Thursday, February 25, 2010

I want to cry

I don't cry often. Sometimes when I'm REALLY mad, if you say something mean about my baby or my husband, or when I'm post partum. I'm really not your "typical" woman. I can't even make myself cry if I feel the need. In fact I really don't understand how some people can cry like they do. I'm so not the ball of tears others are.

BUT, I want to cry so bad right now. It's totally unpregnancy related so don't worry. It's these darn ears. I'm so fed up. Still no pain really. Maybe an occassional twinge of pain here or there, but nothing major. I JUST CAN'T HEAR! I can't hear in my dishwasher when I'm right beside it, nor can I hear my microwave, or the washer machine. I can't hear the microwave beeps when it's finished. The TV has to be up to 50 before I comfortably hear and make out what is being said. Though my phone ringer is as loud as it can be, I don't hear it ring. Either my baby has been VERY quiet today or I'm not hearing her.

I always sing to her, but I can't sing to her now. I'm missing our little cuddle times where I sing to her and she sings a constant "AAAA" sound. It's so beautiful. But my ears are too stopped up to sing. I hate talking because I don't know how loud I'm talking. Either I'm talking way too loud or not loud enough. How can I tell how loud I'm talking? This is so frustrating.

No I haven't been to any doctor yet, other than my OBGYN that made it clear I just have to deal with it. First of all, in order to see another doctor, I would have to call and I for one HATE talking like this. Plug both of your ears with your fingers and talk. That's EXACTLY how it is for me 24/7 now. No relief. That's why I'm having a hard time with this; and it's getting worse, not better.

I was hoping it was getting better because my ears were itching on the inside. That started a few days ago, and now it's worse. This is bad enough that I am moments away from crying.