yet. The new one is 6.5ft, and it's pretty nice for now. I have the tree decorated and a lot of presents already under the tree. I'm not quite finished with my shopping yet. I have 2 more things to get for Ellie, 1 more thing for Simon, and small things for some extended family. Most I know what I'm getting, a few I'm at a lost. But I'm at a stand still till next Friday. So I'll be pushing it some. I may get some before then.

Here's what we have Ellie:
-My Pal Violet (It's a leapfrog toy, a dog stuff animal, that you hook it w/ a USB cord to your computer. Put in the child's name, favorite color, food, and animal, and pick 5 daytime songs, and 5 night time songs. It will teach the spelling of the child's name through song and has other personalized songs. You can go online and change it as child's preferences change. I will do that when she develops more likes.)
-toy drum
-tambourene
-Baby Einstein take along tunes (7 classical song, kind of like MP3 player)
-2 PJ's
-Jacket
-Some toys that aren't for bath time, but they will be in our house. We can't use typical bath time toys because of the risk of psuedomonas.
-Leapfrog spin and sing alphabet zoo. (She seemed to really like it in the store)
-Books
What's left to get her, not much.
-Simon wants to get her V-tech sit to stand dancing tower
-I want to get her a small Boombox w/ CD player for her playroom. Found the perfect one at K-Mart.
-I want to get 1-2 outfits, not pricey ones so hopefully I can get 2. She is getting into the sizes that she doesn't have full supply of.
-Potty chair (ok, before you think she's too young, I was her age, actually younger when my mom started putting me on the potty chair a few times a day and early potty training really did work. Now of course it's not going to be complete until she's walking and talking, but I would rather start now than have to deal with it later when she's more mobile and stubborn because of age. So I'm getting it, to try it out).

I know my mom, aunt, grandma, and Simon's mom, grandma, and probably a few others will be getting her some things. So I think Ellie will have a very nice 1st Christmas. Which I've already figured out she will enjoy the wrapping paper above all else.

For Simon I have:
-football
-good winter boots (gave to him early)
-MP3 player (same kind from last year, it got washed in the washer so I got a new one)
-2 PJ's
-electric steamer
-memory card for camera
-may get him a new digital camera
-a case/carrier for his toiletries
I think that's all I got for him

The problem was coming up with things for my list. I was at such a lost, now after he went shopping I think of things. The only thing I could think of were socks, blender, and crock pot. I got myself pj's, and are you smarter than a 5th grader dvd game. But now I want Mad Gab, t-shirts for working out, the storage bags you get the air out of (great for storing Ellie's old clothes), and a couple long skirts. Oh well. What will be the best for me is for Simon and Ellie to be happy. And that's not just a line, that's seriously what I want.

So I'll post again in a few month...just kidding. I'll post again, but not tomorrow. LOL. I guess for me to have half way descent post I have to wait a while between. I'm not as creative and don't live as eventful of a life as others.

Where do I start?

2009-12-02T16:30:00.000-08:00

Once again, I have let my blog go. I'm terrible, I know.

Simon has finally went out w/ his trainer and completed training. It actually wasn't so bad being a "single parent" while he was away. Ellie and I got sick w/ a pretty yucky cold and Simon's nana and mom helped out with Ellie while I recovered. I got better, Ellie never did. Then I got sick again. Simon made it back home for Thanksgiving. A couple days later is when I got sick again, and like I said Ellie is still sick with a yucky cough, and Simon is now sick. Hopefully he will be going out with his teammate tomorrow. They are trying to get in touch w/ his teammate, which is proving to be difficult.

Ellie has 2 bottom teeth, and let me say, she was AWESOME while cutting them. She didn't fuss much or anything. She's tough like her momma. She's been sitting up for a while now. Her posture is AWESOME!!! Now she falls over every so often, but really not much anymore. She's pulling herself to stand up, and LOVES to stand. The other night at about 2am she woke up screaming, when I went to her room she was standing in her crib, I'm guessing she was scared because I laid her back down and rubbed her back (she insist on sleeping on her belly), and she drifted off back to sleep.

She's not all that into eating solid food. We were doing great w/ breakfast, lunch, and dinner with either jarred baby food or homemade baby food, but when she's sick, I'm not too good about offering her baby food and she's not to good about eating it. She's been sick now for a month, so she hasn't had much solids. I feel bad about that. Hopefully we'll be able to get back on a solid food schedule soon.

She couldn't have her scope because the first time I was really sick, fever and all. Then she was on antibiotic so they had to postpone it. As it stands, I need to call them to find out if they have a date for it.

I'm concern about Ellie's lack of talking. Ok, I know she's only 8 months, well a few days short of 8 months. But all I've read she should be making sounds like bababa or dadadada or mamamama, but she's just say aaaaaaa, and she says that all the time. She's very verbal she just isn't making the sounds I thought she would be making. I hope everything is ok. The main reason for my concern is DH was deaf out of one ear when he was a baby and had speech problems, I had very poor hearing for my early childhood and had terrible speech issues. I want to stay on top of any problems she may have.

So all in all, there's the update.

pseudomona???

2009-11-02T04:47:00.001-08:00

Ellie had her throat swab last week we got the results Friday afternoon. She tested positive for Pseudomonas and staph. They said the next step would be the bronchial scope which was already scheduled. I am clueless with what this pseudomonas or whatever is. I have googled it and I'm not finding the answers I have questions about. If any of you CF mom's or patients have any knowledge...I'm sure you do, then I would appreciate some info. What is it? What kind of treatments will Ellie most likely have??

I'll post later Halloween stuff. I have to wake her up so I can get her ready for a swallow study.

This is what she tested positive for Staphylococcus and Pseudomonas

Expect the Unexpected

2009-10-28T20:41:00.000-07:00

While the hubby was in truck driving school, to prepare him, and myself for this career, I verbally quoted "Expect the Unexpected." I did my homework about many truck companies and learned that those 3 words were the key to being an over the road truck driver. He was supposed to be at the terminal this evening to go out with his trainer. I get him there, it's only 30 minutes away. We hang out and he waits for his trainer. Eventually he asked about his trainer and wondered what the deal was. His trainer was do for home time. So, he is put off till Friday at 9am. Ugh, I hope this works. The first time we said our goodbyes, I cried, tears and all. Today when we said goodbye, I was fine, until I saw him playing and talking to Ellie, and she was laughing, then I got teary eyed, but no tears. Friday I'll be ready to kick him out real quick. LOL. We are both anxious for him to be out and making money and doing what he wants to do...truck driving.

Ellie is pooping sooooo much. It's crazy. She's went 6 times, maybe more for 3, maybe more days in a row. I hope her probiotics help soon. I've decided to cut out her solid food at lunch time. She'll still have breakfast and dinner. These poops are crazy!!!!!

Pulmonoligst

2009-10-27T16:53:00.001-07:00

Ellie had her CF appointment today. It took forever this time. Ellie will be having a swallow study study on Monday and will soon have a bronchial scope. She's always had congestion mainly in the morning. It's just getting worse and she's coughing now. She's not coughing all the time, just some. But before they go and give her medication they want to make sure she isn't aspirating when she eats. She had her first flu shot today and the rsv shot. In a month we will get her 2nd flu shot and her 2nd rsv. Apparently she has to have 5 rsv shots. And I still have to get the H1N1 vax for her.

Simon FINALLY has a trainer. He has to be at the terminal at 3pm tomorrow. He will be training for 3wks and hopefully pass the test they give then he'll be out 7-10 days more with a teammate before coming back home. I'm kind of hoping it'll just happen to fall on Thanksgiving or a day before or day after, sometime around then.

That's it for now.

Real Quick

2009-10-27T07:56:00.000-07:00

This is going to be a short one. I'm rushing around but was online while I blow dry my hair, so figured I would drop a line. Simon is STILL waiting for a trainer. Hopefully he gets one today or tomorrow. In the meantime he's home with us. Yeah, that's good I guess. At this point no matter how long he's home, he'll still have to be out for 5-6 training and stuff. So the sooner, the better IMO.

Ellie has a CF appointment today. I'm hoping all goes well. She's pooping a lot, eating a lot, and is having allergy problems. Hopefully nothing is CF related. But we'll find out in a few hours. Yesterday she pooped 6 times and last night she ate 8oz of baby food, and 30 minutes later wanted 6oz of formula, plus our bedtime nursing session. I guess she pooped all out and had to refill her digestive system.

I gotta go, need to finish getting ready.

I'm back

2009-10-23T19:19:00.000-07:00

Sorry I've been away from blogging. I haven't read blogs and I haven't updated any blogs. I've been on facebook and occasionally on webmd but I've started cafemom and it's just sucked me right in. That and Ellie is just so much fun now. She's keeping me busy, that's for sure. Simon has graduated from trucking school. He's been on cloud 9 lately. He did very well on his CDL test. The past few days he's been at orientation for a company. He should start with a trainer on Monday or Tuesday. He'll be out for at least 3wks training then out for another 2-3wks before coming home. Agh, I'm going to miss him so much. But he's excited and I know Ellie and I will be just fine.
Ellie is doing so wonderful these days. My mom always comments on how Ellie is so advance and stuff. Then I start reading what other babies are doing and I know my mom just doesn't remember. I think Ellie is right on track with most things, a little ahead with some, and a little behind with others...totally normal. If I sit her down sitting she sits for a short amount of time. She isn't fond of sitting herself up from laying down, but if she's slightly elevated she'll do it. She's been getting around in an army crawl since 5 months, she's 6 1/2 now. I wanted to do baby led weaning, but she's hungry and she doesn't have the pincher grasp yet. I've only given her fruits and veggies though. I'm not rushing the meats I'll do tofu first. She's babbling like crazy. She gets on her hands and knees and rocks and pulls her knees up so it's just her hands and feet on the floor, looks like she's trying to stand. She is exploring beyond the obvious. We used to put her on the living room floor and she would just go around the living room, but now she is starting to creep closer to other rooms and has expanded her territory. Time for cabinet locks. She also likes the on/off button on the computer and cords. Yikes!! She love computers, pianos, and the joy stick on my mom's power wheelchair. I love this baby so much, she is my life.
Ellie's was sick with a cold recently. After a longer than a week, I took her to the doctor. She had a sinus infection. She's finished w/ the antibiotic. She still wakes up with a runny nose and has a runny nose off and on during the day. She has swollen red eyes, and is coughing but it's not very productive at all. I suspect w/ the fall here now, and things dying she may have allergies. She sees the CF dr. on Tuesday so I'll talk to them about it.
Hopefully I wont stay away this long anymore. I have more pics, but they aren't on my computer yet. We just went last weekend for our anual fall photo shoot. When I get them on the computer, I'll post some of the best.

