Thursday, December 4, 2008

Disturbing post

I read a post on a message board that was a little concerning for me. It was somebody who is pregnant with #2 or more, and they said they asked their doctor why they are so much more concerned now than with #1. The doctor said that with #2 you know what your missing if something does go wrong. So, then of course, others put in their 2 cents worth and agreed they worried a lot less with #1.

I'm not sure if I have the ability to worry any more than I already am and have been. Whether I am considered an infertility grad or not, that's beside the point, it took me over a year to get pregnant. I was diagnosed with a couple different conditions that make it difficult to conceive, in fact some with my diagnosis have to do a lot more than I did. I feel very blessed and don't take any of this for granted. If something happens to this baby, I know that it may very well take me a lot longer and a lot more medical intervention to get pregnant again. With PCOS and endometriosis, it's not a guarantee that I'll easily get pregnant again.

Also, with the 25% risk this baby will have cystic fibrosis, and a 25% chance #2 will have cystic fibrosis, and so on and so on, I'm sorry but I worry. I was about to reply that one can be worried with their 1st, but I didn't want to get something going. I hate confrontation so I figured I would come to my blog since I can say whatever I want to say.

I don't know if I'm so worried because I did try longer than the "oops I'm pregnant" girls. Or even longer than the 2 BFN months and then finally after what seemed like forever, they get their BFP's. (3 months, yeah, that was forever, that was torture). I have realized that I didn't even try for a real long time. I did put money, and with our finances, I put in a nice amount towards getting pregnant. So, if something happens to this baby, then I'm at square 1, well okay, maybe square 2, since I at least know what the problems are now. Maybe for most, a pregnancy with #2 is more worriesome. I have to disagree though. Many of you spent time or are spending time in the TTC. Many or all who read my post spent or are spending big bucks on trying to get your baby #1. I think it's ok to worry during the first pregnancy in these cases, when you have some sort infertility battle.

Are we, as women who fought or are fighting for even just 1 baby, are we allowed to worry during the pregnancy? The first baby isn't always a surprise for couples. Some really want and try hard for that 1st one. Am I overreacting to this??? If I am just tell me, and I'll delete this post. I don't want to make anybody feel uncomfortable and cause confirtation on my blog. But when you invest, time, money, tears, and avoid social functions to avoid babies, pregnant women, and pregnancy announcements; I think you have the right to worry.


The Mom said...

(((hugs))) You have every right to worry and NOT be told not to! Before women are pregnant, they are already thinking about the well being of their future child/children. IMO, I worried a bit with my 1st and now that I have learned more about all of the possibilities/things that can happen at any moment while pregnant, I will probably worry more if I get pregnant again. I would venture to guess that a first time mom worries just as much as a 3rd...4th...10th time mom! We all want happy, healthy babies and if there is someone who is pregnant and says they have absolutely NO worries? I would be severely concerned.
(Lurker: Stephanie)

~*JaYmE*~ said...

I personally think that doctor is a moron. If my doctor said something like that to me I think I would slap him. I think I will probably worry more w/baby #1. I know I will be terrified of m/c and so on. I donno... I'm a worrier though I will probably be a spaz w/everyone. If I am lucky enough to have more than 1. Well 1 would be nice even. Ugh... can you tell I'm getting impatient here!?

Julie said...

I don't know what they were talking about. I haven't ever been pregnant so I don't have any personal experience about whether you worry more on the first or second. However, some people I've talked to say they worry less with the second because they already know what to expect. It probably all depends on the person. I can understand that you would worry because you know about some possible health problems for your baby.

Lauren said...

Hey. I stumbled across your blog via the mentioned message board. And, I get what the doc was saying. I am NOT saying that you (or any other woman) should NOT worry about ANY pregnancy. What, I think, the doctor was getting at.. is.. that until you become a mother, until you hold that precious baby in your arms.. you dont really trluy know what it is like. Kind of a "you dont know what you've got til it's gone?" I dunno. I know that with my first, I was kinda like.. oh.. ok whatever.. cause I DIDNT know any better. With my second, I worried.. and that one failed. My third, I worried more, and I got to have a beautiful little boy. With my fourth, I was kind of worried, but as I progressed into the second tri, and saw/heard heartbeat, I worried less. And we lost that one. I am now PETRIFIED to get pregnant again. Everyone has worries about their pregnancies and for those who dont, they must have an awful lot of faith. I worry just as much, if not more than I did before, because I DO know what the end could be. Either way.