Wednesday, April 15, 2009

Only getting better

Simon is doing so much better. Ok, it's still a rough road we are on. But, his pain isn't quite as bad and he's learning how to deal with it to a certain extent. He is getting used to hobbling to the restroom and his mom and nana are getting used to it. Hopefully soon I'll be able to help, as it's not my favorite thing his mom and nana helping him with such a personal thing. But, I know that's my problem. I just wish I could help him more in those highly personal ways. Home health will be coming tomorrow, so hopefully he will be able to get a good shower...I know that helps a lot anytime.

Ellie is just the best baby anybody can ask for. She sleeps mostly through the night. Of course I have to wake her up for feedings, but other than that she's perfect. The couple rough nights where she hasn't been content sleeping after a night feeding, has been easily fixed by letting her lay on my chest. Ok, maybe not the most ideal, but right now what works is what we have to do. Between daddy being in need and her being in need, mommy needs sleep.

Which brings me to something else. His mom and nana are BIG on "get morning and nights straight." Fine and nifty...but the fact still remains Simon will need help at night, readjusting, changing positions, baby needs fed, changed, and all that good stuff. They wake up or come in the morning and push all blinds up and turn on, I freakin need sleep when I can get it. If that's in the middle of the day, then let it be. I need sleep, who cares when it is. Also, Simon stayed up till 3am last night. Why? Because all day he has people breathing down his neck. Well, ok, he has people around him, sure they are helping, but still doesn't give him, "Me time." So, last night he took his personal time when he could get it, and that was in the middle of the night. His mom constantly say, "the doctor wants you to sleep at night, not get nights and days mixed up." I finally asked her last night, why that is such a huge deal. She finally admitted that it may not be a big deal if he had somebody to help in the middle of the night. So, that's why I'm helping with everything other than getting him to the bathroom at night. I'm willing to do that, in order for him to have that time to himself, and just as important some time with me. Found out yesterday when we had a few minutes alone, that he is feeling the same way as I am about not having time together, just him and I. I mean really, our marriage and our communication is far from what it should be and what we want it to be when we have family over us all the time. I was getting depressed about it, and didn't know how he felt till yesterday, but he feels the same. I'm so glad we at least feel the same and know how each feel. My appointment is Monday, so hopefully after that we can have some time with just us and give our help a break, even if it's a couple hours a day or even every other day.

The question I have...not for you all, but the question I have for myself is: Do I go back to work? We really wanted me to stay home with Ellie, I still really want to stay home with her. Having an absolute miserable job I would be going back to doesn't help matters either. It's miserable and beyond under paid, unbelievably underpaid and just a terrible job, with terrible people, and now a commute. If I go back to work, then Simon will still not be able put weight on his leg. Clearly with a newborn, that is not reasonable. He would not be able to care for her, and carry her through the house. But, I don't want to look like dirt with not going back to work. Then we have the medical insurance issue. We obviously need insurance, but, family coverage would mean I would have more coming out of my check than what I bring home. Not to mention I would have more coming out, because they would be taking out from all the months I missed paying my portion...I would be paying for about year, maybe more. 3 months out I was paying for 6 or so months. So 6-7 would be a year or more of working for only insurance. Ugh, I wish I knew what to do. Daycare is out of the question, because there wouldn't be any money left over...heck eating and gas money for the near hour commute would be out of the question. I just really don't know what to do. Okay, so while you obviously don't have financial details and really details on much, I think I will accepts thoughtful comments regarding this topic. Obviously it's ultimately mine and Simon's decision we have to make. And we will have to look at a lot more than what we are looking at now. It's not something we can decide right now, but soon we have to make a decision. So, if you have a thought on the matter, please do share.


Coco said...

I'm glad that your hubby is starting to feel a little better. I totally feel him on needing some personal time. I can't imagine what it must be like for BOTH of you. KUP!

Christina said...

It sounds like to me that working at your job would be a waste since most of your money would be lost in insurance and your commute. Does your husband get insurance through his work? Hopefully you guys work something out.
As for this whole don't get your nights and days mixed up I'd tell your guy's families to just drop it! You have a newborn, you need to sleep any chance you get even if it's in the middle of the day.

Morgan said...

I feel so bad you are having to deal with all of this with Simon AND a newborn, poor Simon- I hope he gets better soon!

About working, make a pros and cons list. That's what Kevin and I would do! :)

The Dorns said...

Im sorry you have so much on your plate! Praying that everything works out for your family.