Saturday, October 18, 2008

Difficult Evening yesterday

Before I continue this is about a friend's miscarraige, not details, but about something that happened last night.

This friend and I are more like acquaintances, but she's on my facebook. Through facebook I have learned that she has experienced a miscarriage. Her and her husband aren't in our young married couple Sunday school class, but they are interested in getting involved at some level with it. So we had a Sunday School party last night, and they were invited. My husband went to a different Walmart yesterday afternoon, not the one closest to us. To our surprise they were there, so they talked. Turned out they had been invited to the party, but needed directions, so Simon gave told them. I was afraid, not only because I'm pregnant, but because there are 4 other preggos in the class, who are really active. I knew that the night would be hard on them, but there was very little anybody could do to make it better. Oh yeah, and besides 4 preggos, theres were babies and toddlers and young children all over the place.

I felt like crying for them when one of the non preggos said "raise your hand if you pregnant." I didn't want it to be a night to flaunt pregnancy around this new couple who just experienced a tragedy. Later, the first batch of hamburgers came out, and they said "all preggos get first choice of burgers." They were adiment about the preggos getting theirs first. Shouldn't the guests have gotten theirs first too? That's just the tip of the ice berg. Since we were the really the only ones they knew, we talked to them a lot. Of course, I remained considerate and sensitive by not talking about my pregnancy to them. But I couldn't do anything to avoid all the many people coming to me asking me how my pregnancy was going, how far am I, do we know what we are having, and making their guesses. It wasn't like I could say, lets not talk about this because they just experienced a lost. Or I would rather not talk about it. I felt like my hands were tied.

I remember the days that I avoid this group of people or if I couldn't because of a holiday party, I left hurting. I remember doing everything to avoid the preggos and babies and any place that would have parenting talk and pregnancy/childbirth talk. If I couldn't avoid any of that, which you can't unless you lock yourself up in your house, never answer the phone, and never watch TV. So this morning, I typed up a somewhat long email to send to her. I told her what most don't know about me. How, while I can't understand a miscarriage and the lost they have experienced, I understand how hard last night probably was for them, with all the preggos and babies. She replied, glad that she has somebody she can talk to and that it was hard for them last night. She said that it let them know that it's not over yet and their day will come. They were not trying, as she is actually still in school and don't want to have to take a semester off. Now, they've realized how much they want a baby, so they need patience to wait till the time is better. Nevertheless trying or not, a pregnancy lost is losing a piece of yourself. Please say a prayer for this couple. I know is our world on the internet, pregnancy and TTC boards we hear about so many miscarriages that it actually becomes hard to keep all in our minds. But, if you can, please say a real quick little prayer for this couple. Thanks.


Morgan said...

They are definately in my thoughts and prayers.