Free Range Parenting

2009-08-04T07:12:00.000-07:00

This is an article I saw on webmd. It's very interesting.

http://www.webmd.com/parenting/features/free-range-parenting

Good chance, you've heard something about it. It's about the mother who let her 9yr old son ride the NYC subway by himself. Apparently that's called free range parenting.

I read the article, and found it pretty interesting to say the least. I lean more towards the free range parenting. No, I'm not going to let my child go get on a large city subway by herself. I'm not quite that extreme. But, I'm not one to force my child to be overly dependent on me. Here's a quote that I love from the article above.

“The message you get if your parents do everything from driving you to school to waiting at the bus stop to doing your science fair project is ‘I love you so much, but I don’t think you can do this,’” Skenazy says. “That’s why they call it self-confidence, not parent-assisted confidence.”

I have first hand experience with that. You see, Simon's parents believed in the parent-assisted confidence and he has NO self confidence now. I mean, the worse of anybody I know, its pretty bad. But, when he was young and somebody asked him his name, his mom jumped in, not allowing him to answer. That was just the beginning. She did his homework a lot for him. His dad didn't allow him to play outside until he was 9yrs old. Even then it was only in the yard w/ close supervision. He slept with his parents till he was like 10yrs old. I know there are other examples, but I can't think of them. So now as an adult, they haven't changed much. Oh, their little baby boy shouldn't have to do anything, shouldn't have to stress things, shouldn't have to work hard. He ALWAYS thinks that other people are smarter, faster, and just plain better than him with everything. He never thinks he's good at something. But he does require constant affirmation, similar to what you may see with a 10yr old. So in my eyes this is where that OVER protecting parenting gets you.

Now my sister in law has two children, 5 and 7, sleeps in the bed w/ her and her hubby. Talk about a crowded bed. She doesn't let them out of her sight. She is a stay at home mom, homeschools, and has a social "mom's group." That way the children are always brought to her house. In one way it's great that she is involved and active in her children's lives. In other way I have learned that the reason for the involvment is so that her kids are always with her. She has lots of fears, which are starting to wear off on her children. I'm looking forward to seeing how these kids grow up. Will they be confident and independent adults, or will they have low self confidence and be dependent on mom and dad.

I don't really have any story's about the free range parenting. Most families I know really well are over protecting like my sister in law's family. I guess I'm more from the free range parenting. I feel like I had a life. I went to girl scout meetings without mommy. I went to overnight camps starting at age 8, for a week during the summer. I learned a lot from experiencing some independence. How I turned out...well I don't know how I compare to Simon. I mean, I'm not perfect. But, I don't think everybody else is better than I am. If nothing else I had a funner and more rewarding childhood than he did.

So, how will we raise our child/ren? Well, I do want her to go to camps, if she wants to. I do want her to spend nights with her grandma's if they are up for it and again, if she wants. I don't want her to be the homesick child. I want her to have independence, but at the same time I want to ensure her safety. I don't want a family bed, children sleep in their bed, in their room. I want them to be involved with something, that I'm not. For example, girl scouts or some other kind of club/organization. Maybe somewhere in the middle of sending a 9yr old to a subway on their own, and putting my child in virtual bubble would be nice.

Where do you stand w/ parenting? Even if you aren't a parent yet; where do you stand with this?

I'm boring, but Ellie is CUTE

2009-07-29T19:25:00.000-07:00

I am realizing just how boring I am. I don't have pets anymore, don't really want any. I have a baby girl. I go to church 2-3 times a week. I cook and grocery shop, but I don't cook every day. I feel like I'm constantly on the go, but I don't really know what I'm busy doing. I need to get a life, really bad. Do fun things. We did go to a theater production for my birthday on Tuesday. That was fun. But, really I don't do enough. So, if you wanna leave a comment...leave some things I can do and can try. I am learning to use my mom's sewing machine. I really am trying to improve my life.

CF test results; vacation; and 2 pics

2009-07-24T11:29:00.000-07:00

I have so many pics I think I'll post a pic per post, if that's ok, instead of doing the all pic post. Because I also have important things to write about, and I don't want the beautiful pic nor the writing to get left out.

She went to her CF appointment last Tuesday. Her stool sample was normal. The sweat test was borderline. She will continue to be followed and it's pretty much what the doctor expected to see with her mutations. She did great with the sweat test, on the first leg, then screamed bloody murder on the 2nd leg. Once it was over, she quickly settled down and fell asleep. What an angel.

We went to NC for a semi quick trip. It was about an 8hr drive there, and the 2nd day we broke it up and made the trip in 2 days to be more relaxed. It's supposed to be an 8hr trip w/out baby and somehow, I think because Simon must have been going 80mph, it was an 8hr trip. I sat with Ellie in the back most of the way there, Simon was with her on the way home.

So what we did in NC. Ellie met her great granddaddy for the first time. This is my granddaddy's first blood great grandchild. His wife has some, but she's MEAN. She doesn't let her great grandkids go over to her house because they get into stuff, run around, and just be kids. She said she doesn't want them over. They all live out of town, so of course they wont go over. She said she hates kids. She said her only grandaughter brought her boyfriend over 10yrs ago. Since he had holes in his jeans, she told her not to bring him there, and didn't care if she ever came back either. That was the last time she saw her, 10yrs ago. So, I doubt we will be taking Ellie back. If we did, the next time would be when she's at least crawling, maybe walking, and of course exploring. And I know the woman can't handle that.

We also saw my severally mentally challanged aunt. She didn't acknowledge Ellie much, but she touched Ellie's back, which is kinda her way of acknowledging.

We also met some old family friends that I have seen in many years. Sonny has cerepral palsy and is in a wheelchair, has speech problems, but otherwise is way smarter than one might assume. His sister owned and still does a fabric shop. She makes dresses and shirts for people. She's done this my whole life. My mema would take me to the shop and while they talked, Sonny and I would play and talk. Sonny got to see Ellie and kiss her cheek, like he would do me, and really like he always did my mom. This was a highlight of my trip. Ok, I know I said one pic per post, but I can't resist. Here is Sonny and myself kissing Ellie. She really didn't know what to think.

Another highlight is when I drove by my great grandma's ("other mema") house. The front door was open, and Simon talked me into going to the door to see if I could have a tour from the complete stranger. How dangerous!! But I did it and come to find out, it was woman, maybe 10yrs old than me. She very friendly and talkative and was happy to give me a tour. It was so nice to be able to say "bye" to the house. I never got closure as "other mema" was put in a nursing home when I lived in Georgia for a year.

Overall the trip was wonderful closure for me. At the end of my junior year in high school, I had no idea that I would be living in Georgia for my senior year, I didn't know that I would never go back to that school. Later I returned to the area for a while, before moving to Tennessee. When I left I had to quickly get out due to a bad relationship. I never got to have closure at all. Since I've been back a couple times, but I haven't been there long enough for closure, nor was that on the agenda. So, it was a very productive trip, more than needed.

I'm doing it

2009-07-10T07:41:00.000-07:00

I printed off the application for Surgical Tech, and completed it, and it sits in front of me ready to be stamped and mailed off. It will be to start August 2010, so I have some time to wait. Maybe I will take a class in the spring to kinda get in my mind working. If I take Anantomy and Physiology 1 and 2 or Intro to Human Biology and make at least a "B" then I get bonus points towards selection to the Surgical Tech program. So...I think I may see about doing that, it would be awesome to do it.

I went to my counseling appointment this morning. I really love going. I dunno, it's just something about going to counseling every other week that helps. I like to see what kind of BIG things I can accomplish between appointments. Such as I've gotten seen and treated for my plantar facisitis. I've gotten this anal fissures taken care of. I've got this application for college done. The next 2wks, I will have to sit down and talk to my mother in law about a couple things. I need to fill out the application for the gym and TURN IT IN. And make an appointment w/ a primary care doctor. So, that's my homework. Also I need to try to work on some of my anger issues.

We may be going to NC this week. Simon is off 3 nights in a row. So....hopefully we can travel the 8ish hr trip and visit my grandfather. I'll be away from the comp. during that time unless my MIL will let me use her comp. Yeah right. We would leave Tuesday after Ellie's CF appointment. She has her sweat test and an appointment. They said it should be only 2hrs. So, we should be finished at 11am give or take. Simon has his leg appointment earlier that morning, at 8:15 and will hopefully be able to put weight on it. I'm gonna see if Nana can come w/ me to Ellie's appointment.

I gotta run to get Ellie from Nana's. I just wanted to stop by the house real quick to put the application in the mail. Can we say PROGRESS!!! So exciting. So you've all read my goals for the next 2wks. Make sure I work towards them.

Surg. Tech or EMT

2009-07-06T20:27:00.000-07:00

So, I'm thinking about going back to school. Only this time, I'm not going back to finish what I started. I was going to get a Bachelors in Sociology. How useless is that...well let me rephrase, it wouldn't be very fulfilling to me. I've always dreamed of being a doctor, one that performed surgery. Well, obviously that dream is out for more reasons than I can count. I've lost that desire completely. But what I do desire, is to be a part of the surgical team. In some way, in any way. Surgical Tech is a relatively quick course, w/ classes that will be of ultimate interest to me. I may even one day be able to work on a trauma team, which would just make me so HAPPY. It's the best and most exciting thing to me. The problem is, I have plantar fascitis in my feet, of course, hence the name plantar. I'm not sure if I will be able to stand for the whole surgery. Also during the pregnancy smells really got to me. Now, I'm guessing an operating room doesn't really smell good. So there are a couple fears. I mean for the foot and knee pain, maybe my doctor can prescribe something that will help. I don't know. I really want to be a surgical tech...but the pain is kinda scary. Oh and the college I would have to go to is 45min. away in the next town over. It's actually from where we move from. But, I can get over that, really I can.

The other option is at the community college here, I could do EMT. Now still in the medical field and still somewhat fun. But....I'm not big on the driving an ambulance, especially in the city (not huge). I just don't trust myself as much as I should. I've been told I should be an EMT by many people. I played the roll of an EMT in a church program one year. I was told I looked "natural" in the uniform. I've been told I should do it because when a medical emergency arises I think the fastest and am the most confident. My adrenalin goes up and I go from this little shy, timid person, to a fast confident, take charge person. It's pretty cool after the "medical emergency" when I get to look back and think "I did...and because I did the right thing, everything turned out ok." It really is a great feeling. I've experienced situations through my jobs with working with mentally/physically challanged adults. You will have things from LONG seizures to bloody noses, to a person with aspiration problems vomitting, or falls, and the list really does go on. My problem is I am overweight, I know I don't move really fast. Also, I'm not a big fan of working in the elements such as rain/storms or snow. I envision a wreck at night, during a thunderstorm and downpour, and I can't wait till it slows down. I soak and wet have to be able to manuver to care for the situation. Ack...enough to scare me away I think. I'm pretty sure they do 12hr shifts, which I hate. Obviously it's a 24hr 7 day a week job, no major holiday off. I personally want a little more hope than that. I mean I could work in a surgical clinic and do mon-fri. I mean could. But it's a little more freedom w/ Surgical Tech. But the college is in my town, it cost less...I think, and isn't quite as long as Surgical Tech, although Surgical Tech isn't real long realively speaking.

So do I do what will make me the most happy since both have slight physical problems associated. I can get past it, expecially if I just lose weight. That's another post. So obviously I'm leaning towards the Surg. Tech program, but what do you think. Not to discourage from commenting, but I think my mind is made up....Now I need encouragement to STOP procrasinating. My middle name is procrasination. I'm not getting anywhere by procrasinating though. I HAVE to do this.

My mom has polyps in her stomach

2009-07-03T10:19:00.000-07:00

My mom had her gallbaldder taken out a couple weeks ago. It was functioning at a whopping 12% which is considered non functioning. Plus she had gall stones. YIKES!! She's been battling this for over a year, till she finally gave in and saw a different doctor as she was getting way sicker. She has still been sick. Poor thing. She had the endoscopy thing where they go down with a scope to look in the upper GI portion. She had/s numerous polyps. The dr. took 6 out, which that's all he said they can take out at once or they run a risk of rupturing the stomach, or something like that. He sent them off for testing to see if they are cancerous and stuff. He said every 6months she'll need to return to get 6 more taken out. He said it's probably precancerous so this will be an ongoing thing. To me none of this sounds good. But, I'm gonna play calm. My mom is pretty stress free. She will not put herself through chemo. She's cool w/ what life brings. I'm not so calm. I have a little baby and my mom is the BEST grandma any child could ever ask for. She may have lots of $$ to buy the kid anything or everything, but she is so much fun, even with Ellie being the age she is. When I need to smile and laugh I just let my mom and Ellie be together, and it's so funny. And my mom is AWESOME w/ her woodworking stuff and has all these ideas of building Ellie a swing set and playhouse and stuff. So...I'm hoping for the absolute best. Plus if Ellie loses her Gammy (my mom) then it would be plain sad. Ellie doesn't seem to care much for her Granny, which is Simon's mom. Ellie cries everytime she holds her. Which I don't blame her. LOL. The woman starved her for a couple hours, despite her rooting because she was passing gas. This has happen a couple time. I've got other stories, but that's not the focus of this post. What I'm saying, is if Ellie looses her Gammy, she looses a lot. So yeah, I'm nervous, but I can be calm too....soon. My mom doesn't have the cancer diagnosis. It's all good right now....right?

Surgery and breastfeeding

2009-07-02T17:45:00.000-07:00

I had surgery yesterday. I thought I had hemorrhoids during the pregnancy and after. I guess I didn't. It got so bad last week that I went to the ER in the middle of the night. I was told it was hemorrhoids and to see a surgeon. Last Friday I saw the surgeon, just to learn it wasn't hemorrhoids, but rather anal fissures. So yesterday I had my sphincter muscle repaired and fissures removed. It hurts to sit and well it's just not fun.

Breastfeeding has never been great, but I've had some rewarding times. Times that I felt like I was really making progress and doing an awesome job. Before surgery Ellie began falling asleep while I breastfed her. Ugh, very hard on me, to make sure she gets what she needed. But, after the surgery, she had to have bottles for 24hrs. Now today was HORRIBLE for us. She refused every time but 2. And those 2 times she'll take it as long as there is a nice heavy stream, but once she has to work a little she freaks out. I'm so ready to throw my arms up and say forget it. But, on the flip side, I'm really wanting to fight to keep it going. I don't have a pump, we were renting one and I let it go back in June. I think I'm loosing supply, but I also know that I can still increase if I buy a pump (low on money these days), and PUMP, PUMP, PUMP. There is also a bottle that I saw at babies r us that resembles the breast, maybe if I use that, and pump, then maybe I can get her back on the breast. I dunno. I miss my time w/ my precious baby. :-(

Never knew my father

2009-06-25T16:34:00.000-07:00

I have never known my father and when I try to find him on things such as Ancestory.com or facebook, I really feel like he's making sure I don't find him. All I know is his first and last name and his birthday. That gets me nowhere, but seeing a bunch of people that may or may not be him. Arg...so aggrivating. Obviously I'm not wanting anything from him. Just to see a pic of him, any children he has, which would be my half sibilings, have a couple questions answers, and maybe know his sister's and parent's name, then I'll be gone. I'm not looking for a father/daughter like relationship. I'm well into my 20's now, I'm too old to back track and have a DADDY. Sure that's hard to grasp. But it's the truth. I no longer cry myself asleep at night because I too wanted to have a Daddy. I don't want his time, attention, money, or gifts, or even apologies. Just a couple answers, a few pictures, and I'll be on my way. That's it. Why does finding a person have to be so damn hard. I want to scream sometimes. Then I find somebody that COULD be him, just to be disappointed most of the time. Well not so much disappointed, well ok, maybe that is the right word. Imagine you are on an Easter Egg hunt. You are the only one on this hunt. There are hundreds of plastic eggs, most empty. Some have a fake, but real looking $100 bill in it, and only 1 has a real $100 bill in it. You open many to find them empty, some to find it really could be, but at a closer to look it's not, but you never seem to find the lucky one. Either you never find it, or because there are so many eggs you skip over a lot too, without much of a glance. That's how it is for me. It's so frustrating!!

I'm alive...a couple pics.

2009-06-16T15:34:00.000-07:00

We're, as in Simon, Ellie, and myself are doing great. We are very busy. Simon just recently started a job that he is able to do with a broke leg. He has one more month of no weight bearing with his leg. Ellie is doing a great job at keeping me awake. Nah, she sleeps as good as any baby 2-3months.

More pics to come later.

101th post

2009-06-02T13:39:00.000-07:00

OMG, my 100th post caught me off guard, and now here I am at my 101th post. No surprise how boring my 100th post was.

I have an update to my 100th post.

I went to the podiatrist to find out what was up with my foot, and well feet. I decided while I was there, I would tell of my feet problems since childhood. X-ray showed I had plantar facitisis which was no surprise since I've been given that diagnosis before. He gave me a shot, but half of what he would normally give since I'm breastfeeding, but he's sure it wont cause any problems. Since I'm supplementing w/ formula I'm still going to dump and pump. He just did one foot this time. Also the little ball under your big toe has always given me problems. He checked both and both have fluid in that area. He said it's not a good thing, and he will in the future do injections, but since I'm breastfeeding he didn't want to do the injections in all the places. He was sure the injection would help my heal. Let's hope it does. But this evening, I think I'll stay off it as much as possible. Simon is out of the house for now, and my mom and grandma have Ellie for a few more hours. So I can at least rest my feet for a little while. Oh, and I have some kind of tape wrapped around both feet to push my tendon up. So, it's wierd walking anyway. I have a follow up next Tuesday. Hopefully this is a good doctor that will be able to help.

Nearly unbarable pain

2009-05-31T21:43:00.000-07:00

I am 98% sure I have heel spurs on one of my feet. I had this kind of pain in middle school, I couldn't walk on either heel when I woke up in the mornings. Fortunately I had a couple in the household that required a shower chair, so I could get my morning shower in without having to stand. Eventually it went away on it's on.

But now, I have the pain but it's magnified by a lot. It hurts not only in the morning, but anytime I stand up from sitting. It hurts when I walk or when I stand. Why it's even starting to hurt while I just sit. It hurts like crazy. I couldn't tell if it was swollen, I honestly didn't think it was, but Simon's Nana said it was before I even inquired about it. I did a little research about it today and every single symptom I have. So, tomorrow I'm calling the podiatrist to try and get in.

For treatment, I read pain meds (breastfeeding, I can't and wont take much), cortisone injections (if it doesn't interfere w/ breastfeeding, I guess I'll hesitantly accept), Physical therapy primarily for ultra sound on the location (love the thought), and surgery. My grandma needs to have surgery on hers soon, but it's absolutely last resort and there is a period (not sure how long) of no weight barring. So, surgery will be definate last resort me. I will try everything else before having surgery, especially since Simon is still no weight baring, that would be absolutely terrible if we were both like that. But the pain is getting bad enough that I have to go to the doctor, soon. I can only tolerate this for so long, I need to go ahead and get started with some kind of treatment.

Ellie's appointment update

2009-05-28T07:01:00.000-07:00

Her appointment was pretty good, for being the first. I have to get a stool sample and take it to the children's hospital. It's about 45min-1hr away so, yes she's pooped. I have yet to get a sample to them because it's been raining, storming, or I haven't been showered and dressed when the poops come. Soon though, we'll be getting it to them. Her next appointment is right after the sweat test on July 14th.

The doctor said any gassy issues and pain she has while she eats is most likely the CF. Since we don't have the test results from the stool sample and the sweat test yet, it was really hard for him to say much. They did say I need to increase the breastfeeding and decrease the formula. She is gaining weight and growing great. She is almost 10lbs and on the chart, so that was awesome. We are having to switch her formula, which I was hoping he would want done.

So far the more breastfeeding and less formula thing is going ok, just ok. Yesterday I EBF in the morning and in the afternoon. By about 1 or 2pm, she was overly fussy. I continued to put her up to the breast, but she was so fussy and crying hysterical. I finally gave her a few oz's of breastmilk I had in the fridge. Once again she was happy and content. I decided that when she bottle feeds I'll make sure I pump to help increase the supply. I have you know I pumped both sides for a while and didn't even fill the little bottle up to a cm. It was ridiculous. I think she litterally sucked me dry. I pumped about 2 more times since, and all together I have just over an oz. I guess she litterally sucked me dry. But, I've got to either offer her the breast or pump at every feeding so my breast know to produce more milk.

The problem with all this, is when I baby is born, the first few weeks is generally for mother to heal/recover, to get a routine going, and for mother to nurse (if she's going that route). The first few weeks of Ellie's life were for none of that. It was taking care of daddy, stressing about daddy, and all the hell he putting us threw. I would stay up late with her, to have his nana come in around 8am, to lift all blinds and stressing that we needed to get our nights and days straight. I had people going through my house putting stuff in the STRANGEST places. I'm still finding stuff in weird places. All so aggravating. Having a mother in law and simon's nana taking my husband to the bathroom, and NEVER getting even 5minutes alone with my husband. Yeah...Ellie and nursing dropped through the cracks. So now, 7-8wks later I NEED my time, Ellie NEEDS her time. We need our time now, since we didn't get it earlier in her life. Simon is doing more around the house now, so it's hopefully going to be easier for me to do this nursing thing.

CF appointment today

2009-05-26T07:29:00.000-07:00

Ellie's first CF appointment is today. I'm a bit nervous.

The rattling in her chest, and loud breathing, only happens at home. When I was pregnant, after we moved into the house, I had problems. I would wake up with a killer sore throat and runny nose. It's better now. I'm wondering if she's just having some problems with the house being new. Maybe chemicals in the carpet or something. Whatever gives the new house that smell and stuff. Obviously I had some problems adjusting, so maybe she's having some problems.

I'll post about her appointment soon.

Baby congestion??

2009-05-23T04:48:00.000-07:00

We've noticed that when Ellie breaths it's a little rattle sound and feel in her back/lungs. She breaths a little heavy now too. Could this be CF related or am I paranoid. She's not coughing and no runny nose. Is there something I can give her? Does she need to stay home, or can we continue with plans. She doesn't seem to be sick.

Baby ? and CF ?

2009-05-20T12:15:00.001-07:00

If you remembered, around how much did your baby weigh at 6wks?

I ask because Ellie was 9lbs at 6wks. So many people say she's very small and stuff. Is that really small when she started out at 7lbs 3oz. The pedi didn't seem to be concern. I'm just hoping it isn't some kind of CF thing that's causing any problems. If it is, we'll hopefully find out on Tuesday at the appointment.

CF Question:
What was going with the digestive system when your child or you were around 6-8wks. Just wondering so I can kind of compare notes.

Jon and Kate +8

2009-05-17T18:40:00.000-07:00

I absolutely love the show. Can't say I'm shocked about the recent news of the marital problems with cheating. I mean it happens to couples all the time. I'm not saying it's ok, or normal. I'm just saying, I don't put anybody on a pedestal with things. However, it could totally be a publicity thing to get even higher ratings in this last season. I mean you never know. I just really hope they do have this last season. I just adore those 8 kids.

Update on us. Ellie is doing wonderful. She's growing, her tummy issues are getting better. She's precious as ever, smart, and strong. Simon is doing good. His birthday is tomorrow. He's not wearing his brace now, the dr. said it's ok. His leg is not in any pain, only when he bends it...but that's because it's kind of locked up some on him. For the most part, we are waiting till the end of the 3 months so he can start putting weight on it. We are wondering if it would really mess things up if he were to start baring a little weight on it now. But, of course he isn't going to do it without an ok from the doctor. 3 months is a long time. I'm battling some post partum depression. I guess that's what it is. I mean, look at my life right now...it could just be regular depression. I'm tired of being the only one in the house who can do dishes, laundry, mixing formula, getting dirty clothes off the floor and putting them where they go, carrying Ellie around, and taking trash out. The list really does go on. The point is, I'm getting tired of doing what seems to be everything. All the while, he sits on the couch, recliner, or bed, watches TV, and talks on the phone. He goes to church on Sunday, drives an hr to see his dad, goes to physical therapy 3 days a week, and anytime he gets depressed, or "stir crazy" as he says he just goes out driving. I'm stressed about our future. During this time, he should be figuring out if he is going to follow through with trucking...if so he needs to be studying the 115 point inspection. If he's not, then he needs to find a job that will make him happy and pay what he needs, or 2 jobs. Either way, he can be doing those things now. I am very stressed about our future right now. I hope everything works out. Surely it will work out. Right???

The pedi appointment

2009-05-13T04:06:00.000-07:00

We went to her regular pedi yesterday afternoon. He said, like some of you have said that it very well could be the CF. I am getting WIC right now so I have the formula they want me to use, but I also breastfeed too. A pediatrician must be able to show WIC that they have tried other things before writing a script to change the formula to something else, which is fine by me. He wants us to feed her 2oz ever 2hrs. He said at night wake her up every 3-4hrs, so I've been feeding her 3oz for those longer stretches. He said if she isn't satisfied to add a little rice cereal. I guess I have got to exclussively pump. Ugg, I hate pumping, it's so much easier to just plop her on me breast, plus it's so sweet and she's just so adorable feeding. I'm not sure if I'm ready to completely sacrifice that just yet. Now, he told me that if the CF doctor wanted to change the formula, he could do it no questions asked, since of course he's a specialist. So, we are doing for a week. If still problems, then we will swith for week, then if things are better we will switch. He is also setting us up with the genetic counselor. I asked why, since we had already met with one, he said so we will know the exact mutations and stuff. I explained that we already knew that. The previous genetic counselor talked to us, as well the CF doctor talked to us. There's not much else they can say, not in my opinion. But he's wanting us to meet with one. I just hope he isn't going to send us back to the same one, she'll think we're crazy. Oh, well maybe he has a reason that I don't understand right now. All in all it was a good appointment. Since the doctor's are all in a practice, I've liked all of them, but one. This one is the best though, in my opinion. He seems to understand CF, a little more than the others.

The rash was a viral infection that will go away on it's own in a week or so. No need to worry about it.

She weighs 8lbs15oz, she'll be 6wks on Saturday. So maybe she's small, but she's growing.

Update on feedings: She is still very skirmish even during 2oz feedings and she moans and groans...it breaks my heart. I took the asymptomatic and ran with it...maybe I jumped the gun and was too optimistic. After she eats she has to sit up for a while. No acid reflux or anything, just laying down back or stomach puts her groaning real bad then a pain cry.

Breathing question: Her lungs are fine, but is it normal for babies or CF babies to breath hard a lot?

This is hard b/c despite babysitting I really don't know what is normal for typical babies, muchless CF babies. I just assume it's all normal which is where we run into problems.

Is this CF problems, or something else

2009-05-12T08:55:00.000-07:00

Ellie has been fussy a lot in the evenings. A couple weeks the doctor was quick to say colic, and I was quick to accept that diagnosis. However, now I'm questioning it. She SUPER gassy. She doesn't burp much, even while we are trying to burp her for 30 or more minutes. She passes a lot of gas. She spit up a little yesterday for the FIRST time ever. When she eats she is VERY fussy. She's squirmy, fussy (not all out crying), and tried to eat, but then pushes away, then wants to eat. Its obviously to us that she's in pain and all she knows to do is eat, but the more she eats the more pain she's in. It's so hard to watch her be in so much pain. This gas thing is terrible though. So bad that we all swear that she's had poopy, but there's nothing there. It sounds and smells like that's what it is. When she does poop it's huge, my mom thinks it's more than normal, but she just had me. I think babies probable have HUGE poops. But it's obvious that she's in pain when she eats and after she eats. She has a pedi appointment this afternoon, and we meet with the CF doctor on the 26th.

Picture galoure...Happy Mother's Day.

2009-05-10T19:49:00.000-07:00

HAPPY MOTHER'S DAY TO ALL WOMEN OUT THERE, though there's only like 30minutes left today.
Here are a bunch of pictures of the glimpse of heaven that has given me the title "mommy." She's the most precious baby ever. Couldn't be more perfect. She's beautiful and just simply a wonderful baby. Enjoy the pictures, there are quite a few.

This was still in the hospital.

Not even a month old, and already in college. Can't crawl yet, but she's a cheerleader...the talent.

She's held her paci in her mouth, so many times, and this was
when she was less than a month old.

I thought this one was cute.

I love the faces she makes. She's so darling.

Cutie

When tummy time started to get fun. Look at her pushing her butt in the air. Now she's pushing her top part up some, but really at the same time, and about to tip herself over as her knees and butt come all the way up. She also propelled slightly today on a bed, gravity helped her some. I told my mom it has to happen 3 times before it's considered real and not "accident." So, we'll see.
Happy 1 Month my little angel.

Car seat fun...not really she hates it if she's not moving.

See she's realized she isn't going anywhere.

Up with the head, and up with the butt...ow the progress she's making. This tummy time was the first time she started to tip herself over with her knees. So cute!! The red on the back of her scalp is her birthmark.

Happy Mother's Day. Mommy.

8 things...

2009-05-08T18:20:00.000-07:00

8 Things I Look Forward To:
1. When Simon can walk again
2. When Simon can go to work and I can stay home with my Sweet Pea
3. Trip to NC so Ellie can meet her great grandad and go to the beach
4. Finding a church we feel at home at in our new town.
5. The birth of my sister in law's daughter in September
6. A good nights sleep
7. Disney World at some point...no plans made yet.
8. Trip to Cali to visit family, again, no plans made yet.

8 Things I Did Yesterday:
1. Took Simon to Physical therapy
2. Went to Walmart for groceries
3. Cooked soup and cornbread
4. Laundry
5. showered
6. Loaded/unloaded dishwasher
7. Nursed and bottle fed Ellie
8. Changed diapers

8 Programs I Watch On TV:
1. A baby story
2. John and Kate plus 8
3. Bringing Home Baby
4. Home Improvement
5. Local News
6. King of Queens
7. Seinfield
8. The Doctors

2009-05-01T07:09:00.000-07:00

Isn't she precious!

I tried to post more pics but the computer is acting up...maybe some other time this weekend.

Turn Around

2009-04-28T19:21:00.000-07:00

Wow!! Simon helped last night. We have figured out how Simon can change diapers, sitting on the couch with the diaper changing pad and supplies. Now he can feed and change diapers. He helped a lot last night. All I had to do was take her to him and he took care of her. Then I wake up again and take her from him when they're finished. It's so wonderful to have middle of the night help from the daddy. It's AWESOME!!!! Simon is doing okay now. He's getting very restless with being stuck at home and under the mercy of others. He needs his independence and freedom. So he has left for a drive by himself from time to time. And I can't stop him. I can only pray that he is safe when he goes driving.

What are your thoughts about the Swine Flu? What about you with children and babies. I wouldn't care much if it wasn't for Ellie...but it's scary with her.

Thing called cable

2009-04-25T06:35:00.000-07:00

We have been married for over 2yrs, and during those 2yrs we didn't have cable. Before we moved we had basic cable but didn't use for a while, then eventually we used it. But we had blockbuster.com and it was usually enough. Sure there were boring times for me when my knee was sprain and my job wouldn't let me work. There were other things that were difficult for me to do, so there was a lot of sitting around. Then during the pregancy I was on complete bedrest for some time, then on modified bedrest, but neither warranted a need for full cable. But now, Simon is down and in his depressed and irrational state of mind a couple days ago he called to get the full cable. So, now we have cable. It's pretty cool. But there are so many channels we have no desire to watch...it stinks that we are paying so much. We never want TV to "control" us, if you know what I mean. I guess I have mixed feeling about this whole cable thing. It's pretty neat, but at the same time I'm not too thrilled. Who knows what my feelings really are. I think my biggest problem is that I have had "rough" times and we didn't get cable. Now Simon is going through a "rough" time and we have cable. And it just so happens to be at a time that I can't even watch a movie all the way through. My grandma, even after she had 5 kids doesn't understand that. If the baby isn't needing something, good chance my husband needs something. With the rest of the time, I'm doing laundry, cooking, mixing formula, nursing for an hour, cleaning, and quickly checking on my online stuff. Talk about busy. The absolute worse is when I'm nursing or caring for Ellie and Simon decides he needs something. Makes me wanna scream. Baby first, right? It's so frustrating and makes it to where I can't sleep when Ellie sleeps because I have Simon to take care of. And I don't have the help of a husband, since he's one of my kids right now. Sure I can have his mom and nana over to help...but I can't handle it anymore, and he's not happy with them either. He gets in the shower and there's no soap, no shampoo, nothing. Guess where it's at. SOMEBODY moved it out of the tub into a basket. Ummm, who needs shampoo and soap OUTSIDE the shower. That's one of many things of mine that has been "relocated" in my house. My house, my kitchen, my stuff is set up where it works for us, and I used to know where everything is. Now things are flat out missing. Where our cups are, I have no idea. We used to have cups/glasses...they are MISSING. I can't even begin to list the things that have been moved...then somebody else (people who move crap) ask me where something is. I tell them, I have no idea, because I have so many people in my house that moves things. Fortunately people aren't invading my space like they were. But, it's so darn aggravating, that at this point, I would rather be aggravated by doing everything for Ellie and Simon without help rather than accepting help and dealing with crap. Right now my mom and grandma are babysitting Ellie for an overnighter. I think I'm going to see if they can do this once a week. And I've asked my mom if she can spend the night one night a week with us so I can have a little help, but not totally surrender my job as mother and wife.

We have brainstormed a possible temp job for me. Since I have tons of experience in caregiving to disabled we are going to look for me a part time sitter job. I can go with elderly or disabled. I think we are going to look at part time and I think his nana, my mom, and sister in law may be able to assist with baby sitting. There's 3 babysitters, 3 days, we think it can be done. We just have to find that sitter job for me.

Not too bad

2009-04-23T20:12:00.001-07:00

Two nights have went by without help at night. Simon has had to go without somebody literally running to him when he calls. Don't get me wrong if it's a real emergency, I'm right there. But if he just needs water or the ice pack or something, he waits like a big boy. At first it seemed like it was going to be hard because Ellie was always needing then he would "need" at the same time. It's getting easier though.

I'm down to my pre pregnancy weight. Doesn't mean I really want to stop there though. I really need to lose a lot more weight, but 30lbs is a good starting place. Now if I can lose another 40lbs, I will feel a bit better.

All is well...sorry this isn't long. I'm tired and have so much to do. It seems like the to do list is always long and never completed.

Who are you and what have you done w/ my husband?

2009-04-21T08:41:00.000-07:00

Real quick. You know not many days ago Simon was laid up in bed, not even going to the bathroom because of cramps. This morning he hobbles out on his crutches and ask me where the keys are. I tell him I have no idea. He see's them, grabs them, and goes to the car. Get's in, not the passangers seat, but the drivers seat and drives around the block a couple times. He requested his phone and wallet and took off. He then went across town to his Nana's house. Now he's on his way back home. This isn't my husband.

My appointment went well. Apparently the doctor said my spinal block didn't really take like it should have, so that's why I felt pain and not just preasure. I can drive 15minutes or so now. He asked me about birth control wishes. My response: for the time being no sex. So we'll have to discuss it later.

We hate birth control...but to risk having another child right now is CRAZY. We can't risk it right now. Also, I don't want the endometriosis to grow back for many reasons. I don't want to have to go through the surgery to get pregnant again. But most importantly, I can't let things get as bad as they were again with the endo. So, I think for now I need to do something.

Big Improvement

2009-04-19T19:09:00.000-07:00

Today was big improvement! I woke up this morning expecting a great day, I had a feeling that we would make major progress with his leg. He woke up and immediately started showing williness to fight through. His uncle who has had some major problems with his leg in the past came and helped a lot. Before it was over, Simon crutched himself down the road to a church that we had previously visited. I followed with Ellie in the stroller. It was nice to do something somewhat normal. After church we returned by foot to the house. BIG IMPROVEMENT. Yesterday he got around the house by scooting himself on the floor. Which was better than using an urinal thing in bed when he had to pee. So things are getting better. Tonight his nana was willing to drive us to the church we prefer. Simon did amazing. So far, he plans on going with me to my doctor's appointment tomorrow. It's my 2wk appointment. I'm actually kind of nervous. They say things like "don't overdo it" or "take it easy." But, they don't say why they tell you that. I've been big time overdoing it. I'm not supposed to lift anything heavier than the baby. Oops. In the circumstances I'm in, I've been lifting her in the carseat/carrier. But it doesn't stop there. There have been other things I have lifted, pulled, and pushed on that I shouldn't have. I have done things that have caused discomfort to abdomin. But, hey, gotta do what I gotta do. But, now I'm nervous that any layer of stitches may have come loose or something. I mean, I'm sure it's ok, but seriously, it's a risk, otherwise you wouldn't have restrictions. And I haven't been living by the restrictions. I've felt fine until a day or two ago. Now there's pain, not to the incision, but to the abdomin. Discomfort pain down inside. I'm not sure how normal it is to feel fine for a couple weeks, then start having the pain. My mom says it's because my adrenalin has been up so I haven't noticed the pain, and now suddenly I'm noticing as my adrenalin goes down. Gosh, I hope I haven't damaged things. I need to go to sleep while I have a chance, since I don't have anybody here tonight to help me with baby care in the middle of the night. Kinda hard for daddy to hobble in there and feed that baby. And his mom is here through the night, but the time I entrusted her my baby in the middle of the night, she was microwaving bottles. I told her not to that, and she didn't understand and questioned it. I tried to explain it, but seriously, written on the bottles from the factory it has Warning Do Not Microwave. Is that not a good enough reason. So, she doesn't know how to use the bottle warmer or anything. She was also wondering why I wasn't putting vasaline on the cord. Which rubbing alcohol a couple times a day made it fall off when she was 2wks old. Bragging here: She is so smart, I'll have to get pictures up to prove it. She holds her paci in her mouth with her hands. She wasn't a week old, when she was back in the hossy for jaundice. I had her in her lights, in the jacket thing over the lights. The sleeves were so long on her and her hands were somewhere in there. She took her hand that she can't see to hold the paci there. Shouldn't she have the mindset, "out of sight out of mind." And she's lifting her head up. Well, not big news, she started that at 48hrs old. And she's rolling onto her side while she sleeps. She's so strong and smart and beautiful. Ok, so I'm a typical mommy, right. But, I do realize that at 2wks, yeah she's beautiful, but others may not see ALLLLLL the beauty I see in her. Back to I need to go bed. 3hrs from now comes soon.

Grr....but pictures

2009-04-17T15:44:00.001-07:00

Wow, I am tired. Very tired. Sleep is a thing of the past. And who's fault is it? Well, not so much Ellie's believe it or not. More Simon's fault actually. He has been guarding this leg so much, for so many days and has had the muscle completely tight and stiff, that now he has terrible cramps. Nowhere near the injury site or anything, may I add. Just for him to go to the bathroom, you can hear a grown man screaming out in agonizing pain, banging on walls, and pulling on wall fixtures. Ok, sure it hurts...but suck it up. It hurts because he's caused it to tighten up. He asked me today for a gun...I got all postpartum emotional and just cried. I told him to never ask me for such a thing. We have tried everything we know to try to get him to relax that leg. He's just not willing to do anything. We even hired a hypnotherapist. Much good that did. So, we are praying HARD that something clicks. I'm depressed because I guess Ellie and I aren't enough inspiration for him to do what he needs to do to get better quicker. I'm depressed because it's starting to look more and more like I will have to go back to work. His nana told me about a daycare opening up. No offense to those who use daycares of any sort...but I am completely against it, especially with such a small child. If she could come home and tell me about her day, then it may be different. I didn't have her and I didn't try to get pregnant so I could have other people raise my child. It's my job, my responsibility, and my privilege. It sent me off into one of my many postpartum crying spells. I never cried much till after I gave birth, now anything will make me crying. Seriously...songs, memories, the sight of people, certain topics of discussions, you name it, I cry.

Here's what you all have been waiting for.

This is a picture of her still in the hospital. I don't have the best and cutest pictures on my camera. Most are on my mom's camera so hopefully I will be able to post some of those from time to time.
I look like crap, but it's ok. I still love the picture.

Daddy and his little Sweet Pea. These are my 2 favorite people. I love them so much.

Only getting better

2009-04-15T10:14:00.000-07:00

Simon is doing so much better. Ok, it's still a rough road we are on. But, his pain isn't quite as bad and he's learning how to deal with it to a certain extent. He is getting used to hobbling to the restroom and his mom and nana are getting used to it. Hopefully soon I'll be able to help, as it's not my favorite thing his mom and nana helping him with such a personal thing. But, I know that's my problem. I just wish I could help him more in those highly personal ways. Home health will be coming tomorrow, so hopefully he will be able to get a good shower...I know that helps a lot anytime.

Ellie is just the best baby anybody can ask for. She sleeps mostly through the night. Of course I have to wake her up for feedings, but other than that she's perfect. The couple rough nights where she hasn't been content sleeping after a night feeding, has been easily fixed by letting her lay on my chest. Ok, maybe not the most ideal, but right now what works is what we have to do. Between daddy being in need and her being in need, mommy needs sleep.

Which brings me to something else. His mom and nana are BIG on "get morning and nights straight." Fine and nifty...but the fact still remains Simon will need help at night, readjusting, changing positions, baby needs fed, changed, and all that good stuff. They wake up or come in the morning and push all blinds up and turn on lights...um, I freakin need sleep when I can get it. If that's in the middle of the day, then let it be. I need sleep, who cares when it is. Also, Simon stayed up till 3am last night. Why? Because all day he has people breathing down his neck. Well, ok, he has people around him, sure they are helping, but still doesn't give him, "Me time." So, last night he took his personal time when he could get it, and that was in the middle of the night. His mom constantly say, "the doctor wants you to sleep at night, not get nights and days mixed up." I finally asked her last night, why that is such a huge deal. She finally admitted that it may not be a big deal if he had somebody to help in the middle of the night. So, that's why I'm helping with everything other than getting him to the bathroom at night. I'm willing to do that, in order for him to have that time to himself, and just as important some time with me. Found out yesterday when we had a few minutes alone, that he is feeling the same way as I am about not having time together, just him and I. I mean really, our marriage and our communication is far from what it should be and what we want it to be when we have family over us all the time. I was getting depressed about it, and didn't know how he felt till yesterday, but he feels the same. I'm so glad we at least feel the same and know how each feel. My appointment is Monday, so hopefully after that we can have some time with just us and give our help a break, even if it's a couple hours a day or even every other day.

The question I have...not for you all, but the question I have for myself is: Do I go back to work? We really wanted me to stay home with Ellie, I still really want to stay home with her. Having an absolute miserable job I would be going back to doesn't help matters either. It's miserable and beyond under paid, unbelievably underpaid and just a terrible job, with terrible people, and now a commute. If I go back to work, then Simon will still not be able put weight on his leg. Clearly with a newborn, that is not reasonable. He would not be able to care for her, and carry her through the house. But, I don't want to look like dirt with not going back to work. Then we have the medical insurance issue. We obviously need insurance, but, family coverage would mean I would have more coming out of my check than what I bring home. Not to mention I would have more coming out, because they would be taking out from all the months I missed paying my portion...I would be paying for about year, maybe more. 3 months out I was paying for 6 or so months. So 6-7 months...it would be a year or more of working for only insurance. Ugh, I wish I knew what to do. Daycare is out of the question, because there wouldn't be any money left over...heck eating and gas money for the near hour commute would be out of the question. I just really don't know what to do. Okay, so while you obviously don't have financial details and really details on much, I think I will accepts thoughtful comments regarding this topic. Obviously it's ultimately mine and Simon's decision we have to make. And we will have to look at a lot more than what we are looking at now. It's not something we can decide right now, but soon we have to make a decision. So, if you have a thought on the matter, please do share.

Update

2009-04-13T16:07:00.000-07:00

Wow, what a week, or something...what day is it? How long has this been? Ok, nevermind, it seems like we, have been going for weeks. Well, if you include the labor/delivery, and being in the hospital after, we have been going for a while.

The surgery was a success. After the surgery he was in a lot of pain and pretty much kicked everybody out of his room, including myself. Talk about being helpless. Eventually, he allowed people, but only close people in his room. But, if he had to go to the restroom or something he kicked everybody out. With the new baby, his family, and mine thought it best that go stay with my family for a couple nights so I can focus on her care. This made me feel like a HORRIBLE wife.

He came home today, and Ellie and I got home. I still feel helpless. I can't do much for my husband. I don't anything. I don't really know him, his condition, or anything. I feel terrible. And our daughter is just perfect, but even a perfect baby, still drains you. His nana has stressed how tired his mom is, since she's been going non stop. Well, a baby isn't a stroll in the park either.

I wish I could kick all out of my house and just be the wife and mother I want to be. I want to take care of my husband, and my child. Not have his mommy take care of me. I have a feeling I will eventually say something to somebody. I don't want people to constantly be hovering over us. But at the same time, I understand that post c-section, I'm not "supposed" to do certain things.

Oh, and his doctor wants him to not get nights and days mixed up. I asked his mom if he knew we had a newborn in the house. I mean newborn equals mixed up nights and weekends.

Sorry for venting. I guess the next few months, a lot of my post will be venting, updates, and all that good stuff. Keep the prayers going. I appreciate all of them.

Prayers needed

2009-04-09T18:33:00.000-07:00

Before I give the official reason for prayers, I want to do a quick baby update. We came home Tuesday and that night was rough. My mom helped me out, but it was very hard. Wed. we had her first appointment, and he put her in the hospital because she was jaundice and dehydrated. My milk is being a pain, so we are having to pump and supplement with formula. Yuck. But, whatever we have to do. She got out of the hospital this morning and is doing great. She is very content, and hopefully it wont be too bad tonight, for a number of reasons.

For the prayer request. When Ellie I were about to leave the hospital, Simon's truck driving instructor called my phone to inform me that he was being taken to the hospital because of a twisted knee. So Ellie, my mom, and myself headed down to the ER to see what was up with my hubby. Turns out he broke his fibula right under the knee. The doctor is baffled as to why it happened. He will be doing surgery early in the morning, at 7:15EST. The doctor said he will put the bone back together, like putting a mosiac together. Any missing pieces he will use artificial bone. This is the first time I've had to deal with my hubby being in surgery. I love him so much, I hope everything goes well.

But don't stop praying after tomorrow morning, or if you don't think about it till later, it wont be too late. There is a 3 month recovery where he can't have ANY weight on his leg. Less see, a newborn + a hubby who can't put any weight on his leg = a hard and unpredictable near future. Simon was in trucking school and was really excited about all of it. But then this happens. It was going to work out great because I would be able to stay at home with our sweet pea. Now we aren't sure what the plans are. My job is a very sucky paying job, and I'm extremely miserable doing it, not to mention, it's an hour away. But, who will watch the baby while I'm not at home. Simon can't not put weight on his leg and care for a baby. Not gonna work. So keep the prayers coming.

I promise pictures will come soon, maybe next week. Our lives are chaotic right now.

Welcome Ellie

2009-04-07T10:20:00.000-07:00

My sweet lil Ellie has finally been born. She was born Saturday, April 4, 2009. I had to have a c-section because I was laboring, thanks to pitocin, but I wasn't dialating, thanks to a smaller pelvic opening. She we went to prep at 7pm for the c-section. She was born at 7:10pm, weighed 7lbs 3oz, and was 19.5in long. The c-section was no fun at all, but I survived. I do need time to let memory fade before having #2. Her apgar score was 8/9. She's doing great, as am I. She's absolutely beautiful. I can't wait to share pictures, but I'm barely awake right now, so I'll leave it for a different day. We will be going home tonight. I'm gonna go take a nap.

Still pregnant

2009-04-04T06:39:00.000-07:00

I knew she flipped, and they did an u/s 5 min. before c-sect time. she had flipped. we've switched to induction. day 2 on pitocin now. water was broke this morning at 8ish, it's now almost 10am. we're commited for today. dr. thinks we will go natural so hope and pray he's right.

Nursery pictures

2009-04-02T04:38:00.000-07:00

This is a window box, my mom created/made. And she did the curtain as well. Both have Precious moments on it. The curtain still isn't up because it wasn't long enough, she was having to lengthen it. It'll be up the beginning of next week, I'm sure.

The shelf over the changing table was designed and created my mom. It's awesome. Provides lots of storage room and room for little figurines and stuff we've gotten. Beats bending down to items, when they are right there in front of you. The walls are a light lavender. Pictures never do the colors justice. You can also see several cling on's that cling to the wall. They are all precious moments, flowers, hearts, and butterflies. They can be removed and rearranged when we want.

My sister in law, her husband and Simon's Nana bought this rocker. It looks wonderful in the room. Beside it, I have a cute basket with a a bunny, lamb, and an album. I have another basket close with books, and a small cute baskets with some little cereal bars.

The crib with her name over it. I actually switched out the quilt for now. My aunt made a quilt with a Precious Moment girl with bunnies, actually the same one I have a cling on for on the wall. I figured with Easter coming up, it was only appropriate.

Guess who made the letters. You're right, my mom. She did an awesome job!! I love her abilities and how creative she is. I hope Ellie learns something from her.

Again, my mom. From gammy's heart to Ellie's door. If you look close, the butterfly between the words, is using her initials, EEB. My mom created a logo for her. Can you tell this child is spoiled already. And the mouse on the right is in memory of my mema, who passed away 10yrs ago. Her and I were very close. She collected mice, so there are a few little mice that have popped up around the nursery in various places. Just our way to include her a little. I better stop before I start crying.

Here's the cling that matches the handmade quilt, I was referring to. We have several different ones, but since this is my favorite, it's the only one that made the camera.

I have more pics, that I would love to post, but...I don't want to bore you with so many photos. Not to mention, you get idea. And, it's time for me to go shower, make sure have everything, and head out for our big day. The next post will be updating on the birth. Pray it goes well, I'm getting cold feet.

BIG update and I'm back!!

2009-04-01T17:40:00.000-07:00

We finally have internet up at our house. But, I don't have time for a long update. Believe me, we are busy right now. I have so much to do.

So, I guess you all want an update of some kind.

Last Tuesday: No dialtion, but the OB wanted to schedule the induction for April 8th. I was hesitant, since my body, clearly wasn't ready. But, I went with it for the time being. I would be 39wks at the time.

Last Friday: Breech, still. Amniotic fluid was 5.something, below 6. Anything below 5 is dangerous. Considering all, the high risk dr. highly recommended we schedule an induction for this week, either April 2, or 3.

This past Tuesday: No internal. NST went well. Regular contractions. Protein in my urine, sugar in my urine, and blood pressure was slightly elevated. My OB agreed that c-sections would be best at this point, and at 38wks, not 39wks.

So, here I sit April 1st, less than 24hrs away from holding my baby for the first time. Yep, that's right. C-section tomorrow, April 2nd, at 1pm. I have to be there at 11am though. The only way it will be switched to an induction is if she has flipped head down. We'll go with whatever, it's fine by me either way. But, honestly with weekly ultra sounds and weekly NST's, I pretty much her position, or can guess anyway, and I'm guessing head down at this point. But, I could be wrong. We'll just have to wait and see.

Short update

2009-03-20T18:13:00.000-07:00

We tried to get internet Friday, but the stupid cable people were, well stupid and couldn't find our house. STUPID.

Ellie is breeched again. Still no dilation as of Tuesday. This Tuesday the doctor will check again, I'll be a day away from 37wks. He's mentioned inducing at 38wks, but I'm guessing, it'll be 39 still, which will be right before Easter. That's fine. Whatever. I'll be holding my precious darling in my arms in 3wks either way.

I've hit the pretty miserable stage. Ok, I'm not miserable 24/7, but there's time in each day, that it's somewhat miserable, some days worse than others. But, there is in an end in sight.

I need flip vibes, followed by stay put vibes. I don't want her to stay breech. And I would like to see 1cm on Tuesday. Oh, and she's 6lbs 3oz. Great size.

2009-03-13T16:35:00.001-07:00

Please let us get our internet hooked up soon. I'm getting tired of not having it at home. We only have cell phones, we don't do the whole lan line thing. So, we're not sure how to get a phone book. Our yellow pages have always been yellowpages.com. Here we are in a new area and no way to get business numbers and stuff. Anyway, soon, very soon. And I'll be able to post more updates.

I'm at my mom's right now. I have some family in from out of town for my shower. I love my family, by the way. There are 7 women upstairs discussing and prepping for things tomorrow. Gosh, it really makes me nervous. They have a lot up their sleeves, and I don't want to be the center of the attention. But, I do feel very blessed to have so many people care so much to do this. Especially since attending baby showers haven't been a norm for me.

I had my high risk appointment today. She is head down now. :-) Can't tell you how happy I am. I asked the doctor when I could have her. Yeah, like they can really tell. Anyway, he said she could come any day. Give it he didn't do an internal, so really he doesn't know how things are progressing. However, he said she's real low, which is what gets the dilation started. I'm not MISERABLE yet, like I hear people get. I mean, sure I have bad days here and there, but I'm not so miserable I just want her out. But, I am starting to get pretty anxious. Don't worry, I'm not so anxious I'm willing her out before I'm 37wks. Really as far as prepping goes, 37wks is too soon. Oh, and amniotic fluid was at an awesome 14.

I'm not all out sick anymore, but I'm still a bit congested. I'm coughing, still have that nasty taste in my mouth, and still not feeling 100% better. I guess because of being sick, I have lost 5lbs in a week. It still puts me at gaining a good amount though. 23lbs for the pregnancy, is pretty good.

Hopefully next week, I'll be able to have internet at home and will update then.

I'm Alive, kinda

2009-03-09T17:29:00.000-07:00

This will be kinda long as I have several things to update and say, I'll try to keep it as short a possible though.

Moving: We moved last Monday into our house. We love it!! We are still trying to get things unpacked and organized. Read on for why we still aren't completely unpacked and organized.

Tuesday: The hubby started getting a sore throat, but with his allergies we didn't think much of it.

Wednesday: My throat started hurting, but again we didn't think much of it.

Thursday and Friday: We were convinced that we were a bit sick...but thought it was just a simple cold or something.

Saturday and Sunday: We weren't completely alive. We were in some bad shape. I had a fever both days. I took tylenol, it went down for 4-6hours, then started climbing back up. The doctor called me in some antibiotic.

Today: Simon finally went to the doctor, he must feel bad to go. He's on antibiotics and stuff now. I slept terrible. I had horrible pains in my chest when I breathed, something vital for living. I started having some painful contractions, a bit too regular for my likings. I threw up, and some blood from my throat came up. My mother in law gave me her oxygen, and I at last I could breath without pain. With painless breathing, came some much needed rest/sleep. As I got more rest, the contractions started disappearing. My temp has been pretty good today, until tonight and it started to go up a bit. But, it was really hot in the house.

The baby shower: It was great. Got a lot of awesome things. Hopefully I'll have picture of some of my favorite things. My blood pressure sky rocketed when I was opening gifts. I HATE being the center of attention, especially with showers. It was very hard on me. I got VERY hot, my face was red, and I could tell my blood pressure was up way too high. That shower was with my inlaws, and some of my mother in laws friends. I have 1 more shower to go, this Saturday with my extended family and some of my mom's friends, and some of my friends. I'm hoping since it'll be people I know better I'll feel more comfortable. I was going to have 3 showers, our Sunday School class always has one. But, they have had so many preggos lately, I think people are done with showers. Besides we haven't been in a month or so now. I concluded, even if they wanted to throw us one, I would turn it down. Honestly, I just can't handle showers, parties, social things, not with my blood pressure, that is.

Some favorite items we got: An adorable hooded towel, that can be used better when she's a toddler. It was specifically made for her. It's has Ellie Bug on it, and little lady bugs, it was from a cousin. My mother in law got us the travel system, and I've put it together. I love it!! My sister in law and her family gave us a nice gliding rocker that I'm excited about having it set up. Nana gave us a blanket she made, Precious Moments. She makes every grandchild and great grandchild a blanket. What a wonderful tradition. My mom, who didn't know how to crochet, crocheted a beautiful blanket that matches the coming home from the hospital outfit she bought. The outfit is lavenders and blues, and winne the pooh. It's adorable. We got many hooded towels, enough that I deleted all of the ones I had on the registries. We got outfites, but no plain white onsies. I thought those were pretty standard. There were several things I thought were common to get at showers that we didn't get. But, hey, all is good.

My NST last Tuesday was good. I have a NST every Tuesday and ultra sound every Friday. Oh, ultra sounds are showing a little breached baby. Send me flipping vibes. I'll probably be around internet this weekend, then next week we should have our internet hooked up.

House/Moving

2009-02-27T10:22:00.000-08:00

This will be my last update, living in an appartment, or so it looks. Today was supposed to be the closing date, but yeah, stuff happened. Two days before closing we find out that we are in a flood zone. That is after we asked multiple people and were told it was not. Great!! Initially my mother in law, immediately said we definetly don't want it. Simon and I were both upset about being lied to, and about OUR house not being our house. I was devestated, Simon was upset, and his mom was stressed to the max. Neither of us were thinking rational at this point. So we irrationally looked at some options.
Option 1: We looked at a house last night that is $30,000-40,000 above our price range. It's friends of my mother in law, an older couple. The husband built the house for their needs, and at the time, they had one of their mothers staying in it. It had nice oak hard wood floors, oak walls, ceramic tile in the kitchen, way too much storage space, as he has a workshop that can also be storage, and an above ground pool. Like OUR house, there are no hallways really it's very open. It's 2 bedrooms and 2 baths. However, no bathroom is for guest so to speak. It's 2 master bed/bath. So if we had people over they would have to go through a bedroom to get to the bathroom. A bedroom is something I consider private, it's the person who dwells in that room's private and personal things, not to be seen by everybody, unless they consent to it. Strange? Maybe, but I don't care. Both bathrooms have large walk in showers, not bathtubs. Now you tell me how you will bath a 1-2yr old child in a shower? Not ideal, IMO. But my mother in law was excited about it. The way we "would" have done it, would have been us getting the loan for our price range which was on the upper side anyway. They owed a certain amount, and that's what we would get the loan for. The other 30,000 they were going to do a side note with my mother in law and she would be paying that part. Ugh, I don't mind some help from her, but that's taking it way over board. A little too much for me, and I didn't feel comfortable with all that. Simon and I talked and we agreed that whatever we did, we wouldn't do that.

Option 2: We could rent an apartment in the town, nicer than the one we're in, and around the family like we want to be. No lease, since the realtor was getting us into it, and we would still be looking for a house in the meantime. It would be 2 stories, 2 bedrooms, 1.5 bath. Simon hates the 2 story thing with a passion, I kinda like it some, but for a temporary move, I'm not crazy about it.

Option 3: Suck it up and move in to OUR house, continuing with the process. After all, this is the perfect house in our price range, best set up, good neighborhood, no fix ups needed. The only thing is it's in a flood zone. The seller and our realtor have offered to pay the first year of flood insurance, because ultimately they made a mistake. Meanwhile the neighbors are apparently considered in a flood zone now, and they are fighting to get it rezoned. We figured, that we would regret passing up this perfect house if we decided to go that way. So, we will be going through with our house. We will be closing Monday at 10am. We have been leisurily packing and cleaning as we go. Kitchen and nursery are pretty much completely packed. Our bedroom is half packed. The living room and bathroom and the hall closets are about to be worked on.

I must say I hate this whole process. We are trying to clean and pack, pack and clean. We've got to some how get the water and electric at the new house put in our names, we have to get the water, electric, and cable turned off here at the old place. It's just so much involved. I'll be so glad when we are done and moved in to the new house. Then I can start preparing for Ellie, my fun part.

Speaking of Ellie, I have an update. My amniotic fluid is no longer low. The number they gave me at the OB office was 15, and anything over 10 is good. 5-10 is low, and requires extra monitoring and below 5 is dangerous. I'm thrilled that it's looking so much better now. Ellie is currently in a breech position. I don't remember what it's called. Her head is buried in my right rib, and I thought 2 feet in the ribs were painful. Hehe, a head doesn't feel so great either. She's sitting with her legs crossed. I'm not concerned, nor are the doctor's just yet. My doctor said they still move around a lot until after 34wks. After 34wks, I guess they start discussing other options. Really not a terrible fear of mine. Before I ever got pregnant, I said if I have to cough a baby out, then so be it. I feel the same, however I can get my baby out, is fine with me, as long as she's healthy, and I'm healthy. Of course c-section isn't the most ideal, but in a way, I would rather have it. I've had major abdominal surgery, a scar from just below my breastbone, down to below my belly button, I survived then, I can survive again. But, I'm not too thrilled to have burning, itching, and discomfort down below. It scares me. I know, I'm backwards. Her weight was 5lbs, 2oz. However they told me they always get a higher weight than the high risk place, so my guess is she's between 4.5lbs and 5lbs.

This time I really don't plan of writing anymore post until after the move and stuff. Unbelievable how soon it's going to happen. Oh, and I forgot, I have my first shower on Sunday. Life is getting very busy...maybe a little much for modified bed rest.

Good and Bad appointment yesterday

2009-02-25T05:53:00.000-08:00

Can I start with the good?

I had a very good consultation with the pulmonolgist. They will do the sweat test on Ellie between 3-6 months that will tell them if she really has CF. With the two different mutations, they think it's possible that it wont even really be CF. But, it's a wait game. They say if anything, it'll be just the sinus problems, but wont be the digestive problems. They said if we have a boy he would most likely be sterile, but since we are having a girl we don't have to worry about it. So, it was a wonderful appointment. We are very happy with what we learned.

The bad was at the high risk doctor. I am low on amniotic fluid. They want me to start seeing them and my OB 1 time a week each. So every Tuesday I will see my OB and every Friday I will see the high risk. They really want to get me past 34wks, which I am 33wks today. He would really like to see me get another month out, which will put me at 37wks. But, it looks like I will not have an April baby, but rather a March baby. Adjusting to that is kinda weird. I've been thinking April all this time, and now suddenly it's March, next month. Could be next week or even the week later. I'm not ready quite yet. Maybe it would be scary even if I had 1 or 2 weeks left before my edd.

The doctor really freaked me out. Usually the tech does the ultra sound then as soon as she's finished, the doctor comes in, does a quick ultrasound says what he needs to say, and we leave. Yesterday didn't go quite this way. Instead, the tech left, and 30 minutes later the doctor came in. And I must note they were not busy, compared to other times. My mom was with me and helped calm my nerves. Then I hear over the little intercom system Dr. B is on line 1 for...(not sure what they said). Dr. B is my OB. So, crap, first it's taking forever, now they have my doctor on the line. What's going on? About 10 minutes later the doctor comes in and does his ultrasound. He's checking a lot of things on the heart, but not saying anything. My mom told me after the appointment, she was scared. She was standing by the plasma screen trying to see anything, but was having trouble really seeing much. She didn't know what she was looking at, other than the heart. After the longest 5 minutes of looking at the heart, he started talking. He told us he was just practicing with looking at the heart. Okay...strange, but this dude is like really strange and shy anyway. He said she is a good weight, 4 and a half pounds. Maybe he was looking at the heart to make sure if we had to deliver next week, we could. I don't know. Then he procedes to tell us about the low amniotic fluid and the plan. It took all evening for this news to really sink in, I blame it on the way things were handled at the appointment. With the extra long wait, hearing that my OB was on the phone (I assumed that they called, left a message, and the dr. was in an exam room so couldn't go to the phone right away), that he came in a looked so much at the heart before saying anything. Yeah, it was freaking me out a bit. But after a good night of sleep, I feel so much better.

Moving MIA

2009-02-20T04:48:00.000-08:00

We find out today if we will be closing earlier than next Friday. Meanwhile, we are packing and boxing up our life. This is gonna take some time and effort. Not sure when and if I'll be able to sit down and get online. I'm thinking we will probably have cable which includes the internet cut off the beginning of next week. Cable will probably be the first to go and the last to come back after we move. Not to mention, my first shower is March 1st. So, I'll be organizing baby stuff, and organizing and unpacking stuff. Then March 14th I have the other shower. So really from here on out, it's going to busy for me. It'll help time fly. But, like I said, I'm not sure how long I will be MIA. It could be a week or several weeks. I may get a minute free, or be at somebody's house with internet an be able to give a quick update, especially after my consultation with the Pediatric Pulmonoligist next Tuesday. Oh, yeah, and our anniversary on Tuesday. :-) So I'm busy. I'll be back soon.

Interesting 32wk appointment

2009-02-18T13:07:00.000-08:00

I loved my appointment. My regular doctor is out of time, so I saw the other one. The one I saw is AWESOME. Very informative, caring, patient, he's awesome. I hope he's on call when I go into labor.
Still no protein in my urine. Yay me! My blood pressure was a wonderful 120/60. Double Yay me! I was a couple pounds heavier than what they like to see. Nay me! But, in my defense, or maybe this is bad, but I did kinda scarf down a double cheese burger from Wendy's, and it wasn't the little 99cent one either, it was the big momma. I had that right before going in. So maybe if I took my phone out of my pocket, didn't eat that much before going in, and maybe cut my hair before, I wouldn't be a couple pounds heavier. Yeah, that's what I'll tell myself. I'm measuring 34wks, not 32wks. He said that's not a problem. And to think the last week, I have felt like I've shrunk, guess it was just an illusion.
I talked to him about that really bad ECP I was having. At which, I have to say, it's totally ok now. Well, there's a little pain, but it's NOTHING like it was the end of last week. That's what I told him, but I asked him, what he would recommend me do when and if it gets that bad again. He said, a warm bath, heating pad, and tylenol. Those to warm baths over the weekend, must have done the trick. I can't really take a bath in the appartment, it's not really a nice comfortable tub. But, come the end of next week, I'll have my house with nice tubs I can use. Yay!!
Yesterday I started having some cramps. The cramps felt much like things felt while I was having my amnio. When the needle was in my uterus, there was a very distinct cramp/feeling that I should never forget. Yesterday I had a few of those same sensations but all over my uterus. Today I've had some, but I've also had some intestinal type cramping only not in my intestines, but all over my uterus. I had several this morning, a few later on, and a few at the doctor's appointment. He said it's definitely contractions. He didn't seem to be worried, so I'm not freaking either, my mom is a different story. He said it's no big deal until they become regular and I have like 6 an hour for a couple hours, then call and go to L&D. Sounds good to me. I'm going to guzzle water to make sure I'm hydrated. But, I feel better now that I know I know what a little contraction feels like. My mom had several days of these before I was born. She said don't let these fool me, that actual labor is a lot worse. Well, I kinda figured that. Please say a prayer that Ellie stays put for a while longer. For one I'm not ready for her. We need to move, have a couple showers, and get her nursery and stuff ready. That right there will take us up to 36-37wks probably. But, more importantly, is at 32wks, no way she's ready to come right now. So, baby stay put and NOOOO labor vibes for me.

My dog

2009-02-17T06:52:00.001-08:00

It's looking like I wont have my little pal after this evening. Simon put an add out for her. Somebody called him already and is wanting to see her tonight, despite that she's hyper. I'm gonna miss her :-( She's my buddy, my friend, my pal. But this is going to be a little hard for me. The greatest thing is that this couple who is interested lives in the town we are moving to. :-) So, while I'm sad about missing my buddy, I'm excited that she'll be moving too. Simon said he didn't ask the woman a lot of questions, because she was asking a lot. I told him it'll be ok, and we'll ask her the few questions we need to make sure she's going to a good home. So, wish me luck, this still isn't going to be the easiest things I've done.

I'm back

2009-02-16T10:25:00.000-08:00

We're back from out trip. It was WONDERFUL! I'm so glad we went. We stayed at the bed and breakfast which was nice, as always. We did a few "tourist" things and stayed away from our area of town as much as we could, so it would feel more like we were actually out. We went to a place called Ruby Falls. It's on the mountain, and you go under ground via elevator. You walk through with a group and tour guide and see all kinds of cool thing in the cave. It was a mile of walking and I was very nervous about it. It hurt some walking, but in the long run I think it was good for me. It was totally even ground, some steps and stuff. That night I was in a good amount of pain. Every time I tried to roll over in bed, it was very painful. Plus heartburn was no fun. And, I have to sleep with no lights, no TV on, and no sound. Since Simon works 3rd shift, he woke up in the middle of the night, turned the TV on, which woke me up. Urg. I wasn't happy. I woke up many times during the first night. Some for the bathroom, some from heartburn, some from ECP, and some from the TV. Yesterday we went driving, watched some hang gliders, went to our church (I know, not a tourist activity, but we wanted to go), and went to a state park. Oh, and we found this really awesome buffet. I always say that is should be the law that any buffet, should have hand sanitizer available and request people use it. This place, actually had 2 big things of it and requested it. Oh, and in bathrooms, you know how it's law to post that employees must wash their hands in the bathroom. This place also had signs requesting EVERYBODY wash there hands. How awesome is that. Ok, so here's my problem with buffets. You use the utensils to put food on your plate, the same utensils many others of have used. You eat your food, lick your fingers, cough, and then go back to the buffet and get more food. Meanwhile everybody there and all that's been there that day have done the same thing. Talk about disgusting germs. So having hand sanitizer at a buffet, only makes sense. Plus the quality of the food was awesome. It was clearly home cooked type food, not frozen stuff reheated.
Sleep last night was AWESOME. Well, compared to the first night anyway. I didn't have much ECP, just a tad of pain, nothing terrible. Heartburn didn't happen. Simon did turn the TV on in the middle of the night which disturbed my sleep. Then he wanted to study for his CDL, but I recommended him going down to the Waffle House. How genius of me. He got so much accomplished, and I got 4 or so hours of peaceful sleep without TV interuption. We did a little today, and now we're home. Vacation is home, which is great, I'm so tired.
I have learned though, that lots of walking, though it may be painful at times, has really helped this ECP. I have an appointment with the OBGYN in a couple days, so I'll still talking about it. Then next Tuesday is my high risk and the pulminologist appointment. My sister in law has a good friend who has a little boy with CF. She is also available for me to talk to and stuff. I'm looking forward to meeting her.

The Life of a Trucker's Wife

Long Time No Blog

I think I'm insane

Who likes to be sick?

Time is flying

We sure have changed

Hi all

A bunch of randomness

Gender Announcement

The news

Breast pumps

Update to van shopping

Van shopping

FIL's joke

VBAC vs. repeat c-section

New computer

Thank you

*Surprise, Surprise*

Sorry I've been MIA

Happy Birthday Ellie/Happy Easter

Wills/Godparents

Great Stride walk

Update on DH's new attitude

Why doesn't he want to be with me

Assured and in pain

miscarriage and major concern

Miscarraige or Molar Pregnancy TRIGS

I want to cry

Happy Anniversary to me

For my records about pregnancy

I'VE HAD ENOUGH!!!

Randomness

Family VENT please read and comment

Bad blood work results

Strep Throat

TRIGS As soon as I was content

Bittersweet

Party Planning

I'm so smart

YUCK

I'm smart

Clomid alternative-Soy Isoflavones

All About us

Nursing or Surgical Tech

Daniel Fast

Kinda sorta TTC#2

BUSY BUSY life

Happy New Year

decisions, decisions

Ellie's bronchoscope, talking, walking, and me

Where do I start?

pseudomona???

Expect the Unexpected

Pulmonoligst

Real Quick

I'm back

Free Range Parenting

I'm boring, but Ellie is CUTE

CF test results; vacation; and 2 pics

I'm doing it

Surg. Tech or EMT

My mom has polyps in her stomach

Surgery and breastfeeding

Never knew my father

I'm alive...a couple pics.

101th post

Nearly unbarable pain

Ellie's appointment update

CF appointment today

Baby congestion??

Baby ? and CF ?

Jon and Kate +8

The pedi appointment

Is this CF problems, or something else

Picture galoure...Happy Mother's Day.

8 things...

Turn Around

Thing called cable

Not too bad

Who are you and what have you done w/ my husband?

Surprise, Surprise